The Thing In My Head

For a change, not anxiety, heh. Okay, still there, but not the focus today.

I am nearing the end of my work project. I have the math portions left. The math. Itemized maths. Oy. For those of you who don’t know, I’ve got tons of math anxiety and a smidge of dyscalculia. At least once a day I’m convinced the numbers are NOT doing the maths right, and every time… ever single time… wait for it… it’s… human error.
Goin into work today, I was already at 35 hours this week, TRYING to get the thing done. I’d even grown a bit snippy. Me. Snippy. Can you imagine?

Yesterday, my head revolted.
It wanted to be a migraine.
I turned out the light in my office.
I took medicine. (I hate medicine.)

I told Mentor I’d do a thing, and then I hadda call her and be all, “I lied a lil bit. I did most of the thing, but I can’t keep doin the thing. My eyes are failing. I need to not look at tiny faded numbers. I need to type boldly a while, then I’ll go back to the thing.”
“Understood.”

That didn’t last long. I could not. My head pounded, my eyes burrrrned. I think my right eye was tryin to roll into a safe space. Oh, twas awful. I fought it. i will math forever! or at least to solution. i’m going to finish this thing if it fucking kills me!
What was going to kill me were the non-linear numbers. Put the numbers in columns, People!

Mentor stood behind me, she said, “Maybe you should go home and get some rest.”
“Maybe. Yeah. I should. I think my eyes are about to bleed.”

oh my god, what if mentor is disappointed?!? in me! omg omg omg

“You mean that, right?”
“Yes, of course.”
“You know, you used to tell me I worked too hard, that I worked too long. Now I’m worried you think I’ve turned into a lazy cow, must’ve lost my ambition, leavin at four fifteen.”
She laughed. “Oh yes, suck it up, YOUUU WUSS! I won’t be satisfied until I see the blood drip from your eye sockets!”

I collected my things and left. I laughed about that later. And today. And I’m still laughing about it. But quietly, cause head is moody and we wouldn’t want to alert it to our current pain-free status. Shh.

I hadda go home and rest my eyes. I couldn’t like doors or read or watch tv. I hadda lie on The Mister and LISTEN to the tv while he rubbed me. Oy. The tv was funny and The Mister was generous, devoted, helpful…

Then the arm started. I say arm but it’s from shoulder to fingertip. And it’s fickle. It’s like havin some sorta evil entity livin in your bones, randomly terrorizing you. They show you x-rays and you’re like, “That’s it?” because you expect to see tiny sadistic trolls with mohawks and face tattoos in there, screamin at thrash metal music while they tighten your bones in vices and kick them with their big ass punk boots and drill into your joints with miniature corkscrews. Yeah, modern imaging is very disappointing. Whitish crap next to whiter crap and no one will ever hire you to be a hand model, but it doesn’t look as bad as it feels.

I don’t complain much because it’s been worse, it will get worse again, and other people have it worse, but dammit, I need to complain right now.

Awesome rheumatoid arthritis quotes 9 best Rheumatoid Arthritis and Chronic Illness Quotes images on

I promise, this won’t turn into my dueling arthritises blog.

It’s not the math, y’all. I woke up today with the arm and the head and immediately checked the weather and I loaded myself up with all the western medicine, but also, I prayed for the rain.

Arm has gone back to its dull achy norm, but weather headache continues to come and go. It’s supposed to thunderstorm, and instead the sky leaks and clears up like the clouds are faulty, and y’all need to pray for the rain, light a candle, slaughter a chicken over a fire or whatever. If you’re an atheist, I understand, but can ya make me a cuppa tea or somethin?

I’m math free for two whole days, now LET IT STORM! I wanna enjoy every minute of it!

rain_wishes

Happy Friday Everyone!

