joeyfullystated

Sassy and I met Mentor for sushi linner yesterday. It was so good to see her and catch up!

Mentor wanted to know all about my new job and how I like full-time employment. I was excited to get to talk about it. I don’t know why everyone doesn’t ask me stuff like that instead of things like, “Have you seen my unicorn leggins?” or “What’s the low overnight?” but I for damn sure appreciate her asking.

It’s an adjustment. For all of us. Like everything else in life, it has good and bad points.

I miss naps. Aww. However, I am too busy to get tired at work, and I sure do fall asleep faster at night. Maybe if I do this long enough, I’ll become a good sleeper. I’ve never been a good sleeper — GOALS!

I don’t have as much time.
I don’t take as many pictures, read as many books, or devote as much time to social media.
I’ve not been to the gym as much.
I think some of this will be rectified after Friday, when the madness of Christmas slows.

Did I mention I get to wear jeans at work? My jeans have met my work tops and we’re all of us thrilled about it.
How does my Kelly green blazer look with jeans? Frickin fantastic, I can’t lie.

Taxiing children is now performed more equally between The Mister and myself, but also from student drivers and other parents.
Sassy seems to like it fine. Moo prefers us. I would have thought the other way around, but life is full of surprises.

Who works all day and comes home to cook?
Meh, I’ll cook some nights, only simple dishes. Sometimes when it’s 7:00 and my husband asks what’s for dinner, I might sometimes say, “I dunno. Whatcha cookin?”

It reminds me of why I chose to stay home in the first place. Have you taught kindergarten all day and then come home to care for a four and six year old? Many people have, but um, that was not the life for me.

It also reminds me of times I worked full-time when all four were too little to care for themselves. These were not nice times in our marriage. I’d like to say that it’s just because money was tight, (hence the working) but that’s not exactly true. It’s that my husband, like anyone, would not like to work all day and come home to help with homework, start dinner, do laundry, and feed the baby.

For all these years I’ve been, as they say, ‘spoiled at home’ trust you me, he’s been spoiled, too.

EX:
I pack myself a lil lunch, how I do.
He’d never eat a cup of yogurt and an orange for lunch. I’d have to peel his orange and make him a yogurt parfait. And where’s the meat?!?
He’d never eat an Asian pear and a coupla hunks of Swiss for lunch. He’d eat it if I cut it all up and brought him a pretty plate of it — but like, as an app. Before the meat!
I’m an easier feed, so I feed me. Some cherry tomatoes, a string cheese, slice of ham, olives. Perfectly suitable lunch for Joeys. I sent The Mister a photo of my lunch, and he said he’d like that, BUT ON BREAD.
When we have vittles, I still make him a fine lunch, but when we don’t, well, they have a cafeteria at his work. He won’t starve.
Now, I believe he appreciates his delicious lunches more than he used to.

I told Mentor I cannot be wife who makes bank while being wife who cooks elaborate foods, and she asked me which wife I prefer being.
“THIS ONE.”

Now. Not before. It’s because Now. Now my girls are quite capable. Now they’re much more self-sufficient. Plus, they’re like their mama, and are perfectly content to nom a nosh.

I told my husband, “You remember what it was like when I lived alone. I’d graze all day, and if I was hungry at night, I’d steam some veggies, make some pbj, eat some cereal.”
“But you’re not single.”
SIGH.
but i’m not a housewife, either

I know women (like Mentor) who get up with the rooster and cook hot breakfast for their families before going to work. I consider that a kind of madness I’ve been fortunate to avoid. Like whatever syndrome it is that causes people to get up and jog before work. These are not my people. Cannot relate.

I’ll never regret a single day of stay-home motherhood. I didn’t want to work when they were small. Sure, there were times I missed work, to be someone called Jolene and not Mama. There were times I felt lost, and even martyred. (What mother hasn’t?)

There were even times I envied my husband his commute. Traffic? You mean peaceful solitude?
Colleagues? You mean people who have mastered building blocks?

Oh all the people, rotating around me — I held the center. Maybe I still do.

I loved being home as much as possible, for there were many, many more days I was glad to be Mama and not Jolene. Grateful to be with my children on field trips, home with them on breaks, caring for them when they were sick, watching them discover the world. And to do it so often in pajamas and sweats.

Still, how sweet it is … you guys, this will sound odd, but it’s like I’m young again. I get up and go to work all day. It’s not something I do half-day to pad the coffers and get my feet wet, it’s legit what I do, ferreal. I really haven’t felt that way since I was 25. Strange sense of self-importance. That’s what it is. Familiar, from a younger memory, a former mindset:
“Can’t. Gotta work.”

I resent this time of year for how early it’s dark. I never quite get used to it. Even when I worked part-time, I didn’t like drivin home after dark, feelin anxious, feelin like it’s 10:00. The light will return and it’ll get better. Until it gets dark again.

But! Work = Money, and it’s not like I’d rather sleep at work and avoid the dark drive home, so …

Have I mentioned I don’t have anxiety at work? Never have. It’s a good thing. It’s rewarding to be focused, intellectually stimulated, productive, with constant measured results. Being home all the time again in the months between jobs, anxiety tried to make a decent comeback. No, thanks, Anxiety.

I’m sure by now you’ve gathered I’m excited about my new chapter. It’s something I knew I would do, when I was ready, and in that way alone, it’s satisfying. The Return.

I stand by my theory that you can have it all, but you can’t have it all at the same time.

Do you have a lot of experience with new chapters? Do you like the wrap-ups?Are you on the threshold of somethin old made new again?