We haven’t had a vacation since … um… well… 2010. I know! First there were military leave issues and then we hoarded monies to buy our house.
Yay House!

But we’ve been in our house about two years now, and we’d really like to leave it, hm?

So we’ll be off soon, gallivanting around the gulf.
If you need me, I’ll be the one who blends in with the white sands. You’ll just see my big-ass hat and sunglasses, like the phantom of a woman.

me, 2010

2010 selfie, which should cover, “how ya likin the beach, joey?”

The sun is not my friend. The heat is not my friend.
While it would feel good to head south in the middle of February, to warm my bones and remember what the sea smells like, we can never get the schedules to line up until summer.
And why are we going south? Because we love people there. Specifically, half our children, our grandson, and two-thirds of my parents.

Next year, maybe we don’t love them. Maybe next year we spend July in a nice Ice Hotel in Sweden, hm?

oh that looks like good sleepin!

oh that looks like good sleepin!

Anyway, I have a lot to do, so I can’t do too much WP, or we’d never make it out of the house. For some time now, I’ve been using the Schedule feature. It’s okay, but it’s not perfect.

— I gotta shop. I think my shopping list looks like provisions for a person who will spend the next six months stranded in the desert, come home, bake a frozen lasagna and collapse. Oh hey…
— I gotta make a list for the house-sitter. The house-sitter cuts my work in half.
— I gotta do the laundry special, so I have a pile to pack and a pile to put away.
— I gotta pack. Packing for four is a fucking delight. Do you know why? Because I usta hafta pack for six.
— Don’t forget! chargers for everything, first aid kit, snacks, presents…
— I gotta make playlists and sync everyone’s everything.

People have actually created lists to help you in these matters. I don’t trust any of them. This list looks like it was made for a single high-maintenance woman.

Vacation is a really good time to be a wash n’ go kinda gal.
Vacation is not a really good time to have anxiety disorder and control issues.

Doesn’t seem like too much on paper, but if you’re the one who does all the planning, well, then you know.
You know what The Mister does to prepare for vacation? He checks to make sure he has his wallet about thirty-two times or so.

Do you have any tips? Have you ever forgotten something crucial? Do your loved ones insist on living in America’s penis?


About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
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36 Responses to VACATION!

  1. April says:

    Have a great vacation–I never thought of Florida that way, but it is so appropriate. I have always used lists, but I gave my kids their own lists when they were old enough. That way if they forgot something, I was guilt free.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Dan Antion says:

    Have a wonderful time. Whatever you forget, you don’t need.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. hollie says:

    I used to live in Americas penis.. And also Georgia, so your posts about the heat and inconveniences I can always relate to. Packing sucks. I only pack for two, and we were only gone for a few days just at the edge of the state…but sill I jam packed two suitcases full of stuff. I always pack a fan because otherwise I can’t sleep.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Jewels says:

    Ah vacation… I could really use one of those. I hope you all have the most wonderfullest time! Safe travels my friend! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Sammy D. says:

    LOL LOL poor Florida 🙊🙉🙈

    Not for nothin’ but in a historic ‘quaint’ (aka no air conditioning) hotel one summer in SWELTERING heat, i drenched a towel in cold water, wrung it out and laid nekkid on the bed with the towel on top of me (the Motel 6 version of your Swedish bed).

    Liked by 1 person

  6. meANXIETYme says:

    Whatever you forget to pack, either you don’t need it or it can be replaced at a discount store (or local pharmacy).
    Have a fun-tabulous time! Don’t get burnt. Find places to rest in the a/c as often as possible. Tell your anxiety to take its own vacation!
    Looking forward to hearing all your vacay-stories!

    Liked by 2 people

    • joey says:

      To be fair, there’s only one day we’ll be out in the sun and heat all day, the rest is just in and out of a/c, in and out of heat — but ugh.
      Thanks for the encouragement 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  7. “America’s penis” hahahaha. Funny!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. cardamone5 says:

