Yesterday morning I made two trips to two schools. I didn’t smell anything but my delicious coffee and the girls’ freshly-groomed scents.
Later though, I went downtown. I didn’t smell anything unusual until I got back in my car. I was headed north on Delaware when I caught a whiff of skunk. Then I was on Meridian when I caught another whiff. Again, miles later, round Fall Creek I smelled it once more. Each time, I tried to sniff super well to determine the direction of the odor.
It was faint. Just a hint off and on. But it followed me for miles!
“GOOD GOD! EXACTLY HOW MANY SKUNKS DIED IN THE CITY LAST NIGHT!?”
is it me?
maybe i ran over a skunk? wouldn’t i notice? maybe a skunk climbed into my engine and died in search of warmth. omaword, maybe it’s that thing where you smell smells that aren’t there and this is the beginning of the end! no, no, that’s anxiety. maybe i drove through a skunk smell and it adhered to my tire?
When I got home, I smelled all my clothes as I removed them. My pets were happy to help. None of my clothes smelled of skunk. I even sniffed the bottoms of my shoes. Nope. Not a thing.
Hmm. Chock that up to peculiar, eh?
When The Mister came home, I asked him if I smelled like skunk. He sniffed me thoroughly and said No.
In the evening, I got back in my car to take Sassy to rehearsal. I smelled nothing. When The Mister returned from picking her up, he said my car smelled fine.
It was then I decided downtown had been infiltrated by skunks the night before. Even suburban skunks must have ventured into the city for a wild spray party. They were whoopin it up, pub crawlin and puffin on the skunk bud, takin selfies in the fountains. I bet they sang and and danced and bred like mad.
Skunkapalooza, The Mister said.
Unfortunately, due to daylight savings time, they all got run over before dawn. Poor dears never saw all those commuters comin.
I expect plenty of hysterical, tongue-in-cheek, punny comments on this post. Of course, it being a Tuesday and all, other possible comments include telling me something I’ve already written here or letting me know it’s skunk mating season in Indiana. It wouldn’t be the internet if someone didn’t yell at me for glorifying Pepe Le Pew, sexual harasser extraordinaire, or for joking about the death of animals, but no one ever tells me important shit, like Hey, there’s a typo in line 6!
Yes, I know skunks don’t have thumbs or smartphones, but have you seen this?
#itstuesdayandpeoplepissmeoff #noskunkswereharmedinthewritingofthisblog #notaniceladyblog #neuroticbitch #pushmeagain