Do y’all have notes at work?
This is a thing. Like when you call the cable company, and you’re all, “My upstairs DVR doesn’t record channel 5,” and the guy says “Mrs. Mottern, we apologize for any inconvenience this has caused you and we will send you a new DVR overnight. You will receive your new DVR tomorrow. I’ve noted your account. Are you ready for the confirmation number?”
Cable Guy could be over there thinkin I’m an idiot bitch, and who the hell watches channel 5? — but he’s definitely not typing that in his notes.
Mr Hugh made an impromptu visit to the office for a thirty-five minute complaint about the weather. He believes we should work harder and faster to fix it. I informed Mr Hugh that the weather is equally important to us, and his best interests are also our best interests. I assured him we’re doing our very best to establish a clear path to sunshine. I showed him the lightning rods and cisterns we’ve installed as well as the sunglasses we’ve purchased for sunny days. I told him as soon as we’re in receipt of sunshine, I will send it out to him. After receiving his complimentary sunglasses, Mr Hugh was pleased and sends his best.
Woodchuck called to express appreciation for the sawdust we forwarded. He believes he could develop a greater relationship with our office. For our mutual benefit, he’s willing to chuck five, maybe even six logs at a time. He’d like a more exclusive agreement, and he has business cards.
Sent Symbiotic Relationship Contract and business cards to Woodchuck.
Jonas at Crooks n’ More called to inquire on the status of the fire and to offer his support in the burning. He asked what accelerants we’ve chosen. I informed him I’m not at liberty to discuss our choices. I suspect he will still bring his largest water hose.
Meeting with Ms Jones was strained. I scanned all of her pictures and asked her to sign our truthbook. I made a point of explaining we can only use original photos. She insists they are all hers, but nevertheless, she did remove the ones from magazines. I explained scrapbooking can take some time. She nodded along, but I think Ms Jones will require regular updates. I pointed out payment is due in full at the time of receipt, and went over the pricing. She was shocked at the expense of embossing and acid-free stickers and asked that we use staple guns and glitter glue instead. I assured her she will be pleased with the final product, regardless of cost. She signed our truthbook. I gave her some stationary and a fluffy blue pen as a token of our appreciation.
What is noted:
Per our September 24, 2016 request for orange juice, Maureen informed me she did, in fact, receive our oranges and juicer, but she didn’t know what to do with them. She said that the employee who knows what to do with them comes in on Wednesdays so she will mention the oranges and the juicer to her then. I told Maureen I would send shiny new oranges.
Sent Maureen shiny new oranges via Priority Mail
Tracking number XXXX XXXX XXXX XXXX XXXX XXXX XXXX XXX XX
What I thought:
I sent this bitch oranges four fuckin months ago and she’s just been sittin on her lazy ass, lettin them rot! She said a person with a brain will be in Wednesday and she will ask her if she knows how to juice. I stopped myself from asking if the brainy one has been in EVERY FUCKIN WEDNESDAY FOR THE LAST FOUR MONTHS?! Exactly how did Maureen get a job in the juicing department?!?
Sent Maureen MORE oranges!
Tracking Number OOOO OOOO OOOO OOOO OMFG OFML OJFC OOO FY
I get paid to write nicely. I do not write nicely for free. Therefore, I blog.
Relatable or nah?