Greetings and Salutations


The other day, I walked into the Home Depot, and the door greeter was all, “Good morning! How are you?”
I smiled and said, “It’s just another day, so I’m good, thanks! How’re you?”
She shouted out, “You should be glad to be alive!”












Errr..I am?

I gave her a look of consternation and went on my way in search of acidic soil amendment.
I don’t know why my answer wasn’t good enough for Door Greeter Lady.

It bothered me. It bothered me all day. What a strange thing to say to someone…



Did I seem suicidal?
Was my smile not working?
Did I present with an expiration date that only she could see?
Had I unknowingly avoided a fatal injury at the door?
Was there a deadly plague in the Home Depot parking lot?
Was she implying that she would’ve killed me in my sleep had she not had other things to do the night before?

I really don’t know what to do with that comment.


About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
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14 Responses to Greetings and Salutations

  1. Tracey Neil says:

    that is an odd thing to say isn’t it? I’d have wondered WTF for the day too, as well as formulated a ton of responses in my mind to that comment.


  2. Snoring Dog Studio says:

    How bizarre. Did management give them all a new script that day? Yes, it’s difficult to not inject a bit of suspicion in that comment. How many bodies has she left in her wake. A serial murderer right there in plain sight. I don’t want chirpy greetings from these folks at the Home Depot doors. Just roll me out a shopping cart and be there in the aisles when I have questions. Sheesh.


  3. Lily Mugford says:

    What a laugh, I too think of it through the day and mull over resposes I should have made but was too stunned to think of at the moment…It is funny that they hire these people to greet everyone, when really, who cares, just make sure (as snoring dog said) someone is available when I have a question or need help.


  4. Sherry says:

    Oh goodie, I’m going to practice my responses for when I go to Lowe’s again. Hmmmm, I don’t think they have greeters there. I need a greeter store. Except for Walmarts… don’t do Walmarts…bad store…bad store…


  5. meg68 says:

    The best door greeter I ever saw was an Enormous Woman standing in the lobby of a bank, greeting customers with a bowl of complimentary mints.
    Only problem was her mouth was so full of the complimentary mints she could only say “gfmorfmen mofdm wharf cm uhdor tfrf tgdy” ??


  6. Michelle says:

    Very odd. Maybe she over-shot her “Door Greeter” duties. I stumbled upon your blog from a link to it on someone else’s blog….so glad I did!!


  7. Matt Roberts says:

    Back in the day I was a server at Applebee’s and I had a table with two women who seemed to be just slightly older than I was. At the time I was 20. When I first got to the table I asked how they were and they said fine and asked how I was and I said “I woke up this morning alive so I’m good.” That pissed them off for some reason and they not only didn’t tip me, but they told my manager about me. I haven’t used that line since. I guess they didn’t want me to wake up alive that day.


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