More Linguine than Linguistics, and by Linguine I mean Silly String

Now and again, I mention accents or dialect. I even wrote one post about vernacular and another about the nonsense language in our house, which must surely be a family tradition.


Last night I drank more vodka peach tea than you can shake a stick at. <– Look at that preposition. Look at it!
Who shakes sticks at cocktails?
Okay, I’ve been known to wield a red plastic sword at martinis on occasion.

This mornin, poor Sassy had to put some Vaseline on her “belbow.” Meep.

As for our plans today, we’re fixin to go to the library. I’d write Hrmnr! cause I’m pretty stoked about getting my House of Cards fix, but I don’t know how Sassy spells that word.


I love to play with language. Still, on occasion, I get irritated with bad verbing. Not too often, I’ll correct someone.
“Did you just say tooken? No. There will be no tooken. Ain’t no boughten either.”

I’m not without error and I like to have fun with language, so you’d think I’d have more self-control about it.


We all frequently tell Moo she needs to word better, because we have no idea what she’s goin on about. I think she’s a lot like her daddy.

The Mister likes to do this thing where out of the blue he tells me, “She was there after I was and she said it was the same then.”
If I knew who or where, I might already know what it was like, but I know nothin. Sometimes he gets mad at me that I can’t hear the silent sentences in his head.
I stare blankly at him.
“At Fort Polk!”
…Obviously, I’m sorry.

I bother him about stuff “he seen” and he’ll make it worse and worse by saying, “I had went o’er yonder and I seen me one of them there doodads…”

Recently he took a totally different response route:

“When I got there, they didn’t have it no more.”
“Any more. Gah! Talk like you’re in college.”
“Baby, if I talked like I go to college, you’d hear me whining all the time, ‘You hurt my feelings. I need to go somewhere to be alone with my feelings.’ That’s what college students sound like.”
“You have no idea.”

What I derived from his statement is that recent parenting trends encourage coddling children with such jellyfish delicacy that college students simply canna conjugate no more.


Feel free to comment. Srsly. But not too seriously, it is Friday afterall after all after-all. Y’all.

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
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37 Responses to More Linguine than Linguistics, and by Linguine I mean Silly String

  1. I thought Roseanne was my Spirit Animal.
    I’m starting to think it’s you!
    This is hilarious! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  2. meANXIETYme says:

    I got nuthin’ serious to say, ‘cept HAHAHA. I love language!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Yup. We have local terms out west too.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Your killing me Larry!! haha
    I love to say/write a wrong word to see if anyone is listening to me.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Benson says:

    I love vernacular English. That is one of the biggest things I miss about traveling. In New Mex everyone has a slight “lilt” to their voices as if everything is a question. In Texas everything is a deal,as opposed to thingamabob. Vodka peach tea? If any beverage deserves a stick shaken at it I sure it does.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I am intrigued by this vodka peach tea.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. rgemom says:

    Hahahaha!! My ears!!! My eyes!!
    My Little Man has a few words he refuses to pronounce properly. He says, “I like to say them my own way.” Whatevs.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Carrie Rubin says:

    “Sometimes he gets mad at me that I can’t hear the silent sentences in his head.”—Haha, I know the feeling. My husband loves to say “that thing” a lot. As in, “Remember that thing yesterday?” or “Can you get me that thing?” I have to remind him that “thing” is a tad nonspecific and a bit of clarification would come in handy. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Norm 2.0 says:

    Honey gets mad at me for not hearing the silent sentences in her head too. She gets going sometimes giving long detailed explanations of the why’s and wherefores of what she wants to tell me, before I eventually have to cut her off and ask her to please go back and clue me in to who, or what, she’s talking about. And we do it in two languages 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Dan Antion says:

    I’m usually the one with made up words and references to things that might have only happened in my head. Funny post, just the kind of diversion I needed while waiting on hold this afternoon.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Anxious Mom says:

    Sam gets so irritated with me when I get confused because he used a word incorrectly. “You should have known what I meant!” Uh-uh Sam, words having meaning.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I shouldn’t address this one. I was one of those smart ass kids who corrected my parents’ grammar at the dinner table. It did not go well. sigh…

    Liked by 1 person

  13. orbthefirst says:

    “F*ckin GRRR!” and “Super-duper pleease??” are regular things that come out of my mouth. Also archaic things like, “On the morrow,” and “Onea you Cats gotta light?”

    Language is weird. 😛

    Liked by 1 person

  14. La Sabrosona says:

    Lol. You funny! My family’s exempt from grammar gobfoolery – we’re spanglish after all and it’s a miracle we understand each other most days 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Nancy says:

    Love it! I spend my days with children who say “Me and Ryan….” to which I reply “Ryan and I…” to which they respond “Yeah, me and Ryan…” So I totally get where you’re coming from. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  16. reocochran says:

    Joey, your daufgter abd the Mister make me smile. I get mad at the following grammar problems.
    My boss and my boss’ boss both say, “You was . . .” (“You was trying real hard today on your speed.”) They also ask, “Was you planning on pickin’ up your area?” Then I answer with a nod of my head for fear my grammar policewoman will offer them a ticket.
    I don’t like the level of journalists who now say, “She and me” or “She and him” did something or “My brother and me” were going to the store. Seriously, when I repeated this back to a good friend of mine who is a teacher, she “heard nothing wrong!” I was raised by an English, Spanish and World Lit. teacher. When a boyfriend would call and ask,”Can I talk to Robin?” (answering “yes,” she would hang up.) Or worse in her mind,”Is Robin there?” She would say again “yes” and get off phone. Last example of her parenting which instilled my better manners was one particular friend she would ask,”Would you like something to drink?” Then Mom would give our available beverage choices. Diane would say in what my Mom called a “wimpy’ tone of voice, “Oh, I don’t care, whatever you would like to bring.” Mom would go back to her favorite place on the sofa and sit down, without a word! 🙂 your family has cute language and I think what is said in one’s own house us their own private business. I would not correct anyone except my closest friends so they would know and not do this in a business meeting.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Ally Bean says:

    I grew up in a small midwestern town where you either ate homemade cookies– or boughten cookies. Hadn’t thought of that word in years! I guess all my early edumacation didn’t stick as much as I thought.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. I am notorious for just assuming the other person can hear the silent sentences, with the added habit of stopping in mid-sentence and jumping to the next sentence, sometimes right in the middle of it. To say it comes out gibberish is an understatement. I even had a boss during an annual review make a point of telling me of this habit and to stop it. I have learned to quickly read the expression of “I haven’t a clue as to what you’re talking about” look and then to stop and give the old “let me back up and start over.”

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      I knew I wasn’t the only person who experienced this, but I’m surprised by how many people do it, or live with someone who does it.
      Thanks for sharing that 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  19. April says:

    I’m kinda glad people can’t hear my silent sentences, they definitely aren’t proper. I’ve also tried to clean up my writing. I use a lot of — or … and to me it makes sense. I don’t like starting a new sentence. I liked how y’all touched on the southern vernacular.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Prior-01 says:

    This was fun! 😂😅

    Liked by 1 person

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