Much man. Very taco.

Posted on September 26, 2015 by joey

I was reading about Dan’s youthful chicken-eatin days, and it reminded me of the time I invited a giant to come eat all of our tacos.

I hesitate to say I was once in love with the giant, but I certainly thought I was then (1996). I was deliriously happy, probably insane, whacked-out, on a cloud, just completely deluded. I dunno, when I look back on it, the whole affair leaves me with the faint impression of blind madness. I don’t think love is a blur of skin and heat…
I used to think he smelled like mayonnaise.
It was beer, OKAY? It was so much beer. Like, so much beer that his skin oozed fermentation. I didn’t figure this out until long after I got that 12-Step Call months after he disappeared. The 12-Step Call included, “I’m sorry, but I treated you so much better than the other girls. I really care about you.” I remember thinking it’s not that you were bad to me, you just up and moved to florida. I have since labeled relationships like this as Crazy Love. Crazy Love always ends in the most surreal ways.

Anyway, at some point, years later (1998) I ran into the giant’s dad and asked about him. His dad said he was good and happy and sober and stuff. His dad passed my inquiry onto him and he called. We chatted briefly and he came over. I offered Tori’s leftover taco stuffs. There was enough taco stuff that Tori, little Pie, and I could have eaten on it for the entire weekend.

Until the giant showed up.

He ate all of the taco stuff.
He was a big guy. He was more than a foot taller than me, twice my weight, and not fat at all.
A taco was two-three bites for him.

When I saw this, with some sense of horror, I remembered how he’d eaten cereal from a mixing bowl, how he ordered three cheeseburgers at a time…

He ate all of the taco stuff.
No more tacos.
Tacos all gone.

It was like I invited a giant into our dollhouse, he sat down at Tori’s tiny table, ate all of our tacos, and somehow this surprised me.

Much man. Very taco.

I fear I cannot convey this well enough, and I have ‘Painted’ you a picture.

unless you're my mother, you are really impressed with my picture.

unless you’re my mother, you are really impressed with my picture

socs-badge-2015

This post is part of LindaGHill’s Stream of Consciousness Saturdays — SoCS

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
This entry was posted in Random Musings and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

54 Responses to Much man. Very taco.

  1. cindy knoke says:
    September 26, 2015 at 12:40 PM

    Chuckling….very well done!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. La Sabrosona says:
    September 26, 2015 at 12:43 PM

    Hahaha. Omg, so so funny. Love that title “Much man. Very taco”. Simple love it. Hate the crazy love thing – stuff that leaves dart holes in your heart – but love that you can see the humour in it all!

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Deborah Drucker says:
    September 26, 2015 at 1:11 PM

    It’s not that you treated me bad you just moved to Florida. Good one. Geez, I wish I could eat like that and not double my body weight. Well maybe not a mixing bowl full of cereal. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Manja Mexi Movie says:
    September 26, 2015 at 1:25 PM

    Very impressed! For some strange reason I wished to write just yesterday about what beer does to male sweat. It’s truffles (the mushrooms, not the candy). I can’t even smell them on a plate ever since when it was a daily occurrence. :p

    Liked by 2 people

    • joey says:
      September 26, 2015 at 1:27 PM

      Oh that is so interesting! Yeah, the smells of people are highly noticeable to me, and he always smelled like mayonnaise to me. That night, after he ate all the tacos, I realized he actually smelled more soap and cedar, but then, that’s without all the beer.
      I’m glad you understood that on a personal level.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Fannie Frankfurter says:
    September 26, 2015 at 1:52 PM

    Maybe it’s the vodka, but I could really go for tacos right now.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. mihrank says:
    September 26, 2015 at 1:56 PM

    very well done and said!

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Dan Antion says:
    September 26, 2015 at 1:57 PM

    Thanks for the shout. I love the drawing. That is far and away better than the “illustrations” I make for my blog. I used to work with a guy when I was at Peat Marwick. When I quite to open my cabinet shop, I did some freelance work for him. He came to our house to meet with me and my wife made Tacos for dinner. This guy sat at our table in a clean crisp white shirt, ate tacos and didn’t get a smidge on himself. To this day, my wife refers to him as “Mr Neat” – great post and the title is the best.

    Liked by 4 people

    • joey says:
      September 26, 2015 at 2:04 PM

      Thanks! I haven’t used Paint in a looong time. I think I was about halfway done when I realized I could have done it better, and in half the time, on paper with crayons! But, then I’d need to scan it or photograph it and edit it, and oh blah! It is what it is!
      Wow. If I eat tacos in a white shirt, I do so with a bib! The Mister makes fun of me all the time in fact. I love to wear white and I’m a messy eater. Mr Neat has my admiration.

