I have a specific preference for knobs and buttons and dials.
While plenty of gadgets are spectacular, with their digital LED displays and their touchscreens, some things just need to be poked, or rather, I just need to poke them. Things I cannot poke bother me.
For instance, have you ever used one of those pet-tag engraver kiosks with the digital touchscreen keyboard? My Gawd, what fresh hell can this be?!?
Remember when cars had pop-up locks that one could see without gawking into the vehicle like a lunatic lock-stalker? I’m not a fan of power locks.
I’d even prefer not to have power windows in my car.
Also, why is it that when I insert a disc into my blu-ray player, I’ve got to wait ages (about 40 seconds) for the disc to load? What is it doing in there?!?
*Bangs head on media cabinet*
My daughter’s got a disc player where you pop it in, it spins for a second, you push play, and voila! They all used to be like that, you know!
I realize I’m beginning to sound like Mrs. Patmore and her fear of the electric mixer, but I really do have strong feelings about it.
No one would ever call me trendy. Ever. If a trend lasts for a couple of years, I may participate in such a trend. I am late to all hip happenings.
I’m all for technology.
For things that aren’t crucial.
Appliances are crucial.
I think we’ve gone a little lakka-lakka over making things digital.
Look what I found the other day:
*Screams in horror*
What on earth would inspire such insanity? Toast is so easy! I like toast on the middle dot, Moo likes hers on the second, bagels go in on one dot higher. Finding your dot is really not difficult at all. There is no need to complicate the heating of bread!
When I bought my washing machine, I was looking for knobs.
Yes. Knobs. Dials. Buttons. Tangible doohickies that make shit go.
The reason I want knobs is because in 1996, Fairy Godmother was one of the first people I knew who bought one of those new-fangled front-loading, sitting on a pedestal, washer and dryer sets, and she told me the digital display broke, and it cost her thousands of dollars to repair it. Thousands. Being a young, broke adult, this horrified me to the point where I rationalized I would rather put quarters into a washer at the local public laundromat for my entire life than to be at the mercy of such a scary, powerful, money-sucking item.
I shared this story with the salesman, so that he would understand my reluctance to purchase such a heinous item. He understood me completely.
I don’t think laundry should come with fear.
And, while I waited for my washing machine to be loaded, I gazed at the gas ranges. Most of them are digital. I don’t want to buy a digital one, because when I lived in Georgia, my digital display went out. I could not cook for two days, and the panel, although I didn’t pay for it, was $80. Ack!
Which leads me to the point of this post, which is my thermostat. It’s conspiring against me. I don’t understand it. I thought we had all of our problems sorted out when it finally admitted to me that it needed batteries, and I gave it batteries. I thought, “AHA! Now, you will obey!”
It has a programmable feature. Someone has programmed it to be…even too cold for me!
The programming only works Monday-Friday. You cannot program diddly squat on the weekend. And lemme tell you, when my feet hit the porcelain tile in the kitchen, even with socks on, my nipples pop out, I cuss, and I envision icicles!
So, I poured my coffee, opened all the curtains, and headed to the thermostat.
It was 61 in here, and supposed to be 70. The furnace was not running.
Why, why, why, why, why, why, why???
Everyone knows that when you turn the thermostat up, the heat should kick on!
Moo came in and went to the thermostat, “Why is it 61? Can we turn it up?”
If only, Moo. If only.
It is for this reason, I have fiddled with the thermostat, trying to understand what motivates it. Nothing.
I’ve had it on 84 degrees for over an hour, and it’s run once. It is now 63 in here.
Anyway, I’ve decided that this thermostat is far too fancy for me. Yes, I do realize that there are even fancier, wifi-friendly thermostats connected to smartphones now, but this one is too much for me. I need a dial-y-faced thermostat. I need a thermostat with whom I can forge an understanding.
Like this guy. He looks dependable.
Now, in case you’re wondering, no, The Mister cannot figure out the thermostat, either. In fact, he understands it less than I. He’s a moving parts person. It is sad that I am the more technology-friendly person in the house, because I am not particularly technology-friendly.
How technology-friendly am I, you ask?
Well, I had my iPod nano for four years before I gave it to Moo. Did I know there was a video camera in it? Did I know it had games on it? Fuck no, I did not.