What is Fine?

I’m sucking on a chocolate square, staring at my monitor, wondering what’s fine. Fine is an interesting word. Much usage. Not to put too fine a point on it, but fine is often a lie, an omission at best. Most of my fines come with a disclaimer.

“I’m fine apart from the gnawing agony of reality and the horrifying realization that time is finite unlike the never-ending nightmare of anxiety that comes while figuring out how to live while I still have time. Also, my shoulder is killing me. Nice weather, though, isn’t it?”

I mean, how real need we be with people we will likely never see again? Real friends don’t ask how you are, they pinpoint, “How’re you handling — ?”

… the loss of my father? Alright. But today I saw a man who looked like a young version of him and it took the air right out of my lungs.

… returning to work full-time? I’ve passed all the headless chickens.

… Homophobic chicken eliminating chicken salad from the menu? I’m recovering. I do eat more yogurt.
(What, you don’t grieve petty shit?)

… the upcoming wedding?

We all have worlds behind the fine.

There are also a lot of things better than fine. I don’t know why I’m still wearing jeans and a bra and jewelry, but I’m in a warm, cozy spot and my animals gather around me like I am a veritable Snow White. I have squares of chocolate, yellow tulips in a vase, and not a single pressing matter to attend to.
I’m convinced no one in the history of the world has ever been more in love than I am. I love how in the winter, The Mister grows his face coat and every year it’s snowier and snowier. He loves how I get cold and let him hold me a lot. I love how the day begins with him, wordless and warm. I love how at the end of the day, he smooths me out like a cat whose fur’s been brushed the wrong way.

Sometimes, when the things don’t feel fine, or we don’t feel fine about the things, we have to remember all things, fine and rough, come and go. And supposedly, everything is fine as it should be, just as it is. It’s hard to remember that, to experience gratitude when the complaints are so much easier to access.

Still, life does its best to show us reminders — small kindnesses, blips of beauty, a knowing smile, a word of encouragement, a hearty laugh.

It’s like a Spirograph. It feels random and jerky while you’re doin it, but at the end, it’s sacred beauty. I keep hope, and that’s fine enough.

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Stream of Consciousness Saturday — SoCS ‘fine’ is brought to you by LindaGHill

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
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76 Responses to What is Fine?

  1. scr4pl80 says:

    Glad you’re fine. IMO fine is better than okay.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Dan Antion says:

    I lke the Spirograph analogy. It’s beautiful and it’s grounded, it wraps around but never really leaves the core. I think that works.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. If you keep moving, you leave behind you a trail of accomplishments. That’s all we need. Good job.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. loisajay says:

    “we have to remember all things, fine and rough, come and go”–and that is what makes it all fine for me. I love this, Joey. Yup. I am perfectly fine.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Laura says:

    This one is particularly lovely, Joey. Way more than “fine.” πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Carrie Rubin says:

    This is lovely and quite profound. Stream of consciousness serves you well!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Insightful thoughts!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. darsword says:

    ❀ this

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Very well written, lovely. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  10. JoAnna says:

    Beautiful and poetic. Especially that part about The Mister. And the animals gathering around the cozy. Made me feel all soft and fluttery. The part about sucking on the chocolate square was nice, too. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Jami Carder says:

    “We all have worlds behind the fine.” If that’s not the truth, I don’t know what is…

    Liked by 2 people

  12. mihrank says:

    you have deeply amazing writing, I am glad you are fine. Stay strong and move forward!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Benson says:

    Such a lovely post. A good reminder for all of us. I am glad you are Fine.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. The word ‘fine’ brings a segment of my life to mind. When my daughter was in junior high, and every day I’d ask her how her day was – ‘fine’ was the answer. No more and no less. Recently, I asked a fellow gardener how he was. He said ‘fine’ but we’ll skip the details. I thought that was a line I wanted to remember. πŸ™‚ Reading this through, you are definitely fine because you are surrounded by a loving family, and most people don’t have that special person who “smooths me out like a cat whose fur’s been brushed the wrong way.” You’re a lucky lady, Joey.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Fine is blasΓ©. And as you pointed out REAL friends/family who KNOW you, would come right to the point about such and such asking how you are doing with such and such. Yesterday I wore some of my Mom’s jewelry I inherited and, Joey, when I first put it on it was almost like the reaction you had seeing the younger version of your Dad. I texted someone who supposedly KNOWS me with a pic of the jewelry I had on, and the response was, “How nice.” Almost as bad as I’m fine. Grrrr …. Anyways, I’m learning (never ends with that!) that in all situations there are Blessings and good. Some people ridicule me that I don’t take life seriously enough by seeing the good in all. Huh. NOT! I’m determined however, to stay above the chaos as best as I can, especially now when I’m just coming out from the Great Crash my Mom’s death caused in my life. Count yourself one lucky woman to have the man you do. I LOVE your stories about you and your husband. Relax today. I’m off to the gym to work legs! Yippee! I’ll show those younguns even though I have the age thing going on, I can still pump iron and with good form, something they could learn. See ya!! Much Love to you! πŸ’žπŸŒΈπŸŒ·πŸ’ž

