We were invited over to The Palace of Rules last night for brownies. No, wait, there was dinner. After dinner, we went into the living room to watch television, and apparently, on Monday nights, MIL watches The Bachelor. How on earth I find this show morally repugnant while my fervently Christian in-laws don’t is beyond me.
If you live under a rock larger than my own, I should tell you that this particular show (I think there are several like it?) is one where a dozen women (or more?) vie for the attention of a bachelor (this one being a farmer from Iowa) who whittles his choices down, one by one, each show, until finally he’s left with the woman of his choosing. As a-drama-on-side-B-bonus, all the women live together like pageant contestants.
Here are my thoughts:
her eyelashes come up to her eyebrows. how can you take anyone like that seriously?
not one of these bitches looks like a promising farm wife.
have these women no sense of their worth?
maybe dating is harder now.
did she just say she wonders if people in new mexico wear sombreros like they do in real mexico?
I said, to no one in particular, “I cannot imagine why these women are willing to compete for a man.”
And my FIL said, “To travel, to be on tv.”
“Well that is just sad.”
she’s a widow? she talks about his death so cooly. damn that’s creepy! i’ve grieved more than that over a pen that ran dry.
they all think he might be the one, whereas i think he must be sad and lonely.
I said, “The girls have school tomorrow. We should probably start headin out,” but no one seemed to hear me.
are they undressing one another? this represents what? omaword. well, i never.
gee, i can’t imagine why she feels uncomfortable taking his pants off, since she only recently met him and all!
this is their first date and she’s dry humping him.
and now they’re kissing.
shoulda had the undressing part after the dry humping and kissing.
what the hell is goin on with the eyelashes?!? is this a thing? volkswagon beetles have smaller eyelashes than this girl.
I said things like, “We’ve got to go,” and “I bet the dog needs to pee,” but no one budged.
group dates. not like three guys and three gals, but like one farmer and his harem, are unusual in iowa, i’m sure.
she has hypothermia? shouldn’t she get medical attention? is there no medic with the camera crew?
oh, now this other bitch is pissed that she doesn’t have hypothermia because the farmer isn’t rubbing her feet!
At that point, I decided to go to the bathroom and read a lot of magazines, because I thought my brain would rupture an intake receptor. God only knows what my children were subjected to while I read about how frogs eat their own skin.
Have you ever been the victim of someone else’s television show? Did it make you wanna slide out of your own skin?