People, Ugh

Back in 1990-?somethin, I bought my first car. I paid about $10k for it. It was initially more and I negotiated, as well as trading my old clunker in with $500 from my mother. I was satisfied with the price, and the terms of my loan.
Until I talked to other people, who asked me what I paid.
Because, I’ve found, you can never tell people what you paid for a car. They have a set figure in their heads, and if your number is higher, they’ll tell you what a lemon you got. If their number is lower than the price you paid, then they’ll tell you how you were robbed, where you should have gone, and what you could have bought for your money, instead.

Money is too personal and relative a concept to discuss with most people.

Turns out, this applies to housing as well.

My MIL is convinced that we should be worried about any home we like. *giggles* I mean, she doesn’t say that, she implies it. She tells me that something is probably wrong with all of the houses we can easily afford, but the houses that cost twice as much are probably safe.
I don’t think she ever saw The Money Pit movie, hmm?
I wonder if this is because she sold her last house in the same price range, and she viewed it as a nightmare?  I dunno. We’d live in her old house, but it’s not for sale…Besides, Drew really wants it…and that would be wrong…but I’m just sayin, we would be happy to live in the house she sold.
I’m relatively certain she’d prefer we live in a brand new home, but we have already done that, and we preferred our old home in the hood to the brand new home in the suburbs.  Ferreal.
It turns out, for me, a big kitchen is less important than a large laundry. For us, a large shaded back yard took precedence over a dishwasher. I loved having a clothesline more than I loved having an enormous master bedroom. Built-ins and paneling please me, whereas closets big enough to have windows feel weird. To each his own.

For instance, bonus rooms seem to be a popular feature for family homes. While this makes sense for some people, and we’re happy for them, we really don’t understand how we would use one. We’d rather have that square footage divided among the bedrooms.
The truth is, every home we look at has some aspect that we don’t like, as much as some things we love. Even when we built our house, we ended up regretting some of the choices we made.

Like everything else, I don’t think these are anyone else’s choices to make. Isn’t it our choice if we think the house is so great, it’s okay if it’ll need a new roof in a few years? Or if we think the land alone is worthy of spending a lot of money on repairs?
Isn’t that our business?

Initially, I thought it was just an overbearing motherly thing, but today, I saw this happen friend-to-friend. I was scrolling through my Facebook, and one of my friends, we’ll call her Mrs. Knue, had posted about how she’d grown tired of killing insects and arachnids in her new home. Her new home was vacated several years ago, and it seems the creepy-crawly critters have taken it over, not feeling quite so hospitable to new humans in their space. 

Several people suggested diatemaceous earth, and commiserated with Mrs. Knue about the spider invasion.
Then, some guy comes along? and asks why it was vacant so long? He asks if it was taken back by the bank? or what’s wrong with it?

*gasps!*

manners1

 

 

 

 

 

How is this any of his business? Has he no manners?

Here are the judgments I have made about Mrs. Knue’s house:
It is beautiful.
It is rather large.
It appears to be all brick.
It is older, maybe even historical.
It has lovely, mature landscaping.
Furthermore, I’ve concluded that this is not the first house Mrs. Knue has purchased, since she just sold her other home before moving to this one. So I assume, if there was anything “wrong” with this house, it was discovered during inspection and addressed by Mrs. Knue before she purchased it.

I see the things people say and I shake my head.
And, well, I blog about it.

 

Posted in Random Musings | Tagged , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Don’t Be Shitty when You Can Be Shiny — Two Blog Awards

You could say the sun shines out of my ass…
But it doesn’t.
I’m just doing one post to accept two awards, because I’m kinda lazy, and also, because I don’t think my readers enjoy award acceptance blogs. Unless the stats lie. Which they do.

Matt, er, Beefy has awarded me the Unshitty Blog Award! Yay me!
Without Beefy, I would probably still be trying to set up this blog, because he was instrumental in how to navigate this site, and extraordinarily kind and gentle during my insatiable need for information when I began. I don’t know if he often deals with crazed women, (his wife is awfully pretty…) but for his help on my part, he should get an award.

hotcrazy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
(As a totally unrelated perk, he can help you find free porn, or porn-like things if you follow him. I follow him. But not for the porn. I can find porn on my own. It’s freeing when you’re required to click on free porn links out of a sense of proper blogger etiquette..)

