Guilty Chicken

This post is dedicated to my friend Matt, who never has a good fast food experience.

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Moo and I stole some homophobic chicken.
We did.
We didn’t mean to steal it.
Have you ever accidentally stolen anything?
It.is.so.awkward.

I ordered the food.
The young man gave me my food.
He said thank you, I said thank you — it was all very nice.

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I drove away.

About five minutes out, I asked Moo, “Didja put the change in the thingy? I only want the bills in my wallet.”
(Moo is inexperienced at sitting shotgun. I gotta check.)

 

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Moo stared at me blankly.
“What?”
“I don’t…”
I looked down.
My twenty still in my lap.
“Oh! No! He didn’t cash me out! We have stolen this chicken! I will go home and call them. Surely they will take payment over the phone.”

 

Dreams.-I-dream-of-a-world.-A-better-world-where-a-chicken-can-cross-the-road-without-having-their-motives-questioned.

 

Plagued with chicken guilt, I called them.
They didn’t answer the phone.
The phone rang so long that eventually, an electronic man asked me to enter my authorization code.

So I called their customer service line.
Customer Service did not want to charge me, either, they only wanted to file a report.

I had to eat that guilty chicken. And guilty fruit. And I had to drink an entire Cherry Coke. It was all delicious, but in that way that feels a lil dirty, ya know?

Have you ever accidentally stolen anything from a business?

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
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82 Responses to Guilty Chicken

  1. scr4pl80 says:

    Yep, once I left something in the cart at Safeway and didn’t realize it until I got to the car to put my groceries away. I didn’t do anything about it, but another time I got $5 too much back in change from the same Safeway floral department and when I realized that, I brought it back to them. They looked at me like I was crazy. I figure we are even.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. LindaGHill says:

    I don’t think so … :/ I might have, though.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. ghostmmnc says:

    Well, not accidentally, that I recall. Sometimes at the fast food window I’ve gotten more food than we ordered. It may have been someones order, but not mine. We didn’t notice until we got home, and yes we ate it all.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. It would taste like guilt though. I totally understand where you’re coming from.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Erika says:

    Well, if you’re gonna steal something, even by accident, that’s a great thing to steal. Mmm.

    I accidentally walked out with something small that was left in my grocery basket. Went back in and paid, no thefts that are very interesting.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. John Holton says:

    Kip did once. We were at the Winchester Mystery House in California and there was this table that said “help yourself.” Apparently, however, a box of decals that was marked “$1 each” was on the table, so he took one. Mom about had a heart attack…

    Liked by 1 person

  7. A number of times in bars, where a some of drinks aren’t on my tab at the end of the night. If the service was good, I would just leave an awesome tip to the barender, otherwise not. Alcohol tends to numb the guilt part of the brain. Just drink coffee these days and pay as I go. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Benson says:

    When I was very young I went to the Standard Grocery to get some stuff for my mom. Since my arms were filled I stuck a couple of packs of Koolaid into my pants pocket. Didn’t realize what I had done until I got half way home. Didn’t go back.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. orbthefirst says:

    “Accidentally?” No. Because nice pen? Yes. Lol

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      HAHAHAHA!
      I’ll never forget using a pen at the dr’s office, all big and nice for Joey’s stupid hand, and I was all, “This is a nice pen. I am keeping this pen, k? Thanks.” 😀

      Liked by 2 people

  10. Joanne Sisco says:

    I’m sure I’ve had brain farts along the way, but they passed without notice.

    My favourite though is Husband who takes brain fart to a whole new level. He has on several occasions gone to the store and then come home without the things he purchased. There is always copious swearing involved. When he goes back, the cashier has kindly put his stuff away waiting for him to return 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  11. A can of cat food. I ran back in to pay. The other one was tropical fish. I seem to have a pet theme going here… 🐈 🙀 🐟 🐠

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I tried to give them the money back. After ten minutes in which they insisted they were right (I have a PhD in engineering, I can do math: I was right), just to get out of there I let them give me a $6 gift card. I could NOT get the manager to see it my way. Then I bought shampoo with the guilty proceeds yesterday.

