Last time I wrote that I like to piddle in my garden, I got some giggles, because piddle means pee. Well sure. It means pissin away time, too. If you’re Southern, or I reckon if your mama is, then piddlin is killin time, specifically lookin like you’re workin, when you’re not.
The Fine Art of Piddling is an article by Rick Bragg, one of my favorite authors, who often writes for Southern Living. The article is NOT about urination.
I love the last page of Southern Living like you would not believe. I save them up and mail them to my friend Root Beer, to further extend my joy. Did y’all read the one about old cookware? Omaword, that was some good shit.
Anyway, my mother subscribes me to Southern Living, I assume to secretly bend me to her will, how mothers do, that gentle whisper in your ear, which eventually becomes your own voice. The subtle way your mother makes sure you know you have to cook for people in distress, or never return an empty dish.
“Yes, Joey! You do have to take her a pie, even though she tried to punch you in the face a few months ago. She’s been in a terrible car accident, poor thing! What’s the matter with you?!?”
I love quite a bit of Southern Living, but you can guess that the garden section is not even remotely helpful. Time to cut back my ornamental grasses? Bitch, please, there’s two feet of snow on the ground!
Anyway Again, I’ve been piddlin round my yard a lot lately.
Trees are adamant about growing even though you don’t want them there.
I divided hostas like whoa. Y’all wouldn’t believe the hostaville I live in.
Divided some day lilies, too. I forget where I put those, but they’re somewhere…oh, by the mailbox! Did you know that people used to plant day lilies at the end of the drive like an address marker? Yep. When you’re drivin through rural areas, note how many you see on the side of the road, beyond the easement.
I planted a red Asiatic lily, which I must say, tickles me hot pink.
Added some coral bells, called Plum Crazy, cause obviously my kinda variety.
Put geraniums in my pots.
Then I planted some annuals in the ground, my first time at this house. Planted some blue lobelia, pinks and reds and whites of the nicotiana, and white waxy begonias. Somethin dug up a few begonias, but I put em back. Apparently literal piddling could help, but I’m just gonna throw some dog poo and cat hair at em. (The flowers, not the critters.)
Brussel sprouts, tomatoes, marigolds…
Damned cracks in the pavement, dandelion havens…Eco-friendly bullshit weed killer…
big ol’ bee, helpin
sadie, not helpin
Yes, I know I have ground ivy all over my yard. Yes, I know it’s invasive. I like it. I do not care if it takes over. I prefer invasive stuff, really. As long as it stays on our side of the driveway, we’re good. I think I’ve mentioned to a few of you that eventually, I should like to not have a lawn at all. Just paths. That’s the long-term plan. Keep adding and dividing perennials and planting herbs and food until there’s really not a lawn. It’s good for the environment and well, we won’t be “young” forever, you know. Wanna not mow, or mow with an old push mower. Travel lots. Live like sex-crazed childless vagabonds…
Cut some lilac today, as is traditional. In about a week, my neighbor’s bigger, older lilac will bloom and it will perfume the entire block. Mmm!
can you smell it?
When I sit on my porch, it smells heavenly. Lilac, rosemary, wild onion, Lily of the Valley — oh my nose does love spring!
sadie likes the deep grass, but i prefer an adirondack chair, myself
Googled the hell out of my mystery plant(s). Dunno wtf it is. My mother doesn’t know wtf it is. I now call it Wtfisit. I’ve been on Google images, Dave’s Garden, and GardenWeb (Which is now part of Houzz?) and if I have to read one more time about how it looks like Virginia Creeper or Poison Ivy, I will go batshit crazy. It is not a vine. It has three leaflets, which make it look like it has five leaves, but it is not a fucking vine. It’s a 12×24″ clump, growing in shade and it’s slightly familiar, but it wasn’t there last year.
Here, you look now:
pile of it
stem area
Do you know what Wtfisit is? Grows like Caladium or Dianthus, or plastic aquarium plants, but it’s not.
But look at the Centaurea!
Ooh! Ahh!
zomg, you’re soooo pretty!
Whatcha been piddlin with?
