I Swallow my Tough Pills Nervously

My readership drops when I post awards. I don’t mind. If I cared about readership, I’d need to do all sorts of things that aren’t authentic to me. Like almost swearing — dam that $h!t is lame.
People who never swear are not to be trusted. Walkin around sayin, “Golly Gee Willikers!” and whatnot. So offensive!

All this award business kept me busy when I could have been sitting around crying over my facial deformity or combating my sudden desire to Google whether the herpes on my lips can become herpes of my eyes, and wondering about why they have that in so many eye commercials, and why I’ve yet to know anyone who was afflicted, and holy crap, do those infected know they’re infected? and and and…mulling over whether my probiotics will arrive before the antibiotic side effects really hop to.
I got to worry about all those things on Tuesday night. You know, instead of sleeping.

Tip of the iceberg for how freaked out sufferers of anxiety disorder get when we’re actually sick.
It doesn’t matter what we’re sick with. My mental state when dealing with a disease that can actually kill me was not any worse than my mental state when I tore a hangnail, and vice versa.
So sitting on the sofa, fetching links and thinking about how much I love my WordPress community was way, way, way better than hours spent worrying.


By the by, does anyone know what to do if you don’t close your antibiotic bottle all the way, not because you’re lazy, but because you have arthritis, and then the kitten knocks the bottle over, spills two days of your shiny blue pills, and has a jolly good time chasing them all over the floor and gnawing on them, to the point where they are far too dirty and weird looking to put into your mouth? Anyone?

medication02The greatest irony of my life was being prescribed anti-anxiety medication and then getting home with the Ativan and realizing I was afraid to take the pills.
Anxiety sufferers aren’t big on meds. We hate medication. We don’t want to take pills, and we especially do not want to take new pills. Even those of us who aren’t actually physically sensitive to meds, although, a lot of us are sensitive to meds, because we’re sensitive to everything, feel trepidation and concern over new medication of any kind, for anything.

Also, we are the people who check that the description of the medication on the label matches the physicality of the pills inside. And we read the attached pamphlets. And we keep the tops of those pamphlets in case anything goes wrong.
For too many of us, anything has gone wrong. All it takes is the one medication we had to take to learn that we cannot take it. I have had EIGHT such experiences.

'It's just a side effect of the anti-anxiety medication. Try not to worry your pretty little head about it.'

I also make a list of when I’m taking my medication, as well as lists for when I give my kids theirs. This is really important to me. I can’t handle that whole thing about “Did I take the blue pill this morning?” or “What happens if I accidentally take two instead of one?” and “Did I give her the Motrin before dinner?” Oh, I cannot bear it.

here's a list i made last summer

here’s a list i made last summer

Apparently this has worn off on The Mister, so when he gave me Tylenol Sunday at 4am, he saw fit to add it to my list, and noted my temperature as well.

I am feeling a great deal better. The lymph node swelling has gone down, but more importantly, it doesn’t hurt. As for the cold sore, I do look human now. With the right shade of lipstick, carefully applied, I could appear to be myself from about 6 feet away.

I’ve actually had a really good week, the highlights of which I hope to write about soon, but even happy stress is stress. That’s something people with anxiety disorder do not forget, so we can try to ruin our own fun. If you wanna know who the anxiety sufferers are, we’re the ones weeping with joy over things that merely make other people smile.

a positive outlook is good treatment, but not a cure

a positive outlook is good treatment, but not a cure

I wonder if you can relate to any of this, but then, I don’t write for readership.

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
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45 Responses to I Swallow my Tough Pills Nervously

  1. Your readership drops? Weird. I figured that you’d enjoy a spike because I love it when bloggers I love (like this blog. I ❤ this blog) make recommendations. because, you know, word of mouth and all that.
    By the by, regarding "does anyone know what to do if you don’t close your antibiotic bottle all the way, not because you’re lazy, but because you have arthritis, and then the kitten knocks the bottle over, spills two days of your shiny blue pills, and has a jolly good time chasing them all over the floor and gnawing on them, to the point where they are far too dirty and weird looking to put into your mouth? Anyone?"

    You know the answer to that.

    Sure you do.

