Write Right Now

I’ve probably written ten blogs in the last two weeks, just I didn’t post them. I probably will. When I’m emotionally vulnerable, I like to write, then process, then edit accordingly, then post.
Otherwise, I’m a pantser, I just sit down and write, like I am right now.

I’ve worked on a tribute to my father, but I’m not, it’s not, ready.Β I’ve written some rants and some quirky things, too.

I’m not in a bad way. I’m fairly up, just transitional. When I’m not distracted, I’m reflective.

I’ve got this tree thing in my living room. It’s a large, wooden cylinder containing stuff to plant a tree with my father’s ashes. It’s been in my house for a year. I don’t know the details. I read all the details many times, but I’m not sure I comprehend. It reminds me of when I start reading directions in a foreign language or when I start a book with heavy language and I reread the first page four or five times before it gels.
They’re arborists, the tree people, (duh) so when you pick a tree, they send it to you at the right time to plant in your location. Here, that’s usually fall. I selected a spruce. I need to call or go online and I am procrastinating, which is stupid, because it doesn’t change anything and it needs to be done.
You know how people tell you, “If you need anything, if there’s anything I can do to help, just let me know?” Maybe I should ask someone else to place that initial call.
Maybe once the tree is planted, I’ll feel differently.

There’s already a memorial tree in our yard. A great maple, covered in ivy, for when the family lost their son in Vietnam.

ivy_maple

I’ve actually been having a good time these past few weeks, honest. I’ve definitely made the most of the time with my girls. We’ve been taking trips to the zoo and swimming often.

IMG_3891

Our times of frequent snuggles are ending, as school is starting soon. I like when they go to school, because I like the structure. Actually, no, I hate the structure, but I need it. We all need it. Then I love when they get out of school, because I’m sick of structure and just want to be, and I think we all need that, too. Balance.
Life is better now that The Mister isn’t in school. It feels like time opened up and let us in. It takes a long time to adjust to that, to stop pausing to consider when we’ll have time to do things. We can do things. Evening and weekends are ours again, and we do things.

Lately I’ve been cooking like I used to, making things that are more involved, enjoying the process again. I have time during the day to do things like just go buy fresh fish for dinner. It’s nice. It really is.
No fish today. Taco Tuesday will be ready at 6.
Mmm, tacos have always been there for me.

The rains are coming for a few days. The longer I’ve lived, the more I realize how much the weather dictates my life, and how I yearn for the weather to dictate my life even more. I’m always on the lookout for the perfect rainy day to stay in and read, or the coolest, grayest day to weed the garden. Lots of people have their own things, good golf weather, good fishin weather… I completely understand the appeal, but in my own way.

One day, I’ll resume the regular release of my posts into the wild of the blogosphere.Β I often thank you for reading, but right now, I thank you for writing.

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
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75 Responses to Write Right Now

  1. Dan Antion says:

    Mmmmmmm, I’ve been hungry for tacos for a week or so. We don’t have them often. Some times the simple things just defy doing. Then, when you do them, you’re like “why did I wait so…” but it’s ok.

    I kind of miss the start of school / end of school stuff. Now, life is one long trudge to the finish line (R-word).

    I reread the school list postnatal (my phone added that but I’m tired of correcting it) that Laura reblogged. You seriously are just what school administrators need.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      We have tacos at least once a month and sometimes every Tuesday in a month πŸ™‚
      You’re right about the doing of things, absolutely. I know this. I tell me the same thing.
      Yeah, that was nice of Laura to share — this year is much better. I think I only spent about $60 and I can feel generous about Ms Tew’s request for more post-it notes. πŸ˜‰

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I have so many started posts! Some are just too personal, others too ranty, some downright sarcastic. Many needed to get out of my head, but that doesn’t mean I need to let other people see them, just that the post format lends itself to organizing the chaos as I get it out.

    Some I go back for, others just sit there and rot. Just as well.