    Another hearty laugh from me. Yes, I handle all planning for trips, and my husband only checks for his wallet, but he usually can’t find it, resulting in an hour long yelling, grumpy tirade during which I make myself scarce. I am also planning an upcoming trip, to my grandma’s funeral, in Eastern, upstate NY, where those escaped convicts are holed up, literally in the same town, Malone/Titus. I am nervous for many reasons. My husband has been out of town for work these last three weeks (when I say out of town, I mean, gone, little to no contact, etc) and it is possible he will not be able to attend the funeral if his project isn’t complete. I am not a good long distance driver (despite living in Western NY, it takes seven hours to get there because NY is a big fucking state.) My neck gets stuff around the 45 minute mark so all cars on either side of me, watch out. Then there’s the worry that what happened in Feb at my step grandpa’s funeral (missed night’s sleep induced uncontrollable anxiety, rolled over my leg with my car) will happen again because I feel like I have mourned grandma and the funeral won’t be too emotionally taxing, but then I get there and whoa, fuck, I am affected. If hubby’s not there, I am in trouble. Then there’s the added joy of my father (hated by everyone, but most especially my mother’s family…grandma is my mother’s mother) being up there simultaneously at his camp, located on the same lake. If hubby’s not there, I will probably decide to see him, and then regret it immediately because he will try to emotionally manipulate me, as he does when we’re alone. I like to think he no longer impacts me this way, but that’s because we rarely see each other and when we do, hubby’s there.

    Anyway, I am busy preparing for that. We leave next Thursday. Funerals mean formal wear, so lots of ironing, sewing, polishing in my future. On top of, packing the cooler with every kind of snack imaginable, creating playlists, anticipating cold and warm weather (could be either there), etc.


    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Oh E, I feel for you. I wouldn’t add my most intimate fears and concerns about my trip here, because way too personal for me, but they’re there. I have also been ironing quite a bit…no polishing tho…
      I hope your husband’s project is completed in time for him to join you (and to do the driving.) I know how much his support will help you. ❤


  9. Benson says:

    I hope you have a wonderful time. If you haven;t been on a Vacay since 2010 you are most assuredly deserving one now. I love the Gulf. Water, sand, fresh fish. I kinda lean more toward the non phallic States though. Alabama, Mississippi, Texas. I try to stay away from Louisiana. No matter the original intentions I would always end up in the Big Easy. And that place will just lead you astray. Well be careful and have fun. Don’t forget your parasol.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Carrie Rubin says:

    We often need a vacation after we prepare to go on a vacation! So much work involved, especially when the kids are young. Luckily it’s easier when they’re older. Have a great time!

    Liked by 2 people

    • joey says:

      We are having four vacations, vacations between vacations and a vacation at home after. It’s gonna be better than most 😉
      Thanks, I can’t wait to leeeave!

      Liked by 1 person

  11. garym6059 says:

    America’s penis!!!! Cracked me up. Have safe trip south, enjoy some fresh seafood and don’t fret to much over packing.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Anxious Mom says:

    I once forgot my bras on vacation. Not fun!

    My anxiety goes out the window with packing. I’ll wait till the last day or two to throw everything together. It’s so unlike me as I overthink everything else.

    And “blend in with white sands” 😂😂I feel your pain, as I’ve been hiding under the nice shadey pier all week 😎

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Thank you!
      When we went to Augusta for my husband to have surgery, I forgot to pack any undies for myself. FYI I do not look hot men’s underwear. I start packing early. My anxiety is killin me.
      I’m off to shop now. *wails*

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Have a FANTASTIC time!! And try not to worry about anything! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  14. La Sabrosona says:

    Funny you should mention wanting to leave your home. I find a vacation is a good remedy to wanting to be at home, kinda like reverse psychology. Especially if one has anxiety and just wants to be in a comfortable, predictable space. So enjoy your vaycay and I hope home is extra special when you get back 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  15. “Have you ever forgotten something crucial?” Yes, our departure time! Got late to the airport and miss our flight!!! I felt like such a moron.
    And by the way, we do have loved ones who live a the bottom tip of the penis. “Bottom tip”??? It probably doesn’t make sense. It must be the French girl in me speaking.
    Have a great time.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Sherry says:

    have a great time! wave…I’m just west of ya! lol..

    Liked by 1 person

  17. markbialczak says:

    I make sure I have my wallet like 32 times. And when needed, my passport. Have fun, Joey. Don’t burn.

    Liked by 2 people

  18. reocochran says:

    I really roared with first your post and wild thoughts, Joey. Then, yoir amazing and crazy fans here! :):):)

    Liked by 1 person

  19. meg68 says:

    Hahaha.. Fitty once checked my oil for me before I left on a 6 hour trip to the big city.
    He left the oil cap OFF.
    I have not once let him forget that if (I hadn’t had to drop Pooh at Magoo’s) the car would have died.

    Liked by 1 person

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