“Go Outside,” They Said

I did that thing where I avoided social media for a few days. Didn’t blog for a week. Posted rarely on Twitter and Facebook. Even skipped the Instagram Photos of the Day for awhile.

I was just busy doing other things.

It certainly wasn’t because I’ve joined up with all those people who are fond of telling us to get offline and go outside.


I enjoy going outside, with purpose. I like to piddle in my garden and I like to sit on my porch. I resent the idea that people should close their laptops and wander outdoors, as though something magical is going to happen. Trust me, I go outside. Lately, outside is hot and humid. If you’re into white girl afros and sunblock, then yes, it’s magical.


At parties, I frequently tell young people to get off their phones so they can have experiences to share on social media later, but I wouldn’t suggest they abandon their phones, leave the party, and stroll around outside.

Because what we need are a bunch of people roaming around like zombies, many of whom would be lost without GPS, and sunburnt because they couldn’t find the UV index without their weather apps.


It’s a sorta odd, and extremely pedantic thing to do, using one’s social media to chide other people about social media.
I always want to yell at those people in all caps, “THANK YOU FOR USING SOCIAL MEDIA TO TELL US NOT TO USE SOCIAL MEDIA!”

Before social media, I didn’t have friends all over the globe, who could teach me things about their world. Before social media, I had no idea how many conservative friends I already had, or how badly they spelled.


Recently, a media outlet posted an article on social media, about how we should close the very accounts that allow us to read their articles. Really?
— Oh, but subscribe to their articles via email.
So email is okay?

Look, I thought I would finish this rant, but I’m not, because I’m going to Dairy Queen. Technically, Dairy Queen is outside and obviously soft serve ice cream is some kinda magical scientific foodie art. I like mine with faux fudge-flavored high fructose corn syrup — and I like Dairy Queen’s page on Facebook.



About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
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34 Responses to “Go Outside,” They Said

  1. LindaGHill says:

    I would so go to DQ right now if I could. But instead I’m stuck inside with my son… and social media.


  2. Jewels says:

    Thanks for that… going to DQ right now…


  3. Dan Antion says:

    You can always tweet from the line at DQ, this time of year, there’s always a line. Last October, I was the mayor of our local soft server place. I think the media outlets that want us to drop social media are the ones that are awful at social media.


  4. meANXIETYme says:

    Oh great, now I want DQ and we don’t have one around here. WTF, Joey?

    Also, I don’t like outside this time of the year, either. But I do like the idea of having the experiences rather than “social media”ing them. And in fact, I just recently got a smart phone (under protest) and I STILL only use it for texting Hub when I’m out (and occasionally making phone calls). I never open any app thingies.


  5. I’m sorry. Truly. I’m always suggesting somethin you can’t have right when you read it. I barely use my phone, either. I think my lil ones use it more than I do. They just walk up and point to the phone and I enter the password, lol!
    Sorry about the phone change. I know you didn’t want to get it.


  6. DQ? Lol. So 1982, but damn, a lime Mr. Misty Float sounds awesome.


  7. Wait…The fudge is faux???


  8. words4jp says:

    Can you take a photo of your soft serve and post it on Instagram? Heeeheeeheee – your posts remind me of Erma Bombeck. I get a great laugh. Thank you. I have missed you but I would rather be thinking about you with a fro hanging in the heat eating faux fudge stuff than inside drowning in social media. 🙂


  9. Great post; however, piddling in the garden must mean something different where you are. Or maybe not.


  10. Carrie Rubin says:

    Can you pick me up a Snickers Blizzard on your way out?…


  11. meg68 says:

    Nice to see you back! Missed ya.
    I haven’t posted for ages either, just enjoying life here in the southern hemisphere where the wind is blowing cold and hard and the winter is finally here!
    So I won’t be going outside much either, (‘cept to the wood pile)… brrrrrr!


  12. a very funny, poignant truthful dose of reality, i was going to google plus this but you don’t have that option but that would be another social media platform wouldn’t it? lol….winks


  13. Sherry says:

    I was recently told by a man that he couldn’t answer my questions since his life was just a lot fuller than mine…another snob who is too good for social media…but ironically his “too busy” involves having 2 jobs….I feel sorry for him…I don’t have to work at all to live pretty darn well…too funny…we go out in the morning and at night before beddy bye…the rest of the time it is too hot…and just walking from air conditioning to the car (more airconditioning.) hanging on a porch seems fine…lol


  14. suzjones says:

    I’m still laughing at your line about ‘piddling’ in your garden. When I was growing up, my mother used the word ‘piddle’ to describe a bodily function. rofl
    Hope you enjoyed your soft serve. 🙂


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