    I’m sure, somewhere along the way, they’ve overcharged someone (maybe even me), but I charge a lot of money for my time (nobody is foolish enough to pay for it, but it deters the asking), and I lost that battle. Really hope the shortage wasn’t a problem for someone later (I even left my phone number).

    Really. I can do math. I was right. I’m STILL right.

    Liked by 2 people

    • joey says:

      I believe you! Management even!
      I’ve had that experience, too!!!
      Especially when I give bills and change back, they’ll give me my change back and an extra dollar. It’s maddening. I got a BA in English Ed, but I can actually math to the one hundred cent mark. People so —- :/

      Liked by 1 person

  13. LOL. But not understanding why the chick is homophobic.
    Guess next time you go there you’ll have to go in disguise but fear not, if you wait 2-1/2 months it will be Halloween and you won’t look out of place. Anyway, hope it was finger lickin good! 😄

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      The company is Christian and seriously anti-gay rights.
      I’ve gone back many times in the last few months, even one time explaining in person, and the manager just said, “Don’t worry about it.”

      Like

  14. That making change thing…Your bill is $4.78. You give the cashier a $10 bill and 3 pennies…so you should get back a $5. bill and a quarter. Seems simple enough. I can’t tell you how many times they look at me like I’m crazy, and don’t know what to do. I just say, enter $10.03, you’ll see, it will work out. They do not. I’ve gotten tired of doing the on-site instruction, sometimes I just settle for the wrong change and move on. Arithmetic…not to be taken for granted.

    Love the chicken/road thing…why do we question their motive ????

    Liked by 2 people

    • joey says:

      RIGHT? That happens A LOT, Van! And initially I thought it was just a young person thing, but lately it’s been happening with people my own age. Also, no one faces money now.

      Liked by 2 people

  15. I must have, but clearly not with the emotional earmarks that make it memorable. I bet Moo will remember guilty chicken (at first I wrote “children.” Freudian, much?) for a lonnnng time.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      I think she was unfazed. She’s 13 you know, generally only their own dramas are of interest to them. lol
      Guilty children just sounds wrong. Like guilty dogs. I wouldn’t read anything with those titles. Heh.

      Liked by 1 person

  16. xloribethx says:

    I got gas and started to walk into a gas station. The next thing I remember I was at my truck with a coke. I had an epileptic episode where I blacked out I think? I went back in and was all like “uhhhh I’m a thief” luckily they knew me and laughed and I paid. The only thing I remember thinking was “did I even pay for this?!” I dunno. It was weird. Lol

    Liked by 2 people

  17. pluviolover says:

    You know I’m smiling, right? A very Christian friend once told me, “Guilt is from the Devil.” So, enjoy the free food and forget the guilt, lest Satan trap Chick-F into being open on Sundays, thus ruining the company, angering god, and the business folding into bankruptcy. You are saving the company!

    Liked by 2 people

  18. JT Twissel says:

    I once stole a few heads of garlic – somehow they slipped in with the apples I’d bought.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. bikerchick57 says:

    Oops.

    Yeah, I once got home and realized I had not paid for a 12 pack of Coke. It was in the bottom of my cart and I guess I forgot about it and so did the person checking me out. I think I went back the next day to pay, but that was many years ago.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Matt Roberts says:

    The only thing that comes to mind is once, many moons ago, my friends and I made a drunken trek to White Castle to order food for the party at my place. We had a big order. Enough to feed around 10 drunks. They gave us all kinds of big, full bags and we went back, wondering just how much we ordered. We only paid for what we ordered. When we got back we discovered they had doubled our order. My roommate and I ate that extra White Castles for 2 days.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Josh Wrenn says:

    If any company is going to take a loss…

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Ally Bean says:

    Great story. Hoping that your guilty chicken didn’t give you heartburn. Such an easy mistake to make. Surprised that I haven’t done that, too. Drive-thrus and distraction go hand-in-hand.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. larva225 says:

    OMFG, I’m laughing like crazy. Did the larceny make it taste better? Worse?
    Once upon a time, Will and I were belt shopping at one of those TJ Maxx/Burlington kinds of places. I was screening the belts for him as men are usually appalling shoppers. I had several slung over my shoulder along with my purse. We finally found a couple of belts that he liked and put the others back. After we had paid for the 2 belts and left the store, I realized I had stolen a third, slung over my shoulder in plain sight, tangled in my purse strap. I was an asshole. I let Will just drive away.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      It didn’t taste as good :/
      I can’t tell you how many times I’ve almost done the same thing with things in my hand or on bottom of the cart. I’ve caught both myself and the kids almost doing it. And I’ve been surprised by how many times I’m the one who catches it instead of the cashier!
      Thanks for sharing your story — and for laughing at mine 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  24. I’ve walked out the door with groceries missed when I use the lower shelf. I catch it when I’m loading the car and go back in to pay. I don’t think it’s ever happened at a drive-thru though. Chick-fil-a does have the best customer service of any fast food I’ve frequented though. I keep telling my kids they need to work there to learn what good customer service looks like. I’m not sure they’ve ever gotten my order wrong, which inevitably happens EVERY…SINGLE…TIME… we go through McDonald’s.

    Liked by 1 person

  25. I laughed at your chicken experience, but when I’ve had that happen I ‘have’ to go back and pay for it. Why? Because I’m always thinking I just can’t go to hell for something like that. 🙂 Those nuns really screwed with my head.

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Prajakta says:

    I haven’t stolen but I have gotten unintended discounts by getting more change!
    And I never ever count it out as I think it’s kinda comes across as insulting? So often I have realised the extra change days later!

    Liked by 1 person

  27. I hope you enjoyed your chicken Joey, you tried to do the right thing and they didn’t want to accept your money.
    I once left a shop distracted with a birthday card I hadn’t paid for! I went straight back in to pay for it, but was terrified of being stopped as a thief!

    Liked by 1 person

  28. A few times I’ve found forgotten items inside grocery shopping carts left on the parking lot. I’ve always brought them back inside and always been told to keep them for myself. But I’ve never been able to do so and have always left them to the customer service hoping that the person who forgot her bag of apples or loaf of bread will come back for it. That’s probably my Catholic mother there, telling me that taking anything we didn’t buy is stealing 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  29. The kids have picked up things when they were little and I hadn’t realized it until putting them in their car seats. Well, that was their first lesson in not leaving the store without paying for it or it’s stealing.

    Once several years ago we had dinner at a favorite place. The whole family was there, lots of chatter, laughing, and one too many margaritas for me and I paying the bill shorted the waitress’ tip! The following day while reconciling the bills and noting the dinner tab in my checkbook realized I had totally botched the math and shorted the tip, and the waitress worked really hard with the hot, heavy dinner platters, and keeping our drinks coming. I felt so bad! I called the restaurant and explained and asked if I could come by and leave her the tip. I got there and the wait staff was stunned; they all came up to hear about it. They were either shocked that anyone would come back to make it good or thought I was a fool for doing so.
    Anyway, I hope the manager gave her the tip. Unfortunately she wasn’t there when I went in. 😦
    We’ve been back many times since and the food and service is always good so I’m thinking we’re still good to go there. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  30. Laura says:

    Bwahahaha! If stealing homophobic chicken is the worst thing you’ve ever done, then I’d say you’re living a pretty good life. (If it’s not…well, then I guess you’re like the rest of us.) Kudos for at least trying to reach a customer service rep willing to charge you.

    Liked by 1 person

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  32. marianallen says:

    I stole like $80 of groceries (6 people). It was like yours: “Here’s your stuff.” “Kthnxbai.” “Bai.” Then I went to two other stores and got what was on my list and I had SO MUCH MONEY. I was budgeting by the penny back then, estimating the cost of everything at each store, so I knew exactly which store I had robbed. I went back and, as I walked in, ALL THE CASHIERS APPLAUDED. My cashier said, “I told you she’d come back!” lololol

    Liked by 1 person

  33. reocochran says:

    Not caught up but will come back soon! Midnight at this moment,🌳🌹

    Liked by 1 person

  34. Hahha, excellent. Yes, yes, I have: I stopped at the gas station with mom on our way to a card tournament. It was early. I put the gas in (our system is such that we pay after the act inside), mom went inside to buy something, probably cigarettes, and as we were driving again we realised that each assumed the other had paid. We didn’t return. Nothing happened.

    Liked by 1 person

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