No one wants to write a shitty blog, and no one wants to read a shitty blog, which is why I don’t blog every day, or you would surely be unfollowing me for random posts about how some people get awfully upset when cats pee on not their things, or how I feel about this yet un-blossomed bump on my cupid’s bow, which may be a pimple or a cold sore, but I can’t tell which as of yet. If you are interested in reading random shitty postings like that, you should follow me on Twitter. Hardly anyone does follow me there, but I find it’s a good place to vent shitty shit — which is why hardly anyone does follow me…Endless cycle of readership fail, that.
But, oh, the Unshitty Blog Award, that’s a whole different story. Thank you, Beefy! *smiles brightly*

I don’t want to nominate people for the Unshitty Blog Award, because I don’t read any shitty blogs, and you shouldn’t either. If you’re lookin for unshitty blogs, check out blogs I previously nominated here, here, and here, or the ones I will nominate in a few minutes, because not everyone is as lax about blog award acceptance as Beefy is. Beefy’s pretty laid-back, except when he rants, which is downright hysterical! I could bitch with Beefy all day long.

unshitty-blog-award

 

 

 

 

 

 

A stranger from my journey to sanity nominated me for The Sunshine Award. How awesome is that?!
sunshine

 

 

 

 

Per the guidelines:

Favorite color? yellow

Favorite animal? giraffe

Favorite number? 4

Favorite non-alcoholic drink? Coca-Cola

Favorite alcoholic drink? I’m moody about alcohol, but if we’re goin all out, it’s tequila.

tequila

My Passions? I am passionate about everything in my world? I’m really annoying like that. I may be overly passionate about food, sex, music, films, art, human rights, and words. I don’t give a rat’s ass about golf or tires…

Giving or Receiving Gifts? This is awkward. I’m not really into things, and the things I do like, I’m very, very picky about, to the point where most people should not give me things, or I will make fun of their attempts to gift, here on my blog. Because I am like this, I am a much better giver, and I presume you are also very, very picky, so I am a giver of cash, in general. Sometimes I am wildly thoughtful and give actual things to people, because something was too perfect not to give to them, but it’s rare. I despise compulsory gift-giving, and I despise being the recipient of a compulsory gift. I do not want your thought that counts. I would prefer kind words, a homemade cake, or a donation made in my name. Really.

Here are some unshitty, Sunshine-y Bloggers I’m nominating for the Sunshine Award. You might like to read them. I’m rebelling against hyperlinks, and I’m not listing 10. Omagosh, prolly no one will ever nominate me for a blog award again, because I’m such a rule-breaker today! *rawrs*

http://imgoingtosayitanyway.wordpress.com/

http://mistergkids.com/

http://thedimwitdiary.com/

http://thegoodthebadtheworse.blogspot.com/

http://words4jp.wordpress.com/

http://masalachica.com/

http://countingducks.wordpress.com/

http://www.insanemombrain.com/

If I nominated you for the Sunshine Award, link back to me, answer those questions, nominate ten others, and notify them. Or not. Whatever pleases you.

superlazy

Posted in Personally | Tagged , , , | 7 Comments

Liquid Courage? Liquid Everything!

I have a lot of blogging to do. I’ve got awards to accept, and things to tell you, but I’ve been too overwhelmed to sit down and write.

Initially, I was too busy being irked, pissy, frustrated, and doing a skosh bit of self-pitying.

I had moments of fun; outdoor dining with Drew and Beauty Queen, nature hiking with The Mister, Moo, and the dog.

There are these times in life, when you question whether you should be practical and sensible or throw caution to the wind. I must admit, as I grow older, I’ve become less of a risk-taker, and much more of a calculated planner. I’ve not decided whether I resent the lost recklessness of my youth, or if I appreciate my new-found maturity.  I believe I am ambivalent at best.

care2

I would wake up every morning, refreshed and hopeful, but by dinner time, emotions like fear and its best friend, anger, had all but beat the hope out of me, leaving me antsy at best. It really was exhausting. Not that sleep came easily.

