Dimmer. Dimmer Still.

After commenting on Dan’s post at No Facilities today, he reminded me I’ve mentioned the battle of the lights over here at my house. I’ve alluded to it, but never written about it.
About his wife, Dan wrote, “Turning a light on to make her happy is like bleeding in front of a shark to make it go away.” I lol’ed.

The Mister and I both go around shutting off lights, because we have a Moo, and Moos do not care about light bills or natural resources, but The Mister and I do. Hell hath no fury like a Moo during power outages.

For me, I walk around asking what the hell everyone’s so afraid of, and yelling about how we don’t need every light bulb in the house on when God’s light is on! Sassy started calling natural light “God’s light” before she was two, and when I’d go claim her from her crib in the morning, she’d be signing, Light! Light! Light! “God’s light ON, Mama!” Now she’s 12 and she assures me that if God had intended her to get up so early, He’da put the light on for her.

I prefer to read and well, do pretty much anything in natural light.
I like to get up and look at my trees.
I enjoy the southern exposure.
I believe I’ve mentioned my abhorrence for direct sunlight.
When natural light fades, well then I really only want enough light to see.

At night, I drive with my glasses on, because they have anti-glare. Anti-glare is my friend. Otherwise I get a headache, panic, and may or may not shout at oncoming traffic, “REALLY?!? WAS HARNESSING THE POWER OF THE SUN IN HEADLIGHTS ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY?!?”

I despise overhead lighting. It’s overbearing. It gives me a headache. I can hear fluorescent lights. I do not like brightly lit places at all.

some version of hell

some version of hell

The Mister likes to turn on lights when the sun goes down. And not just one light, like, all the lights in the room. Meanwhile, I feel like I should wear shades. He actually wants to install an overhead light in the living room, but I will not let that happen! There are three lamps in the living room, and that’s enough! If he wants more light, he should move out.

This gets more interesting with contradiction, because I cannot see in the dark, whereas my husband has apparently been given vampire-like powers of night vision.
Before bed, as I go through the house, he stays behind me, shutting off all the lights as he follows.
This always begs the question, If you can see in the fucking dark, why do you need so many fucking lights on?!? But I don’t ask him that, I’m grateful he’s willing to help me get to bed without a terrible accident.

I didn’t know this was a thing — people who can see in the dark. I found out when we took our family to a haunted woods thingy. One HOT October night in Georgia, someone Army decided we should all have mandatory family fun at the freakin campground, in the swamp, after dark. I remember insisting Sissy put a glow stick (Pardon me, Sergeant, ‘chem light!’) in her back pocket so I could see her playing on the monkey bars and stuff. I was terrified that gators would come up from the pond and eat her. Sassy sat happily in the back of a truck, eating candy and being cute. Moo was a very Mooish two: she was hard to contain. I held her most of the night while I watched Sissy like a hawk.
When it was time to go through the haunted woods, of course Moo wanted to go. Since her father was one of the scary things in the woods, I had to take her. You can imagine my excitement.


I began on a path through the woods, and was about ten feet in when I realized I couldn’t see a thing. I mean, I couldn’t see the path, I couldn’t see the baby in my arms, I couldn’t see! I was creep-walking like the fucking Pink Panther, and still tripping over branches. This seemed to go on forever.
Suddenly, Moo said, “Daddy!”
“Daddy!” she leaned away from me.
“Daddy where?”
I could not see anything. I stopped moving and held her close, fearing my child was about to leap into the arms of a bansheegnomewerewolfdryadfairymonster.


“C’mere Baby,” he said.
The Mister was right there. Right in front of me. I could not see him. He took Moo. I held onto his waist and high-stepped behind him, out of the woods, back to the campground.

Moo can see in the dark, which again begs the question, If you can see in the dark, why are you always turning lights on?!?

About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
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55 Responses to Dimmer. Dimmer Still.

  1. Too funny. I can see in the dark too, but it would be a pain not to.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Screaming with laughter here – I keep shouting “my Grandfather isn’t paying the electric bill” everywhere we go. I refuse to put the stoop light on. My neighbours have a security light which is equivalent to 1000 suns. It shines through my triple-layered blackout curtains. I’ve given up.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. reocochran says:

    This post reminds me of daily “battles” I had as the only adult, single Mom. This was both touching due to time spent in woods, losing sight and yet, Moo saw her Daddy in the dark. I also chuckled at daughter who could enjoy waking up to “light,” while you taught her sign language for it, too. But now grumbles about waking up in the dark. 🙂 a really thorough and interesting picture “in the day of a family’s life. I hate fluorescent lights, too. A cold wash cloth from fridge over eyes helps me feel better. Hope your family understands the “why?” At least compromises. . . xo

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Dan Antion says:

    Thanks for the pingback. I was hoping that maybe you were the one who wanted the lights on and the Mister was the one that was turning them off. I’ll send this to my wife too because she can’t even drive at night anymore since they invented portable-sun headlights. She sees pretty well in the dark. I bump into things in broad daylight.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. baldjake70 says:

    I turn on all the lights so all you that cannot see in the dark can find your way without killing yourself trying to get to the back of the house, or so you can avoid the coffee table in the center of the living room.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Norm 2.0 says:

    This is one of the few sore spots in our house too. I made sure we switched to CFL or LED bulbs everywhere in the house because Honey’s previous excuse for knocking me out of the way to turn off a light as I left a room, even when I was planning on going back to said room, was not to waste money/electricity.
    Now the excuse is not to burn out or shorten the life of these more expensive bulbs.
    Just. Can’t. Win. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Carrie Rubin says:

    Our rods and cones (photoreceptors in our retinas) allow us to see, and it’s the rods that allow us to see in the dark. My rods fail me. I don’t like driving at night because trying to see in the dark, especially when bright lights are coming at me (rods don’t function well in bright light), is difficult for me. So in other words, my vision’s getting too crappy for night driving. I can do it, but I don’t do it happily! Maybe your rods are giving you grief too. I hear chocolate helps. 😉

    Liked by 4 people

  8. Benson says:

    What a funny,yet charming post. I can get around in most lit or unlit situations,but in order to read I need some direct light,not too much just enough so I don’t have to grab for my mini- light. I think Carrie is right about chocolate. However I am sure I read some where that to be sure the chocolate should be in the form of a Chocolate Martini.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. DanicaPiche says:

    A bansheegnomewerewolfdryadfairymonster! I sense a whole other fantastic story.

    I also dislike direct sunlight and can hear fluorescent lighting. I used to wear those wraparound sunglasses that look like welding goggles. Until a friend convinced me that it was too great a fashion crime :). I saw a woman on the sidewalk the other day wearing a full face shield. I think she has the right idea. (Just hoping it wasn’t because of a more serious medical condition!)

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Funny post! I don’t care for over-head lighting, either–way too garish.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. The dark swamp adventure sounds like fun…except for the threat of alligators and other creatures.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Oh my goodness, you and Dan are cracking me up with the lights. LOL We are fairly conservative with the lights, but I need at least a lamp so I can see, hate store lights, and don’t drive at night unless I have to. I cannot see in the dark and laughed hysterically at your two who can. I bet you could rent them out at the local theatre for folks who show up late and can’t find their seats or at Halloween to maneuver a corn maze at night. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Luanne says:

    What a mystery?! Yes, why turn the lights on? Maybe some of that light stays inside her brain, behind her eyes, and helps her see at night? I too HATE bright light. Fluorescents are a prime trigger for complicated migraines for me. I feel like a vampire sometimes at my aversion to light.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Sammy D. says:

    Such a great post and this needed to be said!! I am CONSTANTLY turning out lights Hub leaves on long after he’s left a room and ensconced elsewhere.

    Sadly, though, I have to warn you that one evening when you are about 63,
    You will realize that you can no longer read or do an art project or tweeze a splinter without a gigantic BRIGHT overhead light. I used to cringe when I’d visit my parents and theur overhead track lighting practically blinded me. Now I’m wondering what it will cost to install all over my house.

    Turn out the lights has become I need more light.

    If you didn’t want that forewarning then shut your eyes and count to 3. This message will self-destruct. 3 … 2 …

    Liked by 1 person

    • joey says:

      I appreciate the heads-up. I have always suspected this day will come. My dad has this huge round lampy thing for needlepoint, looks similar to what the dermatologist uses. I don’t remember him having it before he moved to Florida, so I was just wishful thinking that sunshine had burned out his eyes rather than he’d gotten older. Tsk. I suppose if I need it, I won’t mind it.
      I can only find my stray facial hairs in the sun, so I’m on my way to a circle lampy. *sigh*

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Anxious Mom says:

    We also have a battle of lights in our house. Little Man and I against Sam. We. Want. Lights. I don’t care if it’s the sunshiniest day of the year, I like every light in the house on. This is why God made those expensive ass lightbulbs that save energy–so I can have lights all the time. Sam’s always fussing through the house, “Who left this light on?!” He also does this with the air conditioner. “Who turned this down to 72?!” I’ll ditch Coke before I’ll ditch lights and AC.

    Liked by 2 people

  16. Deborah says:

    Your picture of hell seems about right. Minimal soft lighting is all that’s needed. Let’s not get crazy. And I’m in total agreement with the craziness of harnessing the power of the sun for headlights. Some of those things are just too bright for anyone! If it’s that dark, stay home!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. “bansheegnomewerewolfdryadfairymonster” – now that would be scary!
    I can’t see when driving at night, but I walk the beast without a flashlight because I can see. I do not like to sit in the dark. I want light on if I am watching television. The only exception is for The Walking Dead, complete darkness is necessary for that show.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Ellen Hawley says:

    My partner’s convinced I’m a bat. She’s been known to ask if she should turn the light off so I can hang upside down.

    The answer is usually yes.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. It is a constant battle in our house too with lights. Miss Hap turns every single light in the house on wherever she goes, even in broad daylight! Mr Grump, on the other hand will sit in almost complete darkness before he puts any lights on)!

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Sherry says:

    I think I have no preference for light or dark…But I never thought much about it either. You think of some weird shit Joey…in case you were unaware…

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Annie Emmy Evans says:

    Fluorescent lighting is the worse. If I could teach all day with the lights off and just God’s light on, I totally would.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. markbialczak says:

    I can see in the dark, and I turn all the lights off in the Little Bitty, Joey. My dear wife Karen on the other hand doesn’t mind leaving the light on when she leaves a room. So I must jump up from the recliner and shut it off.

    I don’t like driving at night because of the oncoming glare. Light, night and sight make an interesting combo, no doubt.


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