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
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62 Responses to The Thing In My Head

  1. loisajay says:

    Mentor sounds like a riot! Hope you get to feelin’ better, Joey. I mean….it’s the weekend!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. eschudel says:

    Hope it rains!!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Bill says:

    I stole the “grateful” meme. I like that. Was 105 here today. Ok, this pluviophile/atheist will pray for rain for us both. But if we end up in a flood, I will not start believing and I refuse to pray for it NOT to rain. Just sayin’…careful what ya ask for. I hope y’all have a wonderful (and wet) weekend.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. JoAnna says:

    We should be able to send you some rain. It’s downright soggy where I live. Love the rain boots and the mentor. Tiny faded non-linear numbers aren’t worth your life. I remember my hand and arm being numb and computer headaches and finally telling myself that paperwork is NOT God. Computer is NOT God. I’m glad you came home “early” and hope you get lots of rest this weekend and RAIN which I’m praying you way.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Try the rain dance. I’d do it for you, but I don’t want to flood Wyoming.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. You snippy? You snarkly? Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat??? 🙂 Glad that head is feeling better. We got a reasonable amount of rain today and looks as if there could be rain tomorrow, too. I’m good with that; we need it. Today was a day when I was ready to go home from work a few hours before I could. Ahh, well. it’s done now, but I have to go back tomorrow and Sunday, too. I’ve been watching sevens rugby on TV with my former-rugby-player husband and trying to stay awake long enough to see New Zealand’s All-Blacks play. Then to sleep. Hurrah!! Sleep well.

    janet

    Liked by 1 person

  7. LindaGHill says:

    Oooh, poor you. I hope it rains for you my dear. ❤ *gentle hugs*

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I like Mentor! I hope you get the rain, but as much as I understand what’s happenin’ to your head I never, evah pray for rain when that happens. I am prayin’ for sunshine!
    When rain is coming the barometer drops and the pressure in my head rises. It can be excruciating,debilitating, turn out the lights, just leave on the bed with an ice pack on my face crisis. I’ve always said because I’m an air head there’s a lot of space for the pressure to fill up.

    Saline rinses, and nasal sprays are the drugs I Jones for then!

    Let’s not even talk about me and maths. I can’t do anything in my head beyond the basics, but I can balance the checkbook…most the time. When I was a mortgage lender and dealing with maths, and numbers all day long it was ironic. I could do that, but the selling…I’m not good at the selling.

    I hope your head is much better, and you have a pain free, wonderful week-end! xx

    Liked by 2 people

    • joey says:

      I am the same with the headaches, but in my case, the actual rain relieves my pain. Sadly, we’re having scattered rains and my head pain is scattered all the same.
      Isn’t it funny how many non-math people have mathy jobs?! I think I’m the only person in my office who needs a calculator! Haha!
      Thanks, I’m wishing you sunny, high pressure skies! xx

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Ellen Hawley says:

    I’ve made you a cup of atheist tea and will fax it over as soon as I’m done typing. It’ll be the perfect temperature by then.

    We had a smidge of much-needed rain here last night. The cat came in sometime either very late or very early, demanding to be dried off. I rolled over and went back to sleep. I think he woke my partner up because I see where she’s left a towel out to dry.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Dan Antion says:

    Some days, we reach a point where we can’t math or logic. I have a programmer working for me. Some days, he stays late because the math/logic is working, and some days, I tell him to go home. Above all, we are people. I’m glad you have a mentor who understands that. I rather hear about relaxing with your family than being stressed and having your eyes bleed – but funny stuff.

    I hope you have a fun and easy weekend, Recharge the brain cells that math, release whatever pressure is banging on the pipes in your brain and let your arm settle down.

    Liked by 2 people

    • joey says:

      Thanks so much. I’m so glad I have Mentor, so grateful. I’m sure your programmer is grateful, too.
      Even YOU get to a point of losing math and logic skills?! Perhaps I should not be so hard on myself. I’m very close to finished.
      Woke up today feeling average, but the head isn’t quite right. Days of scattered rains linger, but I think the worst of it is over!

      Liked by 1 person

  11. markbialczak says:

    May it pour down buckets of relief, Joey.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Benson says:

    I think it rained a bit around me. Not much just a touch. I believe you need a downpour. Thunder and lightning optional. Hope your weekend is good and math free.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. meANXIETYme says:

    Feel your pains, friend. Wishing you relief. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  14. marianallen says:

    I’m so sorry about your arthritises and your head and your maths. I’m mathing now, too, and it’s HARD, even in columns. I hope you got some rain. If you didn’t, I can scoop up some of ours and bring it up there. ‘Cause we got buckets and buckets of it.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. I am hopeless. Just this week I found a NEED to add 1/2 and 1/3 – because I NEEDED 5/6 of something for a recipe and didn’t feel like calculating the tablespoons and teaspoons and had a half cup and a third cup measuring cups and I was so pleased with myself and did it all in my head. I LOVE maths. YMMV

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Lol! Good for you! I can fraction in my head, too. Fractions make good sense! Now, conversion of volume, errr…
      I hope whatever you made in the lab was delicious 😛

      Like

      • Nothing that fancy, I’m afraid. But women who do a lot of baking sometime in their lives have to learn the simple ones to double or triple or halve recipes, and it stuck. I KNEW I could do it simply.

