Make Prattle and Roll

Me this week:
“ain’t nothin gonna break my stride, nobody gonna slow me down, oh no! oh no! what is happening? ain’t nothin gonna break my stride, nobody gonna slow me down, oh no!”

Lather, rinse, repeat. All. Week. Long.
This week can suck my pretty pink penis.

We will not go in order of importance, we will follow the random patterns of my brain, as we have all become accustomed to.

I enjoy stomping in icy puddles and breaking icicles because it’s stuff you’re allowed to break. I break stuff on accident alawt. Being permitted to break things is refreshing and satisfying.

Bubba went back to hospital and they sent him to bigger, better hospital where they fixed him but he’ll have to mend.
One night, The Mister stayed with Bubba and I had to sleep alone with my cats and my dog, off n on for the first time in seven years.

On Wednesday, I put in a 12-hour day. I wore yellow. And canvas shoes. And I went out for lunch and got myself a grilled cheese sammich where the edges are all crunchy and the middle is all soft and gooey and I had that with a big fat soda and a yellow cookie and the sun was all shiny and warm and I smiled the whole outdoorness time. Subsequently, I got a lot done.

What I looked like by the end of Wednesday.


On Thursday, I wore brighter yellow, but the day paid it no mind and I have concluded, via rigorous testing, just sos ya know, wearing a particular color has no impact on the course of one’s anyday. I officially give up.

Mercury’s in retrograde and the time changed and obviously the moon has grabbed on to something icky to wax to fruition.

On the one hand, I be all RISE ABOVE and on the other hand, I be all WHITE FLAG! WHITE FLAG! Y’all know I like things that come in white.

And so it continues —

NEVER PUT ME IN A GROUP TEXT. I complained about this, loudly, unto my family unit, and then two days later my husband put me in a fucking group text because as I suspected, he never listens to me. I cannot work with my phone vibing all over my desk, my bag, the floor, the drawer beside my bag — I was like Phoebe with the smoke alarm.

friends phoebe smoke detector

What if that’s my boss? I can’t ignore it, for fuck’s sake. Imagine that.
“Thank you for holding, this is Jolene.”
“Why aren’t you answering my text?”
“I’ve been placed in a text chat with 67 other people and I had to turn my phone off or kill myself and I otherwise have a lot to live for, so I turned my phone off.”
Reasonable? No, I think not.
I was dangerously close to sending a group text to every fucking one of my contacts: I DESPISE GROUP TEXTS. Choke on the salty irony of my announcement.

Plans were hatched and then canceled. Womp-womp.

Oh! This week I received an email asking me to send cash in with my kid and not tell her why, for a Surprise. WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?!? Clearly they do not have teenagers. Who the fuck gives money to a teenager higgledy-piggledy? (see that?)
This week, Sassy’s lunch account had run out and I had just paid Moo $9 and I told Moo to give Sassy money for lunch and Moo told me that when Sassy came to find her, she already had a one and made Moo give her $3 so I asked Sassy what the fuck she ate for $4 lunch and where she got that dollar she already had.
Surprise! We take accounting seriously over here, y’all.

–> Insert sections of topics I can’t blog about, but which can be summed up with don’t hang your shit on me, verily, all actions have consequences, racism looks bad on everyone, speak your motherfucking truth, and bitches be trippin.

It wasn’t all bad.
There was some making out at the stove on stew night.
Sassy and I played word games.
One night there was gelato.
It got warm and windy how March days sometimes do.
And there was that sammich…

May this weekend give you no reason to rant!

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

54 Responses to Make Prattle and Roll

  1. Wow – what a week! Glad you survived.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Group texts are the devil work. No doubt about it…
    This week is almost over… hang in there!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. markbialczak says:

    My dear wife Karen’s phone dings with group texts a whole bunch, Joey, until she turns it off. At home, that is. (I’m not at her work, so I don’t know.) Her family and her friends. So popular! What a pain, I think.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. loisajay says:

    Bitches be trippin’….go for it, Joey. Did you cut your hair? Looks good. Got mine trimmed last night. Cannot even tell. What a waste of money….

