Text From Joey

I’m typing this on my phone. Can you imagine my horror? I know some of you do this all the time and you are not me. I hate the phone keyboard. I have tiny hands and itty bitty fingers and still I’m not good at it.

Last week I was texting and it changed “Such a problem” to “Suck it Pepe” and that is not okay, cause I am not all about turnin a polite conversation into a pile o drama. That is to say, I pretty much hate texting so if I text you, I really care about you, but also, will likely be brief and not try to engage you in sucking convo of any sort.

Anyway, my keyboard is massively fucked up. I cannot word on it at all. No wording allowed. If I were super committed I could type and delete away all the extra letters, alas, I have less patience for that than I do for typing this post via text.

*Siiiiiiiigh*

I tried many Google suggestions and asked my brilliant son and drove my family to the edge of exasperation before attempting a failed recovery and as I type this, I’m resetting. This lappy is only three years old. I will be upset if I have to buy a new lappy.

My road has been bumpy lately. Mind you, all the things that are truly important are fine and I am oh so grateful. However, it’s gettin … it’s kind of … I could write me a lil country music tune.

Someone wrote me a big bad check. I’ll be bloggin the fuck out of that when it’s all set right. Who knows when that will be. They’re sending a new check and second chances are good, right? Why, it’s prolly in the mail right now!

I tried to get sick. I had the swollen glands and I couldn’t brain and I kept lookin at the same papers over and over but my brain didn’t care to take in any more info so I hadda go home and sleep for 30 hours and pop Lysine and NSAIDS like candy so I didn’t get the fever and my face didn’t explode, but it was a rough coupla days there.

My yellow handbag broke. I wrote about that, but haven’t thrust it upon you yet.

I got a serious paper cut, but I made it through somehow. I’m okay as long as they don’t bleed. There aren’t always the right Band-Aids around — the ones I’m NOT allergic to. (I’m extra special, okay?)

The riding mower broke and the replacement part came but…

Our old red van died. We dunno why she died. She’s sittin there waitin for The Mister to do stuff. I dunno the stuff. I do know that prayer healed my in-laws’ old red van. It sat dead there on the street for years and one day she started and ran for another two years. I reckon she needed a rest.

It’s new car time, but no one has time to go get a new car or heal the old red van or deal with banks or get sick or fix the mower or find a new handbag because the kids are doin all the things. All the things. Tonight was the last of the night things and then there are trip things until the summer things start with the away things and camp things — simply all the things. I was gonna write you a funny about that, but I can’t cause this phone format doesn’t meet my needs.

So anyway, again, bumpy road lately.

In the midst of my bumpy road journey I have encountered some inspiring support and generosity. Small kindnesses. Big kindnesses.

But of course my keyboard is jacked. Otherwise it wouldn’t blend into this shitshow I’m workin on over here.

It can’t last forever. Nothing does. Not even old red vans.

*Siiiiiiiigh*

It’s at times like these I appreciate every single thing that goes right. Like the other night I got some spicy chili chicken on my white tee shirt but it was okay, cause spicy chili chicken in my mouth.

Found out my dog has allergies which is better than findin out she’s got anything else. Like her people, she can take pills and still live a full and happy life.

Resetting a computer takes a long time. It’s only at 40%. I’m at about 20% and think I should stop rambling and go to bed.

HappyFridayEveryone!

Cheers to the long weekend!

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
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91 Responses to Text From Joey

  1. Sending gentle hugs – can’t think of anything else that would actually help. Except maybe the lottery. We just keep slogging away at the details. Eventually most things get resolved to enough extent that we can move on.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. cindy knoke says:

    You write so well.
    I once texted, “Thank you fiend.”
    Just a case of missing the R…..

    Liked by 2 people

  3. May your road smooth out.

    Like

  4. Ellen Hawley says:

    I hate predictive text and, a-technical as I am always manage to turn the damn thing off. It’s one of the few things I can reliably do. All you have to do is open your phone’s menu and swear and yell a lot.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Carrie Rubin says:

    I’m impressed you managed to put together a blog post on your phone. That’s commitment! And you even did it without telling us to β€œsuck it Pepe.” πŸ˜„

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Year and years ago, I was the top typist in high school for two years. I can still type up a storm on any given laptop. Give me a small phone and tell me to key in a post this size, and I’d just head to bed. My thumbs never went to class for doing anything except hitting the space bar. I text, but they are short sentences. If it is more than four sentences, you’ll get an email whether you like it or not. πŸ™‚ If the red van won’t revive itself, buy a truck for your gardening needs. Tell the kids how exciting it will be to arrive at their activities in the bed of a truck. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      I get a new CAR soon — can’t get a truck yet. I’m on the four year plan. I love how you remember that πŸ™‚
      I never took typing, because we brainy girls were assured we’d all be astronauts and leaders of state. I had to self-teach in college so I could get my papers in. I’m not a great typist. Bout 50 wpm last I checked. Absolute crap with number keys.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. puppy1952 says:

    Congratulations! I have never written a blog on a phone! On a tablet – yes – but never a phone. You’re brilliant!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. loisajay says:

    Aw Joey–you deserve a break today. Happy long weekend to you!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Benson says:

    I am with you about phone keyboards. That is probably why long time users of the text have their own abbreviated language. They hate it as much as we do. I am so sorry about all of your ills. Surely things can only get better. Right? Get some sleep and find solace that Sunday will be here soon, Happy Friday.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Dan Antion says:

    Happy Friday and I hope the long weekend brings some relief from the things. I love reading these posts. I keep telling myself “you’re not laughing at Joey, you’re honoring her excellent writing style and amazing sense of humor.”

