Commercials: Maybe Part One

Sassy and I were watchin television last night, when a commercial came along to entertain us more than the show. I can’t even remember what show we were watchin, but I’ll never forget the commercial.
In the commercial, a school-aged child is blowing through his straw, making bubbles in his chocolate milk, while the baby sits next to him, sayin, “Again! Again!” The big brother blows more bubbles into his chocolate milk, and the chocolate milk bubbles right over the edges of the cup and onto the table, and down the side of the table, and the mother, she just smiles and unrolls some paper towels.

IN WHAT FUCKIN WORLD DO THESE COMMERCIAL PEOPLE LIVE?!?

I immediately broke into laughter, and I looked at Sassy, whose eyes had grown big, and her mouth had formed a small circle of disbelief.

“Oh, right! Cause moms do that!” she said.

I love paper towels. I have a thing for paper towels. Paper towels are very, very, important to me.Β But I am not so besotted with paper towels that I hope my children make intentional messes so that I can use more paper towels.

Let alone the waste of milk…
And don’t listen to the baby, for cryin out loud! If we all did what the baby wanted, we’d live in a tent on the beach and eat nothin but s’mores and slushies for the rest of our lives!

Sudden-Clarity-Clarence

“DADDY! Are you going to the Speedy Speedway for gas? I need to go to the Speedy Speedway for slushies, Daddy! They’re only eighty-eight cents for forty-eight ounces!”

I’m sure commercial dads say somethin like, “Yes, Moo, I always go to Speedway for gas, and you can come, too! We’ll have special father-daughter bonding time over great big slushies!” but The Mister says things like, “It’s forty-seven degrees outside, so how about you have some nice hot cocoa, instead?”

Why-does-toilet-paper-need-a-commercial

Today at the store, as Sassy and IΒ cruised the pet aisle, she picked up one of those containers of the lightweight cat litter and pretended to hurl it at me, the way they do in a commercial. Honest to goodness, it’s lighter, but it is not an object I would ask anyone to throw my way. Oh, I’m sure The Mister could throw it, but I can’t think of a single reason I would ask anyone to throw me some cat litter. Ever. In fact, the sheer thought of this raises my ire, as I can only imagine dents in my drywall, and we all know that back hallway is the bane of my drywall finishing, painting, trim-painting existence, so no,Β no one will be encouraged to throw anything down the hall.

“Toss me that litter!” the commercial mom says, so Sassy said it too.
“Right, and when you break the window by tossing it, I’ll just laugh and shake my head, because I’m so happy we’re havin all the fun. Cause that happens.”

NEVER.

I think Sassy and I are destined to commit many more commercial parodies.

AM-I-BEING

 

 

 

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
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34 Responses to Commercials: Maybe Part One

  1. Carrie Rubin says:

    I can’t remember the last time I watched a commercial. Or at least the last time I paid attention to one. I DVR everything except the news, and I’m skilled at tuning those commercials out. But I’m with you. I would not lovingly smile and laugh while my kids purposely spilled chocolate milk. We have enough beverage stains on our carpet to have sucked any such humor from me…

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m so glad you’re a real mom, Carrie!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Carrie Rubin says:

        I remember hearing Dr. Phil’s wife say she never once raised her voice to her kids. I figured there’s a woman who’s either lying or on pharmaceuticals…

        Liked by 2 people

        • Never once? I can’t even relate. I feel very satisfied if I can go a day without having to say, “SHUT UP!” or “STOP BREATHING ON YOUR SISTER!” lol

          Liked by 1 person

          • mummyluvs says:

            You know I’m not watching tv much anymore-but I admit to being the mom who wouldn’t care if a little milk spilled in the name of fun. As a matter of fact-I’ve done something similar in restaurants-seeing who can hold the most in a straw. Auntie and the girls and I have an ongoing contest that always ends in us asking for extra napkins to wipe up the spill. But it’s all for fun. πŸ˜‰

            Like

            • OMG, all this time you’ve been a commercial mom and I had no idea!?!?
              “Betrayed by her inner circle, Joey now demands DNA samples to determine the true nature of her friends.”

              Like

              • mummyluvs says:

                Yep-not all of them-but when it comes to messes, probably. I know kids are messy, life is messy, and I do have a marketing background, so even though I don’t watch commercials I do understand the psychology behind them. πŸ˜‰

                Like

  2. Sherry says:

    I have written a good three posts on the craziness of commercials. I saw the one of which you speak. Like the rest they make me quite sure that brand is not for me, since they have no sense, so how could their product be worth anything? I still remember watching the northern tissue commercials with all the ladies sitting around quilting the paper with knitting needles…I guess they had no women in their advertizing division.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. How come it has taken me over forty years of watching TV ads to finally understand the joke in that TP meme?

    I grew up with Mr. What’shisname … the grocer, don’t squeeze the Charmin guy. As kids we’d link arms and parade down the street hollering at the top of our lungs the jingle to whatever ad we could think… and they were legion.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Sammy D. says:

    Joey, Joey, Joey , Carrie, Carrie, Carrie – you have to be a GRANDMOTHER to be able to enjoy letting the rugrats do things like that with straws. Preferably a grandmother who never had to raise any little beasts herself πŸ™‚

    You tell such good stories, Joey.

