Yeah, I Lift, Bro. I Lift People Up.

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I live with people who lift. They say things like…

I don’t fuckin know what they say. Some of them don’t parle croissant or habla taco, and I don’t speak lift.
“Say things about weightlifting.”
“Like what?”
“Say the words I don’t know because I don’t know and I can’t think of any.”
“Today I power cleaned and hang cleaned and strict pressed and benched and did kettle bell rows.”
“I dead lifted and did shoulder rows.”
“Yesterday we did Russian twists and shoulder shrugs.”
“Yeah.”
“And close-grip lat pull downs.”
“I did supine pull-ups.”

And I’m like “Kettle? These salt and vinegar kettle chips are so crunchy!” Oh yeah, sometimes while they lift, I swim or walk on the treadmill, and sometimes I’ll even use the nautilus equipment cause I am a little middle-aged white woman who wants to keep her original bones, but then I go home and seriously, I try NOT to lift things. I like to feel light and buoyant.

Is the crushing weight of the world not heavy enough?
I have heard the lifters say they have to lift more because they didn’t feel any pain.
Who the fuck are these people?

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For those of you who know me, I would rather run than lift weights. And for those who do not know me, I only run when it’s imperative, like chasing and tackling a toddler before she reaches the street, like running and sliding into the back door to prevent the kitten escaping. Occasionally, I find I am running on accident, because I’m having fun playing, but all these times are rare and short.

I also live with runners. They say, “I ran X kilometers,” and since I don’t understand running or kilometers, I say, “I typed about that long.”

I walk fast. If I need to get there faster than I walk, I drive, okay?

Running makes my heart beat too fast, triggering anxiety. It makes me sweat and my rosacea flares and my boobs hit one another and there’s chaffing and I get thirsty and then I have to wash my hair. No, thank you.

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Furthermore, I drink Gatorade only when I am ill.

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Remember when you were a kid and your mom took you somewhere to get something special and you asked, “How many can I get?”
Yeah. My kids, Gatorade, every time we go.

I recently got a damn tetanus shot. The Tdap. Yay, cause don’t nobody want diseases that kill us, but also, boo, cause those damn things hurt. I don’t mean the tiny poke of ow with the injection, but the hard, tender bump after. Oh that doesn’t happen to you? How nice. In case you have not, as of yet, figured out how special I am, IF THERE IS A REACTION TO A THING, I WILL HAVE IT.

Living in my body be like this:
For Other People “May cause…”
For Me “You gonna have…”

I’m just glad I’m not in the group that can’t have the vaccine.

It didn’t hurt right away, which made me think they maybe make kinder shots now. The following day, the tenderness inflamed and I made Mentor feel my bump. Then I made my kids feel it. All three ladies gently slid their hands over the bump and made the same surprised-sad face when they felt it.

When The Mister got home, I made him feel my bump and HE PRESSED INTO IT and said he felt nothing.
It should be noted that Moo and I could actually see the bump through my cardigan, but The Mister couldn’t feel it.

So later, when the lifters were showing off their big muscles, I slid my hand across The Mister’s bicep and I said, “I don’t feel anything.”
Happy Friday Everyone!Β 

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
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66 Responses to Yeah, I Lift, Bro. I Lift People Up.

  1. “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.” πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve never understood people who run if nothing is chasing them. Don’t there know there are comfortable chairs somewhere in the vicinity?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Benson says:

    I used to run and lift weights. That was a long time ago. I still do a treadmill and a little bit of dumbbells. Getting my heart racing is a good thing for me, I always feel better afterward. You are indeed special. I bet even your bump is special. Happy Friday

    Liked by 1 person

  4. β€œI don’t feel anything.” TouchΓ©.
    Earlier this winter, out for a walk, and I heard a train coming, and wanted to meet it at the crossing – it was as if I was possessed by another being – for I was running! Moi! I never run. Running can lead to falling and lacerations and butts sticking up in the air. Ugly stuff.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. markbialczak says:

    Your lifting is very productive for the world, Joey.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Ally Bean says:

    I like how you lift people up. I strive to do that, too. I don’t like Gatorade. It reminds me of having a colonoscopy. That is something that is not uplifting, I gotta tell ‘ya.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. orbthefirst says:

    I used to powerlift. I could probably still lift more than average for my age/weight/height, just dont ask me to carry it. Or put it down gently. Im real good at throwing my weight around though LOL. These days I prefer to stroll. Leisurely.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      You made me LOL at throwing your weight around! Hah! If I could use my legs to do everything, I’d be able to do a lot more. I just don’t see how I can walk on the hands that can’t lift anything.
      Leg press… I could leg press anything, small cars, maybe πŸ˜‰ LOL

      Liked by 1 person

  8. loisajay says:

    haha! You go, Joey! Take that, Mister! πŸ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I do nothing healthy. I’ll probably die young, but won’t miss those years I would have spent in a gym.