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Dan Antion says:

    I feel the need to tighten my seat-belt after reading this. Good to see your use of “higgledy-piggledy.” I did try to rush the season by wearing a lightweight jacket on Tuesday – I should listen to Joey about Tuesday – it was cold and windy on our walk for coffee – you’re right, nature doesn’t pay attention.

    I hope Friday clears the way for a great weekend for you and your gang.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      ALWAYS wear your seatbelt placed taut across your body! Haha! 😛 Sorry about Tuesday. 😦 We had one of those cockamamie weather switcheroos. Yesterday, near 70 and sunny, dry warm breeze. Today, 40ish, sleety, winds straight from Old Man Winter himself.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Benson says:

    That was one hell of a ride. I felt as though I should put on a seat belt while reading about it. You always look so natural when you take a picture. I always look contrived. Happy Friday to you as well.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Ally Bean says:

    You prattle on nicely. With gusto and chaos as if it comes naturally to me. I like the photo of you all blue. Nice touch as the world goes retrograde.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. eschudel says:

    Here’s to a less higgledy-piggledy weekend!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I hate group texts. When the supervisors travel for meetings there are a couple who do group texts. Then, of course, every damned one of them has to answer with some inane bullshit. What’s worse is when they travel without me, but are too lazy to make a new group. They just use the old one and I get all their junk anyway.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I’m not sure which part of this I enjoyed the most, so I’ll just comment randomly on a few thoughts. Our family has a group text going and it works well, although sometimes it blows up while I’m at work and I have 4,000 texts/memes/photos when I can actually look at it or if I’m at home, my phone starts demented dinging and drives me mad. 🙂 Overall it works well for us, though. Then there are the group texts from work (admittedly a small group). I’d rather not comment on those.
    However, I love the delicious irony of sending a “I hate group texts” message to, well, a group. 🙂 Hee, hee.

    We had water in our basement yesterday, so that was the low point, literally and figuratively, of my week. Fortunately, it wasn’t too much, we only lost a few things (none irreplaceable), and it wasn’t today which, as it’s my birthday, would have been even more aggravating than it was yesterday. 🙂

    I can’t wear yellow because it makes my skin look sallow, but I do love it for feeling good. Hopefully the weekend will be a million, zillion times better than the week, but with lots of yummy sandwiches!



    Liked by 2 people

    • joey says:

      That sucks about basement. Been there, done that. Sump pump died once. No bueno. I’m glad the damages weren’t too bad. We don’t have a basement here, we’re on a crawlspace, but I do feel the benefits of a basement are worth the occasional hassle. I did so love my basement.
      We have a Fam Chat, and my work has some groups, too, but that’s not like Jolene Mottern + 67, those are actual groups, so I have them silenced and like you, can just look at them as I’m free.
      Yellows are tricky and the right yellows can be hard to find, not a big selection. I know, because when I find the right yellow, I always buy.
      Hugs to you, Janet — I hope your weekend is happy 🙂


  11. Maggie says:

    Best blog I’ve read all week. I think group texts are like a giant bulletin board crammed with information. Lots of people read it but you cannot make heads or tails about who posted what. It is hard to reply. I especially hate it when there are just phone numbers of people who are not in your contact list. Who ARE those people? It’s like, “I cannot be bothered to text you individually because everyone is of equal importance to me and my time is much more moorland than yours.”

    I loved reading about your yellow days and your make out session by the beef stew.

    That Phoebe clip is perfect!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Laughing my ass off.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Bill says:

    My week — I swim a lot, so ears can be…you know: wet. Saw a doc to have them cleaned out. Him: “They are clean.” (it was not water or wax) Me: “Then why can’t I hear?”
    So off to another doc to test hearing. ‘Profound’ hearing loss right ear. The whole world has moved to my left side — seriously. We hear where things are.
    Immediately to a third doc, “We don’t why. I suggest…” Did you know that they give steroid shots into your inner ear through your ear drum? One down, three to go (a week or two apart). I now say huh? what? I’m sorry, can you speak up? more than I want to. “It’s not you, it’s me.”
    I may go to the pool today, since — why not?

