SoCS — Meddling Map App

I put the Google Maps app on my phone. I think. I think that’s what it is. I dunno, The Mister told me to do it. Let’s blame The Mister, that sounds good.

So this creepy thing on my phone, it knows stuff.
I don’t mean it knows what I want it to know, like THE WAY TO GRANDMA’S HOUSE! ffs.
I mean it knows where I am and it tries to boss me around! All the time!

When I get in my car to leave work, it’s all:


And I’m like, “Nice try, but I need to go down Keystone to Target to buy a gift for Katie because my daughters have befriended every Sagittarius girlchild in the city and they’re always having parties.”

The map app doesn’t know that. It doesn’t know its opinion is moot.

It doesn’t know I want to go to the vet’s office, or when I want to stop for homophobic chicken nuggets or Pandaspress, or if I’ve gotta go to the post office on the way home. It doesn’t care that I like to drive through the hills with the trees on the way to the library, or that I prefer the Starbucks on 56th, or that taking 30th is the only way to avoid school zones.

Let’s be clear, it wants me to take I-465 EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME, and I have begun to suspect that it’s less of a navigation tool and more of a marketing tool for 465.

SoCS ‘moot’ is brought to you by LindaGHill


About joey

Neurotic Bitch, Mother, Wife, Writer, Word Whore, Foodie and General Go-To-Girl
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49 Responses to SoCS — Meddling Map App

  1. meANXIETYme says:

    Must be a guy thing because Hub has that installed on his phone and uses it all the time. I find it amusing that we’ll be in the car going somewhere and his phone will ding and it will turn out that it’s telling him we needed to leave at that moment in order to get where we’re going on time. What it doesn’t ever understand is that Hub (and I) is always habitually early (5-15 minutes) no matter where we go.
    So why does Hub have it on his phone? I have no clue. I refused to put it on mine.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Ritu says:

    Love this!!! Great take on a tough prompt!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. John Holton says:

    You know you can shut off the notifications, right? I always do. They’re like spell check for the rest of your life.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. eschudel says:

    I know – it’s always trying to make me go home when I want to but can’t yet. Very depressing 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. JoAnna says:

    Scary stuff. But it would be even scarier if it knew that other stuff. I like to take the scenic route, too, sometimes.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Great take. Laughing at those “homophobic chicken nuggets”, but never on Sunday. ☺

    Liked by 1 person

  7. LindaGHill says:

    Haha! If it starts asking you why you’re leaving work so late, dump it. Or name it HAL. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  8. I’m so offended by Google’s corporate intrusion on what I consider private space, MY phone, MY laptop, and MY computer that I don’t use chrome, I never enable GPS and I only turn on the phone’s data stream if I need to. I never allow the Android to access my WiFI. If Google wants my life story it can read my blog. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  9. I don’t use navigation apps, but I ge the same damned things on my phone. How does the stupid thing know I’m going to work when I go into the garage? Maybe I’m going to the bar instead. Once all this data is amalgamated it wouldn’t be hard to launch a drone strike to take me out.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. loisajay says:

    Oh, no…you gotta let it know who’s the boss. I won’t even click on ‘Location’ on my phone ’cause….I just won’t!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. pluviolover says:

    “Hey, Siri. We need to talk about this Google thingy.” And then there is that “need to leave NOW” part. Good grief! Why not just say, “Yer gunna be late.” 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  12. jan says:

    All my birthdays are clustered in April and May (coinciding with graduations and wedding and baby showers!)

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Dan Antion says:

    I hate when they get in a bossy mood I sometimes yell at mine things like “yeah, well I have to get gas” as if that helps. Maybe someday they’ll understand.

    Liked by 2 people

  14. YES! Google Maps does this to me in California, too. I’ll want to go three blocks north to Target, but GM wants to send me four blocks south to the freeway, then east for two miles, then over the hill to Grandma’s house and back. So far I’ve logged that GM has given me six different routes to get to the grocery store nearest my house. (I just moved to the area; for a while, I used GM for everything! Now it’s more like a sadistic past time, just to hear it say, “Re-routing, re-routing”.)


  15. Laura says:

    PREACH. Those map apps are SO bossy…

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Anxious Mom says:

    I hope it’s not a data suck.

    My GPS is usually Sam, but sometimes he fails. Today he emailed me instructions for going to a different Target and then told me to come back home the way I came. WTF? My brain doesn’t compute that.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. dalecooper57 says:

    Meh, I hate Sat Nav, give me a real map anyday.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Benson says:

    So it is constantly giving you directions? Sounds like you downloaded a wife.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. marianallen says:

    My theory is that GPS devices are programmed by zombies. They’re always taking me to cemeteries and abandoned houses and dead end streets and blasted heaths instead of where I want to go. Or they say, “Turn right, HERE,” and a right turn HERE would take me over a cliff. I have the map app, but I keep GPS turned off unless I’m in the woods hunting mushrooms, and I only turn it on then because my mother worries. Yes, I’m 66 years old, but my mother worries, k?

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Ha! I have this app on my phone too and i get fed up with it butting in with its opinion! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  21. April says:

    It could be a conspiracy. lol

    Liked by 2 people

  22. larva225 says:

    Maps thinks it’s the boss of you. That’s not only creepy but deluded.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Hah! I am keeping my new phone free of aps….No bossing me around!

    Liked by 1 person

  24. reocochran says:

    Oh, my Cloud told me how much something was worth (get this!) When a friend sent me a picture message and I was texting her back. I didn’t call or text her this creepy thing!

    Liked by 1 person

  25. I feel you! It should have a tab for recommendations of places you might wanna go. Not ASSUME where you’re gonna go and then freak us out!

    Liked by 1 person

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