      Liked by 2 people

    • mltrautz@yahoo.com says:
      September 27, 2015 at 1:16 PM

      I don’t even have to be eating something as messy as tacos in order to wear part of my meal. I understand your wife’s nickname for him.

      Liked by 2 people

  8. Benson says:
    September 26, 2015 at 2:09 PM

    A giant ate all your tacos,and he smelled of mayo? Well now that is a delightful story. You are right. Whether your consciousness is streaming,floating or just sitting still, it is Crazy Love.

    Liked by 4 people

  9. DanicaPiche says:
    September 26, 2015 at 2:34 PM

    A giant in a dollhouse. Love it! I wonder if he usually felt that way…that everything was so tiny.
    I like your picture too. Thanks for the smile.

    Liked by 4 people

  10. jhoudephotography says:
    September 26, 2015 at 2:39 PM

    Love it! Great story, great painting! You brought a smile to my face, thanks.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Josh Wrenn says:
    September 26, 2015 at 2:44 PM

    Hehe. Dig this post!

    Liked by 2 people

  12. IreneDesign2011 says:
    September 26, 2015 at 3:11 PM

    Great story Joey and thanks for the fun 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  13. jan says:
    September 26, 2015 at 4:10 PM

    And the moral is – don’t invite giants to eat tacos and drink beer unless they’re wearing deodorant ! Lol.

    Liked by 2 people

  14. Fourth Generation Farmgirl says:
    September 26, 2015 at 4:44 PM

    Great memory and writing. Delightful painting, too! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  15. robertmgoldstein says:
    September 26, 2015 at 4:46 PM

    Ok — I need to say this. Brilliant from top to bottom. “Much man. Very taco.” I mean really….
    That’s brilliant.

    What I’m trying to say is that I loved it!

    Liked by 2 people

  16. robertmgoldstein says:
    September 26, 2015 at 4:46 PM

    Oh yeah. The painting is great..perfect for the tone of the story.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Glazed says:
    September 26, 2015 at 4:53 PM

    I hope he has a very good job, to pay for his much high grocery bill.

    Liked by 2 people

  18. Anxious Mom says:
    September 26, 2015 at 7:29 PM

    Haha, that’s so funny! Love the picture 😀

    I remember the first time I saw my non-giant husband eat cereal out of a mixing bowl. I was like like “wtf, were you raised in a barn?!” I may have to do a post at some point about his crazy eating habits.

    Liked by 2 people

  19. Jes Jessie (@masterselfthera) says:
    September 26, 2015 at 8:30 PM

    Nice painting! It illustrates your story well. I’m inspired to try the Paint application. Maybe one day soon. 🙂

    Like

  20. jetgirlcos says:
    September 27, 2015 at 1:34 AM

    I love the way you tell your stories 🙂 The title is awesome!

    Liked by 1 person

  21. phylor says:
    September 27, 2015 at 4:51 AM

    (Gr)eat story! 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  22. mltrautz@yahoo.com says:
    September 27, 2015 at 1:13 PM

    I AM extremely impressed with your picture. I have aspirations of having half your talent. As for the tacos, I hope nobody was angry with you for giving away all the taco stuff. I myself could probably eat all the taco stuff as well… Tacos are delicious.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. reocochran says:
    September 27, 2015 at 5:37 PM

    Joey, I am sure when you offered him tacos, you did not think he would eat them all up!! I was a single Mom and ran into a sweet and good guy who I really owed a favor to. I was putting out food while he talked to my kids, we were having a smorgasbord of leftovers. I had a pizza to supplement the meal. When I offered him food, I never dreamed we would have nothing left but I am a good hostess; so kept my mouth shut. Later, my observant food-loving son said, “I cannot believe he ate our week’s worth of food, Mom!” 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Opinionated Man says:
    September 27, 2015 at 5:44 PM

    I feel the picture really helped me here lol. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  25. garym6059 says:
    September 28, 2015 at 11:09 AM

    Your high school art teacher would probably give this an A. He sounds like one of those people that never grew up, and how in the hell can a person eat like that and not mushroom the pavement when they walk!

    Liked by 1 person

  26. LindaGHill says:
    October 2, 2015 at 10:55 PM

    Hahaha! Your picture is AWESOME! And I thought I had mad paint skillz! You take the taco, my dear. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  27. markbialczak says:
    October 6, 2015 at 3:54 PM

    I am much impressed with your picture, Joey, word-wide and painted. Now that’s bigger than life!

    Liked by 1 person

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