 

I’m not a reasonable person, because I have anxiety disorder, which makes me judge my thoughts and feelings based on the reactions of my body.
I often can’t tell if I’m nervous like old normal anxious me, or nervous like the new anxious me. I just knew I felt uneasy. My internal dialogue would go like this, usually just before sleep:

omg, are we gonna hafta live here forEVER? should we have just gotten an apartment? should we have just gone to urbana? maybe we should just move anyway. maybe we’re supposed to stay here. maybe i should take a pill. why can’t i enjoy the rest? isn’t it nice to have so much time with my family? every day is beautiful and every day is full of love and laughter. i’m on a permanent weekend? shouldn’t i like that?!?  what is wrong with me? i am going to die of tryin to sleep in the hotness that is this  room. i wonder if mom would let us install blackout blinds? why would they pull his hard credit and not hire him? who does this?!? well if it doesn’t start until july 22, maybe they just sit on it until july? you would think that if they wanted to fill the positions they’d let people know they got the job and not just call them and hope they hadn’t taken another job. you’d think. i think, anyway. maybe when my husband goes to interviews he isn’t as charming and well-spoken as i think he is. maybe i’m blinded by love? look at how blah thinks blank is so great, when obviously blank is a total idiot. blah can’t see it, cause she loves his idiot ass. shit. maybe i should take a pill.  why don’t they call? don’t they know everything hinges on this job? should i take a pill? maybe i should take a pill. i’m sure it’s all going to be fine. i mean, i’ve been through worse. it would be so much easier to enjoy this fucking “vacation” if i knew when it would end! omg, who says this?!? what the hell is wrong with me? if i’d known we were gonna sit around this fucking long, we could have enrolled in classes or something. this is just ridiculous. maybe that’s what the universe is saying? hello? universe? i’d like to know wtf we’re supposed to be doinnng?!?

awake

Monday, I had said to God, “I am open. Surprise me.”
Monday, I had said to The Mister, “We’ve had the drought. I think we’re ready for the ‘when it rains, it pours’ aspect here..”
Tuesday, I woke up to a messed-up dream, and I was walkin around the bedroom, with my tank top on my neck, lookin for a bra, cause you know, modesty in front of my FIL or someshit. The next thing I knew, my husband was shoving a piece of paper in my face. I was still groggy, but it had a phone number on it, and what appeared to be a salary figure, what with its comma and all. I’m not good with numbers. It was too big for an account balance, and too small for a real estate listing…

Oh. Oh!
And I said to God and The Universe, “Thank you! I will take it!”
Strangely, I didn’t say this to The Mister? I needed coffee to say it to him, I guess?
So, Tuesday afternoon, he accepted the job, and Tuesday night, I celebrated his accomplishment with a VERY LARGE cocktail.

vodkateaWhat can I say? it was my turn to drink!

It turns out, The Mister really is as charming and well-spoken as I think he is, and so not an idiot. While I sipped my enormous vodka peach tea, I considered that I might be the luckiest woman in the world. By the time I was fishing my straw around the ice, slurping down the dregs, I remembered I am incredibly fascinating, he is a friggin riot, and together, we are unstoppable!
Obviously, I should have been drinkin every day for the last three months! Duh!

*winks*

 

 

Posted in Personally | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

Random Monday Sure was Dandy

Confession: I am so happy not to be in Georgia to be “home,” that every day, when I go outside, I’m overcome with beauty and gratitude. I often find myself humming to the tune of my earworm, “This is the day that the Lord hath made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.”
And that says a lot for me and my attitude about life, cause I’m not a Christian, and I am living with my in-laws…
But every day, there’s a breeze. I watch the breeze beat and dance its way through the Maple trees. Every day, there is green grass to walk in. Every day, I see birds eating and bathing. I hear them chirping and squawking, and I delight in it.  The rosy finches are building a nest on the front porch. It’s precious.

barefoot

All that being said, yesterday was more fantastic than a usual day!
I know it was only Random Monday, but sometimes life is like that.

First, after nearly three months of living here, The Mister finally installed our shower heads in the tubs. I can rinse my hair thoroughly in under five minutes again. It’s the small things, People!

Second, The Mister finally faxed some important paperwork. This means I have one less thing to worry about, and I appreciate not worrying.

