I have a lot of blogging to do. I’ve got awards to accept, and things to tell you, but I’ve been too overwhelmed to sit down and write.

Initially, I was too busy being irked, pissy, frustrated, and doing a skosh bit of self-pitying.

I had moments of fun; outdoor dining with Drew and Beauty Queen, nature hiking with The Mister, Moo, and the dog.

There are these times in life, when you question whether you should be practical and sensible or throw caution to the wind. I must admit, as I grow older, I’ve become less of a risk-taker, and much more of a calculated planner. I’ve not decided whether I resent the lost recklessness of my youth, or if I appreciate my new-found maturity.  I believe I am ambivalent at best.

I would wake up every morning, refreshed and hopeful, but by dinner time, emotions like fear and its best friend, anger, had all but beat the hope out of me, leaving me antsy at best. It really was exhausting. Not that sleep came easily.

I’m not a reasonable person, because I have anxiety disorder, which makes me judge my thoughts and feelings based on the reactions of my body.
I often can’t tell if I’m nervous like old normal anxious me, or nervous like the new anxious me. I just knew I felt uneasy. My internal dialogue would go like this, usually just before sleep:

omg, are we gonna hafta live here forEVER? should we have just gotten an apartment? should we have just gone to urbana? maybe we should just move anyway. maybe we’re supposed to stay here. maybe i should take a pill. why can’t i enjoy the rest? isn’t it nice to have so much time with my family? every day is beautiful and every day is full of love and laughter. i’m on a permanent weekend? shouldn’t i like that?!?  what is wrong with me? i am going to die of tryin to sleep in the hotness that is this  room. i wonder if mom would let us install blackout blinds? why would they pull his hard credit and not hire him? who does this?!? well if it doesn’t start until july 22, maybe they just sit on it until july? you would think that if they wanted to fill the positions they’d let people know they got the job and not just call them and hope they hadn’t taken another job. you’d think. i think, anyway. maybe when my husband goes to interviews he isn’t as charming and well-spoken as i think he is. maybe i’m blinded by love? look at how blah thinks blank is so great, when obviously blank is a total idiot. blah can’t see it, cause she loves his idiot ass. shit. maybe i should take a pill.  why don’t they call? don’t they know everything hinges on this job? should i take a pill? maybe i should take a pill. i’m sure it’s all going to be fine. i mean, i’ve been through worse. it would be so much easier to enjoy this fucking “vacation” if i knew when it would end! omg, who says this?!? what the hell is wrong with me? if i’d known we were gonna sit around this fucking long, we could have enrolled in classes or something. this is just ridiculous. maybe that’s what the universe is saying? hello? universe? i’d like to know wtf we’re supposed to be doinnng?!?

Monday, I had said to God, “I am open. Surprise me.”
Monday, I had said to The Mister, “We’ve had the drought. I think we’re ready for the ‘when it rains, it pours’ aspect here..”
Tuesday, I woke up to a messed-up dream, and I was walkin around the bedroom, with my tank top on my neck, lookin for a bra, cause you know, modesty in front of my FIL or someshit. The next thing I knew, my husband was shoving a piece of paper in my face. I was still groggy, but it had a phone number on it, and what appeared to be a salary figure, what with its comma and all. I’m not good with numbers. It was too big for an account balance, and too small for a real estate listing…

Oh. Oh!
And I said to God and The Universe, “Thank you! I will take it!”
Strangely, I didn’t say this to The Mister? I needed coffee to say it to him, I guess?
So, Tuesday afternoon, he accepted the job, and Tuesday night, I celebrated his accomplishment with a VERY LARGE cocktail.

What can I say? it was my turn to drink!

It turns out, The Mister really is as charming and well-spoken as I think he is, and so not an idiot. While I sipped my enormous vodka peach tea, I considered that I might be the luckiest woman in the world. By the time I was fishing my straw around the ice, slurping down the dregs, I remembered I am incredibly fascinating, he is a friggin riot, and together, we are unstoppable!
Obviously, I should have been drinkin every day for the last three months! Duh!

*winks*