joeyfullystated

I read Ally’s post this morning and I agree, sometimes it all comes together and the best thing to do is appreciate it.

Tuesdays aren’t that day for me. I like to bitch on Tuesdays. It’s my long-held belief that Tuesdays are unkind days, opposite of Thursdays. If I feel swell on a Tuesday, I assume impending doom is forthcoming. Even if good news or good fortune comes on a Tuesday, I remain suspicious. I imagine Tuesday tries to woo me into perceiving it as neutral or benign. I’ll not be swindled or seduced.

The best and worst of our moods can often be attributed to our own editorial commentary, and that’s an example of mine.

I can’t make you see Tuesday for the atrocity it is. I can’t logically support my argument.

Some of my Tuesday issues are carried over from Monday, and you might say I can’t blame Tuesday for Monday’s behavior.

Perhaps not getting enough sleep should make Tuesday feel more like Monday Leftover, but that is not the case, because I know it to be Tuesday.

These feelings I feel are relevant to me, even though you don’t share them.

We’ve had different Tuesday experiences. Even if you’d had the same Tuesday experiences, there’d be no guarantee you’d share my perspective, as there are six other days between us.
Your failure to agree with me on the intrinsic cruelty of Tuesdays should have no bearing as to whether or not you feel compassion toward me. However, you’re only human and therefore permitted to find it ludicrous, contemptuous, even conspiratory.

If you believe everything I tell you, you might find yourself in the middle of a shit Tuesday with either revelation or regret. Either way, it’s not my fault you didn’t see Tuesday for what it really was all along.

Here are some helpful tips to making it through a Tuesday:

1. Always make the coffee the night before. You’re gonna need the coffee. Or tea. Or green sludge — whatever gets you human, you’re gonna need it first thing.

2. Eat a nutritious protein rich, high fiber breakfast which will sustain your strength and fortify your heart against the bewildering chest pains Tuesday will cause you.

3. Wear your stretchiest pants, leaving room for both deep breaths and comfort food.

4. Wear a black shirt or jacket. You’re powerful, mysterious, self-contained, camouflaged in the darkness that is Tuesday.

5. Sleep as late as you can, go to bed early, and try to nap in between.

6. Do not, under any circumstances, make dental appointments, begin a journey, or bake something which depends on the perfection of beaten eggs.

7. Take the long way home and take your time.

8. Agree with your spouse, your parents, and your boss. A mere nod and smile in the general direction anyone else who is clearly deluded will suffice until a more temperate day comes along.

I regret I’m getting this information to you at such a late hour, but I’ve been having a Tuesday.