Lights Out

You may remember that I’m a bit anti-lights unless they’re twinkly lights?

Yeah. I am that parent who walks around the house hollerin about turnin all the lights off. That man I married has mocked me about it MANY TIMES for MANY YEARS.

However, he recently went on a grubby-puppy tirade about the main bathroom light. Just grubby-puppying Sassy up one side and down the other about how she’s too old for this chit and how every time he goes in there both the goshdurn lights are on — His vein was poppin and his jaw was locked — And then he said the thing that really got my attention — Somethin about he’ll take all the puppy lights out and we can all do every puppy thing in the puppy dark because for the love of all that’s puppy holy, light bills! And it’s not the money, it’s the principle.

Parents always have to add how it’s not the money, it’s the principle. It’s in the manual, ie, our parents said it.

As we all know, leaving both lights on in the main bath, and even, heaven forbid, the fan, 24/7, is probably in the neighborhood of the cost of one venti iced white mocha. The principle being that we like to have more venti iced white mochas in the bank than out.

Also, the earth.

I seldom turn the main bathroom light on. I don’t go in there much. But when I shower, I need light, cause I am very old now and I cannot read by candlelight and I will put the wrong product on the wrong part of me, or in the wrong order and I will fucking cry. I also need to plant one foot safely on the lil non-slip treads while I shave the opposite leg, because my name is not Grace. I think scooting my foot around feelin for that tread is exactly why I need the tread.

I gave The Mister the look.
Too much light gives me headaches, but so do his “YOU PEOPLE” speeches.

I said, “Yeah, turn the lights off.” Then I told Sassy she had to do dishes.

We were awesome parents that night. *Hi-Five*

Imagine my laughter, when, the following morning, after I had shampooed and shaved, the overhead light went out. Poof.

I would have told the people. We could have had a great big laugh about the irony. But they were all asleep.
But later, text with the fam:

IMG_5845 (2)





Bless her heart.

We pee in the dark all the time. Been peein in the dark for years. That’s why we get more iced coffees than she does.

Happy Friday Everyone!

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
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49 Responses to Lights Out

  1. loisajay says:

    Can I be in your family? You guys crack me up.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Benson says:

    This is too funny. If I try to pee in the dark I miss. I know from experience.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Dan Antion says:

    Your kids could live with me. You and the Mister could live with the Editor. I tried to math her with logic by telling her how many hours I could have the bathroom light on for every hour she has the A/C on. She instructed me not to math about the A/C.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Too funny. Love the text thread.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Ally Bean says:

    We’re super conscientious about turning OFF all lights and fans and all electronic things when we leave a room. I’m married to the Energy Tzar, and it’s his life’s mission to save on the electricity bill. Nice guy, but…

    Liked by 1 person

  6. We’re pretty good about turning the lights out, for the same reason – our parents. But we leave the low wattage fluorescents on because they don’t cost much lit, but the stupid bulbs have a limited number of on/off times (it’s hard on the ballasts).

    Plus, and what we hope will help sell the house, we have SOLAR PANELS. We essentially get free AC every summer – and have the electric bills to prove it. As low as we want. Our contract specifies that, at the end of the year, if we haven’t used up what we produce and feed back into PSE&G, we lose it. So use it up!

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Very nice! Solar panels are something we talk about often. Our day will come πŸ™‚


      • We have free AC in the summers, and very low electric bills the rest of the time. Examine the offerings carefully – some basically rent your roof, while with others (like ours) you own the solar energy credits, and can sell them every year. We make a couple thou a year on them. But have to pay when something needs fixing or replacing.

        Liked by 1 person

        • joey says:

          We’re definitely looking into ownership aspects. My father had them, my friend Reta has them. They’re definitely an investment we intend to make.


  7. scr4pl80 says:

    We turn lights off around here mostly but I don’t know about peeing in the dark. How about at least a little night light?