    You blog about it.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I’m so glad you love my blog! Thank you! ❤
      Yes, my readership drops when I do awards. I always has. I dunno. According to my states, people love rants, and they despise awards.
      I threw the icky pills away. I even showed them to The Mister who agreed I should throw them away. But I did consider calling the pharmacy to ask if they could have four more called in. I can't be the only person this has ever happened to.
      I've never not finished my antibiotics…

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Firstly great post. I have had herpes near my eye! A few years ago it started just under my eyelid and went down towards my cheek in a kind of triangle! It was horrid and when that cleared up I was left with a kind of puffy swelling so it looked like I had been in a punch up and got a black eye! I also suffer from anxiety and although do not note down every single time I take a pill, I hate taking them and if I can’t remember whether or not I have taken a particular one I leave the next one out as I don’t want to ‘overdose’. Having a dreadful memory can mean one weeks worth of tablets can take me ages to get through!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Anxious Mom says:

    I’m glad you’re feeling better today. I can definitely related to the anxiety.

    The first time I talked to my doctor about anxiety and she went over the possible side effects of the medication, I said “Great, so the anxiety pill is going to cause me further anxiety.”

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Carrie Rubin says:

    I bet your conscientiousness about taking meds puts you on your doctor’s “favorite patient” list. Compliant and vigilant patients are always a welcome treat!

    Great images, by the way!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. LindaGHill says:

    Herpes can spread anywhere that’s warm and moist… wash your hands BEFORE you pee!! Just sayin’.
    Sorry I missed that you were sick. I’ve been dealing with my own woes and resisting the urge to write about them since I feel like all I do is complain on my blog lately. Our awesome community can only stand so much, I’m sure. So I’ve been basically sulking in a corner.
    …and now I’m whining on your blog. Sorry.
    In answer to your question, I’m so glad I don’t know from personal experience what the anxiety is like. I get enough of it when Alex is in hospital – don’t need to have to worry about me too.
    Sorry you have to go through it though… did I mention sorry?
    Sorry. Sincerely. Sorry.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Sherry says:

    glad your meds are doing the job. I broke down finally after I had to take a blood pressure pill, one for diabetes, one for calcium, a baby aspirin…blah blah…and bought one of those old people week little containers….On saturday I do my refill. I feel old while doing it. I’m young the rest of the time….lol. I suppose telling you you will be fine won’t help a tiny bit either…so I won’t…I’m prone to excessive worrying. It does seem to get better with age if that helps any..

    Liked by 2 people

  7. meANXIETYme says:

    Totally get the medication anxiety thing, which I think you already know about me. I am so paranoid about pills that I always take them at the exact same time every day until I’m done. And since I’m so anxious about taking them, I know when that time is coming and I know when I have to take the pills…I don’t think I’ve forgotten because of the whole ramping up to taking them episodes.
    I also understand the whole getting sick and anxiety thing. Which you probably also know. Jeez, I am starting to think I talk too much.
    I hope you start feeling better. Maybe put emu oil on the herpes? Hee hee. 😛

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Dan Antion says:

    I try to read everything but not because I want to add to your stats. If I skip a post, don’t worry, it’s not becsuse I suddenly hate you.

    Sorry, I shouldn’t make fun but you started it. I had to laugh at your bring afraid to take the anti-anxiety meds. They should have thought of that. Then again, dentists should have a way to ease pain without bigass needles (there, I kinda swore).

    I once took a pill that I had dropped on the floor of a bar. Nothing the cat does can be worse than that and I lived.

    Liked by 1 person

    • If you should come to hate me suddenly, I will probably stop reading your blog. Eventually.
      I did try to rinse and wipe the pills, but I couldn’t bring myself to put them in my mouth…Fortunately, many of them were on the counter, unmolested.
      Thanks for commenting 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  9. panicakes says:

    This post! I know the feels. I put the fact that I have a panic disorder down to why it takes me about a billion years longer to recover from any kind of sickness compared to other people. It’s always like “Oh you had food poisoning, spent the day at home and went to work the following day? That’s cool, I caught a minor cold and spent a week and a half in bed..”

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Grumpy and I do the old-lady pill containers for the massive amounts of pills that we (mostly he) take. It’s the ONLY way I could ever be sure that all those pills are actually getting taken. Plus, you only have to open the pill bottles once a week. Less fun for the cat, but easier on the hands.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. cardamone5 says:

    Antianxiety pills are the bane and blessing of my existence. I get the anxiety related to taking them (worrying I took them or not, side effects, any time behavior patterns change, which they’ve done a lot recently, anxiety when I go down in an effort to get off of them.) I went back up to my max dose last week because of my upcoming trip to CA. With the time change and staying with my dad, I need these little yellow lifesavers, and I am not going to question it. I spend a lot of time, as any good anxiety sufferer does, analyzing my dependency on those pills, and how they impact my personality (do I wake up groggier on a higher dose.) I am afraid of being anxious, and when I am, I wish for reinstatement of my calm self, but you know what I realized today…wait for it…drums rolling…lightening striking…I am being myself whether I am anxious or calm. i don’t know why, but that thought made me happy.

