The War on Laundry

I’m at war with my laundry.

I’ve don’t remember having been at war with laundry before…

I used to LIKE doing laundry. It makes the house smell like fabric softener, and the more clean laundry there is, the more choices I have. I thoroughly enjoy choices that are soft and sweetly scented. Also, this time of year, laundry from the dryer is warm, so you’d think that would be a perk.

i am not the queen of laundry, but i do know her

i am not the queen of laundry, but i do know her

I don’t remember exactly when the laundry began its vicious onslaught…
I mean, I’ve had massive volumes of laundry for over a decade, and I never felt attacked like this, but over the last month, I see the laundry army is increasing its numbers, and I am still only one woman, battling the surge.


Recently, Sassy had to go to school in khakis, (ZOMG!) that were not skinny (ZOMG!) so she nearly died of shame and embarrassment. Randomly, people have said things to me, like, “Is my purple dress clean, yet?” and “This is my last pair of tights.” Obviously my children are turncoats, and cannot be trusted.

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I’ve also noticed that in addition to my family conspiring against me, the laundry is gaslighting me.
Last week, I found a blue baby boy sock in the wash.
My baby boy is 6’3 and 200 pounds. He’s never lived in this house. I moved into this house without a single odd sock. No boy babies have come to visit this house. The youngest boy to enter this house was seven and this sock wouldn’t even cover one of his ears.

Please, send help.

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
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7 Responses to The War on Laundry

  1. LindaGHill says:

    Oh my God, your house is spitting out socks it ate before you moved in! Run for your life before you drown in a sea of missing socks!


  2. meANXIETYme says:

    You are the sock nexus of the universe. All those people out there losing their socks in their dryers…it’s all going to your house. It’s like a rift in the space-time continuum thing.
    My best suggestion is to get an account on Craigslist and start posting pictures of the appearing socks. I bet there are a lot of people out there is missing their socks and would likely be overjoyed to have them back.
    (Also, I feel you, I used to love doing laundry in this house, until I started feeling like I was putting a load in every. single. day. — now I loathe the smell of Bounce in the laundry room. But I still love the feel of a warm, clean, blanket.)


    • Someone else suggested that to me, as if the dryer was a sock Tardis.
      I swore at the sock and threw it away. I wish I had had the Craigslist advice first..who knows how valuable that sock was!
      Nothin better than fresh linens 🙂


  3. words4jp says:

    This is serious – you must call The Ghostbusters!!!!!!!


  4. Sherry says:

    I still love laundry…I could do laundry every day…but I don’t. Twice a week is enough. But I don’t like my dryer…actually it’s great, but it talks to me constantly. I can do without songs and bells.


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