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      I wonder if the person you sent the picture to understood, but didn’t know what to say.
      I take the same flak about being positive. It matters, our perceptions change our circumstances. People who don’t do it don’t realize their own power and that’s unfortunate.
      You go show those young uns how it’s done, Amy — I love your spirit!
      We’re going to spend the afternoon at the zoo today. I think The Mister’s going to the gym, but this weather’s too nice for me to choose indoor exercise.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Oh the person did understand, Joey. But they do not have the ability to feel deeply like I do. And about today I am very torn about going to the gym because it is just so bright sunny here. I think I will do this… Go to the gym get a quick workout in and then go for a walk. It’s still very chilly here but the bright blue sky and the bright sunshine just pulls me outside. You have a great day! 😁

        Liked by 1 person

  16. Ally Bean says:

    It’s all about balance. Always. Get off balance, realize it, remember that it’s fine to be off balance, because it nudges you, reminds you to get back into balance. [My SoCS comment. ]

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Norm 2.0 says:

    Beautiful post Joey.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. markbialczak says:

    You managed to cross the fine line into something fantastic, Joey. Yay to you.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Wisdom, Joey. We so often ask people, “How are you?”, to which they automatically respond, “Fine”, whether or not they really are. Of course, we don’t always want to know how they really are, but I often do, which means I have to follow up on their response and often we have real conversations from that. BTW, my husband’s face coat is a lot snowier these days, too. But I love winter, so that’s FINE.

    janet

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Haha! Yes, I love the winter too. There are many perks πŸ™‚
      I’m glad you go further, so many people are in need of compassion.
      Thanks muchly, Janet.

      Liked by 1 person

  20. Susanne says:

    Your post made me feel finer than fine. A little corner of the blogosphere where we can smooth each other’s fur. A lovely meditative bit of writing.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. What a Fine post! Otherwise, I’m speechless… πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  22. JT Twissel says:

    Fine to me always means “hanging in there” – and some days, even if we don’t have much to complain about, memories pop up and like you said, your mood spirographs. Well put.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. bikerchick57 says:

    Joey, what makes me smile is that you and The Mister are still so in love, so comfortable with each other and I suspect the best of parents to your children. The word “awesome” comes to mind because fine just doesn’t cut it here. I hope you have an awesome week with family and whatever comes your way.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. What a way better than fine post. ❀ But but… what wedding? You don't need to get married again, no matter how much in love you are. πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

  25. ghostmmnc says:

    Blips of beauty! Yep, yep, yep, when you least expect it…ahhh…there it is! Such a fine, fine post. In other words…excellent! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Luanne says:

    Beautiful post, but I want to speak up for fine. A fine this or that is a fine compliment in my book. Or my mind, at least.

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Skipah says:

    I miss you :), I promise I’ll be back in the blogosphere soon, the move back to New Albany has had some major hiccups with Miss Madison’s moronic ex so I’ve been on lockdown. Once this fire has been extinguished I’ll be back to writing dumb shit and keeping up with my favorite Hoosier blogger :).

    Liked by 1 person

  28. The image of you in jeans and jewelry surrounded by your animals like veritable Snow White had me smiling. Things could be worse given the condition of the world and the general confusion of belonging an incredibly stupid species that’s way to smart for its own good. Other than that, things are fine.

    Liked by 1 person

  29. Amy says:

    I’m usually not a fan of the word “fine”. If I ask the hubby how I look and he says “fine”, I don’t take it as a compliment. He definitely means it as one, but for some reason that word doesn’t convey that to me. However, your post has shown me the beauty in “fine”.

    I work a lot harder on looking for those reminders of gratitude than in the past…and they are often easy to find when you stop to look for them.

    Lovely post Joey! ❀

    Liked by 1 person

  30. pluviolover says:

    Okay, four letters; good, four; fine is also four; yeah, well, I think I see a trend. Peeps ask me, “how was it?” If I say any of those four-letter words, I get the “wrong answer” look. Friend describing wine: “drinkable.” Not the same as a ‘fine’ wine, But nine letters. Your writing is like fine wine.

    Liked by 1 person

  31. larva225 says:

    I love this post. I mean it. I needed to read something like this today. It’s just pretty.

    Liked by 1 person

  32. Anxious Mom says:

    Love that last paragraph ❀

    Liked by 1 person

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