Blurry

Love is blind.
He’s also deaf.
I love the way the lingering scent of him still emanates from his tee-shirts even as I fold them fresh from the wash.
I love the roughness of his hands, the softness of his feet, and the taste of his bottom lip.

But he is a blind, deaf asshole.

I contend that The Mister may hear half of what I say to him. Yes, he has some hearing loss. Yes, he could do with an ear flushing. But some of it is a choice to shut out my chatter.

This must render me more attractive. I know that I personally find many people attractive until they open their mouths.

Recently, we’ve all become aware of The Mister’s blindness. Even with his bifocals on, he could not see the spinach in my teeth or the gray in my hair.
God love ‘im.
I must’ve been a beautiful blur to him.

When we were first married, he’d roll over in the morning and tell me how beautiful I was and I would giggle and give him a shove. He still does this, only now I narrow my eyes and tell him he’s blind.

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Bless his heart.

While Moo dragged me out into the sunlight to pluck all the weird whiskers that come with my wisdom, The Mister was blissfully unaware of how hairy his wife had become. I doubt he’d seen my spider veins, my torn cuticles, my rosacea, or anything else a person couldn’t see from ten feet away.

I teased him about this. I told him, “When you get your new glasses, you may find I am not the woman you think I am. It may be all too real for you.”

Moo laughed and laughed.

Then The Mister told Moo, “That’s okay. If it turns out she’s not pretty, don’t worry, your next mama will be.”

And he laughed alone.

so-not-funny-i-forgot-to-not-laugh

 

I wrote this post so you could all laugh with him, but The Mister got his new specs and he still fancies me!

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Happy Friday Everyone!ย 

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
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63 Responses to Blurry

  1. Dan Antion says:

    I’m sure he knows the truth…what’s not to love?

    Liked by 3 people

  2. meANXIETYme says:

    I like the new specs!

    I am half fine with Hub’s denial that he needs glasses. He is also partially deaf…from lots and lots of loud music, and also for his own peace of mind. LOL. Bless his heart. LMAO

    I loved this post. It was loving and lovely and of course funny. Happy weekend, Joey. Enjoy your Mister and your weekend.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Ally Bean says:

    Wonderful story. I’m sure that the new specs have made you look more beautiful to the Mister. Men are kind of a backward gender, so they often do/think/believe the opposite of what a woman’s common sense would tell her. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Liked by 2 people

  4. “And he laughed alone” – um, sorry. I snorted. Does that count?

    Seriously, though: I just made an appointment with the optometrist for my husband. He hasn’t been in almost 10 years and he’s 65. Maybe I should reconsider?

    Liked by 3 people

  5. orbthefirst says:

    Me to ma when I tune her out:
    “Im sorry, what? Youre so pretty.”

    She doesnt think Im funny either. ๐Ÿ˜›

    Liked by 1 person

  6. kirizar says:

    His final comment would be grounds for justifiable something in my book. Perhaps not homicide but a bit of truthiness tossed back at him.

    “Oh yeah? Well, the hair in your ears now outnumbers the ones on your head!”

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Needed that laugh this morning…

    Liked by 1 person

  8. scr4pl80 says:

    Lol nice glasses! Even more frustrating than the hearing loss is the accompanying/additional memory loss. When he comes back and asks me the same question I just answered 2 minutes ago I want to scream. Were you really not listening or is this something I should worry about?

    Liked by 1 person

  9. marianallen says:

    You are so funny! And pretty. So pretty. And so funny!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. It’s all true. We tune out sometimes. In my case, I’m probably playing with my imaginary friends. I used to be very detail oriented when it came to stuff like extra hair. Familiarity and comfort makes a guy stop looking at that kind of thing. We age too, and it wouldn’t be fair to allow others the same.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Benson says:

    Of course he would still fancy you he’s a smart and discerning man. Love sure is a crazy thing ain’t it; but it is the best thing around. Usually

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Oh, Joey, I so enjoyed this one! My dh can hear what I don’t want him to here and not everything he needs to hear, but I’m pretty sure most of that is just from not listening/selective listening/concentration/whatever, not hearing loss (although he may have a bit of that, too.) With or without his specs, he still things and says I’m beautiful and sexy, so that prescription is working!!

    janet

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Susanne says:

    On the other hand, I always take my glasses off when I look at my husband – or myself in the mirror. Who needs rose coloured – or accurate – glasses anyway?