    Like

  10. Ha, ha!! I walk fast and lift weights, but I don’t talk about it, I just feel better. I like to do my walking outside whenever possible, though, so that I get food for my soul as well as physical benefits. πŸ™‚ Glad you see your post today, Joey, as I was just thinking I hadn’t seen one from you lately. That could be because this week I’m working a lot more and have been rather busy, with not lots of time to check blogs. I’m behind on my Thursday Doors, too. Sigh. Real life can be so inconvenient! Also sorry about your tetanus bump. I had a shot this week as well and it didn’t give me a bump, but it did make that area around it rather sore for the day.

    Happy Friday!

    janet

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      I ALSO prefer to walk outside. There are few benefits to treadmilling — I can wear headphones and not jeopardize my safety, and the obvious — it’s climate-controlled. But yeah, Sadie and I prefer walking outside, fresh air and all that, plus you never know what pics you’ll snap along the way!
      Sorry to know you had a sore injection site, too. 😦
      Really sorry to know work is eating your blog time as well. 😦

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Jewels says:

    I had some guy tell me once a long time ago that I should lift because I had a good type of body for being a body builder. I’m like no…

    Liked by 1 person

  12. scr4pl80 says:

    LOL the mister! Daughter and I have been having a glass of Powerade Zero at night as a celebration for finishing one more keto day. I call it a cocktail but really it’s not. I don’t like Gatorade but Powerade isn’t bad at all. Not a cocktail but…

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Bill says:

    I lift. 12 oz at a time, unless it’s 16 or a 22 draft. I no longer run. My body will not permit it. I should lift weights or do the machine thingy’s. I look at them as I walk to and from the pool.
    Happy Friday, y’all and have a wunnerful weekend.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Amy says:

    I don’t really run or lift. Sometimes I think I should. And occasionally I do. But mostly not. Mmm…Kettle Salt & Vinegar chips. So tasty! I don’t really drink Gatorade and I only like the yellow one if I’m going to have one. My boys like the blue one. Miss Sunshine only drinks water. The Varsity Soccer team brings a snack and sports drink for the JV team so Miss Sunshine accepts hers graciously and then brings the blue Gatorade home for a brother to drink. I’m glad that you are able to get the vaccine but sorry that you react so strongly to it. I do get a tender knot from it, but I don’t know if it’s a big reaction. Miss Sunshine had a reaction to the Vitamin K shot in the hospital. A knot at the injection site and her entire leg swollen. They ended up with no answer as to why, but it went down. They thought it was likely a reaction to the “inert” ingredient. She also had swelling and itchiness that I’m pretty sure was due to barometric pressure changes when she was about 7 and other various stuff, so we monitor her reactions to things pretty closely. Happy Friday! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      I got a red swollen hot hard lump about the size of a biscuit. It’s now more the size of a vanilla wafer and while it’s a bit tender, it’s VERY itchy, so you know, healing. I am SO sorry Lil MIss had that reaction to the shot. That must have been frightening to you both.
      I only drink yellow gatorade, too.
      The salt & vinegar chips I ate this week are Meijer brand. (I don’t think y’all have Meijer) but they’re super yummy and better than any of the others I’ve had.

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Bahahha. You’re funny but yes, you do, you do just that – lift people up. ❀

    I cannot believe it now but I did run, with my first dog, we ran off leash in the woods and there were exercise stations and I did them all marine-style, also lifting the log and squats with the log on my shoulders, and at the end I hugged my tree, always the same one, and this repeated EVERY DAY. Imagine that!

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Tara says:

    You raise me up… so we can snark on mountains.
    You raise me up… to snark on salty seas
    We are strong especially when we’re snarkyyyyyyyy
    You raise me up to snark all I can be.

    This is inspired snark. I bow to the master.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. That man is missing cues he should have learned by now. Maybe he needs remedial work: if you mention it, it should be automatically important. Whatever you mention.