Are ya gonna piddle this weekend?
joeyfullystated 
Wtfisit, it is. I”ve got it growing here too in abundance. Mine likes to hang out under the pickets of the fence to make it just that much harder to pull out. I don’t see why we need pursue its actual name one second longer when we have our own, perfectly apt, one now. Thank you, Joey. The lilacs are beautiful, just beautiful. Piddle away.
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You have them too?!? ❤ Oh thank you! I feel so much better!
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I’m just the opposite: I don’t like the invasive stuff. I worry about all the critters it’s camouflaging…
But I really shouldn’t speak on the subject. My knowledge of gardening and plant life is equal to my knowledge of subatomic particles. Which is to say nil.
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You got me on that plant. Don’t recognize it. Does it flower? Since you’re in favor of invasive plants, just wait and see.
The bouquet of lilacs looks lovely. We had a lilac tree, and lily of the valley at our house in IL. Loved the perfumed air and the bouquets. We also had about ten old peony bushes that gave me bouquet after bouquet for weeks. Miss those.
I have been outside a lot too: trimming upteen bushes (startled a mommy robin who built a nest in one, immediately stopped trimming that one ’cause I can’t wait to hear baby birds peepin’), edging, clearing away leaves and today I cleaned my garages and brought out all the pots and statuary. Now, I am very tired, but satisfied. I’m not supposed to plant annuals until after Memorial Day here in Western NY, but I miss how early i was able to plant in IL, and it’s Mother’s Day weekend, and all I want is to go to Home Depot and the many nurseries around here (much more than in IL) and get my fillers, thrillers and spillers.
For the past week, every night has been spent traveling far and near for soccer. We have a home game tonight and then two days off. Yeah!
I wish you lots of piddlin’ and enjoyment of the outdoors.
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We typically don’t plant until after Mother’s Day here, either, but it’s been in the 80’s for awhile, and continues through the weekend.
My peonies aren’t open yet. The ants are comin, tho, so it won’t be long!
Exciting about your robin! I hope you’ll share that experience with us.
Wtfisit doesn’t flower. Or at least, not yet.
Thanks for sharing such a lovely comment today — enjoy your weekend away from soccer! 😀
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Our lilacs have started to bloom. I noticed this morning while Maddie was piddlin’ (the other kind). Daylilies and Lilies of the Valley are on their way up. I’ll be picking up sticks and stuff that fell/blew into the yard this winter, but as long as the weather is nice, I won’t mind.
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Flowers like woah, girl! They’re all lovely. I don’t piddle like that because it’s too damn humid here (already) to piddle outside. Also, I don’t like digging in the dirt. I love helping pick out plants and I like to see them in the yard (other people’s yards because I don’t like upkeep–I’m lazy like that), but I don’t do gardening like you (and my momma, who LOOOOVES it).
Enjoy your plants and piddlin’. I shall piddle vicariously through you. (That sounded gross, but you know…)
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Haha! Piddlin vicariously! Oh that’s a gem! 😛
I’ve gotten to where gardening is my morning thing, because it’s too hot to do it in the afternoon — and you know I hate morning, but I hate heat more!
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I think whatcha got there is non-variegated Bishop’s Weed… aka gout weed … aka Aegopodium podagraria … and in my garden: vile demon weed from Hades. [spit]
Just about 30 years ago EXACTLY, I spent an entire summer afternoon trying to eradicate the stuff from my front border. All I managed was a spectacular case of sunstroke. The stuff is very difficult to remove once it establishes itself. Trust me on this. If it wasn’t there last year, you may have hope.
My mom, not a Southerner, always said piddlin’ and pokin’ in the sense you mean. I love the term. And my yard has almost the exact same inventory – including the creeping Charlie. Sure it gets everywhere and once established, it’s there for good. But know what? I read somewhere that it is an indicator of healthy rich soil, so there.
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I’m glad your mom knew the phrase 🙂 That makes me happy!
I have tons of variegated bishop’s weed around the trees, but I just don’t think it’s the same kinda leaf at all. (I have some out back too, the variegated, it’s got its own corner, lol!) I dunno. I may let it go, see if it flowers. If this fall it sprouts some of those same kindsa flowers, then I’ll know. I’m going to eye the ones around the trees more carefully now, look at their stems…Do you suppose the variegated made babies that are non-variegated?
