Now and again, my friends post links to “GoFundMe” for valid reasons.
Well, that’s subjective, isn’t it? Yes, the whole concept is subjective.
How GoFundMe works: Someone needs money for something, so they set up a donation platform, and people can donate to their cause. Because you know, if they have one hundred friends who give them $5, then they have $500 for their cause. That’s groovy, except that some people will ask you to fund their whole lives, and they’ll ask you over and over and over, even posting the link in emails, on social media, and calling to ask if you saw the links, as if the rest of us don’t have things that pop up and cost us money, or like we don’t have unfulfilled desires because of money…
Well, People, We DO.
I will not mention which GoFundMe’s I have seen that strike me as uncouth, because you know, I like my friends to sit around and worry that I think their fundraising subjects are beneath me…
For instance, some of the causes sound like, “In lieu of gifts, the bride and groom request cash.” (Yes, I have seen that, embossed on 100lb paper, no less.)
Anyway, I’ll share my own, which I have only ever ranted about with my pets.
“Go Fund Me, I still have two more kids that need braces!”
“Go Fund Me, I have a hole behind my bathroom mirror!”
“Go Fund Me, I want an extension ladder! and a tree pruner! and a snow blower! and a leaf vacuum!”
“Go Fund Me, my fence is in need of repair and expansion!”
“Go Fund Me, we’d love to be a two-car family!”
“Go Fund Me, I’d like my mortgage paid off!”
“Go Fund Me, the state of Indiana said we OWE!”
“Go Fund Me, we wanna go visit HME next month!”
“Go Fund Me, vehicle registration is expensive!”
“Go Fund Me, I want prescription sunglasses!”
“Go Fund Me, the air conditioning in our van went out AGAIN!”
“Go Fund Me, I wanna buy the lot next door and build a greenhouse!”
“Go Fund Me, I’d like to go to grad school!”
“Go Fund Me, one of the diamonds in my wedding band fell out!”
“Go Fund Me, Sassy needs summer clothes AGAIN!”
“Go Fund Me, I have expensive taste in handbags!”
“Go Fund Me, I’d like to take a pastry course!”
“Go Fund Me, I want new flooring!”
“Go Fund Me, I still haven’t seen Ireland!”
“Go Fund Me, I want The Back 40 tilled!”
“Go Fund Me, my ice maker’s broken!”
“Go Fund Me, I want a deep freeze!”
“Go Fund Me, my apple trees need to be topped!”
“Go Fund Me, plumbing emergencies are outrageously expensive!”
“Go Fund Me, I love caviar!”
“Go Fund Me, I’d rather spend your money than my own!”
If y’all people wanna fund any of that, or just want to pay a fair amount for the snarky laughter I gave you, I’ll be happy to give you my Paypal, just use the Contact Me tab at the top of this blog.
Otherwise, I’ll be forced to sacrifice things and save money, like some kinda fuckin pleb.