    ‘Cause you don’t talk about unimportant things. Duh!

    Even gentle stretching in the pools is hard, but I persist.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. I have never been to a gym in my life. Having a house to look after and a garden and a dog to walk gives me a fairly decent workout. I’m always looking for quick exercise routines that I can easily fit into my day. There’s a great 4 minute one on YouTube that can be done two or three times a day, suits me fine πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  19. bikerchick57 says:

    That was a great BURN there, Joey. The Mister deserved that one.
    Yes, I lift. To some degree. I go to the gym unwillingly because I redon’t get excited about lifting. I only do it to stay somewhat upright and so I can lift a 13 pound cat and two bags of groceries. My preference is yoga and bicycle and walking (no running).
    I know some of the lifting terms of which you speak. Kettle bells scare me. I always think I’m going to swing one and hurt myself or someone else.
    The last time I got a tetanus shot, it was because I sliced open a finger on my left hand and ended up at the ER. The nurse shot me in my right arm. So, the next two days, both limbs were sore or throbbing. I will not do that again.
    Hope you are enjoying your Saturday and weekend without too much lifting.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      She gave you the shot in the arm that didn’t hurt?!? What a sadist!
      Yoga, swimming, walking and PLAYING for me, thanks. No lifting.
      One of my kids’ classmates got hit in the head with a medicine ball and spent weeks in rehab. Your fear is not unfounded. (My hands are strong enough, I’d never.)

      Liked by 1 person

      • bikerchick57 says:

        I get up early Saturday mornings to see a trainer. He has his own small gym, specifically for training clients. I love going to see him because he does functional exercise as well, which is more fun than just lifting by myself at the regular gym.

        Liked by 1 person

  20. Prior... says:

    Just FYI – I read this pots when it was hot on the press – and I almost was the first comment leaver (is that a term)
    and then the hubs came in and we got to talking.

    so now I am like 50 down here in the comments – but it is all good – cos comments are comments.
    __
    and Joey – thanks for the laugh –
    the kettle bell especially –
    and I know very few of the terms you mentioned.
    __
    also – we got the Tdap shot last summer (not sure if you have had this encounter – but my step daughter asked that any visitors to her new baby get the Tdap. if they came within the first three months – and when we went to get the shot – the nurse giving it to us was pregnant and said she is asking folks to do that to.
    either way – I am glad to have gotten it (I was due) and it was actually my hubs who was more sore than me – and he had the bigger bump – hmmm

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Thanks!
      Yes, they are recommending grandmas and grandpas (and anyone else who will be around infants) get another pertussis vaccine because babies are getting it again. I am sorry to know your husband also had a worse bump. I fear that my reactions will grow worse and at one point I won’t be able to get them, but time will tell. I often wonder why they don’t put them in my bottom, further from the inflammation… Maybe I’ll ask about it.

      Liked by 1 person

  21. Laura says:

    Damn, that Tdap hurts like cramps from food poisoning after bad sushi on the second day of your period. Dying from the things is bad but surviving those vaccinations are another form of torture.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. marianallen says:

    “Is the crushing weight of the world not heavy enough?” AMEN, Sister!

    Oh, and me? I’m one who can’t have a tetanus shot anymore. That hard, tender bump is like wood made of nerve endings, and it lasts for weeks. Doctor said no more. ER doctor said sucks to be you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Oh dang. You MORE than know how I felt last week. Mine is much smaller now, and itchy, so it’s healing. Tomorrow is a week, and I’m just so glad it doesn’t hurt now.

      Like

  23. larva225 says:

    See, and here I thought this was gonna be a post about encouraging others. You were talking about the muscles…

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Susan says:

    Getting caught up. Reading your post. Loving this one! Have a coworker that ‘lifts’.
    “Muscles sore” she says.
    I got curious, so I was like ” Hey, lean over and touch your toes. That ought to help stretch the muscles you say are sore from yesterday.”
    She can’t keep her legs straight and touch her toes.
    Me, the fifty-four year old ex gymnast who only walks on a treadmill three times a week can do a straight leg toe touch. Easy.
    I win. I win. I win.
    Okay, now I’ll go back to being Nice Nurse.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Same. I am the bendy one as well. Treadmill, swim, yoga. You know what that’s about, cause Nurse? a reflection of soft arteries, all flexible. Fluidity. You have a job that moves you as well, it’s good!
      Thank you for comin by!

      Liked by 1 person

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