And on a Tuesday No Less

I’ve blogged many times about transition, as I feel I am almost always in transition of some sort. Transition versus what? Being in a rut? Ick.

I believe it’s best to stop and breathe, care for ourselves, reflect — but not too long, or we could fall into despair and that is surely the worst rut of all. Nothing fabulous ever happens to people who wallow in sorrow.
“Oh, woe is me.”
“Woe is all of us, motherfucker. Onward!”

The thing about transition is while you may know what ended, you cannot know what’s coming. The end of anything means new beginnings for other things.

Every single time I didn’t get what I wanted, some new wonderful opportunity presented itself. That’s how it’s supposed to be. Better and MORE.

Sure, we should make plans, but the best of ourselves is revealed when we take risks.
You can play devil’s advocate with this theory, but my opinion is immovable, because reflection on my own experiences fills me with the kind of hope I simply cannot ignore.

There’s a special sort of patience required, because new stuff doesn’t come on our own timeline. In the meantime, change can be unsettling and the unknown can be frightening.

If I think about the very best things in my life, the things that bring me the most happiness, most are not things I would have chosen for myself at an earlier time. They appeared as risks I took at exactly the right time.

a-teacher-will-appear1

I imagine life is like Choose Your Own Adventure, but ultimately, there’s a path we can only detour so far from for so long. Some people get clearer maps, better lighting, or smoother roads, but it seems to me there’s always a path. (I don’t care how well you think you know someone, you do not know what their road is really like.)

kindness1

We’re so self-oriented, we think it’s all about ourselves, but it’s not. At our best, we create, inspire, motivate, help, teach. There is a reason for it all. Yes, we may have made the wrong choice, but new directions are always forthcoming. And the times we felt lost? Turns out, that time was crucial.

Lots of times, we’re lost without knowing it. I mean, people actually say this — “He lost his way.” It’s not always obvious. Before the transition, we feel that incredible dissatisfaction, yet when the end comes, we freak out and hate it. We’re so weird. Again, I say, make that freak-out-hate-it part brief, because after that, it’s time to embrace it.

Embrace change by letting shit GOOOOOOOOOO!

quote-wanna-fly-you-got-to-give-up-the-shit-that-weights-you-down-toni-morrison-301091

You did not enjoy the drama.
You couldn’t stand the pain.
It was uncomfortable.
You weren’t happy.
You didn’t want that.
It never felt right.
It was never yours.
It did not fulfill you.

This is a really big part of happiness.
Looking back like:
It sure was good, until it wasn’t.
I am glad the suffering is over.
I can focus my attention elsewhere now.
We had some good times.
I learned a lot from that.
What a relief not to deal with that crap anymore.

I make it clear to the universe that I am receptive. There are things I like to do to improve my juju and feel engaged in the process. These things go a long way toward fostering patience and easing anxiety, so I do them all the time, but when I’m in transition, I am more mindful.

  • I make it a point to sit in silence. (The answers are all inside you, or they are all 42, I dunno, either way, it helps.) Sometimes when I’m scattered, The Mister will take me for a drive so I can stare out different windows. It’s good. Outside is better when the weather’s ideal.
  • I take up new hobbies. Bake to fill an empty house, quilt through insomnia, swim through deployments, volunteer through children leaving home.
  • I purge that which is no longer useful. It’s just plain good to free up space. I realize that what is coming, what I want, isn’t material, but it’s a metaphorical clearing, and I believe it matters.
  • I make myself more available. Engage in chit chat with strangers. Look for signs, listen for connections. (I’m guessing extroverts don’t need help in this category.)
  • Practice gratitude. Daily and often. Move with gratitude, eat with it, drink with it, sleep with it — do it all with gratitude. Look for silver linings and re-frame that shit. “This is the biggest scab I’ve ever had! My body is truly incredible!” Some people can’t even make their own scabs, y’all.

Anyway, I’ve gone all guru Joey on you, and on a Tuesday, but that’s what I wanted to write, and so I did. Thank you for reading.

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
This entry was posted in Personally, Random Musings and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

62 Responses to And on a Tuesday No Less

  1. scr4pl80 says:

    Fantastic post! I am all about the “things happen for a reason” theory and letting the universe know what it is I want. I feel like I am in a transition period now too and am starting to embrace it rather than let it scare me to death!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Excellent post, Joey. I think being grateful/thankful for the good things/people in your life (and we all have some) is such a big factor. It keeps you from dwelling on negative things and things you can’t change. When I feel down, I tend to do something that I can finish and feel good about, whether just cleaning the bathroom, purging some junk as you mention, baking, or whatever.

