It Makes My Skin Crawl, A Metaphorical Rant

We were invited over to The Palace of Rules last night for brownies. No, wait, there was dinner. After dinner, we went into the living room to watch television, and apparently, on Monday nights, MIL watches The Bachelor. How on earth I find this show morally repugnant while my fervently Christian in-laws don’t is beyond me.


If you live under a rock larger than my own, I should tell you that this particular show (I think there are several like it?) is one where a dozen women (or more?) vie for the attention of a bachelor (this one being a farmer from Iowa) who whittles his choices down, one by one, each show, until finally he’s left with the woman of his choosing. As a-drama-on-side-B-bonus, all the women live together like pageant contestants.

Here are my thoughts:

her eyelashes come up to her eyebrows. how can you take anyone like that seriously?

not one of these bitches looks like a promising farm wife.

have these women no sense of their worth? 

maybe dating is harder now.

did she just say she wonders if people in new mexico wear sombreros like they do in real mexico?


I said, to no one in particular, “I cannot imagine why these women are willing to compete for a man.”
And my FIL said, “To travel, to be on tv.”
“Well that is just sad.”

she’s a widow? she talks about his death so cooly. damn that’s creepy! i’ve grieved more than that over a pen that ran dry.

they all think he might be the one, whereas i think he must be sad and lonely.

I said, “The girls have school tomorrow. We should probably start headin out,” but no one seemed to hear me.

are they undressing one another? this represents what? omaword. well, i never.
gee, i can’t imagine why she feels uncomfortable taking his pants off, since she only recently met him and all!

this is their first date and she’s dry humping him.
and now they’re kissing.
shoulda had the undressing part after the dry humping and kissing.

what the hell is goin on with the eyelashes?!? is this a thing? volkswagon beetles have smaller eyelashes than this girl.

I said things like, “We’ve got to go,” and “I bet the dog needs to pee,” but no one budged.

group dates. not like three guys and three gals, but like one farmer and his harem, are unusual in iowa, i’m sure.

she has hypothermia? shouldn’t she get medical attention? is there no medic with the camera crew?
oh, now this other bitch is pissed that she doesn’t have hypothermia because the farmer isn’t rubbing her feet!

At that point, I decided to go to the bathroom and read a lot of magazines, because I thought my brain would rupture an intake receptor. God only knows what my children were subjected to while I read about how frogs eat their own skin.

Have you ever been the victim of someone else’s television show? Did it make you wanna slide out of your own skin?

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
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49 Responses to It Makes My Skin Crawl, A Metaphorical Rant

  1. I’m with you on this. Also bonus points for the pen that ran dry.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. April says:

    Yes, my husband likes to watch Pawn Stars and a bunch of shows on an outdoor channel with a lot of whispers and killing of deer. Most nights it’s a fight over who reaches the remote first. Frogs eat their own skin? huh.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Oh God, that sounds dire! I have seen bits of something similar a few years ago. here in the UK, The ironic thing was the ‘Bachelor’ in question snubbed the wannabe wives and married the female presenter instead!
    When I go to my Mum’s it’s not so much what she watches that is difficult to bear, it is the VOLUME that the TV is set at! Makes me reel!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Carrie Rubin says:

    I don’t get it either. I always wonder what the women’s parents must think when they watch the show and see their daughter’s behavior. Or their son’s…

    I watched one season long ago of each The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. Once was enough for me.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Oh My GAWD!!! I so agree with you.I literally cannot stay in the same room when this crap is on which, come to think of it, it never is in my living room. What are we doing here, ladies? Competing for a man? What message do young girls glean from this. Now on the flip side, we settled in last night to watch “Breaking Bad” which we’ve just discovered and my sister left the room in disgust. Vive la difference, I guess.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. “this is their first date and she’s dry humping him.
    and now they’re kissing.”

    OK, now that I’ve reinserted my eyeballs after they sprung from their sockets: They did WHAT on their first date? No. That’s not what I meant to say. The emphasis is missing.

    Take two: They did WHAT on their first date on NATIONAL TV?

    No, no, no… still not making the correct point. I think you said it best. “shoulda had the undressing part after the dry humping and kissing. ” Yes. That’s it. The editorial/production staff is AWOL.

    What? I see. This is “REALITY” TV. No scripts, no editing. Live and spontaneous. And real.

