All Hail the Lawnmower

As I have told you countless times, before I had babies I knew virtually nothing about babies.

(I know a lot about babies now. They’re the needy, wriggly, emotionally unstable people I had always suspected, but also they must be burped every single time you feed them and they use more receiving blankets than any childless person would find logical.)

I did not suffer learning infant care alone in an on-the-job training crash course. No, my husband, he had already had babies, so he knew all the things. Or so I thought.

When Sassy was tiny, she was an open-minded eater. Bottle, breast, fingertip of sweet potatoes or ice cream, it didn’t matter, she’d gladly eat it up. This allowed her father and her siblings to bond with her during feedings, while I got to do things like put my arms down and pay attention to the other children.
When Sassy was done nursing in the night, I’d wake The Mister to burp her and he’d put her back to sleep.
She did not scream her fool head off without reason. Within a few weeks, we were able to decipher the crying and appease her. She loved her pacifier and her swing.

Moo was nothing like Sassy.
Moo refused to take a bottle.
Moo had colic.
Moo wanted only her mama, and wanted her mama all to herself.
Moo hated the swing and refused to take a pacifier.


The Mister, having been repeatedly scorned and rejected by Moo, stopped trying to help. At one point, in a fury of helplessness, he actually yelled, “Don’t ask me to hold her again!”
I know, I know, you can’t imagine. Neither can I, now.
Indignant and full of wrath, I fer damn sure wouldn’t stop asking him to hold her.



One day, I had plenty enough to do, and I decided as easily as I could wear her indoors, The Mister could wear baby Moo while he mowed the grass.
“Mower’s so loud, you won’t even hear her screaming.”
Well, he turned that mower on, and she fell right to sleep. Her little head bobbed along as he mowed. It was more effective than rocking, sitting on the dryer, blaring Beethoven, or even a car ride! This became a thing.
“You should mow the grass around 11. She’ll be ready for a nap by then.”

Eventually, after about six months in the world, Moo stopped screaming her fool head off and got cute.

By eight months, I had her drinking from a sippy cup and eating baby cereal like a champ.
By nine months, the entire family was wrapped around her tiny pink finger, most especially her daddy.




All hail the lawnmower, for it is the true Baby Whisperer.


Happy Friday Everyone!

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
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73 Responses to All Hail the Lawnmower

  1. Ally Bean says:

    Great story. Never heard of a lawn mower putting a baby to sleep, but whatever works, works.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. John Holton says:

    You’d think they’d yell like crazy at the noisy lawnmower. Babies are weird. We never had any.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. That is just so danged cute. Moo Mows

    Liked by 4 people

  4. Dan Antion says:

    Whatever works! It seems odd that a lawn mower would work, but hey, you have to go with it. Nice story – cute pics!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. baldjake70 says:

    She was such a hateful little creature. Thank the gods the mower exercised the demons inside of her!

    Liked by 6 people

  6. I’ve heard of putting the baby seat on top of the washer/dryer and that noise settles them down. Of course, if you watch the right sort of TV (i.e. sports), you’d know that if you’d only bought the right car, a Buick, I believe, the Mister would be hoping she’d cry so he could volunteer to take her out when she wouldn’t fall asleep and would enjoy the ride as much as he. Then in the morning over breakfast, they’d both fall asleep, looking adorable, while you peeked in, dressed and looking fabulous. Some tens of thousands of dollars would be all it took. Naturally, your lawn would look like heck, as no one would be awake to mow it.


    Liked by 2 people

  7. That last lawnmower-babysleeper photo is legendary 😀 Great story!

    Liked by 2 people

  8. darsword says:

    Oh, this was such a good story! My first was like Moo. Had nothing to do with Daddy (who didn’t believe in mowing). In fact, when he could talk, he yelled at his dad as he walked in, “Go back to work, Dad!” Yet, he is now the one that is caretaking for his dad.

    I couldn’t wear the front or backpacks without being in tears within the half hour. Dad could wear them and they would have a great time. Finally, by the time I got rid of all those boy eggs and had my girl, we discovered the Sarah’s Ride. I could wear that all day long. My daughter would bring it to me and say, “Sarah’s Ride, Mommy!” Thank goodness I could do that cause I was chasing said (3) boys all over the acre.