    Liked by 1 person

  14. larva225 says:

    I often ask aloud to my entire household if somehow I’ve suffered some sort of brain injury and woke up speaking Mandarin. They don’t hear me then, either.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Carrie Rubin says:

    “The Mister was blissfully unaware of how hairy his wife had become.”—Ha! And that right there is one of the many benefits of growing old together. Fading eyesight can be a blessing at times. ๐Ÿ˜„

    Liked by 1 person

  16. I like the new glasses, and of course he still fancies you as your beauty is not just skin deep Joey, you have lots of other lovable qualities!!
    Plus, I don’t fancy his chances if he tried to get your kids a new Mama!!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  17. JT Twissel says:

    Of course he does! He’d be silly not to. The best thing for me about being half blind and deaf is I don’t have to see my image in the mirror or listen to my husband snore! Have a great weekend!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Luanne says:

    Touche, Mister! hahahahaha

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Hehehe! I’m so glad he still fancies you! I laughed out loud reading this while nodding my head. I can relate! He-Man used to wear glasses, and contacts and I always wondered if he really could see what I looked like. Then he had Lasic (sp) eye surgery to correct his eyesight, and I said to him, you may wake up and take one look at me and say, “What? I must have been blind!” He laughed and said, “No, I won’t I know what you look like and I like it just fine. Thankfully after the surgery he said I looked the same. ๐Ÿ™‚

    I get electrolysis for those littl’ whiskers that keep popping outta my face, I wear make up, fuss with my curly hair, and get my mane cut and styled regularly or it really would be a mess, I don’t dye anymore, but He-Man says I don’t need any of that stuff he likes me the way I am. Um yeah, but…the way I am since you met me was always doing this stuff! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Oh good! I’m sad/glad you can relate!
      I think they love us all the way through, with that blurry love ๐Ÿ™‚
      They really don’t know the effort we make, do they? I feel like The Mister doesn’t even see the difference sometimes, but I suppose I should be grateful ๐Ÿ˜‰
      I have three weird and consistent whiskers: a red one between my brows, a white one on my cheek, and a black one on my neck. They drive me crazy, and I can’t see the white one! I may end up being a person who needs a face waxing, we’ll see. My rosacea definitely prefers plucking to waxing. :/

      Liked by 1 person

  20. Jaded Jeni says:

    Lord Almighty… Your way with the English language really ought to be illegal. Matt and I are always in awe of your writing. ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•

    Liked by 1 person

  21. JoAnna says:

    It was your reaction to the “new mama” unfunny that made me laugh: “And he laughed alone.” You do have a way with words. The Mister is a lucky man.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Of course, he still fancies you! You are fabulous after all! And like wine…growing in character and complexity all the while. Great post, Joey! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Erika says:

    The Mister’s comment about made me pee my pants, he’s a mess! Sometimes my husband tells me how beautiful I am after the lights have gone out. I tell him that doesn’t count for much.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Prajakta says:

    Ha ha ha ๐Ÿ˜€ I am the one with glasses in the relationship – I am using his line!

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Pingback: Writing Links…8/28/17 – Where Genres Collide

  26. Too funny! Yeah, those jokes where they laugh alone though… I had some of those over the weekend. The hubby thought he was so funny…I did not! Glad the Mister still fancies you, even with his new specs. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  27. reocochran says:

    You’re irresistible to the Mister, as he is to you! ๐Ÿ’•
    Glasses are necessary for driving but take them off and enjoy the softened edges on most everything and it becomes a more pleasant place to be and people look much better, too. . . ๐Ÿ˜‚ ๐ŸŒˆ

    Liked by 1 person

  28. Joanne Sisco says:

    … and I’m completely not surprised!! โค

    Liked by 1 person

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