Third, our bank now allows for depositing checks via the phone camera. Sweet!

And finally, we had a date. Granted, we had a date with three other guys, so it wasn’t THAT kinda date…but I know it was a date, because we had a babysitter, we met at a pub, and I wore red lips and kick-ass shoes.
Downtown dinner with four men? Yes, please! (Okay, so my husband is the only straight one, so it maybe wasn’t as exciting as I’ve led you to think, but it was exciting to me!)
They’ve known us since we were children, Mr. Hill most notably, having previously been our Youth Leader, and we hadn’t seen them in about eight years, so we had quite a bit of catching up to do.

You know what I love about seeing old friends after long stretches of time? The hugs, of course, and the part where they, perhaps accidentally, pay you mind-blowing compliments. Okay, okay, I look the same as I did eight years ago. What can I say? I’ve got good genes. I really can’t much take credit for that. But I’ll take the personal stuff, like how it’s a good thing that I will take The Mister head-on and tell him how it is, kick in the pants and all that.
“Thank you,” I said sincerely, and wanted another hug. “I don’t know how else to be.”
“Well, you were like that at fifteen.”

Yes. Yes, I was. And it frightened many adults, as it still does, but it’s who I am, and I like that part of myself, and it is treated like a fault, when really all of our faults are also our strengths, and I could be wrong, but it seems like it’s only a fault in women, being opinionated and vocal…
That makes Mr. Hill a wonderful feminist, doesn’t it?
I think so.
Additionally, having The Mister agree that I challenge him, and he needs that — that was phenomenal.

guinnessIt did not hurt that since The Mister drove, I got to drink, after three long months of abstention. Scotch eggs, fish n’ chips, and two pints of Guinness, thank you very much! I also sampled some sorta local dark brew, which I liked, but after three months of suffering, pretty much nothin could keep me from what I wanted!

 

Also? This.

This is Dancing Ann. She dances while you wait for the Walk signal. She is fabulous, and I love her.

And Also? This.

mural

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kurt Vonnegut mural. Awesome.

What a joyful day Random Monday was. *grins*

Posted in Personally | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Omagosh! Is that a Purple Paisley Shirt?

One of the great things about being back in the city? Great Big Goodwill Stores! Like most people, I started shopping at Goodwill long before Macklemore told us it was fucking awesome.

moo would totally rock this outfit..

moo would totally rock this outfit..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As I said here, my middle daughter is a Giantesse, who grows with the ferocity of kudzu vines. Keeping her clothed is the bane of my existence. It’s quite costly to clothe a child who grows so quickly. It’s hard enough to find age-appropriate clothes to fit a child with the body of a woman, but Sassy makes it even more challenging with what she refers to as her “style.” Her “style” is impossible to describe, because in order to have one understand her “style,” she would need to clearly define those parameters. Which she cannot.
No pink. Unless maybe it’s neon and there’s a giraffe in sunglasses. Or if it’s plaid. Or if it’s bejeweled. Or Hello Kitty.
No flowers. Unless they’re flowers she likes. (none?) Or the flowers are next to Hello Kitty.
No butterflies or hearts. Unless they’re next to elephants. Or, of course, Hello Kitty.
Green is awesome. Unless it’s got dolman sleeves, in which case, it is clearly for old ladies.
Lace is awful. Unless it’s black, or white, or green, or blue, but it definitely cannot be pink, except when it’s with giraffes, elephants, guitars, or Hello Kitty.
Black is her favorite. But not with pink elephants on it. And, “Mama! No! Don’t you see the hearts?”
“But you like the turquoise shirt, with the pink hearts and elephants on it..that one even has flowers…”
Studded, blingy, sparkly things are awesome. Unless they have too much sparkle, or the studs are colored, but if the studs are pink, that’s okay, on a black flowery shirt, because it’s cool.
Stripes are splendid, except if you buy her a two-tone blue striped shirt, because blue is actually her favorite color.
She loves dresses. Not any actual dresses, except that ONE you found that looks like Drew’s shirt, only in dress form, which you hope to God she really did like, and wasn’t just complimenting Auntie Drew out of some poorly-learned politesse… She wishes she had more dresses, so you walk through every store asking, “This one?” *points* “How about that one?” You give up when she tells you she doesn’t care about Audrey Hepburn and the simplicity of a little black dress. You are further upset when she claims your little black dress, puts on your black slingbacks and lets Mamaw tie on a colorful scarf at the neck…You think: Shit, if she put on my sunglasses, she could be Audrey Hepburn for cryin out loud!
You see a hundred women in one weekend, and you ask her, “Do you like Beauty Queen’s dress?” No. “Do you like Noni’s dress?” No. “Do you like Kaitlynn’s dress?” No.
You hope she will grow up to design these still non-existent types of dresses that live only in her head.
And that’s why you take Sassy the Giantesse shopping at Goodwill on the weekend. You are teaching her to be thrifty while allowing her to explore and develop her “style.”  Also known as Hunt for your own clothes, you big, bearish brat! 