    Take your time.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. The planting of trees…such a great memorial idea, loving that. I also write a lot when emotional, it’s a great outlet. Lots of it will never be posted here. Still…those writings matter.

    Take all the time you need to process, Joey. Keep writing, cooking, eating tacos and snuggling with family. Thinking of you.

    Liked by 2 people

    • joey says:

      The tree really is lovely. I think it was a good decision on his part, given the land we have, and my affection for trees ❀
      I will keep doing all the things, and thanks.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Lo-o-o-ove tacos!!!! Any kind but my favorite are more fishy than meaty πŸ™‚
    And like you I like impromptu in life, but only a mininum of routine helps us remain focused. When my kids were young I adored having them home but needed school to keep going with other things. I wish you all a happy safe end of summer and the best of luck for the new school year. And many tacos to enjoy over these school night dinners.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Joey, I’ve been irregular with my posts for months now and honestly don’t know when I will be regular again. Your friends do understand and if the rest don’t too bad! You need to process and that takes time. I am so glad to hear you are enjoying your girls and laughing too. That’s good. That’s very good. And about that structure … I abhor structure yet it is the very thing that glues my day together. Funny how we are sometimes. Glad to hear you are cooking again and just enjoying your life. That is what is important. The tree thingie will work out in time too. No worries right now. Just live. Much Love!! πŸ’žπŸŒΉπŸ’ž

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m glad that you probably will. ❀

    Liked by 1 person

  7. JT Twissel says:

    I have a lot of posts in the “drafts” folder also. I’m not a summer person so I have a hard time focusing on anything other than feeling sorry for myself (and that doesn’t make for the most interesting of posts!)

    Liked by 1 person

  8. We’re having tacos tonight too. Enjoy.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Ally Bean says:

    Tacos sound delicious. Your tree sounds perfect. And your writing process sounds familiar. I hadn’t thought about how much the weather dictates my days, but you’re right. I like it, too. A bit of unexpectedness, that arrives in an expected way.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. meANXIETYme says:

    I’ve been thinking of you and sending healing thoughts your way. You process how you need to process. Period.

    Enjoy your end-of-summer fun and your “extra” found time with The Mister. Happy cooking, too!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. John Holton says:

    Furthest ahead I usually get is a week. Ten posts is pretty good.

    Right now, enjoy your family. That’s the most important thing. The tree will be there when you’re ready to deal with it, and who knows how many more posts you can get written before the girls go back to school…

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Victo Dolore says:

    I have been overwhelmed with life and writing has been hard the past couple of weeks. I dearly love your posts and I have missed them. Sending you love and hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. ghostmmnc says:

    I used to feel guilty for enjoying myself, or laughing about whatever, when someone passed away, knowing they couldn’t do that any more. But, that is wrong thinking, to me, now. Take all the time you need, write out your thoughts for your own self, and have fun with your family. It is a transition time, like you say. xo ❀

    Liked by 1 person

  14. loisajay says:

    This was such a great post, Joey. Like we’re just sitting and talking. I think this is why I don’t write. What would I say? I tend to be private–until I need to talk to someone, you know? So I wait for the prompt and search for a photo. Posted. Done. But I liked reading this. Very warm and conversational.

    Liked by 2 people

    • joey says:

      Thank you. I love your photos and your captions, and they’re often the first I go for in my email. So upbeat and happy, and often cute as well. But I enjoy when you do write, Lois. Privacy is a tricky thing online. It doesn’t really exist, because we reveal ourselves all the time, whether it’s in words or pictures or even what we like, but there’s some stuff worth keeping separate from the whole world.

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Susan says:

    I had stuff rolling around in my head for weeks; patient experiences, my own musings. A couple of weeks back, on a Saturday, I took pen and pad to a local coffee shop with comfortable chairs, order a giant drink, like giant, and didn’t get up until it was all on paper. ( Bought a Danish and a second small drink, I was there so long!)
    Really enjoy your post – they are so warm, and when you rant, it ‘s never crazy scary ranting. So, whenever you can, I look forward to reading them.

