If a Tree Fell in His Yard, Would a Man Even See It?

You may recall we had some inclement weather about a month ago? Well, if you don’t, lemme tell you, IT WAS A TORNADO. I heard the tornado and so did my neighbors and one of them even saw it. Unfortunately, no one ‘official’ enough reported it, so it doesn’t count.

But it was a tornado.
All evening they talked about storms. Well, psh. IT WAS A TORNADO.
I’m sorta sensitive about this, because I don’t feel that I’ve been adequately validated about my recent tornado experience. This has led me to be more sensitive to other people’s tornado experiences, but other than that, I’m just pissy that The National Weather Service won’t back me up.

I take comfort in the fact that MIL, Benson, and my neighbors all believe IT WAS A TORNADO. The rest of the people, well, I reckon they think I’m bein dramatic.


On the day it happened, I asked The Mister, “You see that big ol limb on the side of our house?”
“Of course I saw it.”
“I can’t lift it. Might take both of us. Maybe even three of us.”


About a week later, the boy one cut the grass and he said, “I couldn’t move that big limb on the side of the yard, so I mowed around it as well as I could.”
I said, “Thank you,” and looking at my husband I added, “We really gotta get it out before the weather turns.”

I am the long-term worrier. It goes with anxiety disorder.
He is a procrastinator. It goes with the ADD.

While I’m thinkin bout how the limb will provide shelter for critters, how I don’t want critters burrowing beside the house, particularly next to Moo’s room, oh how the dog would bark, how awful it would be to have a family of vicious possum freaking out, or how traumatizing it might be for a family of bunnies to lose their warren, The Mister thinks things more like, “Meh. It’s 90 degrees. I got plenty of time before the weather turns.”

Somewhere on my husband’s calendar is a section called When Hell Freezes Over, and I presume he’s got quite a bit to do then.

That same bastard turned to me in bed just the other night and asked me, “Did you see the size of that branch on the side of the house?”
After I plucked my eyeballs from the ceiling and put them back in my head, I replied.
“Yes I saw it! I asked you that the day it happened!”
“I didn’t know you meant that. Do you know which tree it came from?”
“I assume it came from the one back here. Nearest maple. Not our tree, so we can toss it over instead of carrying it to the back forty.”
“Yeah, but look how far it traveled.”
“Baby, why do you keep sayin that? I believe you, okay? It was a tornado.”
“Well it might be because I suspect you’re not really listening to me.”

Like, especially the part where I’d said I heard the roar of the tornado, seen nothin but sideways rain and sticks out the window, put on pants and climbed into Moo’s closet and held my dog while the house rattled, and I heard things hitting the house, and it was the antenna and the tree limbs and the hammock and all the chairs…I said all that. I did. I said how lucky we were none of it broke through the windows or tore the siding. I said he should go up and look at the roof. I did say all these things.

Y’all know he hasn’t been up on that roof. Y’all know if there’s a shingle issue, it’s bound to lead to a leak right over my head in bed, drippin on my precious fuckin pillows.

Happy Friday Everyone!

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
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41 Responses to If a Tree Fell in His Yard, Would a Man Even See It?

  1. Erika says:

    “Somewhere on my husband’s calendar is a section called When Hell Freezes Over, and I presume he’s got quite a bit to do then.”

    😀 😀 😀

    That’s must husband, too. “I’ll do it later.” Call his mom, take out the dog, do any household chore. “Later.” I complained to the therapist once, and she told me to reframe how I’m asking him to do stuff and telling him to do whatever it is in a certain timeframe and not leave it so open ended. The expression on his face when I tell him I need him to do whatever it is within the hour or so it so funny.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. April says:

    We have a deck half finished. I would do it myself but if it’s going to get screwed up I want someone to share the blame. Maybe all men have the same calendar. 😀

    Liked by 2 people

    • joey says:

      Could be.
      I think your point is like my own — I do everything I can do, I just want him to do what I can’t do, which makes it so infuriating, because I can’t do it (or do it well.)