    Thanks for the memories, yours and mine! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      I’m glad to bring back memories ❤
      So nice to find what works. Wearing babies is how to get things done! Chasing three boys! I couldn't wear Sass too long, she grew so quickly. We had a backpack thing, and only The Mister could wear it. We never used it for Moo — she was so small for so long!
      "Go back to work, Dad!" is hilarious! I love it 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Benson says:

    That is so beautiful. I can relate to so many different aspects of raising kids. Mowing grass with a baby is incredible. I am getting all teary eyed. Those pics are wonderful. Sweet little Moo.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. margoness says:

    I hate lawnmowers, but I’ll make an exception for baby-whisperers!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Such a great picture, she really was asleep ! Amazing that certain sounds provide comfort. My first born only needed 2-3 minutes in a car to fall asleep…once or twice around the block. Still works when she’s not driving.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. “Mower’s so loud, you won’t even hear her screaming.”
    Sounds like a line from a Cohen Brothers’ movie.

    Liked by 2 people

  13. All three of mine had colic. At night. All night long, it seemed. Wish I’d known about baby massage – at least enough to try. No lawnmowing at night. And daddy had to get some sleep, because daddy had to go to work every day so the rest of us could eat, since I was on disability and not recovering.

    Silly doctor allowed me ONE serving of gas meds per night – if I timed it wrong, both the baby and I suffered muchly.

    I should have gone out and mowed the lawn at midnight. Where were you with your advice 30 years ago?

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Damn. All three?!? You have my sympathy. Well, I did the massage. Colic anyway. We actually stuck with massage until they were … 2 & 3? Bath, massage, book, songs, sleep.
      I don’t think the gas drops did diddly, either.
      She was fussy, all, all, all the time, but her colic was 9pm-3am, very consistent.
      Mostly I walked around holding her and we both cried. I bet you can relate. And I feel badly that you did it three times as much.

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Never heard of that one. I did the car seat on the dryer and it worked fine. Might have been a great excuse for a new chainsaw or something.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Susanne says:

    That is the darndest story! And the sweetest.Thank goodness babies grow up, eh?

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      Thanks 🙂
      If they didn’t come with a guarantee to grow, I wouldn’t have had them 😉 Children, teenagers, adult peoples — all those I know how to handle!


  16. Oh this so sweet to see Daddy and little girl mowing the lawn! Our first daughter only fell asleep when her dad was on the phone holding her. Back then we didn’t have cordless phones yet (1990 in France) so he kept shifting his weight from one foot to the other while talking. It worked! But during the day it never worked with me. Go figure!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. What a great story and photo!

    My oldest Big Baby Boy was colicky. It was so miserable for us all. We used to drive him around in the car to get him to sleep.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. This is great. And what a special 10th birthday post that was. ❤ And I'm glad to see you all love her still. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Eek! I don’t want to hear that word–yet. Lol. It’s almost that time of year. I love summer but hate the mowing. There’s always something. Still, it’s better than snow and ice.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Laura says:

    Lawd, this is quite possibly the funniest baby tip I’ve ever read. You & the mister should write a book. It would be FAB.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Alice says:

    The lawnmower sleep sounds quite restful and comfy to me! Y’know, when I imagine myself as a 10lb-something human. (I’m less fond now of being strapped to another person’s chest, my legs left dangling in empty space, than I was then.)

    Liked by 2 people

  22. I love Moo’s style, she is definitely an original by the sounds of it! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  23. jan says:

    All babies are different! They always say “difficult as an infant; easy as a teenager” and I guess visa versa!

    Liked by 1 person

  24. marianallen says:

    #4 Daughter used to go to sleep if we ran the vacuum cleaner. I haven’t used it since she grew out of that.

    Liked by 1 person

  25. A lawnmower! Who woulda thought!? Baby #2 of mine was a sick little one. It took 6 months to finally get to a formula that didn’t hurt his belly (one step from prescription formula). He was like a different (happy) baby once we got there. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Anxious Mom says:

    Now if only I could get somebody to wear me while pushing a lawnmower, maybe I wouldn’t need ambien 😉

    Love the story. I was hoping to see “Around age 3, she grew out of all the pickiness and fussiness” so I’d have a little more hope with BG 😛

    Liked by 1 person

  27. bikerchick57 says:

    Well, there would have been a great John Deere ad! That’s a great story, but I can imagine you and the Mister were both ecstatic when Moo stopped crying.

    Liked by 1 person

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  29. These are wonderful pics! Loved the post. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  30. Joanne Sisco says:

    We had a Moo, too, and were terrorized by his crying … I wonder if the lawnmower would have been our saviour? I would never have guessed. That photo is epic!!

    Liked by 1 person

  31. Skipah says:

    You about have me in tears here! Little girls have some sort of magic powers when they are little on dad, love the lawnmower picture :).

    Liked by 1 person

  32. So cute. Love the pictures and the stories.


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