Thank you so much for your help in this matter!
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It’s very possible that the non is offspring of the variegated. If the two have similar root habit, that c
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I should know by now not to get long winded on my tablet. Sheesh.
As I was saying, – check to see if the two have similar root habit. Gout weed is nigh on impenetrable.
It occurs to me, too, that the green wtfisit may have come to the garden via a transplant from someone else’s. Since that May afternoon 30 years ago, I am vigilant for any stowaways when I accept a gift from someone else’s garden. Get ’em out before they are rooted.
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I didn’t take anyone’s offerings last year. All I did was divide, because boy was everything overgrown
But that is a fabulous tip! I’ll be checkin when I do take transplants!
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Anything is possible.
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I am so going to piddle this weekend. I think we’ve got something very similar to your Wtfisit though for all I know our version might very well be a common plant around here that I just don’t know about. And there’s a lot I don’t know about what’s growing in our garden. Love the lilacs btw.
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Ha! Thanks for the laugh, Joey. I love lilac and walking past full blooms this time of year is heavenly. Have a lovely day :).
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I haven’t done any piddlin.I have got my roses which seem to be coming along nicely, the rhubarb is going wild and a few of the herbs are doing well. I just need to get Mr Grump out to mow the lawn. He can do the piddlin in the garden!
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Mowing seems neverending here!
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You have said all kinds of weird plant words. I live in an overpriced apartment with a patio garden. I boil this sh*t out of my weeds. Easy, eco Friendly hot water. I love it.
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I tried that. That and vinegar killed a few of them, but that didn’t touch the dandelions in the cracks. I may have another go…Maybe a coupla times in a row will do it?
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Yep. Give it another go. It has to smell like boiled lettuce for it to work. And pour over the top,Not just the roots. 😀
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Yes Ma’am, I will give it another shot! Thanks!
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I love the lilacs! Southern Living intimidates the heck outta me. It is a constant reminder that even after 25 years in the South I am still not doing it right.
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LOL
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You have a really nice garden. I have a fear of bees. Like, punch myself in the face to kill a bee, fear.
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ME TOO, but only yellow jackets, because they’re fucking aggressive and I’m allergic!
I actually have a post about it.
I love the big bumble bees, the hairy black ones that wear yellow vests. They’re benevolent 🙂
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I have a post about a fight I got into with a bee. I hate bees. I know all the good they do but we have history. Bad history.
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I’ll show you my link if you show me yours.
https://jolenemottern.com/2013/09/25/fuckin-yellow-jackets-man/
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Here it is http://getoffmylawnplease.com/2014/06/10/assault-by-wasp/
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That was really funny. Love this. In many ways we are kindred spirits. I know every experience you just described.
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That has me laughing hysterically, just so funny!
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Thank you! 🙂
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Great post. Thanks to you, I learnt a new word today ‘piddlin’
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Thank you!
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Wonderful post, Joey. Piddlin’ in the garden = one of the best things in the whole wide world. 🙂
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I also piddle and poke around, and I would call it a whatchamacallit.
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wow, a mother who gives advice? What a concept…I had the judgey type only…loved the tour and I would love to have the walking paths but it’s not exactly what works here…lol…reminds me I need to do some before and afters, but I think i’ll wait until late june when things are really going. Thanks for the gentle read.
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I love lilacs and piddlin. 🙂 I have not planted anything yet. Hopefully soon. Yes less lawn would be great! 🙂
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This is great stuff, from Sadie to all the dang plants, Joey. I took piddlin’ in strive, and I’m New Yawker all the way. Musta been those six years livin’ in Maryland.
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I like hearing more and more people understand my kinda piddlin. I really didn’t expect all the laughter when last I wrote it.
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*laughs* I’m southern and we’ve always said “piddling” in fact, I used the word in a poem recently… my father was piddlin’ in his garden too! BTW, lovely garden! I came about your blog via the Wordy Rose 🙂 happy to find you too!
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Thank you! I don’t know what’s wrong with all these literal people! lol
Glad to have your comment, thanks 🙂
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lol… ah well… we’ll just piddle on them then! and you’re welcome 🙂
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I must admit I just learned a new phrase and it was not at all what I thought it would mean 🙂
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