    It’s real all right. Real bad.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Dan Antion says:

    I love when you share these stories, it’s such entertaining reading. I haven’t seen this, but it falls under the very large category of things you shouldn’t do while people are watching. I liked the “pen dry” comment, that’s clever. I do enjoy Pawn Stars, but sometimes it sad and creepy. There was a guy selling something that had been in his family since “before the Civil War” and they talked him down to $60 and he said “I’ll put this toward a nice dinner with my girlfriend.” I’m thinking that if you have to be selling family heirlooms, you shouldn’t be spending the money on a night out. Bet great-great-grandpa would be proud.

    Liked by 3 people

  8. hollie says:

    It got worse after you went to the bathroom and the widow had a panic attack that caused her to moan and writhe in the floor…quite the actress that one! Ashely a Eyelashes is pretty ridiculous. She claims to be a virgin but I ain’t buyin’ it!


    • OMG Hollie! You watch this, huh?
      What gave the widow a panic attack? Did someone’s eyelashes attack her?
      Who’s a virgin? Not the dry humpin woman, that’s fersure!

      Liked by 1 person

      • hollie says:

        The chick with the eyelashes is supposedly a virgin. The dry humper hasn’t been intimate in 1.5 years because her last bf refused to touch her. The widow had a panic attack because she was pretty sure she was about to get sent home and looking for sympathy. When she told the girls about dead hubby she was cold and calm…when she told farmer the story was different and immediately (like didn’t wait a beat) she threw herself on him trying to make out. So awkward. Then they showed a clip of her interviewing saying “don’t you just love my story? My story is great!” She is fucking nuts. It’s like watching a train wreck.

        Liked by 1 person

  9. cardamone5 says:

    YEEESSSSS! My in-laws have horrible taste in television programs. Like your in-laws, they like the Bachelor and any other reality show, esp. those involving singing, dancing or both. I watched Survivor the first season, and then gave up. Same with American Idol. When i go over their house and am subjected to the torture, it makes me feel like I am not one of them, an alien from another planet. My kids eat those shows up. I hate it. I want to get on the ground and beg them to come home and watch some documentaries and super heroes or something better than that crap. I send my husband these looks of betrayal when he goes along with the charade, which only makes him go along more. And, they love HGTV and all other networks like this. I tried to watch those shows, but I can’t stand the commercials (I watch everything a day or more later via DVR.) When I mentioned this to MIL, she said what do you expect (they won’t spend the $ on a DVR, plus I think she naps during commercials ’cause she never sleeps at night. Take some anxiety meds why don’t you?) OH, the irritations of in-laws.



    • I do believe I’m from YOUR planet! Gracious, the singing and dancing shows, ugh. For five minutes, am I right?
      The only way to watch HGTV programming is via DVR, because otherwise, commercial bombardment.
      My kids were laughing hysterically, which I do believe means they enjoyed it, even though that might not be the intent. Who can say.
      Glad you got to vent 🙂


  10. Matt Roberts says:

    I think that’s it, the traveling and being on TV. I think a lot of them are wanna be actresses and this is a way to get their foot in the door. I read an article recently that laid out all of the final couples from those shows and how many survived, and there weren’t many. It’s all a joke. I can’t do it. Reality TV sucks so much, I can’t trust anything anymore, especially after I found out a lot of shows I thought weren’t scripted, were. That’s when TV meant nothing to me. As far as shows that make me want to rip my own skin off and eat it like a frog, anything that has anything to do with the Kardashians.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Sherry says:

    You do not even begin to understand. I go so far back that someone HAVING a tv was such a big deal that you sat in front of a fuzzy, always losing the picture, having to adjust the horizontal every three minutes, and just stared at it as if you were watching a man landing on the moon, which was of course an absurd idea at that time. The bachelor and all similar shows are banned in my household. and the answer to the question about sombreros is, yes we do wear them in NM…though I don’t personally. Phew….

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Sammy D. says:

    Yes, yes, yes (i’m going to keep saying yes, because if I say “I do, too”, you might think I’m one of those women marrying an Iowa farmer!!

    We have several family members who keep their tv on NON-STOP. They invite us over then think nothing of watching and expecting us to do so, too. I always leave thinking, “it wouldn’t have mattered if we’d stayed home!” We don’t visit them often 😋

    I LOVE your rants and gnashings. I’ll supply fresh oens if you keep it up !