    Liked by 1 person

  8. kirizar says:

    It is always an insight to see how other households cling to the traditions handed down by their parents. My father was definitely of the “Were you born in a barn?” variety of nagger. He also believed that food should be purchased in bulk and, yes, electricity must be cut off whenever possible. Frugal to the end, my dad. I can hear him in my head whenever I try to leave a light on. I’ve had to tromp out to the garage at midnight–in winter–because I could see from my bedroom window that it had been left on! Sigh.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Born in a barn. I was never born in a barn, but I knew kids who were. I was bad about open drawers and cabinets as a kid, but I had those doors down. The light might have been on inside, but I did shut the door πŸ˜‰
      I’m glad you held on to the frugal tradition of lights off!

      Liked by 1 person

  9. John Holton says:

    So, you’re the “Queen of Darkness” at your house, huh?

    I love the text exchange between you and your daughter.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Carrie Rubin says:

    This made me laugh, because the little light fairies always leave lights on in my place too. Well, I assume it’s fairies, because whenever I ask who left the lights on, it’s always: “Not me.” Same thing with the endless trails of crumbs on the floor.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. LOL! We don’t have many lights left on here anymore, but once upon a time we had the same conversations with our little ones.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Amy says:

    I am the complainer of the lights, bathroom vent fans and also of the fact that kitchen cabinet doors randomly get left open. “You just got out a cup. How hard is it to turn around and close the cabinet?”
    I read a recent post on minimalism where the woman says she has a habit of leaving cabinet doors open. I was kind of in shock. I thought it was only a teenager thing. lol. That text exchange is hilarious!

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      I struggled with cabinets and drawers as a kid! I remember it so clearly, too!
      That is kinda funny about the minimalist woman. Closed is so much tidier, you’d think it’d be a given for her!

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Norm 2.0 says:

    All I can say is that you don’t want men peeing in the dark; most of us can barely hit the target even with the lights on πŸ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

  14. marianallen says:

    You make-a me laugh SO HARD!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Bill says:

    Good one. Wife is my anti light person. Sometimes she makes me get out of bed and go off them. She turned ’em on. The real fun is when your kids start saying the say stuff to their kids and then they feel bad cuz “I sound just like my mom/dad.” Then I, “Right. The energy from that aluminum can you tossed in the trash would power that light for feckin’ year.”

    Liked by 1 person

  16. One advantage of being a woman is being able to pee in the dark more easily, or at least more accurately. πŸ™‚ One year when the girls were at home and younger and everyone but me was leaving lights on all the time, my husband and the girls had a challenge that whoever left a light on had to do push-ups. I said that would be great for them, but if I left a room for a moment, planning to come back, DO NOT turn the light off. They all got stronger, especially my husband, a chronic light-leaver-on-er, and we all had a lot of fun with it.


    Liked by 1 person

  17. markbialczak says:

    Yeah, I only need the light on in the bathroom when I shower and shave, Joey. Just saying. I need my Dunkinβ€˜ Donuts coffee.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. prior.. says:

    Ha! And just got these new led bulbs that are 5w each but glow like
    More – crazy how lights have changed – not sure if I like
    Them though –

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      I share your feelings.
      An aside, if you will — I have been trying to paint my main bathroom since the first year we lived here. I have spread many colors across its walls (Oh is it a sight! lol) but not a single one has looked good in there. UNTIL, The Mister put in new bulbs. Now, all the colors look good. All of them. Now I can decide and move forward. While I knew lighting was important, that shocked me. Am I forever dependent on which bulbs go in?!?

      Liked by 1 person

      • prior.. says:

        Wow – such an interesting thing ! And the humble we have actually cast too much yellow but was told it was better than bright white with any blue – and it is not my area at all – but a fete weeks ago someone was ranting about sleep and even low emitting light and then if art is exposed to light it can be of such and such a spectrum

        Liked by 1 person

  19. Anxious Mom says:

    I see that your daughter is hilarious just like her mama! πŸ˜€

    My bathroom has five lights. FIVE. I like light, unless I have a migraine, but one natural lightbulb in one of the light sockets is more than enough for the whole bathroom. Idk why the previous owners, who were not old at all, put five lights in there.

    Liked by 1 person

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