Be With Someone Who Doesn’t Like Your Nuts

Yesterday’s Daily Prompt was about soulmates and it was asked, “Who is the yin to your yang?”

I started writing about it yesterday, but life got in the way. I brought this up with The Mister today. It turns out, we’re on the same page.
I said the word soulmate is abused and never lives up to expectation. He said the term soulmate is overly romanticized.
We nodded and nibbled on our cheese curds.

I said I don’t think he’s the yin to my yang. but that his sister is.
“I think Drew is the yin to my yang.”
“I agree.”
“Do you really?”
“Yes. You’re opposites.”
“We are.”
“And it’s easy.”
“It is so easy.”

Honestly, I have no idea how on earth Drew and I have maintained this friendship for close to thirty years. I guess we both enjoy diversity, learning, and thrift stores, but I cannot, for the life of me, explain how it works.
I am heavy snow and she is desert dry. I am plain white and she is embellished black. I am acerbic and she is sweet. I am clumsy and she is graceful. I am awkward and she is cool. You know how people do — She is Marilyn Monroe and I am Eleanor Roosevelt. She is Elvis and I am The Beatles. I mean, just, pound for pound, could not be any different.
Now and again we find we’ve read the same book or bought the same shoes, and there’s an eerie pause.
And yet, if there is anyone I could be convinced is a soulmate, it’s Drew.
So if you go by the theory of yin to yang, then she’s my yin. And trust me, she’s the yin — she’s far more feminine.


But if you go by Aristophanes per Plato, then The Mister and I are much more likely to be two halves of one. I dismiss this theory on grounds that it’s limiting to sexuality, and he rejects it on the basis that he’s tired of philosophy, but it still fits us better than yin-yang.

We’re very much the same. Way more same than different. Enough same that it is not easy. Enough same that we get plenty of friction, which must surely account for the bulk of our chemistry. Passionate, strong-willed, eager, intense, deliberate, honest, cutting.
On the same side we’re a bit Dynamic Duo, but on opposite sides, we’re volatile and make other people frightened uncomfortable.


I don’t know what the deal is with that, but sometimes we get heated and if we stop long enough to take a breath, we find the room has cleared out a bit and those who remain look stunned. This makes us laugh, of course, and then we resume our discussion.

As a fatalist, I choose to believe The Mister and I were played by kismet. Looking back on us, it seems obvious, although I promise it didn’t at the time. Like, we were just really good friends and then all the sudden we were this.
Still, I don’t think of him as my soulmate.
I was happy without him. I wasn’t walking around in search of my missing piece. I know I personally wouldn’t want the pressure to fulfill someone in every way. That sounds needy, suffocating, and quite frankly, scary as fuck.

Kinda dangerous, we think, all the attention given to The Search For The One True Love. Suggests there’ll be someone who ticks every box and fills all the holes and makes up for everything else. I just don’t know anyone who has this. I know plenty of real love, real marriage, which translates to real work for real bliss.

Don’t get me wrong, The Mister makes up for a lot that I lack. He has strong hands and he can math and pack a car. He can schmooze all the people and reach all the high shelves.
(More importantly, FOOD! He likes the nuts I don’t. He eats the hazelnuts, almonds, and cashews, leaving me pistachios, walnuts, and pecans. He’s always happy to take my frosting, or eat the soft center of brownies. What? A lot of marriage is sharing, y’know!)

We both agreed, the implication that one must find a soulmate is rather limiting to the experience of love and kinship. I have encountered many kindred spirits in my life. Perhaps they were all destined to share my journey for a time. Surely all of them have enriched my life.

aristotle quotes - Copy (18)
What do y’all think about soulmates? You got a yin or a yang? Got a different theory?

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
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33 Responses to Be With Someone Who Doesn’t Like Your Nuts

  1. Carrie Rubin says:

    I’ve never liked the word. I think it’s kind of a silly, romantic notion, one that doesn’t hold up to reality. But that’s probably just the cynic in me. In fact, someone might suggest my attitude just means I’ve never found mine. But if not, I can live with that. My hubs is pretty awesome, and I’m definitely going to keep him. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Dan Antion says:

    “Soulmates” seems like a Facebook word to me. Something you tell others you have to make them feel bad. Soulmates don’t put gas in your car or carry the garbage or trap the spider ‘cuz they know you’d feel bad if it was squished.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I prefer someone who call his/her spouse or partner “my best friend.” That implies so much more than “true love” or “soulmate.” Passion is nice, but it fades, and sometimes it leads to false expectations. My mother always told me that for a relationship to work, you must be friends first, and I’ve found that to be true.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Angie Mc says:

    I’ve never connected with the term either. And, wow, I like the way you frame my apathy toward it. Loving people deeply is more….more. Dave and I are complimentary, that’s the word we use. A plain word, but one that works for us. Also, “she is Marilyn Monroe and I am Eleanor Roosevelt” <- great line 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Thanks. Yeah, I don’t wanna take away anyone else’s soulmate feeling, I just don’t feel that way. I’m not particularly romantic. Loving people transcends terms, me thinks.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Josh Wrenn says:

    I don’t mind the term, but I’m not positive it is one for one. For example Namaste means my soul recognizes yours, roughly translated. Yet you can recognize and be mates with a number of souls. Given the infinite universes with infinite possibilities, and the constant energy that may move between them, I think you can have soulmates in many senses. Especially if you think souls can change over time.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Glazed says:

    I can be happy with about half the women I encounter. It’s their other half that bothers me. But my wife and I are very different from each other. Maybe that’s what a true soulmate is, as you suggest–someone who is very different, but who you get along well with, anyway.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. reocochran says:

