I sleep with the bedroom door cracked so the animals can come and go all night. Our pets don’t like closed doors and I certainly don’t like being the concierge of door, so it’s all good.
Except, these kids don’t always turn off the lights. What lights? The lights that are every two feet for the entire back of the house. Kitchen lights — stove, sink, or even the overhead, hall lights, central or front, laundry light, bedroom lights —
I used to not allow them to stay up after me, because TURN ALL THE LIGHTS OFF!
I take this seriously. “I’ll keep your phone for a week if you leave a single light on in here tonight.”
I mean business.
I used to get up and do it myself, but in the last year or so I’ve become the town crier of lights. I’ll sit in my bed and holler out, “Whose light is on? What light is that? Turn that light off!” Cause I know damn well I turned everything out on my way to my bedroom.
“Is someone in the laundry? Is that light on? Who’s doing laundry now?”
I’m actually getting good at determining what light is on depending on the angle.
If I wake up at 2am and see a light is on, I might turn it off, but I also might yell about it. “Are you still up? Why is this light on? Turn this light off!”
We were all headed to bed when I said to the kids, “Turn all the lights off when you’re done.”
The Mister said, “Yes, you know how Mama is, turn all the lights off.”
“I can’t sleep with all that light poppin in my left eye, people. Shoulda painted the hallway black, for fuck’s sake…”
NO ONE WAS LISTENING TO ME!
They took this opportunity to mock me.
“Is there a light on somewhere in the house?”
“I sense a light.”
“Who’s in the kitchen? Why’s the light on?”
“Pee in the dark!”
“Sassy, are you using light past 11pm?”
“Read by the light of the moon!”
“Turn that light off!”
“I wish the neighbors would turn out their lights.”
“Is there a light on in Tibet? I think there may be a light on in Tibet.”
Are you in the mocking group or the mocked group?