      Liked by 2 people

  3. orbthefirst says:

    Just get a chainsaw. and sell it off as firewood. 😛

    But yes, most men do have a place like that on their calendars. For the outdoors things, its somewhere between “Before the snows, but after the leaves fall.” The rest of it is up for negotiation, and given time constraints between “Im busy” and “Ill do it after Im done here.”


    Liked by 2 people

  4. Ally Bean says:

    I feel your pain. My husband always knows how many cookies are in the pantry, but managed to not notice, until I pointed it out to him, that a second-story window shutter had been blown loose and was dangling by one screw over the front door. Who misses seeing something like that? Honestly…

    Liked by 2 people

  5. garym6059 says:

    Shew!!!!! I’m all caught up I promise not to get this far behind your life is way to interesting to be missing this many posts. I blame Cool Ranch Doritos and my ex wife for my tardiness :).

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Benson says:

    That Hell freezing over line was great. I can testify about the tornado too. I seen the darn thing. It was out yonder just South of 63rd. So we may not be official enough to count but we know what we saw. Maybe you should just drag that limb out into the center of your yard and have a Halloween bon-fire.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Oh no! Not the pillows. (Still one my favorite posts on your site.) I am a man, and I have a branch just like that one in my backyard. It’s been there for over a month now. I have to buy a special saw. Not any old saw, but the one I want.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Norm 2.0 says:

    As a husband who is far from perfect himself all I can tell you is that you just gotta trust that it’s gonna get done…eventually 😉

    Liked by 3 people

  9. Bradley says:

    I understand him, There’s nothing sexy or fun about cleaning up after a storm. I’d much rather get to one of the 40 projects I started but never finished,

    Liked by 3 people

  10. jan says:

    Oh boy, just about every chore round the house is in the “when hell freezes over” category with my mister! I don’t even a tornado would make him move!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Dan Antion says:

    We (husbands) all have that section on our calendar. But, you don’t to worry about . We have a plan. “We’ll get to it.” There. I hope you feel better now that you know we have it covered.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. pluviolover says:

    One must feel needed. And for that, one must never have a clean plate (Honey Do List). Therefore, leaving as much on the plate for as long as possible is a form of self-preservation. I’ve gone too far when I hear, “I’m not nagging, but you said….” Oops! That’s why I do the dishes, “No man has ever been murdered while doing the dishes.” 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  13. msgt3227 says:

    I have a chainsaw…. I live for the branches to fall off our trees. Will even help them with little “prompting cuts” if the branch is ripe. Anything bigger than pinkie size is fair game for my chainsaw!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      I want a chainsaw, I really do, but I’m a klutz and I have really weak hands, so…I’m at the mercy of others.
      You live far? I got some apple trees need pruned… lol 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  14. loisajay says:

    Ha! Your husband’s calendar cracks me up! Has he done anything with it yet?

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Joanne Sisco says:

    Up until now, I was starting to think your husband was perfect. I mean absolutely not a flaw.
    You have no idea how much better I feel now to know there ISN’T a perfect man out there that somehow my husband should be trying to emulate 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  16. reocochran says:

    I have am apt manager who I count on. It doesn’t make me feel good to hear the men who I know are very nice and loving still procrastinate, Joey. My ex who did this, I blamed lack of caring or consideration. Hmmm. . . several people back up this situation of not doing things when asked and I would say, “Dinner will be served on either Sat. or Sun. After the Dang branch gets put out in the back 40. Choose when you want to eat my homemade meatballs or tacos. . .” 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  17. When Hell freezes over, you won’t have to worry about that roof any more. Something to look forward to. Meanwhile, you husband, my husband, and everyone else’s husband will be doing everything possible to avoid doing a single thing on that ever-growing list.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Phil Taylor says:

    I believe you Joey. Yup, a tornado.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Oh yeah…can’t say I miss the whole Tornado thing while I was living in Muncie. Although legend has it that one has never touch down in Muncie proper, supposedly because it built on a bend in the White River. But that didn’t make me any less anxious watching the red blob on the weather radar moving toward the area. At least I always knew when it was 11 am on Friday when they test the tornado warning siren.


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