    I long for a partner, a head on the other pillow. I loved my Dad, my brothers and continue to do so. We like each other so I have no problem with men. . . Just can’t find one who appreciates me as I am; while staying the same as when I met them.
    I like how Kahlil Gibran describes love in a lot of his love sonnets but the one where two trees (Cypress?) Are standing tall, neither in each other’s shadow with no spaces between then sounds heavenly. I am like your friend and sister in law, Drew. I am romantic and more of a “yin.” 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      That Gibran section on marriage was what Drew read at our wedding, Robin!
      I think your life is abundant and would be a wonderful one for a man to merge with.
      I get you about “staying the same as when I met him.” I think we women know that story all too well. Many songs about that.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Prajakta says:

    And we nibbled on our cheese curds… That line was super 🙂 And I agree, there is an unnecessary drama and romance held with the concept of soulmate. It can be anyone or no one. Maybe there is a split personality within yourself who is your soulmate perhaps (I feel like that sometimes, in a non-crazy way). That said, I love my guy. We are total opposites and we get those “pauses” when we like the same thing. He likes my nuts though.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. NJ says:

    I totally agree with you 🙂 Soulmate doesn’t mean that other person should fill all the holes in your soul 🙂 and it irrespective of sexuality…I always tell my husband that my best friend is my soulmate …she is calm and funny and satisfied person while I am ambitious..and inclined towards creative sides…but we never disagree on our thoughts…in fact we always have same views about people..thing and places.. our heated argument had never lasted more than 5 minutes…and we never need to say sorry and thank you to each other…Its just that we understand each other completely …and we both love each other unconditionally…we become nuts when we are together and don’t need anyone else 🙂 So yes she my yin and I am her yang 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Benson says:

    Soul mate is an over used and over worked expression much the same as awesome. When you are young you “fall in love” and you are just certain you have found your soul mate. Can’t live without them,will love them forever. One month later you notice that the sweet giggle you thought so charming is a hideous cackle. So you move on. You always move on. When and if you find someone who likes your nuts and can reach the top shelves then keep ’em.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Soul mate makes the whole process sound too easy. A good relationship is hard work. In my case, hubby will give me his extra frosting, whipped cream and cherry. Life doesn’t get much better than that because he definitely won’t share his walnuts and pecans. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      HAHA! That was a great giggle you gave me! It’s nice to know your opinion validates my own. See, I wouldn’t wanna be with anyone who wants me to share my walnuts and pecans!

      Liked by 1 person

  12. This is very precious, what you have and how you tell it. There is this pull with some people, and sometimes we act on it, sometimes we don’t and sometimes for a limited time only. Pulls vary in strength and quality. Sometimes another fulfils our needs to such a degree that it’s a bit scary. But most often, for me, the term ‘soul mate’ conceals a bit of self-deception, as in: “He might treat me badly but we are soul mates.”

    As for the nuts – there are some in pesto, no? We tend to share that. And also, as the squirrel said: “My family tree is full of them.” 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Sherry says:

    like everything else, soulmate is and has been overused…I forgot but there was another word I thought was getting way over done…schadenfreude? is that over used yet? Uber? yep a lot of em…

    Liked by 2 people

  14. cardamone5 says:

    I believe. My husband and I, like you and the Mister, are more similar than different, and when we disagree, it is often uncomfortable to be around (not that we’re around people much, because not many people get us besides us!) He is the only person I trust completely to be myself around, but there are times, like this weekend, when his criticism of how I am cuts very deep because I want him to love everything about me, and when he doesn’t, I feel like I’m bad. I get over it, and so does he, and these moments happen less and less over the years, but they are there. There are people I instantly click with, but these connections are fleeting. Maybe that will change as I grow to love and accept myself more. It’s a process.


    Liked by 1 person

  15. cara says:

    Love this! I used to think about soul mates all the time when I was younger. I totally believed in having a soulmate and finding The One True Love. I thought I had met mine when I was 16. We were “polar opposites” and very much attracted to the other like magnets. He was my yang and my first love. So if the definition of a soul mate was actually the yin-yang, polar opposite, two pieces to a puzzle, he probably would have been it.

    As I grew older (and less romantic) and began to understand more about the universe and souls and energy, I came to believe that there are many soul mates out there for all of us. They could show up in our family or as friends or lovers. I think they are people whose souls connect with yours on a deeper level because they were once part of the same soul. I don’t think it has to do with sexuality. My bestie for 37 years (don’t do that math) is my kindred spirit. We call each other “Soul Friends” and I got her an engraved wooden picture frame with those words on it. My former college roommate and I also connect on that different level… we joke that we each have the other half of one other’s brain.

    I think it is dangerous to expect another person to “complete” you. My man love and I are also more alike than we are different. And while our differences do complement one another…we share our nuts :-)…I don’t feel like he is filling in something that has been missing in myself. Although, I do think our souls may have known one another before because when we met it truly seemed like we had known each other all our lives. Still I wouldn’t refer to him as my soul mate.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. We’re definitely more same than different as well. At the end of the few spats we have, which are rare anymore, we always end up laughing. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  17. markbialczak says:

    Soulmate was made up in Hollywood or somesuch, Joey, where everything must be to the extreme limit. If you find one “soulmate” damn sure there’s another one lurking out there somewhere. I like looking within the relationship with my dear wife Karen and knowing that we’re cool instead of thinking about the outside comparisons. Hey, in the world of chicken wings, I eat the stems and she goes for the flappers. Perfect.

    Liked by 1 person

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