shopping1

 

*achem* Anyway, they also sell a lot of cheap books at Goodwill.
So while we were in the Goodwill yesterday, they had the greatest disco music goin on, and I was sayin to Sassy how they should keep the Goodwill open at night for the singing.
A particular song came on, wherein I was forced to move from singing to dancing.

We frequently dance in not-dancing public places. We’re fun/silly/odd like that.

 

If you can listen to this song and not move your body..well, I just don’t have that kind of self-control!

The man on the next aisle nudged his wife and pointed to me. “She can’t help but shimmy,” he told her. He and his wife smiled, and before long, The Mister was groovin, Moo was performing some sorta Cosby-esque contortion, while I spun Sassy about. Even the cashier got in on it!

dance1

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After that, we went to the bookstore, where Sassy found a pile of giant Emperor Penguin plushies, and of course, she just had to have one. “Mr. Happy Flapper,” she said.
The Mister was delighted at the sale price of Mr. Happy Flapper, which perhaps inspired him to waddle penguin-like to the check-out, and then to waddle penguin-like to the car. He made a delightful Emperor Penguin. He did it so well, I wondered if he had practiced penguin waddling before…

We took Mr. Happy Flapper to Starbucks, where he was disappointed to find that they were out of fish frappuccinos. Personally, I’m just glad he isn’t growing.

mrhappyflapper

Posted in Personally | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

It’s Called Swate Tay

sweet tea 2

I learned how to make swate tay from Beauty Queen, who is a real Southerner. I know other Southerners make their sweet tea differently, but they’ll need to write that shit on their own blogs. In the South, you can find proper sweet tea anywhere — seems even the Japanese restaurants have hired a true Southerner to come in and show them how to make it.

McDonald’s is your best bet, because theirs tastes like mine. *winks*

sweet tea

If you’re above the Mason-Dixon line, you’re prolly outta luck, like me.
Your McDonald’s says they have sweet tea, but what they actually have is sweetened tea.
NOT THE SAME.
Sweet tea is strong, thick, and rich in color. You cannot see through a glass of sweet tea. After a glass of sweet tea, you will need a toothbrush, to remove, as Beauty Queen says “the granny sweaters from your teeth.”
If your mouth doesn’t feel like it’s covered in a film of sweaters knitted by tiny invisible grandmothers, you have not had sweet tea.

I can’t make sweet tea here, because there is no room for the pitcher in MIL’s super special refrigerator. We’ve bought several different brands of sweet tea, only to be disappointed. When we dine out, The Mister asks servers specifically how the tea is brewed, and seldom orders any.
Place after place, brand after brand — our dreams of true sweet tea are crushed.

You can make sweet tea in my honor, yes-oui?

You will need:

at least a 10-cup coffee pot
(any 12-cup coffee pot will do)

a pitcher
(you can buy a pretty one for when company’s comin, but if you’re doin it right, you’ll want one of these cheapies, because that pitcher’s gonna be stained FOREVER, and those pretty glass ones won’t look so clean once they’re half empty…)

sweet tea 3

 

 

 

 

ice
(enough ice to fill the pitcher to seven-eighths full)

Luzianne Family Sized Tea Bags
(decaf for me, thanks)

sweet tea 4

 

 

 

sugar
(three-to-four cups…yes, three-to-four cups)

Put three tea bags in the coffee basket, where you would normally put the coffee. Make sure there is no coffee in there, because that ain’t right.
Put ten cups of water into the coffee pot’s water reserve, where you would normally put the water.
Brew.

