Y’all ever wrong? Ever make mistakes? Are you the kind of person who refuses to admit error, or are you like me, all, “Oh you’re right, my apologies!”
I don’t talk shit when I’m not sure. On the daily, I say things like, “I’m sure you’re right,” and “You’d know better than I.” There are also many times when I’ve said “I don’t know” because I don’t know, and if you do know, why the fuck are you askin me?!? (I’ll never understand why people do that. Am I on Jeopardy?)
Anyway, there are abundant witnesses to my humility. When I don’t know things, I don’t pretend to. I’m always eager to learn new things. This is a good quality.
A bad quality I possess is self-righteous zeal, fury, and wrath over anyone who tells me I’m wrong when I know I’m right. I may need to work on that.
BUT NOT WHEN PEOPLE LIE ON ME AND IT COSTS ME MONEY.
Sassy text me and asked, How you feel about Target?
I text back, I love Target. They have goat cheese pizza and there’s a Starbucks in there.
You take Moo and me to Target?
I think you wash my hair, do jeans, cook sausage, and take the gd dog out.
NVM We’re down. We’ll wash your hair in the sink.
I made a ponytail and took the girls to Target. We had gift cards out the wazoo. The Mister told me to take his gift cards, too.
If you insist!
Never has anyone ever bought a stranger compilation of things than at Target. You’re like, i need some band-aids, but also cream, and this tie-dyed alpaca… only one goat cheese pizza left? i have got to stop bloggin about it. look at this giant box of cocoa for $6, and this scarf is soft and sweet, ice cream’s on sale, and i must have this tiny dish because it’s so pretty, and ooh! is that her latest book?
You know it’s true.
Used all the gift cards ever. Took us five minutes to check out, so many gift cards. Thanked the lady behind us for her patience. The guy who had been behind us left, poor guy.
Went to the not-a-real-Starbucks in Target. (Y’all know that, right?) Ordered four coffees: two white mochas, one decaf caramel macchiato, one butterscotch frap.
When Lyin ass LiarGirl only gave me three coffees, I informed her of the missing white mocha. She said I only ordered three coffees. I said no, I ordered four. I did not pay $20 for three coffees. She said I only ordered three and I only paid for three, it was fourteen-something, but she will ring me up for a fourth.
OH MY IRE!
“It was fourteen somethin after I swiped my gift card, and then I used my husband’s gift card for the remainder.”
“No, you only used one gift card.”
OH MY FUCKIN GOD, IMMA DECK HER LYIN ASS LIAR FACE!
We went back and forth before I asked, “Where’s my receipt?”
“You told me you didn’t want a receipt.”
LIAR! THE FURY! MY TREMBLING HOT BLOOD!
“No, you did not ask me if I wanted a receipt. If you had, I would have said yes because I’d like to tell my husband what’s left on his gift card.”
“No, you only used one gift card.”
“I used two.”
“No you didn’t.”
RAGE! RAGE! RAGE!
A manager was called. She said to get security to pull my receipt.
Security was called. Security pulled my receipt.
I asked that man, “Did I pay for four coffees?”
“Did I use two gift cards?”
“I would like my husband’s grande white mocha and I would like that receipt and I would like an apology.”
HE apologized. He thought if she had to apologize to me, it would escalate the situation.
I WOULD TOTALLY ESCALATE THE FUCK OUT OF THAT SITUATION.
i do not believe in violence. i am a pacifist.
Her hair was loose, and I had that ponytail.
Like I don’t know how many people I’m buyin coffee for. Like I don’t know how many husbands and children I have. What the hell is wrong with people?!? Shut your lyin lips and pull the receipt you vacuous twat!
I’m okay. I’m okay. I’m okay.
om, motherfucker, om, om, om
Happy Friday Everyone!