Rather than sit on the hard, concrete hard bleachers and spectate at swim, I’ve been timing swimmers. The Mister has done this for a long time, but I only started a few months ago. You must understand: giving me a small electronic device with buttons and numbers isn’t advised. I don’t know if you understand. I’m pretty sure Bubba’s the only one who can truly understand my horror, because more than anyone, Bubba has had to assist me with small electronic devices and their buttons, let alone numbers.

I wasn’t timing before because I was sure I would muck it up. Then one day one of the Swim Moms who isn’t my husband emailed about the need for timers. She wrote, “Don’t be afraid, you can do it, we can show you how!” So I bravely responded with “I am afraid, but I will do it.”

That’s why a man gave me a small electronic device with buttons and numbers and said Blar push, blar blah, yadda-yadda reset, blar. Everyone nodded and I immediately asked The Mister, “What?” My husband began explaining to me and it sounded very mansplain-y, so I nodded to him, too. Then I casually walked over to a group of mommies and asked, “Can you show me how to work the buttons?” and a mommy showed me, and it was easy, and I didn’t muck it up.

HOWEVER, some of the stopwatches are jacked. All the lil round black ones seem to be troubled.

So, the other night, when I went to the meet, I was delighted to see I had been given a square red stopwatch with my clipboard. We timed the first 10 or so events and then during diving, The Mister and I stepped away briefly. When we returned, he stopped to talk to someone while I proceeded to my seat WHERE ANOTHER MOM SAT.

She was sitting in my seat, holding my clipboard and my pencil. I had no idea what to say. These are not technically my belongings, but are loaned to me for a short spell. We all get what we get. It’s not assigned or anything. Pick a lane and commit for a few hours. I couldn’t imagine why she’d want my spot. Not wanting to seem territorial or anything, I said, “Hi!” in my upbeat way. This seemed to startle her and she said Hi, but warily. I sat down beside her. I sat there with her stupid round black stopwatch, her clipboard, and her pencil, and I wondered if my husband would time with her and I would time with her husband or if either husband would attempt a correction. I don’t know the last time I felt so awkward and bewildered, I’m imagining math at a chalkboard.

Diving finished and some time passed before the mom finally shouted, “Oh! This isn’t my seat! I’m sitting in your seat! Now I know why you looked at me crazy! I see this isn’t my handwriting, and this isn’t my sheet!” We had a good laugh and we switched back. And don’t you know I was happy to have the square red stopwatch again?

Here’s a funny, awkward, bewildering video, it’s worth the click, ferreal:

Happy Friday Everyone!
May your weekend lack awkwardness and bewilderment and may you share many good laughs.

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
This entry was posted in Random Musings. Bookmark the permalink.

51 Responses to Timing

  1. Ally Bean says:

    The video is HILARIOUS. Oh. my. to the goodness. I don’t like little gadgets with buttons and numbers on them, either. They’re not natural or normal.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. markbialczak says:

    Oh, Joey. I would be the one who immediately said, Uh, can you read my handwriting on that clipboard? Or something less subtle to get my territory back. (Blunt I can be at times.) I’m glad you got your seat and red stopwatch back! Phew.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Maybe this mother will be more aware next time, Joey πŸ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

  4. loisajay says:

    haha! No idea what that video was about, but I watched it and laughed!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. You’re right. The video was bewildering. Now I want to write a scene about pool moms kung fu fighting over the square stopwatch.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Benson says:

    Happy Friday to you and may all your stop watches be square and red.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Maggie says:

    It took a few frames before I β€˜got’ the video. I will be humming that all day, now!

    Square is better. Less likelihood of slippage. I like red, too. Fear! My little two year-old granddaughter says β€œI feeled the fear and did it anyway!”. Just like you!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. It’s always good to step out of our comfort zones…keeps life interesting. And props for not punching absent-minded swim mom in the throat. The gods sorted that one out without a throwdown.

    Happy Friday!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Joanne Sisco says:

    The video was hilarious! 🀣

    I’m not so sure I would be comfortable timing at a swim meet. When races can be determined in fractions of seconds, the stress of getting it right would be a little much. I bet you were so pumped that you rocked it!

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      My sentiments exactly, at least when I started. I didn’t want to be the reason a kid couldn’t beat times! I found out there’s a head timer, a light to start the clock, and a plunger (button on a wire) along with an electronic pad in the water to stop time and then two people on watches for every kid, so I’m pretty sure averages reign supreme. I breathe pretty easy about it now — except when my stopwatch fails.


      • Joanne Sisco says:

        I didn’t know about the electronic pads in the water but it makes so much sense now. Watching Olympic level swimming, I’ve often wondered at the precision of time keeping which would be so critical at these events.


  10. ghostmmnc says:

    hahaha got the giggles from that video and had to watch more than once!
    Good job with the timing thing. I’m sure the swim meet would be over before I figured out the buttons on the stopwatch.
    Happy reverse Friday 13. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Dan Antion says:

    Ugh, I need to come back to watch the video (In room, with people who expect quiet). Did you size up the husbands? Maybe you could have offered to switch the whole deal, but only if you were coming out on top (which is hard to imagine).

