I’ve probably written ten blogs in the last two weeks, just I didn’t post them. I probably will. When I’m emotionally vulnerable, I like to write, then process, then edit accordingly, then post.
Otherwise, I’m a pantser, I just sit down and write, like I am right now.
I’ve worked on a tribute to my father, but I’m not, it’s not, ready. I’ve written some rants and some quirky things, too.
I’m not in a bad way. I’m fairly up, just transitional. When I’m not distracted, I’m reflective.
I’ve got this tree thing in my living room. It’s a large, wooden cylinder containing stuff to plant a tree with my father’s ashes. It’s been in my house for a year. I don’t know the details. I read all the details many times, but I’m not sure I comprehend. It reminds me of when I start reading directions in a foreign language or when I start a book with heavy language and I reread the first page four or five times before it gels.
They’re arborists, the tree people, (duh) so when you pick a tree, they send it to you at the right time to plant in your location. Here, that’s usually fall. I selected a spruce. I need to call or go online and I am procrastinating, which is stupid, because it doesn’t change anything and it needs to be done.
You know how people tell you, “If you need anything, if there’s anything I can do to help, just let me know?” Maybe I should ask someone else to place that initial call.
Maybe once the tree is planted, I’ll feel differently.
There’s already a memorial tree in our yard. A great maple, covered in ivy, for when the family lost their son in Vietnam.
I’ve actually been having a good time these past few weeks, honest. I’ve definitely made the most of the time with my girls. We’ve been taking trips to the zoo and swimming often.
Our times of frequent snuggles are ending, as school is starting soon. I like when they go to school, because I like the structure. Actually, no, I hate the structure, but I need it. We all need it. Then I love when they get out of school, because I’m sick of structure and just want to be, and I think we all need that, too. Balance.
Life is better now that The Mister isn’t in school. It feels like time opened up and let us in. It takes a long time to adjust to that, to stop pausing to consider when we’ll have time to do things. We can do things. Evening and weekends are ours again, and we do things.
Lately I’ve been cooking like I used to, making things that are more involved, enjoying the process again. I have time during the day to do things like just go buy fresh fish for dinner. It’s nice. It really is.
No fish today. Taco Tuesday will be ready at 6.
Mmm, tacos have always been there for me.
The rains are coming for a few days. The longer I’ve lived, the more I realize how much the weather dictates my life, and how I yearn for the weather to dictate my life even more. I’m always on the lookout for the perfect rainy day to stay in and read, or the coolest, grayest day to weed the garden. Lots of people have their own things, good golf weather, good fishin weather… I completely understand the appeal, but in my own way.
One day, I’ll resume the regular release of my posts into the wild of the blogosphere. I often thank you for reading, but right now, I thank you for writing.