Dark Comedy

This weather is unholy.

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I can’t even with this. Autumn, my ass. A good weekend to stay my ass inside. I should eat Caprese salad and binge-watch television.

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Orrr, turn off all the lights and worship TheΒ Dark Side of the Moon from the carpeting, which I shall, in the moment, pretend is shag.

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Ooh, or get wasted on margaritas and write a novel that completely defines what it’s like to live in America right now.
Everyone’s online, posting photos of their last suppers, offended by slaughterhouses instead of genocide. Old enough to know better, still confusing love and sex, but with more beards and tattoos. Everyone’s anxious, depressed, or both. Everyone’s lookin for a fix. Those who need it most can’t afford tequila or benzos or excessive chocolate cake because their health insurance costs more than their rent, but it only covers twelve therapy sessions a year, and they gotta save up those appointments for November and December, like their finest perfume, booking ahead to get through the holidays when they’re guilted into mashing potatoes with the family members who abused them. So they work and they fill out paperwork and they go to the gym and post selfies and caption that Hustle and drink all the coffee and never, ever sleep and when they do, they dream of the world as it is and wake longing for death, revolution, dystopia …

BUT THE ART IS GOOD.

I never said it would be an inspirational novel. Chicken soup for your soul, but the chickens are rabid, the noodles are gluten-free, and instead of carrots and celery, it’s just shards of colored glass.

Do you know sometimes I’m accused of being a Pollyanna? Of being too optimistic?

Fuck that noise.

I walk this earth like the light I am, but I see all its darkness.

Since you might not be blessed with my relentless hope, and you might not live for the arts, let me tell you some things that cheer me right up:

  • It could be worse
  • I am loved and so are you
  • It’s Friday
  • Winter is coming
  • Tequila is on sale somewhere

 

scumbag-leaves

Happy Friday Everyone!Β 

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
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77 Responses to Dark Comedy

  1. meANXIETYme says:

    Wow that was a great post. LOL But now I’m exhausted and need a nap.

    The weather here is too hot and still humid, but it’s pretty normal for this area at this time of year. Unfortunately.

    Happy Friday and hopefully happy weekend.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. prior.. says:

    Now this is the doctur joey I have come to know and love –

    but the art is good… LMAO

    but on a more serious note, your dense paragraph (on the possible book content) really taps into an artery of the American culture here.
    ….because their health insurance costs more than their rent
    and so many more lines that have layers and layers

    Liked by 1 person

  3. jackcollier7 says:

    Lying on the carpet, listening to Dark Side of the Moon, and drinking margaritas sounds damn cool. ❀ ❀ ❀

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Happy first day of fall (NOT)! It’s still 90+ degrees here by 9am and I am dying. But uhhhh, coming over for that caprese! xx

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Carrie Rubin says:

    That Caprese salad looks SO good. I love those. And I love your line: “I walk this earth like the light I am, but I see all its darkness.” Beautiful and haunting. Sounds like a perfect first line for a novel! Jot it down somewhere else and keep it safe. You might want to use it some day. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

  6. orbthefirst says:

    Hot & heavy is the name of the game here too, lately. Wake me in winter, or whenever She decides what She wants, whichever comes first, will ya? πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Jad says:

    I love Fridays… wait, I love any day of the week that has the word day in it!!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Start writing. That should cure one problem.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. larva225 says:

    We had a glorious run of about 8 days with highs in the low-80’s. Now it’s back to ball-sweat 90’s and I am more the despondent for it. Oh weather, you wicked wicked tease….

    Liked by 1 person

  10. LindaGHill says:

    Oh God yes, write it!!!
    P.S. Weather here is the same as what you’re getting. Stupidly hot.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Ally Bean says:

    “… mashing potatoes with the family members who abused them.” Best summation of Thanksgiving & Christmas I’ve read in ages. It’s hot here as well. I might need to stay inside over the weekend and write a novel, too.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Happy Friday Joey!! We have had a hot day here too today, although not as warm as you have it! I think we are having a last gasp at summer.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. sudershana says:

    Really a great read. I agree to many things in this post. Here at our side we are enjoying the start of this winter breeze with some latte and of course with your amazing blog. Hope you have a great time .
    Will glad to have you at my site and your words at my latest post. Thanks. Happy weekend

    Liked by 1 person

  14. That was the best post I’ve read in a long time. Nice work, and I hope it cools off for you. Make sure the margaritas are extra cold.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Norm 2.0 says:

    I’d buy that book.
    Seriously though, despite the constant blathering and white noise that has replaced thoughtful discussion and debate, there’s always reasons to be hopeful. Your list is a good place to start. Enjoy your weekend and stay cool.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Great insight and writing, Joey. Your definition of what it’s like to live in America is spot on—humorous, ironic, and sad. Your post puts me in mind of the song, Ants Marching by Dave Matthews Band.