    Liked by 2 people

  13. I don’t have to visit any in-laws these days, but I remember that kind of evening at the home of my first ex-husband’s parents. Painful. So painful.
    I grew up in a house where the tv was on 24/7 (it really was… no exaggeration) so whenever I’ve lived alone there was either no tv at all, or there was one that rarely got turned on. Now I’m living with Grumpy… his medical issues prevent him from doing much at all, so…. 24/7 tv! Yay! We’re always watching either what he picked, or what comes on after what he picked. It’s usually sci-fi, or something with lots of gunfire and shouting. It seeps into my dreams, so I dream about war and mutants and space. But I’m counting my blessings right now because he would never watch the Bachelor!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I can’t watch anything violent after dinner. It’ll seep into my dreams, too. Messes me up.
      Sorry for Grumpy, but after dark, I’d be tunin into Rainbow Brite or somethin 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      • Sometimes I sleep in the other room. Occasionally I can mute the tv without waking him up, but I typically use that time for reading. The sci-fi dreams I’ve learned to live with, but I’m with you on the violence.

        Liked by 1 person

  14. menomama3 says:

    One of my teens is a reality TV show aficionado. (Breaking Amish, Gypsy Sisters, The Kardashians, Real Housewives of wherever) I am a failure. I shall go wash my mouth out with Downton Abbey. Reality TV feels like a vat of poo.

    Liked by 3 people

  15. Veronica says:

    I don’t get it either. Was fun in the beginning when they first started the show but it’s pure garbage now.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. caligirl559 says:

    I am surprised about your in laws wanting to watch that show! On the way to school the peoples on the radio were talking all about this stupidness. Especially ‘the widow’! Now, I watch my share of reality TV shows, but not the dating ones. The frog info that you shared is very interesting 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  17. words4jp says:

    These shows are a waste of time, money and, well, everything really. I refuse to watch them.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. shanjeniah says:

    I find it icky, and don’t watch. The idea of mass dating one guy, and where his mouth and body have been before they’re with me….ooh ick. I don’t think I could learn anything I need to know to know if I click with someone, and why oh why would I want a guy who thought making women compete for him was a good way to find a mate…

    A lot of people will end with bruised egos. Some will fall in love or lust – or think they did – and be really hurt. There’s definitely a certain insensitivity to the whole thing.

    I’m estranged from my parents, but they used to fight over what to watch. My mother bought him a bigscreen TV when he retired, and then got mad when he watched Yankees games on it, because she’s a Dodgers fan….

    Liked by 1 person

  19. spacurious says:

    And strangely enough, now I want to see this “Bachelor” show.
    The concept is repulsive and makes me hate our society but it also sounds funny as shit.


  20. Nagzilla says:

    My husband loves watching the survival situation shows and weird backwoods lifestyles. The two in particular that make me roll eyes are “Alaskan Bush People” and “Swamp People.” I find it hard to believe that the bush people really are that isolated, and there have been several scenes where they create drama just so they have “good” tv. My issue with “Swamp People” is that if someone is speaking English, I shouldn’t need subtitles to understand them. Maybe that makes me elitist, but so be it.

    I will admit to hate-watching “Toddlers and Tiaras” and “Honey Boo-Boo” when they first came out. Made me feel better as a parent. As bad as I am, I’m not THAT bad.


  21. Ha, loved this post! I so agree with you about this show, and so many others like it. I too have ended up watching shows like this indirectly and being miserable; one example is that Vanderpump show. I forget the exact name but I think she’s one of the women on a Housewives show who got her own show; all I saw were people gossiping and getting into petty fights over nothing. I couldn’t stand it and wished I could turn it off but I was an innocent bystander. 🙂 Anyway, great, fun post!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I don’t know the show you speak of, but once when I was bedridden, I watched an entire day of Housewives. California I think. It sucked me in, with all the gossip and pettiness — so artful! lol but I can’t say I missed it after that day! LOL
      I’m glad you liked the post 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  22. so so right on. I have been upset the last week in that I do not have access to television but I’m wondering if its even worth it

    Liked by 1 person

  23. JunkChuck says:

    If it has even the slightest stink of “reality” on it, I”m out. The bachelor is worst of all. It’s like a televised herpes derby–which contestant is going to have a flare-up first?

    Liked by 1 person

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