    Liked by 2 people

  16. Simple words here, when you think of a loved one that has passed on you honor and make a tribute to them. No need for written or spoken words because this is your special tribute to them.
    We will know when you’re ready to join the blogging community when we see your insane, witty, and funny blogs again; til then continue your tributes.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Jewels says:

    I have sooooo many posts sitting in my drafts, not from recently though. Until my babbling post about August yesterday, I’ve been oddly quiet lately, just not feeling very wordy – or it’s more like I can’t find the words and don’t have the energy to look for them. And I’m just so dang busy, and when I’m not busy, I need to veg. The tree thing is such a cool idea! I’ve been extra tree-loving lately. ❀ Tacos sound so yummy…

    Liked by 1 person

  18. meg68 says:

    I’m sorry to hear of your loss Joey. That’s hard and I feel sad for you, but I’m glad you have your nostalgia and your memories of him to lift you up. Enjoy your beautiful Dad Tree.
    I had a dream that I was running after my dad on a beach, it was several days after he passed, and I can remember him getting further and further away from me as I struggled to catch him. Once or twice he stopped and looked back at me sadly, and then kept on running.
    That dream kind of sums up my grieving process, my dad’s further and further away, but every now and again, I know he stops and looks back at me to make sure I’m still following. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Benson says:

    What a lovely post. It is never wrong to smile or laugh when dealing with the passing of a loved one. After my parents passed I thought it wrong to just go on in a normal way. I was wrong. I love tacos. I think I prefer soft corn. Crisp Taco Bell type tacos are pretty good too.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      I’m into the crunch lately. I like the hard taco shells from Aldi, they don’t break as easily.

      I am moving on, and loving life, and I KNOW my father would be (is) pleased with that, but things are still weird in my heart and head right now. I am very blessed to have this time with my family.

      Liked by 1 person

  20. bikerchick57 says:

    While you were having tacos last night, I was with “the girls,” having the yummiest chicken, potato salad, better-than-sex cake (I’m not sure I know what that means anymore πŸ˜‰ and wine. Fun night. I’m glad you are enjoying this transitional time with writing, family, food, and the weather. It sounds like you are taking good care of yourself, Joey. It cooled way down from yesterday’s mugginess, so perhaps I can send some of that lovely weather your way. Happy Tuesday!

    PS: You’ll make that call and figure out the tree when you are ready. Not a minute sooner.

    Liked by 2 people

    • joey says:

      Alright. Thanks, Mary.
      The temps are supposed to drop s’more, but the rain is late :/
      Glad you had a great girls’ night! I would like to have some better than sex cake. I do know what that means, and I definitely want it. πŸ˜‰

      Liked by 1 person

  21. “I need to call or go online and I am procrastinating, which is stupid, because it doesn’t change anything and it needs to be done.”

    Yeah, been there: you have a “to do” list and there’s nothing hard about picking up the phone, except, well, everything. I’m with MJ – at some point down the line, the resistance will lift and you’ll getter done.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. I agree that writing is therapeutic. I actually read an article recently stating that the act of expressing thoughts and emotions through writing helps us process how we’re feeling more quickly and move on to a healthier and more balanced place.
    I love your perspective on life and sense of humor that shines through in your posts. But, this time is for and about you and your family. We miss you but certainly understand the desire for quiet and reflection. Thinking of you. πŸ™‚β€οΈ

    Liked by 2 people

  23. Those tacos look good Joey.
    It is good that you are laughing and enjoying time with your family. I find writing helps when I am feeling troubled or reflective, unlike you though, I just hit publish and often regret it!