    I am glad you are feeling better. Is this a reoccurring thing (sorry if you answered this in response to a comment I made in a previous post? I have comment notifications turned off for blogs I follow because I get overwhelmed easily, but then I miss responses to my comments, which sucks.)

    The Mister sounds like a keeper. The kitten sounds like trouble,

    Oh, and thank you for the award nod. I will respond soon. I have been posting so much lately, I thought I’d give readers a break.


    Liked by 1 person

    • You really are you whether your calm or anxious, tis true. Just usually we prefer the calmer. I feel like with a little anxiety I focus better. I’m glad you have your yellow pills, and I’m glad you’re not questioning your need for them, given your current state. I know you’re going through a lot of stress right now.
      The doctor thinks I may have trouble with my salivary glands; blocked by a stone (grain of sand basically) causing infection. Since it’s happened twice in two years now, that’s a thing about it, recurrence. Makes it a likely culprit.
      The kitten is trouble. Right before I sat down, he’d thrown down a big chunk of baguette for the dog!
      Always wishing the best for you Fondly, Elizabeth. Hoping you’ll give yourself a break — you’re already strong enough ❤


  12. Sammy D. says:

    Oh Joey.

    Now I see the bunch of us could never get together all at once – what if we all got our pills mixed up with each others?!?!? I’d be sucking down Elizabeth’s yellow one and you’d be grabbing my white one (the one with the pretty pattern) and jotting down that ‘someone’ took a pill at 4pm and Dan would be scooping yours off the floor. We’d be f€%#ed (there, I almost swore too).

    Our immune systems are so fragile and succumb to our constant efforts to fight the mental bug-a-boos. Sometimes we have to wave the white flag if only to refuel for the next onslaught. Soldier on!!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Deborah says:

    I hate taking any new meds because I’ve now had too many experiences with reactions. My favorite is when I take something that ramps up the depression. With my last one (a couple weeks ago), I decided that the benefits of the med weren’t with the decrease in my mental health.


  14. Whenever I take something — anything — before bed, I leave the pills, whatever packaging involved, and the glass of water that I drank from right near my head on the nightstand (CSI-like) so that more time can be spent saving me and less time figuring out what happened. *sigh*

    I know. You don’t have to say it. Lol~ *shaking my head* 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  15. Prajakta says:

    So.. I am one of those who takes pills without complain and at times even looks forward to it 😀 Unless it is needles. Then I race to the nearest bed.
    Hope you get better

    Liked by 1 person

  16. You do make me laugh! I must be the odd man out (no news there) in that I pay no attention to those statistics. It’s rather liberating, you know. Now I realize I’ve completely forgotten the anise cookie recipe. Heading out to the kitchen right now!!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Better is the good. Cold sores SUCK and I sympathize – my face and lips are contortionists ><
    My brand of crazy runs to mild OCD – only 2-3 checks once in a while ;D

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m relieved to hear that you also suffer deformity with yours. This Valtrex medication was fucking fantastic, Mags — it healed so speedily! You should look into it. The dr said I can have a scrip on-hand for when it starts 🙂


  18. markbialczak says:

    You keep writing away, Joey. You bet we can relate. We got problems, too, stupid shitty humans that we are. There, I threw in a true s-bomb just for you. I think you have to take those blue cat-sucked pills anyway. It’s your cat. Neighbor’s cat, no way.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. shanjeniah says:

    My eyes are open in a new way. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. LadyPinkRose says:

    LOL How you made me laugh about the lists especially. LOVED your post by the way! Just loved it cause I can relate to it in so many ways. But, the list part got me totally. Over my toilet roll holder is a note that says DON’T FORGET. Why? Because I changed when I would take my thyroid med from afternoon to morning, and darn if I could NOT remember to take it in the mornig. Now if I made a list I probably would forget where I put the darn thing, so I scotched tape the note to the wall above my toilet roll holder, a place I KNEW I would not miss. Tee hee ….

    Liked by 1 person

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