Last week, as we turned in, The Mister scolded me from under his blankets, “Ugh! You’ve turned me into a blanket person,” he said.
“It’s the quality of the linens,” I said, “Not to offend, but before me, you didn’t have delicious bed linens.”
He mumbled somethin about tee-shirt sheets from Walmart. I giggled again.
My husband can sleep through anything. He can sleep anywhere. He doesn’t need a bed, let alone a pillow or a blanket.
But even he is not immune to the luxuries of a squishy pillow, smooth sheets, a soft quilt, and a heavy duvet on a really good mattress.
Somewhere around ten years ago, we realized we could not go on sleeping in the hand-me-down mattress of lumps. About two years ago, we realized we hate springs and box springs, no matter what the mattress makers put on top of them.
— But good linens always make the difference, even on the worst old bed.
The boy one crashes. He goes to his bed, falls on his face, and sleeps. He doesn’t appear to move, has no use for pajamas, doesn’t seem to need bed linens or pillows. Just, SPLAT.
All the girls are blanket girls, like me.
“so they went years and years
like sisters blanket girls
always there through that and this”
— Tori Amos, Bells for Her
We’re fussy bitches.
Don’t bring us acrylic or polyester. No, we want cotton. In fact, our sensitive skin demands it.
Y’all can keep your 1000 thread count Egyptian cotton that we know isn’t ELS. We can tell because it’s scratchy and feels starched. Also, if those sheets were made of Egyptian ELS, they wouldn’t be scratchy, but then you would’ve paid upwards of $500 or more for a set. If you have some Egyptian cotton ELS then we’ll take those, although we’re really Supima girls at heart, preferably with a sateen weave. Do you have something more in the 400-500 thread count range of 100% Pima, perhaps? We’re okay with percale, still softer than standard Egyptian cotton, but it’s not quite as soft as a well-worn linen…So, no Pima then?
If the sheets are bad, we’ll just sleep on top of the bed, with the quilts we brought.
Oh, you don’t tote your quilts with you when you travel? I suppose you just use the hotel’s pillows, then, too?
For fourteen years, my husband envied my pillow. We finally bought new ones, and he got one just like mine. He balked at the cost of those pillows, so I didn’t have the heart to tell him there are actually better pillows, if you’re into pillows that cost more than a day’s work.
I have never lain on any bed more comfortable than my own.
Why do you think we spend so much time moaning in our bed?