    My phone keyboard is possessed. I swear it won’t be happy until I send something to the Mrs. that lands all my stuff at the curb.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I didn’t pass typing with a grade my Mother was happy with and she wanted me to retake it. I said, ” Mom I learned the basics. I’ll have a secretary type for me who will type well”. Sigh. Who knew we’d all be keyboarding and typing on teenie tiny widdle Dick Tracy like portable phones when I grew up!?

    I have long thin fingers that one might think conducive to the cell phone keyboard, but Auto correct, and me without my reading glasses are lethal! I can totally relate to what your phone did to your text. Once when meeting friends at a park to bird/photograph the birds I texted sans reading glasses said friends that I had arrived and meet me at the duck pond. My friends arrived, bff said to me all laughing, snorting, giggly like, ” Deborah put your reading glasses on and read this text.”
    OMG! My text said, ” Am here. Meet me at the Fuck Pond”.

    They haven’t stopped kidding me about it and it’s been years ago that happened. Thankfully they knew I didn’t put on my reading glasses to send that text, and thankfully for me I sent it to good friends.

    I hope the week-end is a whole lot better than the rest of the week has been, and you’re able to get a new purse soon. πŸ‘œπŸ˜Š

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Amy says:

    Sorry to hear that things are bumpy! I am not a fan of writing posts on my phone. That’s why so few while I was away. lol. I hope that you have some reprieve from bumps and that the others have low stress solutions.
    Happy Friday!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Jewels says:

    Thanks for the text Joey. I, for one, feel extremely special that you took the time and effort. I know how much work it is to post from your phone. My laptop died years ago and I never did replace it, cuz money. You may or may not recall that I wrote about it, I think it was called the Blue Screen of Death or something like that, but anyway, I know it’s a bitch posting from a phone. I borrowed a laptop for a little while, and then my future son-in-law gave me a desktop pc that he built for some college course, but not having a laptop is a huge contributor to the reason why I’m not blogging as much anymore. But also just life in general… ooo baby things are busy ’round here. As it sounds like it is for you too. Hang in there and thanks for posting. I know I mentioned this before, probably multiple times, but I love reading you Joey, and I think I also just love you. ❀ Thanks for being in my life. πŸ™ƒ

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Yeah, I’m really glad this reset work, cause I can’t imagine holding a keyboard and looking at my laptop feet away, or buying a new one right now. Just not reasonable given all the goings on.
      I do miss you often, but on the upside, I’m always glad to read you πŸ˜€
      Thank you so much for the tender comment. I feel the same. I absolutely count you in my blessings. It’s people like you who make WP such a wonderful community.
      Baby stuff must be beyond precious ❀ Enjoy the long weekend!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Jewels says:

        Baby stuff is beyond precious! 😍 They’re moving out next weekend though, so I’m feeling pretty sad about that, but I guess it’s the natural way of things. I just wish it wasn’t a whole hour away. πŸ˜“
        I’m grateful for the two and a half years I’ve had of her, living under the same roof and being a part of her everyday. ❀
        My daughter is expecting again and is due this fall, so that’s exciting! 😊
        Thanks, hope you’re enjoying the long weekend, it’s too effing hot here…

        Liked by 1 person

  14. marianallen says:

    Super post, especially written on a phone! I could not have done this. My post would have been all autocorrect impropriety. Or that’s what I would blame the impropriety on, anyway. I, too, am allergic to the allergenic bandages. Damn their eyes. I’m sorry you’ve been have All The Things with a large side of Shit-storm. Take that keyboard (and, possibly, the lappy) out into a field and go all Office Space on its ass. It will do you good.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Thank you, Marian. Thank you so much.
      I’m sorry we suffer the Band-Aid dilemma together.
      That reset fixed my keyboard issues, thank tacos, but I will keep that Office Space scene in mind… πŸ˜›

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Susanne says:

    You worded exceptionally well given all the bumps and the debilitating paper cut and being only at 20%. I wish I worked as competently as you do at 20%. Enjoy the things you can and the other things will thing along regardless. Things do that.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Bill says:

    You did all that on a phone? Wow. I’m Impressed. Hope things improve soon. Have a happy Friday and a good weekend, keyboard or not.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. John Holton says:

    While it was probably an inappropriate comment for your text, I think you should keep “Suck it, Pepe!” It sounds like a perfect rejoinder for something.