    Liked by 1 person

  24. pluviolover says:

    Good write, joey. Thanks for sharing. Nice to know all is well. Procrastination is part of the process, me thinks. You post ’em, I read ’em. I have this rain poem I need to put up, just not finished yet. “A poem is never finished, only abandoned.” I plan to abandon this one soon.

    Liked by 1 person

  25. I’m not sure that I’ve had a post written ahead yet. I have many written that never make it to my fingertips, but I process them through my mind as I need to work through things. Or I scribble out bits and pieces of thoughts in my notebooks to come back to when the time is right.

    A memorial tree sounds lovely. I often have to re-read pages of certain books. If it hasn’t sunk in, whether it’s the language style of a classic piece of fiction or some mind-numbing directions, I can’t skim past it until feel like I “get it”.

    I’m pretty sure that we eat tacos at least once a week…sometimes I get fancy and remember to buy sour cream and avocados just to make it seems different πŸ˜‰

    I have a love/hate with the school cycle that sounds extremely similar to yours and weather dictates many of my daily choices. I hope you keep finding the balance Joey. ❀

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Erika says:

    I’m glad you’re having so much time with your family now. ❀ Good luck with the tree thing, I love the idea of it. Mmm, Taco Tuesdays, you finally made something this picky girl would eat πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

  27. JoAnna says:

    I like the idea of a tree being planted with my ashes. I also like the idea of asking for help making the call. It can be hard to take those steps, but thankfully, we don’t have to take them all at once. Glad you’re enjoying family time.

    Liked by 1 person

  28. larva225 says:

    Hugs. I’ve been watching you on the IG and have been glad you’ve been out and about – keeping busy. Keep on taking care of yourself and yours.

    Liked by 1 person

  29. Hills and valleys – life is full of them. Everyone understands the emotions that go with the ups and downs. Just relax, enjoy those tacos because they look delicious, and if you need someone to call about the tree just let me know. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  30. marianallen says:

    You make the fanciest tacos! Oh, yeah, trust me to mention the food before I send you hugs. So I’m hugging you, but I’m eyeing the tacos over your shoulder. Glad you’ve been having fun while you had ’em out of school, and glad the Mister has graduated (congratulations, the Mister!).

    Liked by 1 person

  31. I work at a Nursery and Garden Center. If you have tree planting questions email me. paulasplace2016@yahoo.com.

    Liked by 1 person

  32. Tacos look really yummy. πŸ™‚ I hear you on glad when school is out but glad when it starts. I definitely need structure and so do my kids. πŸ™‚ Good luck with planting the tree. I suck at planting things, so no help here. lol

    Liked by 1 person

  33. reocochran says:

    Awww, this was a happy reminder of school resuming and its effects. I am sad my grandies will be doing homework as I leave my workplace. This means, no stopping by unless invited. There may be carryout meals made with love still, but text as I arrive to pick up already offered food. I will miss summer 😦 , as my grandbaby Hendrix will suddenly feel a huge loss of attention from siblings and have longer naptimes instead. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  34. reocochran says:

    The word “happy” should have had quotes instead of as is, I was meaning happy in a sardonic way.

    Liked by 1 person

  35. kirizar says:

    Nearing the end of summer I’m pulled to get as much in as I can, enough road trips, enough camping, and then I’m exhausted by how much work it all is. I’m at another camp ground right now with the child who demands microwave popcorn despite the fact I’ve explained we have no microwave and that’s why we’ve brought three things of wire handle jiffy pop! Sigh. I just realized it’s only day two and we have all of tomorrow as well! Hang in there, and, if you really need someone to call and make a tree happen, let me know. I feel I owe the planet a few trees after recent events necessitated arboreal amputation around my home!

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Ooher. I don’t envy you the popcorn scenario :/

      I’ve been told my father’s ashes are on the way, and when I get them, I’ll call to get the tree delivered, but I bet it’s at least a month from now before I should plant it. I dunno, but I did find out I have some time.
      Forward motion…
      And thank you.

      I hope you enjoy the rest of your time πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

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