    Liked by 1 person

  12. John Holton says:

    Is that really what they’re singing, or is it the fact that I’m reading the words that makes it sound like they are?

    Timing swim meets was handled by a special group of very cute girls when I was in high school. My guess is you were more accurate than they were, and yes, probably just as cute…

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Tara says:

    See, now I would have said, very nicely (as she’s a mom, not a boss πŸ˜‰ ), “Excuse me, but that’s my clippy and stopwatch.” Glad the mommys could make it understandable (men and their mansplainin’…).

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      I hate to stereotype, but it seems to me that men always seem to complicate instructions, which is ironic, given they don’t seem to follow them, not from wives, mothers, Ikea directions, maps…
      When my husband was in the service, I used to ask other wives to explain things. I didn’t want the 45 minute version of things. I didn’t want to take notes πŸ˜›

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Bill says:

    Swimming pools are holy places and meets are liturgical events of high spiritual meaning. All volunteers are saints, even the ass holes (thinking of one S&T judge who DQ’d his daughter), until it’s over. I did the “back-up” timing job so many times, knowing that the one time I screwed it up, the touch pad timing system would fail and the kid in my lane would hate me for life. Fear made me volunteer for other jobs like announcer and meet director so I would not have to be ‘back up’ timer. Blessings upon all swim parents, especially the timers.
    Y’all have a wonderful weekend and ‘here’s to the health of your enemies’ enemies!’ (not that you have those). πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Swinged Cat says:

    “I wondered if my husband would time with her and I would time with her husband or if either husband would attempt a correction.”

    This is the literal definition of two-timing.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. JT Twissel says:

    Timing would scare me to death. How brave of you to try.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. scr4pl80 says:

    Very polite of you not to get all huffy at the mom who switched stuff. Maybe she likes the little red stopwatches best too. Closest I ever came to timing things was when I used to keep score for my husband’s softball team. When they won the championship I got a trophy too for being scorekeeper πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Congratulations on your restraint, Joey! I would have been nonplussed and a bit irritated as well, it it worked out well. And there’s nothing quite like a good laugh except more good laughs of the non-hurtful sort.



  19. Anxious Mom says:

    LM was howling over that video. I didn’t have the sound up and didn’t hear the singing, so I was confused. I asked why he was laughing so hard. “They’re translating the gibberish!” I laughed too after he cranked up the volume to show me.


  20. bikerchick57 says:

    I had a gym timer once that always baffled me. I am fairly good with electronic devices, but that little thing had me scratching my head and beeping when I didn’t want it to. So, I eventually threw it away. I think it was the devil’s plaything.

    Too funny about your lady acquaintance at the pool. I bet every time she sees your face now, she’ll be looking at the clipboard and timer to make sure they are the right ones. Have fun with your timer, Joey!


  21. Luanne says:

    Ugh, you did exactly what I would do. But there are people who would have said, “Hey, you’re sitting in my seat!” The problem is if I do that I end up sounding a little pissy even if I don’t mean it. But the jovial outgoing types who can do it gracefully make it into a joke. I really wish I could do that because I get my way more often haha. I would be scared shitless to time BTW because I don’t like to be responsible in that way . . . .


  22. Now there’s an earworm for ya! I kinda wish I hadn’t lost touch with the old boyfriend – he sang the orignal Orff version in college – he’d get a kick out of the updated version.

    as for the mix-up in with the seating arrangement – I’d probably do the same, look stunned, hesitate, and then take the seat next door.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Oh my gosh I laughed all the way through this post, Joey! How hilarious you are. Good to know about the square stop watchers compared with the round ones. And yeah … it does take a woman to explain things SIMPLY. I’ll leave that one alone …. nuff said. And I’m glad the Mom who was in your seat realized it. Whew! I’m not the only one who is a space cadet at times. LOL That video ….. seriously? Couldn’t make heads or tails out of it yet I laughed. Thank you, Joey!

    Liked by 1 person

  24. marianallen says:

    ROTFLOL at the Carmina Burana video! I always wondered what they were saying. LOL!

    Liked by 1 person

  25. JoAnna says:

    I always understood numbers much better from women teachers. The video ticked an odd place in my brain. Then I imagined the music from the video as the soundtrack to your timing saga, and I want to see this movie!

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Amy says:

    I would be scared of timing. I’m glad you got back your red stopwatch. I really needed the laugh of that video. It’s been a week of sickness and messed up school schedules in the house.

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Laura says:

    Why is everything about this something I would do? I’d be terrified to time. I’d be the woman who sat in the wrong place and looked at you weird when you said hi. I’d also be the woman who physically cannot say “lady, what the hell, can’t you see you’re in my seat?” and just sit perplexed. Bwahahaha!!


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