Kiddie Pools: Fun to Read About?

When you live in Georgia, you buy kiddie pools. Sure, a few Indiana years, my kids had kiddie pools, but in Georgia, it was essential.

See, in Indiana, when it’s 90 degrees, we sit in the shade and let the kids run through the sprinkler. We eat watermelon and snow cones — all that summer stuff and whatnot — but when it gets to be 105 with 87% humidity, people here generally stay in. If you did that in Georgia, you’d miss half the year. So yeah, kiddie pools every year. We also went to the neighborhood pool, and the post pool, and the beach. I now own more beach towels than is reasonable for a Hoosier.

Since we lived at The Palace of Rules last summer, we didn’t have a kiddie pool. Moo almost died. Having lived in Georgia for as long as she can remember, Moo now believes that kiddie pools are an essential aspect of childhood, and she neeeeeds a pool pronto. She’s also pretty bummed about how the ocean is several states away, but we all have our own crosses to bear.

who doesn't love dory?

who doesn’t love dory?

The last summer we were in Georgia, our pool was a hard plastic pool, but William had a big soft plastic pool, and his pool was all the rage. It was made clear to me that we neeeeed a pool like William’s.

the pool i have ordered, LIKE WILLIAM'S

the pool i have ordered, LIKE WILLIAM’S

My friend Brown Eyes LuLu sent me a link for a pool like William’s. I read the reviews this morning, and I could not get over how DUMB people are.

First of all, let’s laugh at all the people who think the pool itself is what makes the water slimy after a few days. Then let’s laugh at all the people who think halfa cuppa bleach in 300 gallons of water will poison their children. Then let’s laugh at all the people who think those floating chemical tablets are even more toxic than halfa cuppa bleach. And then let’s laugh at the fact that all these people have been in insidious slimy in-ground pools filled with chlorine or bromine, plus algae killers, and the occasional floating chemical tablet.

It’s a soft sided pool, meaning, the interior water pressure keeps the sides up. An unbelievable number of people do not understand this concept. A lot of people didn’t even attempt to put water into it, because the sides wouldn’t stay up, and a great deal more never filled it, because the sides wouldn’t stay up.
It’s not a magic pool, y’all.

cannot be shipped to your house for $14.88

cannot be shipped to your house for $14.88

Someone even complained that she had to stand there for 20 minutes waiting for the pool to fill up. This person must be young, childless royalty. I mean, just imagine 20 wasted minutes of your life, waiting for a pool to fill up! There have been times in my life I have stood there for 20 minutes waiting for a kid to pee in a cup, so I thank my lucky stars for the training and preparation I’ve been given to deal with this pool!

Then, pardon me, but if you’re using the pool as a place to grow tree frogs or baby chicks, if you’re using it as a ball pit, or to plant a vegetable garden in, you cannot rate the pool with one star, and tell us what a sucky pool it is.

not intended for shark containment

not intended for shark containment

And I’m sorry, but this pool was reviewed by people whose pets used it. A German Shepherd, a pair of Rottweilers, and a Coon Hound all used this pool without incident. One woman used it for an entire summer at her home daycare with eight kids, but you, the mommy of one human, have written, “hard plastic pools aren’t as easily destroyed by active children!” Your child is more destructive than other peoples’ hundred-pound dogs?!? Oh my Dog, I almost spit out my coffee.



About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
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13 Responses to Kiddie Pools: Fun to Read About?

  1. Dan Antion says:

    You’re making me choke on my cuppa tea (I like that word). You are so right about the people who review stuff. Whenever I read reviews, I go through this exercise of trying to determine if the product or the person is the problem. Thanks for making me laugh tonight.


    • Thank YOU! I do the same thing! My favorite has got to be the reviews on TripAdvisor. Ever read those? “We wanted something small and private, which it was, but it was more than 100 yards to the pool/beach/office/bar/vending machine/laundrette.” OMFG PEOPLE!


  2. LindaGHill says:

    But I WANT that pool shipped to my house for $14.88! I’d even be willing to wait 20 minutes for it!


  3. words4jp says:

    I want a pool – with a shark. Yes, a shark to chase all the crazies away who think my pool is inferior:)


  4. Sherry says:

    *whispering in the confessional* ….we are looking for a pool for the dog…*hanging head in shame* –slinking away…


    • LOL No, that’s cool, my dog doesn’t love a pool, but the thing about dogs was how some woman’s child destroyed the pool day one, while peoples’ dogs were able to use it for entire summers!


  5. Deborah says:

    I loved this. I almost spit out my coffee several times. Luckily, the coffee is safe. People really are a bit insane aren’t they? I feel so much better about myself after reading this. lol


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