It’s Called Swate Tay

sweet tea 2

I learned how to make swate tay from Beauty Queen, who is a real Southerner. I know other Southerners make their sweet tea differently, but they’ll need to write that shit on their own blogs. In the South, you can find proper sweet tea anywhere — seems even the Japanese restaurants have hired a true Southerner to come in and show them how to make it.

McDonald’s is your best bet, because theirs tastes like mine. *winks*

sweet tea

If you’re above the Mason-Dixon line, you’re prolly outta luck, like me.
Your McDonald’s says they have sweet tea, but what they actually have is sweetened tea.
Sweet tea is strong, thick, and rich in color. You cannot see through a glass of sweet tea. After a glass of sweet tea, you will need a toothbrush, to remove, as Beauty Queen says “the granny sweaters from your teeth.”
If your mouth doesn’t feel like it’s covered in a film of sweaters knitted by tiny invisible grandmothers, you have not had sweet tea.

I can’t make sweet tea here, because there is no room for the pitcher in MIL’s super special refrigerator. We’ve bought several different brands of sweet tea, only to be disappointed. When we dine out, The Mister asks servers specifically how the tea is brewed, and seldom orders any.
Place after place, brand after brand — our dreams of true sweet tea are crushed.

You can make sweet tea in my honor, yes-oui?

You will need:

at least a 10-cup coffee pot
(any 12-cup coffee pot will do)

a pitcher
(you can buy a pretty one for when company’s comin, but if you’re doin it right, you’ll want one of these cheapies, because that pitcher’s gonna be stained FOREVER, and those pretty glass ones won’t look so clean once they’re half empty…)

sweet tea 3





(enough ice to fill the pitcher to seven-eighths full)

Luzianne Family Sized Tea Bags
(decaf for me, thanks)

sweet tea 4




(three-to-four cups…yes, three-to-four cups)

Put three tea bags in the coffee basket, where you would normally put the coffee. Make sure there is no coffee in there, because that ain’t right.
Put ten cups of water into the coffee pot’s water reserve, where you would normally put the water.

When the tea is done, fill the pitcher about seven-eighths of the way with ice. Do not do this before the tea is brewed, or your ice will melt and the cubes will commence to stickin together. *tsks*

Pour those three-to-four cups of sugar over the ice.

Pour the hot tea over the ice and sugar.

Stir it like it’s cement, for as long as your arm can stand it, cause it’s thick like that.

sweet tea 5

Pour and enjoy!
(Then go brush your teeth)

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
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15 Responses to It’s Called Swate Tay

  1. Snoring Dog Studio says:

    Delicious! I won’t drink the tea at fast food places – it sits in those metal containers and probably rarely is fresh. Looking forward to sitting out in the yard with a glass of your tea!


  2. Sweet tea is one of my addictions and reasons I want to die in the South. I shall try this recipe since I’m always looking for a good tea to make at home. I’ve noticed a lot of my friends have been adding baking soda? or something like that to theirs.


  3. I do not know anything about putting baking soda in the tea, but I would imagine it renders the tea more mild-flavored, as it absorbs acids.
    I do hope you’ll like it!


  4. EleneSallinger says:

    Sweet Tea is an art. I grew up on it since my mother is from West Virginia. I’ve never been able to duplicate it either! Everyone loved my mother’s tea and yes, I must agree, McDonald’s gets it right 😉


  5. Sherry says:

    Well, what can I say but that I find sugar in tea deeply difficult. Not so much if it’s hot tea, but I like iced tea, well, 6 teabags and a pitcher of water. sun tea we call it. But then I’m not southern. I’m northern. I don’t think we fight over tea up here, except once long ago in Boston. And a bunch of idiots wear hats with teabags attached. But they are old white men mostly. I digress. I am trying to wrap my head around (how does one wrap one’s head around something by the by?) putting sugar in tea. Now coffee….that’s different. But you didn’t write about coffee so I’ll leave that be.


  6. Cathy Ulrich says:

    Having grown up in Georgia, swate tay is genetic, I think, although I must admit I’ve lost my taste for it. Maybe, I’ve lived too long in Colorado, where sugar is disdained in parts? But your post brought back memories of a place in Atlanta – Melear’s Barbeque – where a plate of pulled pork, Brunswick Stew, white bread and sweet pickles with a huge glass of sweet tea was always heaven!
    Thanks for the memories!


  7. Matt Roberts says:

    Ugh. I’m too much of a fan of the flavor of tea to enjoy sweet tea that’s THAT sweet. I’ve always liked it as sweetened tea. However, when I was on my way back from Florida and got some sweet tea from both McDonald’s and Burger King down south, it was good and just like McDonald’s serves it up here now (this was before they brought it up here). Every now and then I like McDonald’s sweet tea but sometimes they overdo it and it’s too sweet for me. Eh, to each their own. Give me iced tea with a little bit of sweet and I’m good. Coffee, on the other hand, has to have 8 pounds of sugar per cup for me to like it.


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