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Tough times, Bill. I DID know about the shots. I hope they are helping. The results vary so much, cause, anatomy, person… I LOVE the way you wrote that about hearing where things are, where everything moved left. Love that.
      You should always go to the pool when you wanna!

      Liked by 1 person

  14. rgemom says:

    Sounds like the week from hell. That grilled cheese tho…..yup.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Perpetua says:

    Put me in a group text and I will delete it so that I don’t get pinging all day! I say to the in my mind …. youmotherfuckers … don’t stay blue, yellow is your color.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Thanks! Yellow is my favorite.
      I DID DELETE IT! What happened to me was the people all replied and every single one of them came in randomly over a period of 16 or so hours. OMG, I was fit to be tied!

      Liked by 1 person

  16. Tell them all just what they have coming, from me too. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Joanne Sisco says:

    Wait … what did I miss? Bubba was in the hospital, but needed to go to a bigger hospital … and now he needs to mend? What???? All my mom alarms are blaring at full volume!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. larva225 says:

    Group texting should be against the damn law.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. JoAnna says:

    67 people in a group text. I had to keep looking back at that number and wonder what kind of person does that? I can hardly stand 5 people. I hope you’re having a nice relaxing weekend and don’t have to look at your phone unless you want.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. darsword says:

    I hate group texts, too. But suicide can come to mind with any phone in the house pinging or buzzing. Kali goes absolutely bonkers and shakes and huffs and puffs and can actually get to the point of throwing up. I don’t know what happened to her before she reached our family but I would bet someone threw buzzing and pinging cell phones at her. So everyone knows not to do that to us. I rarely talk on my cell. The landline sounds don’t mess her up, nor does the Facetiming. Though she can’t figure out where the person is that is saying her name on the screen of the computer, she wags her tail and knows the sound of that voice is someone who loves her. Glad you survived your week!

    Liked by 1 person

  21. JT Twissel says:

    I try to stay out of mass text streams too. It’s like trying to walk a cat.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Tara says:

    I quit texting for four years after getting stuck in a group text with people who dialed the wrong number and just wouldn’t believe I wasn’t their friend playing a trick on them by saying that it wasn’t their friend! I HATE TEXTING!

    This: “On the one hand, I be all RISE ABOVE and on the other hand, I be all WHITE FLAG! WHITE FLAG!” Nothing more needs to be said, really. AMEN! AMEN! AMEN!

    Liked by 1 person

  23. bikerchick57 says:

    I love your mini me cartoon character. You look just like her.
    I also love your version of math, accounting or whatever you call it.
    I do not like group texts either, unless it’s a group of three. I can handle minimal groups. What’s worse are group messages on Facebook and all the round faces that pop up on my phone with a pop or whatever sound that is while 50 people are talking. That’s annoying.

    I seem to make it here AFTER you’ve had your weekend, so I’ll just hope it was a fine, relaxing, no group text weekend.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Jewels says:

    What a week you had there, Joey! Group texts… ugh! Hope you enjoyed a lovely weekend and have a wonderful week ahead! 😊❤

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Amy says:

    I’m sorry to hear that Bubba had to go back to the hospital but glad that they fixed him and now he can mend. I hope that the weekend left you refreshed and that this week is behaving in the nice that way that it should! I can’t stand group texts! I have to suffer through one because I’m too nice to beg out. Most of the time it stays pretty mild, but when it blows up…I put the phone in another room. I finally got it to stop pinging onto my mac, now I need to figure out how to have it stop ringing on the computer. I don’t answer calls from random numbers. lol. Mmm…grilled cheese. And I shall be singing that song for days. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Prior... says:

    Hi J –
    laughing at the bitches be crazy and various tidbits
    and this was Dan’s phrase, right

    this is some serious truth:
    “wearing a particular color has no impact on the course of one’s anyday. I officially give up.”
    and speaking of clothes –
    wanted to see if you had any stories or tips about the upcoming what to wear topic: “jeans” or “blazer” or “jeans with blazer” anything I could share for my upcoming post (well it is weeks away – maybe next month) so just be thinking


Comments are closed.