It’s Friday and it was supposed to snow. It didn’t snow. It did get below freezing. It’s not only sweater weather now, it’s maybe-wear-a-coat weather, too. I likey. Don’t hate me. I was born this way.
People always be like, “It’s cause you’re still young” and “It’s because you’re overweight” or “It’s the hormones.” Stop that shit. It’s cause I like cold weather and hate to be hot. Period. Been this way all my life, and y’all, if you can imagine, I’ve been younger — too young to blame hormones, and at some points, downright skinny, and I have always, always, always hated to be hot.
You can look at pictures of juvenile me and see it plain as day. Pictures of me at summer camp — you can pick me out easy — in a sea of tan, glistening blondes, I am the red-faced ghost. If I am wearing a sundress and smiling, it is only because I am in the nice climate-controlled environment of the portrait studio, okay? (And maybe cause my mommy said there’d be ice cream after. I am highly motivated by ice cream CAUSE IT’S COLD!)
There are no unhappy photos of me out in the cold and snow. When it’s cold, not crazy cold, I no like crazy cold, *shakes head* I walk around smiling, all red-cheeked, tra-la-la, look at all the hot I’m not bein. Simply cannot help but smile.
People: “Dreary gray skies make me feel so sad.”
Me: “I can see and my skin is not made of sticky fire!”
It was 7C/44F yesterday on the way in, and I saw a mitten-clad teenager dressed so that her parka met her boots and I could not help but ask, “My God, what does she wear when it gets cold?” I half-wondered if she’s from southeast Georgia.
Meanwhile, on my breaks at work, I was out in a light sweater, trousers, and ballet flats without socks. I was out kickin up leaves, wind blowin through my hair — Ooh, those were good breaks!
My nose ran a lil and I LIKED IT, okay?
I like cold weather, old things, kale, rain, dog shows, black licorice, twinkly lights, and white wine at room temperature. You like things I cannot stand. Things like unsweetened iced tea, hotels, baseball, black eyeliner, industrial metal, riding horses, gin, rooftop views, and sunrises. Ew. No, wait, I do like sunrises when I’m still half-drunk and about to sleep.
Let’s just enjoy our differences.
HAPPY first cold FRIDAY of the season EVERYONE!