    Thankfully, there’s the weekend and tequila. Enjoy!! πŸ™‚πŸΉ

    Liked by 1 person

  17. pluviolover says:

    You knew I would like this, didn’t you? Back atcha:
    “You were the moon. // All this time. And he was always there for you // to make you shine.” // “Was he the sun?” // “No, honey, // he was the darkness.”

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Whoa !! I need to catch my breath after this one. So many layers here. Shag carpet and Pink Floyd. Shards of colored glass in that chicken soup. Sex and love, with more tattoos. My favorite is about mashing those holiday potatoes. OMG. What did you have/ not have for breakfast today, Joey ? Or is the heat just getting to you on this first day of “Autumn”. In any case, this is one of your best entries ever into this WP thing. Well done. I appreciate you.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. loisajay says:

    ‘I walk this earth like the light I am’–darn, Joey! Why have I never walked this way? Oh, that leaf–killer red lipstick.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Jewels says:

    I heard the end of the world was starting tomorrow according to some planets and stars aligning in Virgo and the book of Revelation or some shit like that. So that’s just greaaaaat aint it?! This weather IS unholy, but I’m not letting it stop me – I’m going to Renfest tomorrow even though I’m gonna sweat my ass off in my costume, but dammit I’m gonna have fun anyways! So there! πŸ˜›
    Enjoy your Pink Floyd! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      I hope you have a magnificent time! Surely there will be some shade and some fine ale! πŸ™‚
      I did not know the world ends tomorrow, but if it does, I shall miss the snow.
      Thanks, Jewels! x

      Liked by 1 person

  21. Matt Roberts says:

    This is amazing. Your words hit me. Every time. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Benson says:

    Damn Lady that roller coaster ride of words wore me out. If it were later I would take a scotch and soda and take a nap. But since I just woke up I will just take a brandy and coffee and bake some stuff. Excellent job and such nice word weaving.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. bikerchick57 says:

    “I am loved and so are you.” Yup. Many times over. With all of the crap that goes on in the world, I always have the love of friends and family. Can’t put a price on that.

    But I can put a price on adult refreshment. Is the brandy on sale too?

    Liked by 1 person

  24. JoAnna says:

    I’m lingering on the image of rabid chickens running around in orange and green shards of glass shaped like carrots and celery while my insurance has always paid for 50% of each therapy session, so I’d have to save up money for holiday therapy. But thank God for good art, flirting leaves and that we are loved.

    Liked by 1 person

  25. JT Twissel says:

    I think you’ve just begun the great American novel and of course it would be a dark comedy. Love the flirting leaf. . .

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Susanne says:

    I just finished reading “A Canticle for Liebowitz” this morning and this post goes nicely, nicely with it, although yours post is definitely more optimistic. You sure can write, Joey.

    Liked by 2 people

  27. Bahhah. Reading that book, sign me up.

    Liked by 1 person

  28. We’re never too optimistic! It’s already happy hour somewhere else. To go with your list πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  29. marianallen says:

    Best. Post. Ever. Copying it and saving it to read for as long as, you know, whatever.

    Liked by 1 person

  30. Dan Antion says:

    I’m with Norm, I’d buy tat book. I still say “The Book of Joey” was lost from the Bible. Maybe on purpose so we’d end up with a world that has things like the weather channel. It’s 90Β° her, too and I’m not happy. The dog’s not happy. The wife is not happy. I am loved, though. The dog knows I’ll walk her when it’s cool. The wife knows the AC is still working. I know where to find a cold beer.

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Sometimes you compliment me so big, I struggle to find the words to say thank you in appropriate measure. Thank you.
      Sadie’s not happy, either. Thankful for AC! It’s going to cool back down late in the coming week, THEY SAY.

      Liked by 1 person

  31. The days are perfect here at the moment but evening and mornings are down right cold! I put the heater the last two mornings.

    Was it your birthday week-end? I sure hope you got some margaritas, and Happy Belated Birthday if it was! I hope it cools down for you this week, and the weather is perfect.

    Liked by 1 person

  32. Enjoying life is all in the mind. Some days it is a positive place and some days not so much. But, I can only be on social media for a few minutes before I remember why I only stay on there for a few minutes. The average human is ranting and raving about something and by the time you scroll through 500 of your closest friends, you are stark raving mad about a variety of topics. So, I watch the news once a day, listen to my own choice of music, and check in with my blogging friends who all have something interesting to say about life but are upbeat about it. Thank you, my fellow bloggers, and this post is a perfect example. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  33. That’s a great cheer up list! Winter IS coming…but I’m hoping fall stays a bit….or actually shows up!

    Liked by 1 person

  34. Erika says:

    Write that book and make sure to autograph my copy. I’d read the hell out of that.

    Liked by 1 person

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