    Focusing on other people helps a lot, too, as it doesn’t leave as much time to wallow in self. A similar philosophy as one you expressed above is my experience that when I can’t find something around the house, God is usually directing me to also find something I didn’t realize I needed or could use at that time. 🙂 It seems to come out that way almost every time.

    Working at developing patience is something we all need to do, but it isn’t easy. I asked God to help me be more patient, and he gave me family members and situations where I had to learn the hard way. Be careful what you ask for!!

    Happy transitioning!

    janet

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Ooooh..I love this. It was deep, and very thoughtful. I was on my way out, so I’ll have to think about this as I drive through the rain…just wanted you to know I appreciate you.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. orbthefirst says:

    Love this post. Ive been in a bad slump the past 2 months or so..I have so much to say about all this..but not here. not now. Not..yet. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      I think grief is harder, especially the sudden loss. What you’ve been through is tragic, and I can sense your pain accordingly. I’ve enjoyed your rants lately. Ranting is helpful. Doing anything helps, really. Do stuff, but take good care of yourself first. ❤
      I'm glad you liked the post.
      I've got some Not…yets left too. We'll get there. xo

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Benson says:

    Good attitude , I agree 1000%. Some folks think life is a spectator sport. It’s not. It and everyone you meet should be embraced with Gusto. Others think you can’t do anything without a Grand Plan. Well sometimes it pays to work without a net. Reckless is a relative term. I think so anyway. Great post and a great reference to “Hitchhikers Guide…”.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Dan Antion says:

    That’s a great post for any day, well, maybe not a Saturday, but any other one for sure. All good advice. I’m not good at purging, but that’s because I excel at foreseeing ways in which random stuff could be useful.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      It would sorta kill a Saturday vibe, wouldn’t it? I’m glad you liked it.
      I may list the things I purge, I may. And if you come up with any uses for the things I toss, I’ll bow to you 🙂 I’ve pitched things that I regretted later. But honestly, when no one in the house knows what it is or what it’s for….
      Until we moved and we were like, “Oh!”

      Liked by 1 person

      • Dan Antion says:

        I fight that battle with our daughter, who wants our house empty before she has to empty it. I tell her a) that ain’t going to be for a while, and b) this is all good stuff!

        Liked by 1 person

        • joey says:

          Well…. That’s a tricky and personal topic.
          My parents have downsized (twice!) and cleared-out, starting passing on ‘good stuff’ about 10 years ago. When they go, which should be later rather than sooner, given their health, the remaining good stuff will be tools (already claimed by cousin) and jewelry (for my girls.)
          My father didn’t downsize or clear-out and there’s about 30 years of ‘stuff’ to deal with. He wasn’t expecting the final event so soon. He made some plans and a will, Even he sent his numismatic stuff to us over the winter. But it’s not like he was well enough to clear out, have a yard sale — and nothing says “I’ve given up hope” like having an estate sale while battling terminal illness, so I don’t blame him a bit.

          I saw what three generations left behind in my garage when we first saw our house. I grant you, every single item I saw was valuable or useful, if not both, but they aren’t all things the family wanted. That’s a whole other thing.

          I cleaned and cleared out the bathrooms today — expired Tums, oils that turned, a watch box, stained gauze — not ‘good stuff.’ LOL Found a spare toilet paper roll though, that was nice 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

  7. pluviolover says:

    Thanks, Joey. Good stuff there. About 30 minutes before I read this, I grabbed my note book and jotted down, “Poem on transitions in life. A—trans—-B.” Inspiration, coincidence, or the universe? You said, “At our best, we create, inspire, motivate, help, teach.” I say, thanks.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. loisajay says:

    Yes, yes, yes to all of this, Guru Joey. Great post.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. 🙂 Great inspirational post.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Carrie Rubin says:

    We’d all do well to adopt your juju-improving methods. Gratitude and keeping busy go a long way toward keeping us grounded, and those moments of silence are essential too. Well said, all of it.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. JT Twissel says:

    Interesting points, Swami Joey! I think often we don’t know how lost we are. It’s just so easy to get complacent. It’s good to stop every now and then and count coop.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. meANXIETYme says:

    I’m so impressed with how you lean into transitions, Guru Joey! Well said, well lived.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Luanne says:

    You’re a wonderfully inspiring guru. I feel like getting into a robe and sandals with a plate of tofu! I am rarely able to string together a paragraph of philosophy so this is pretty darn impressive!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. reocochran says:

    I really liked how you began, Joey! I am one who used to tsk tsk and sympathize. I would do this to the point of exhaustion or boredom. I guess as we (I) get older, I want to use my Dad’s old bossy way of handling wallowing: “Pull yourself up by your bootstraps!”
    I will say you have given great alternative forms of action to stay busy while your brain forms a plan of action.
    On a lesser stressed day, a nap really helps A Lot!! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  15. This was very motivational, Joey! I need to change the way that I look at tranistions, as I often see endings as a negative rather than a positive and a doorway to new adventures! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Having been through more than a few transitions, I recognize so much here. But would I have been able to articulate as beautifully? I doubt it.

    You know I’ve been reading your “archives” and haven’t been able to comment. Suffice to say: you are one of MY gurus. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Thank you very much, Maggie ❤ That's so nice. I really appreciate that!
      I appreciate your back-reading, too.
      I felt it was a good idea to close my comments, because I was getting a lot of spam.

      Liked by 1 person

  17. Erika says:

    “Woe is all of us, motherfucker. Onward!” Ha, this needs to be on a t-shirt.

    I like Guru Joey. Lots of good stuff in that post, h

    I’ve had a few of those “things happen for a reason” situations over the past couple months as well. (Nothing huge, but big enough to get me down for sure.) It’s hard to see the bigger picture at first, but just last night I commented to my husband how on top of everything I felt, for the first time in *ever*, and how good it felt. It hit me that I wouldn’t be feeling that way had XYZ not have happened. So, yeah, silver linings indeed.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      I’m glad you liked it. I feel moved to write inspirational crap sometimes. Inevitably I find it speaks to people, so I’ll call spirit on that.
      I’m SO GLAD you feel on top of things and that alone is inspiring! Mommies have such tall piles. :/ It’s great you can see things coming together like that. Keep the attitude of gratitude, it looks great on you. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  18. marianallen says:

    I love this SO MUCH! So much wisdom here, Guru Joey. Thank you for this. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  19. If you lived closer, I’d meet for a hug and a good cup of coffee. I needed this so I thank you. 🙂 I am grieving over the loss of a loved one who didn’t die in the real sense but is taking a permanent leave of absence from my life. It hurts so bad sometimes I’m afraid I won’t catch my breath. I go to bed so tired at night but the loop in my head won’t turn off. Woe is all of us is right so thanks for the reminder. You have a good week, Joey, and know you did me a favor with this post. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  20. “Look for silver linings and re-frame that shit.” Truer words were never spoken! Your points and advice are ALL excellent. Thank you for sharing these insights. Your generosity of spirit is inspiring. 💗 xo

    Like

  21. So much love for and reliability to this post.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. I love this post Joey! So much truth offered here. And I actually did read it on a Tuesday no less (which is a feat for me). 🙂 I saw it on Twitter, but needed to come back to read it again. I like your ideas of how you let the universe know that you’re ready. I think I need to start applying some of them. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Pistachios says:

    I’m so glad I came back and read this post! (Did not have time when I first saw it pop up on my WP Reader.) I feel like I should print this out and keep it on my bedside table, or in my wallet. Thanks for writing what you write 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Jami Carder says:

    “Woe is all of us, Motherfucker”….quote of the WEEK!

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Cool post, Joey. Love the lines about gratitude best. Yeah, many of us are freaking lucky with tons of good things filling our lifes. Being grateful for what we have, our family and friends and a body that keeps us moving. Truly amazing gift to feel really grateful for.

    Like

  26. Matt Roberts says:

    I think my biggest downfall into the world of depression and anxiety is not driving around anymore. That was also one of my favorite things to do when I just needed to think. Or to take a break. I’d drive all over, for many hours at a time, usually not listening to music. Just thinking. Or NOT thinking. But other drivers and the cost of gas has killed all that, and I haven’t just done that in a long time. Maybe that’s why I hate a lot of things.

    Liked by 1 person

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