    You did all that on your phone? Oy gevalt…

    Liked by 2 people

  18. ghostmmnc says:

    Sounds like you’ve had a week like we were having the week before. Seems like everything that can go wrong all comes at the same time. This week has been better, so I’m hoping it will be better for you in the coming days/weeks. … You did this on your phone?! Awesome! I wouldn’t have even tried. It takes me forever to just type in a couple of sentences. … Happy Friday! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Coupla weeks of this crap, coupla months of good, that’s what I think πŸ™‚ Sorry to hear you’ve had the same bumpy go lately, and so glad yours is going better now! It’s astrological, I can feeeeeel it. lol

      Like

  19. JT Twissel says:

    Oh my. That’s a lot to handle. I had it when a faithful car breaks down….

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Luanne says:

    I’ll be praying for you and your van. It must work if it worked for your in-laws. No vehicle and no laptop. Man, life does suck! But you got your Mister and your kids and your furkids. That’s what I like to tell myself when sucksucksuck comes on too fast.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. I’m impressed. The phone keyboard and I are not friends. Wishing for better things for the dog and the red van too.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Sharukh Bamboat says:

    Sending you some good wishes and thoughts to make your days better. Being a professional writer I type at least 10 hours a day (laptop and mobile combined). So, I have no window to say I don’t like my phone keyboard. Like you I have tiny hands and that’s a benefit because big hands usually have issues typing on smaller mobile screens and QWERTY keypads. There are keyboards that you can attach to your mobile and type it like a regular keyboard.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      I did not know that, about plugging a keyboard into the phone! My reset worked, so I get to type again.
      Things are definitely looking up for me. πŸ™‚ Thanks!

      Liked by 1 person

  23. Joanne Sisco says:

    Sometimes all those petty little annoyances just start to add up into something that needs a major whine to shake it off … well, except for the being sick part which needs 30 hours of sleep. That’s a whole lot of not petty.

    Hope this weekend is kinder and gentler in every way!

    Liked by 1 person

  24. I really admire people that can write a whole post on their phone. I just don’t have that knack. Having clumsy sausage fingers doesn’t help either. I think you did a fine job with this post, it must have taken you ages. I hope you soon feel better and things start turning around for you, Joey :–)

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Sounds like my week. It can only get better.

    Liked by 1 person

  26. I wish I could help you with your computer. I only use my phone for twitter which is now my distraction when I’m out walking and have a panic attack. Rage tweeting about Trump is a perfect distraction. The thing I hate the most about my cell phone’s spell check it that it insists on using the word it thinks I want.

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Laura says:

    Lawd, woman, you sound like you NEED a long weekend. Hope your Saturday was blissfully peaceful and maybe even that the red van got healed. πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Thank you! Things are lookin up. The reset on my puter worked, that check came, and we got new cars. Now two days of uneventful bliss, right? πŸ™‚

      Like

  28. Anxious Mom says:

    Glad you made it through the paper cut! I’m impressed that you typed all that out. I’m over here debating whether to take my laptop on vacation in case I want to work on a story, because typing on the iPad is too hard, and here you are with a whole big blog post on the phone.

    I hope you had a good weekend.

    Like

  29. prior.. says:

    Cool story about the van and getting two more years out of it.
    We once had our Black Explorer come back to life after sitting. The mechanic had it to brainstorm over and it sat for a month (it was kind of old and not our main ride and at that time we knew a mechanic who was starting a side business. Anyhow, he could not figure out what was wrong – and after sitting for almost a month – he called us to pick it up saying it started and yadda yadda – so weird when that happens –

    and I thought of you when I had a hang nail last month and so now I might think of you next time I get a paper cut (we shall see….)
    oh and I hate typing on the latest version of my phone.
    A couple years ago I could whip out a 600 word reply (seriously – it was on this health forum I used to be a part of) and it was easy and thumb frenzy. But now – for some reason, the layout of the keys has me hitting return too often and those darn periods. Sucks big time.

    Liked by 1 person

  30. I laughed out loud about texting because I text in both English and French. If I don’t switch to the appropriate keyboard, the spell checker gets crazy. It could be funny, but it’s mostly annoying. Still way less than a bad check. Now I can dictate my texts from my car. It’s safe since I don’t drive and text. Something I never do, anyway. It works beautifully unless my husband texts me in French. The voice interpretation is hillarious. Of course if I try to reply in English the same voice keeps repeating that she doesn’t understand. Frustrating. But not as painful as a paper cut. Ouch.
    Yep, some weeks and days are better. Like today, which allows me to catch up with a truckload of blog posts. Happy weekend to you, Joey, even though it’s no longer an extended one.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      No bilingual voice text. I understand. Sassy and I text a bit in French and Spanish and those words are never recognized in English no matter how many times we use them. I have not tried the car’s voice text. I don’t know that I will. I don’t text and drive. Whatever it is can wait til I stop πŸ™‚ When my husband was deployed I gave him a special ‘noise’ ringtone thing so I’d know it was him, and I’d pull over. THAT was worth pulling over. The rest can wait πŸ˜‰

      Liked by 1 person

  31. Matt Roberts says:

    I hate typing on my phone. I’m so good at typing on a keyboard yet my phone mocks me. Hunt and peck. We’ve been without the net for over 2 months and I’m going crazy. That’s why I haven’t blogged because I just can’t. Not on my phone.

    Liked by 1 person

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