        Volume is pretty similar, though I brought my kids up in metric on purpose, and we did English system for funsies.

        Liked by 1 person

        • joey says:

          Orrr, we tape the conversion chart to the back of the baking cabinet’s door 😉
          VERY COOL you taught your kids metric. It’s easier, I don’t know why we don’t use it!

          Like

          • Hate to answer that: men. Specifically, American men. The ones who figured it out and would like their knowledge to remain a little arcane, please. And all those sets of socket wrenches! Which reminds me, we’ve given to our daughter (and her friends in some cases, though what he wants the giant crowbar for, I dunno) almost ALL our tools – and the big red metal toolbox I got for them some years ago. Husband drove that lot, and the snowblower, and some garden tools, and… up to where she lives, in NY state. We can’t blow snow any more.

            I taught them metric because it is so much easier on the teacher! (Oh, and I grew up in Mexico, where I must confess I was the one who knew English units when my classmates were looking at them in horror. Little nerd.)

            Fortunately, the digital world is binary or hex, and the new generation learn that with their pablum.

            Liked by 1 person

          • I also taught my kids everything else, including inches and teaspoons and how to bake.

            Liked by 1 person

  16. ghostmmnc says:

    I’ll pray for rain
    To ease your pain
    And eyes are freed
    From all the bleed
    A Hubby to rub all your cares away
    Good vibes for you and a better day
    ❤ (((hugs)))

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Carrie Rubin says:

    Migraines are torture, no doubt about it. I suffered them in my thirties, and then they mostly disappeared in my forties. Only a rare one now, and they’re always preceded by an aura so I know they’re coming and can take ibuprofen right away. Sounds like your mentor/boss is very supportive. It’s wonderful to have that kind of work relationship.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      I had chronic migraines in my teens and 20s, and they are much rarer now. I’m grateful, but not enough to dismiss the pain and carry on as if I’m fine. (Like the meme!)
      Mentor is an exceptional human being. I am very fortunate!

      Liked by 1 person

  18. Sends unfaulty skies, power ballad to calm the arm trolls and overall a lovely weekend.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Ally Bean says:

    Migraines suck, I say stating the obvious. Hope you’re feeling better now. You’re lucky to have a boss who let’s you be you, instead of forcing you to do the things, regardless of how you feel. Small blessings, eh?

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      The nausea left me yesterday afternoon when we got a good downpour, the head is still iffy, but SO much better! Thanks!
      Mentor is not my boss, although my bosses are good people as well. I am sincerely fortunate. I think of my job and coworkers as a big blessing. Really great group.

      Liked by 1 person

  20. John Holton says:

    I take it the numbers you’re trying to add up aren’t on accounting paper. If the people sending you numbers can’t get the right numbers in the right columns, there’s no hope…

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      No, no accounting paper. It’s madness I tell you. Madness. I am finally done with the numbers today. Now I just need to fill in the holes so it all matches up 🙂

      Like

  21. Anxious Mom says:

    I’m sorry you’ve been under the weather. I hope the weekend gave you plenty of opportunity for rest.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Laura says:

    “i will math forever”
    Not once in my whole entire life have I ever uttered this sentence. Even just reading it was like reading a foreign language and my poor non-mathy brain was all “but I don’t really understand…” Bwahahahaha!!

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Amy says:

    Sorry to hear you were feeling poorly! I never think about weather headaches. I had a migraine start right at the end of my lovely time at the hairdresser. Haven’t had one in a long time. I was like, “where did this come from?”. Could have been this fickle weather. Could just have likely have been stress. Luckily, I’m warned by an aura and can take some ibuprofen to cut the headache. I hope the aches and pains don’t pay you any more visits.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Thanks, Amy. I used to have chronic migraines so I’m glad I don’t now. When I get one, though, there’s always that feeling that they’ll never end. Ugh. Weather doesn’t always trigger one, but it’s a common trigger fersure!

      Liked by 1 person

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