Don’t Cross Me

It takes two hours to drive out to Drew’s and almost three hours to drive back in the night rain.

On the ride back, I realized that there sure were a lot of roadside grave markers. I hope the people who love me never need to erect a roadside grave marker for me. This is not just because I plan to die in my own bed, but because a lot of Christians love me, and they might naturally decide to designate my departure with a cross.





This may or may not be why I was experiencing atrocious vertigo and nausea by the time we got home around midnight, (I’d rather think I was all worn out from too much love and joy in one day) but just in case…

I feel it’s important to publicly announce that I would not appreciate a cross posted in my honor. I feel like the scene of my departure is insignificant. I don’t even want to be buried in a cemetery with a proper grave marker, let alone at a second franchise location.  Also, driving past graveside road markers is depressing to passersby, and I wouldn’t want to be party to that.  Furthermore, if I died in a vehicle out there on the interstate, is it really worth risking your life to be on foot out there? I’m thinkin NO.

If you insist, despite my wishes, on marking my passing with a landmark, I believe this is a more appropriate choice.







Cheerful, non?

If you’re worried about littering, may I recommend a wreath of white tulips?

Either way, please just hurl it from your car window.  It stresses me out, thinkin about you walkin around the ditch, next to eighty-mile-an-hour traffic….

Thank you for your understanding in this matter.

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
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7 Responses to Don’t Cross Me

  1. Rob Roberts says:

    Carving out my own gravestone before I die is on my bucketlist. Seriously. Though I always liked the idea of some sort of funeral pyre. No crosses though. Not my thing. (Duh. lol)


  2. meANXIETYme says:

    I’m so sorry you had such a terrible time with your vertigo and nausea. But I am glad to hear you made it home safely. Hope today is a better day.


  3. Tracey Neil says:

    that was my experience in Montana…creeped out at all the crosses lining the roads…


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  5. Matt Roberts says:

    I’m not sure how long this has been going on, but I seem to remember it starting sometime when I was a kid and then it caught on big time. I could be wrong there, maybe that’s just when I noticed it. I’m all with you on this though, I think it’s a little crazy. Personally (and this is how I hope to go out) I think I’m going to be buried in a shallow grave somewhere in a field or the woods. You know, from some scheme gone awry. Here’s to hoping.


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