As we headed to the gate this evening, with our extra boxes and our sick children in tow, I turned to The Mister and said, “You know, I don’t know what we ever did to deserve the blow after blow of bad luck we had years ago, but I’d sure like to know what we’ve done to deserve so much synchronicity this last week. I feel so much gratitude. Blessings just keep abounding. I feel like Providence is holding my hand. It makes me feel so hopeful, like we’re on the right path.”
“Shh, don’t talk about it, you’ll jinx it.”
I don’t think so. I’m pretty sure the Universe, God, Providence — whatever you’d like to say, doesn’t jinx us for expressing gratitude. (I’m relatively certain that Karma is a bitch who not only keeps score, but also waits for the most inopportune time to knock you back into humility.)
When I called my mother-in-law to thank her for all her prayer requests, she chided me for using the words “charmed” and “Providence,” as well as warning me not to use the word “fate.” Meh. To me, all these names we have for all these experiences are as futile as our names for God.
I’m open to the concept of God not being a personal entity. I’m open to the idea that God, and all the words we use to express divinity, could actually be Science. I know that scares fundamentalist Christians like my mother-in-law, so I don’t say that sorta metaphysical stuff to her, because I don’t think she should waste more of her prayers on saving my eternal soul from damnation. I’m sure she’s praying I will find Jesus. I feel that if Jesus really spoke to her, He would tell her it’s not important that I find Him, only that I try to live with with kindness, compassion, and tolerance, which I do — not out of the fear of damnation, but because I prefer to enjoy my life here on Earth.
Anyway, as I said, I called to thank her for all her prayers. I do believe in the power of prayer, or raising energy, or wishful thinking or the power of faith, or whatever floats anyone’s boat.
I don’t spend much time praying for…stuff. I pray for other people as needed, but most of my prayers are in gratitude. I do not pray in a specific way, or at a certain time, but rather all day, every day, as I experience gratitude.
I realize that if most of my prayers are in gratitude, then I am already blessed. Many people in my life see me as more spoiled than blessed. They see all the happy that is my family life, they hear about all the wonderful, supportive things my husband or other people do for me, and they are aware that more than once, I have massively failed and yet, I continue to get the most out of life. My friends, that is not good luck. That is the requisite result of hope.
Attributes I lack? what spaces of me I wish I held? even what others think I lack? — all filled up with hope.
Hope makes me whole.
Hope is what I have.
Hope is the only thing holding me together sometimes.
Although I worry, fret, and pray, I never lose hope.
When times are hard and the light in the tunnel appears distant, all I do is hope that there’s a very good lesson in the darkness.
There always is: Keep looking for the light.