Last summer, I trimmed the Boxwoods as one does. I am not the chainsaw lady, so my lectric trimmer is as close as I’ll ever get.
It does make me nervous.
At my old house, ten years ago, I used to have a Chinese privet running the entire width of my front yard, and I had some eunonymumymous, or whatever they’re called, both of which grew like mad and had to be trimmed all the time, so I was more comfortable with my lectric trimmer back then. Of course, I was also a smoker then, and all hopped-up on caffeine and sleep deprivation and well, I may as well have lived in a shoe, so you know, things are different now.
As I was sayin, I was nervously trimming my Boxwoods and I’d rotated the blade between the last of the shrubs and the house when I saw something disturbing…oooooh shiiiiiiiit that don’t look good. PANIC!
Mind you, I was hot, and hot me, 90+ degrees me, wearin my long sleeves cause pale me, and my hat cause Rosacea, and my gloves cause spiders, well I was not quite right. I don’t function too well in the heat, okay? Anxiety disorder never helps.
This thing I saw looked like nothin I’d ever seen. I decided the Boxwood was even enough and wrapped up my lectric trimmer and its 900 feet of cord. I fetched my swate tay and sat out on the porch waitin for the sweat to dry and the adrenaline to recede. Then I went to get The Mister.
“There’s somethin over there. Behind that last shrub. Right on the house. You should maybe gently use your foot to move the bush back. Be slow and careful.”
Me being me, I assumed it was a hive. It was big and brown and lumpy and replete with strange texture. It looked like the sorta thing legions of yellow jackets swarm out of to attack the faces of Joeys, who may or may not have filled their epipen scrips last year…
Y’all, The Mister said it was nothin to be worried about.
“How’s that?”
“It’s the old Army towel I wrapped around the spigot to help insulate it.”
OH.
Haha.
Hahahaha.
The other night, I wanted to see if it was snowin, so I peeked out the window in the dining room. Once again I saw something terrifying. My brain said ooooh girl that’s a bad crack right there. only original wall in the house, mmhm. you can bet that’s gonna be a costly repair right there. prolly gonna need a whole new window, too. prolly some old leak. damn.
My fingers traced it. I walked over to my husband, and I said, “Remember last year when I was sure there was some sorta badness behind the bush and I wanted you to look at it?”
“Yes.”
“I just had a similar experience. Thought there was a crack in the wall. You know what it is? It’s the line I drew when we hung the drapes.”
Before school yesterday I said to Moo, “Nice job on those red tulips, all in a row.”
“I didn’t plant those.”
“I don’t remember planting those. I think those are yours.”
“No, mine were over there.”
“You sure?”
“Yes, Mama, I’m sure!”
I coulda sworn I planted more daffodils and she planted more tulips. You know, the new daffodils I forgot I’d even planted until they bloomed? I remember we planted 35 bulbs. What, exactly, and where, well, I dunno anymore.
When we came home in the evening, I pointed down and said, “I think that’s my lily there, my red Asiatic. I think it made a baby.”
She took my hand and said, “I hope you’re right.” I could be wrong, but I think I detected a bit of pity and condescension there. I’m sure it came from a place of love.
It’s good to have those you love surround you while you lose your mind, don’tcha think?
joeyfullystated 
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