“Ooh, In the name of love…”
We went to the frickin grocery store on Friday. We did. We took Sassy to the football game and then we went to the Fresh Thyme and they don’t carry vegetable oil, because it’s bad for you and they only sell kleenexes that are good for the earth, so they’re no good for collecting human snot, although they’re perhaps good for exfoliation.
First thing in the morning on Saturday, The Mister went out and bought tissues, which I call kleenexes, but this is a misnomer, because I actually buy Puffs. He bought actual Kleenex brand kleenex because he is a logical, literal person. He forgot vegetable oil, but it doesn’t matter because his wife and daughters are giant snot monsters and it was nice they could breathe again.
On Sunday, we ran out of coffee creamer, but we did have enough vegetable oil to fry the chicken. Don’t try to tell me to fry chicken in some better-for-me oil, and if you even mention Corn Flake baking it instead, I will cut you.
Sunday dinner is supposed to be bad for you. Sunday dinners ought to include cornbread, laden with lard, and come served with swate tay. If you roast a chicken on Sunday, then you’re obligated to make gravy. Them’s the rules.
On Monday, our egg supply grew lean. Milk was, as Moo says, “Too light.” We still needed coffee creamer and vegetable oil.
My issue with grocery stores is probably the pettiest but it’s real, okay? NOT ONE OF THEM CARRIES ALL THE THINGS.
This here and that there, and those things at the bad place, and who the fuck pays $6 for a quart of yogurt? And why are none of these places nearer? And what kind of store runs out of produce bags!? FML And I don’t work here, so either you bring out a cashier or I walk away from this entire cart of food.
And and and!
The Mister said absurd shit to me like, “Just pick that stuff up when you’re out in the morning.”
This morning Sassy told me we also needed sugar, so I took my husband’s advice and I went to the Kroger while I was already out. I’ve never been a fan of Krogering, but now that they’ve closed my Marsh, Kroger is the nearest and least of all evils, so I went there. Props to Kroger, they actually put all the dairy in one place. Unfortunately, they do not have a suitable milk for us. Meaning, I bought some stupid little milk and even though I went to the grocery store today, I will have to go again in the near future.
But worst of all, this happened:
That’s what goin out first thing on a Tuesday gets me. How’s your Tuesday goin?