    Again! Again!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Dan Antion says:

    Ok, it’s been about a half an hour since I clicked ‘like’ and I’ve stopped laughing. As for commercials, the ones that make my head spin like the possessed girl are the pharmaceutical ads when they list the side effects. We love paper towels. Our second dog, a big male Irish Setter used to “spit” – he would get a drink, and either wipe his face on your thigh, or shake his head and spray dog-spit all over everything. We had paper towels everywhere cuz you had to be able to grab a pile fast. You are so right, commercial people are from another planet.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks πŸ™‚
      Those side effects, omaword.
      Fifteen years ago, they said “Take Vioxx” and I was all, “no thanks.” Now we’ve got class action suits against Vioxx and they’re all “Take Celebrex.” Yeah, no, I’ll take the pain!

      Like

  6. words4jp says:

    My son Jordy loves the apple FaceTime commercials. He tries to reenact these each time we skype. Cheesy…….

    Liked by 1 person

  7. alias1on1 says:

    Not exactly commercials, but you’ve just reminded me of this http://itsliketheyknowus.tumblr.com/ πŸ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

  8. suzjones says:

    We have a paper towel commercial here where a cat is walking along a bench and knocks over some milk. Mum just smiles and wipes up the mess. The first time I saw it, I was like “What the hell is the cat doing on the bench in plain sight of it’s owner”? If that were my house and the cat realised I was behind it, it would be high-tailing it out of there at 100 miles an hour and if she knocked over milk in the process, there certainly wouldn’t be any smiles!! lol
    You’ve gotta love the advertising gurus right?

    Like

  9. idiotwriter says:

    That was a really fun read Joey πŸ˜€ THANKS!! – I tend to just stand and grin stupidly when all shit hits the fan – I just do not have the energy to confront it any more πŸ˜› Just – hey ho fetch the mop – or loo roll. Maybe I should buy some paper towels?

    Liked by 1 person

    • LOL! I don’t even want to think about living a life without paper towels. We were out of paper towels for half of a day last week and it drove me to drink!

      Like

      • idiotwriter says:

        Is this like a thing for folks?!
        I am missing something am I?
        Loo roll occasionally does the trick – it seems to be around in all the rooms anyway. Always a loo roll at hand. For all your allergy and spill requirements πŸ˜›

        Like

        • I dunno, maybe. I buy tissues and paper towels, but I hate buying toilet paper. I feel like we are always buying toilet paper. Just like I am always makin tea or peelin potatoes…

          Like

          • idiotwriter says:

            Making tea and peeling spuds… I will go with the making tea ta πŸ˜‰
            But I agree on the loo rolls… WTF? HUbby always says when we buy groceries: ‘ Now we have something to wrap everything we just bought in’ πŸ˜€

            Like

  10. JunkChuck says:

    You’re inspired me to steal your theme–to wit: those commercials where the cartoon bears are wiping their hairy bear asses with some kind of TP so soft it’s made of velvet, and the selling point is something like “sure, it’s soft–but mostly it’s awesome because it doesn’t fall apart and leave dingleberries on your crack hair.” It’s a freaking commercial about dingleberries. Jeez.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I don’t watch much tv, and when I do watch it, it tends to be while I FFW through commercials, so I’m afraid I have no tolerance to commercial bullshit. All of it screams hysterics or failure to me!
      A number of people do not know what dingleberries are. I assume those people are not dog owners, and furthermore, I wager they do not have clean bottoms.

      Like

    • HEY! Thanks for the re-blog! πŸ˜€

      Like

  11. JunkChuck says:

    Reblogged this on Old Road Apples and commented:
    I found this post and it inspired me to hate on some commercials that bug me. Fair warning: there’s some content down there that is a little indelicate. Just saying.

    The throwing cat litter around the neighborhood like folks are stacking up sandbags against rising floodwater gets me–one of these days I’m going to load up the Chuckwagon and head up to Pennsylvania Station in New York City to track down some ad people and lie in wait with a pallet of 80# bags of bargain priced SuperClay Crap-Away Cat Gravel and just hurl ’em at the sumbitches as they step off the train from Jersey. Catch that Motherfletcher!

    What really gets me is the one with the bears wiping their hairy bear asses with Pillowy Soft Toilet Velvet Paper–er, I mean “bathroom tissue”–first of all, those velvet TP rolls have like 200 sheets, what the frak is that about? Don’t people on TV eat TexMex food? A roll of Scott Extra-Scratchy gives you a thousand little squares–a measurement that has about as much relevance as the FDA serving sizes on the side of potato chips bags (1 serving = approximately 13 chips. HA!. Normal people have already polished off a fistful of the latest Lay’s Hybrid Abomination Flavor (did you see fried chicken and waffles with maple syrup flavor? I absolutely shit you not–they make that). But I digress. Who counts out TP one measly gauzy square at a time? Nuns and Priests, maybe–the ones who wear hair shirts and flog themselves in movies, maybe?) But I digress–we were talking about Bear Toilet Paper, the selling point is not its cushiony wonderfulness, but the fact that it holds together and doesn’t leave dingleberries on the bears’ hairy asses. Who comes up with that marketing strategy? “Buy our toilet paper, it won’t leave little dried poop-paper balls on your crack hair?” Rush Limbaugh is right–all of us but him are on the Hell Express (like Eddie Murphy said, back when I was a kid and he was funny “…I’m going to hell, I’m not waiting in line with nobody. I’m taking the hell express.”)

    Like

  12. I am incapable of watching that commercial without talking to the kid on the tv. By now I’m sure he knows that was the last glass of chocolate milk he’ll ever have until he goes to college.

    Liked by 1 person

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