When the tea is done, fill the pitcher about seven-eighths of the way with ice. Do not do this before the tea is brewed, or your ice will melt and the cubes will commence to stickin together. *tsks*

Pour those three-to-four cups of sugar over the ice.

Pour the hot tea over the ice and sugar.

Stir it like it’s cement, for as long as your arm can stand it, cause it’s thick like that.

sweet tea 5

Pour and enjoy!
(Then go brush your teeth)

Posted in Random Musings | Tagged , | 15 Comments

Feminism is All About Who’s Makin the Sandwiches, Right?

feminist

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As I said here, my marriage is sexist.
I don’t know why it’s sexist.
I don’t think we’re sexist.
Perhaps it’s better labeled ‘traditional.’
Only, I don’t think we’re terribly traditional.

By popular opinion, it seems that by getting married, having babies and staying home for most of the last fourteen years, I’ve failed to be a proper feminist.

mommeme1

 

 

 

 

 

They said I could be anything I wanted?

I didn’t keep my maiden name, or hyphenate it.
I probably should have kept my maiden name. Everyone could say it and spell it.

The truth is, I married at 25, not thinking about anything other than how to keep The Mister in my bed forever.
(Being in touch with my sexuality does give me feminist points.)
Looking back, I know the decision to get married was not particularly informed, but it was a sorta knowing I couldn’t escape.

The Mister is a good man. (For a man.) He’s descended from a long line of good men. (For men.) I’m not particularly fond of men, as I said here. Generally, I see them as people who are not women, and I love women. It could be that I’ve not met enough men, but men often disappoint me, whereas women impress me more often than not.

men

 

 

 

 

 

 

My plan at age 24 was not to get married. I thought perhaps I would be that madly eccentric auntie everyone adores. I had a cat, a lot of books and plants, and a tendency to break hearts. I thought maybe when I was really old, (the age I am now) if I wanted a child, I would maybe go to a sperm bank or somethin.

I did not want to merge, to share, to have anyone else’s expectations put upon me. I couldn’t see the possibility of marital bliss, because I didn’t believe in marital bliss.

boyfriend

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

To me, men were specifically for sex, protection, and shit like putting my bed together. Don’t get me wrong, I value(d) some of those men for more than their bodies, but mostly not. 

So it’s not really a surprise that I married a Marine, with mechanical ability, for the hot sex, now is it?
I took on two kids, had two more, and topped out at two cats and a dog, which really cuts down on the time you have to devote to houseplants and books, by the way.

I cook, I clean, I launder, I sew, I garden, I scrapbook, I  …. I’m very domesticated.
The Mister brings home the bacon, yeah?
He doesn’t cook it. He rarely even makes his own sammich.

sexism

 

 

 

 

 

 

If he’s home, I don’t pump gas, I don’t clean up broken glass, or clean up vomit.
If he’s home, I don’t take kids to get shots, and I don’t take out the trash.
I don’t mow the grass. Ever.

We like our clearly-defined traditional gender roles. They suit us.

When I married this man, I told him I would follow him to the ends of the earth.
Sometimes bitches say stupid shit…

So when people wonder why I’m not getting a job first, it’s because that’s not my role. My role depends on his job’s hours, demands, and pay. It also depends on where we live, and getting a second car.  In fact, my role actually depends on everyone and everything else. I won’t work until we have a second car, and I won’t take a job until the girls are enrolled in school, and we won’t be getting a car until we have a home, and we won’t be getting a home until he’s secured a good job…and, and, and…this is not about ME.

We chose that. We choose it again every day.

(Usually. I have worked outside the home as needed, and inside the home for money, as well.)

I’ve had the urge to go to work for a few years now. It’s never been a good time. It’s not a good time now. At some point it will be a good time. The Mister isn’t forbidding me to work, and he’s certainly not asking me to. Isn’t he a good feminist for supporting my decisions?
(I should totally go make him a sammich in gratitude!)

I am not stupid enough to think that somehow, when I go to work, since I am making money, too, my husband will take up half my duties and we will live happily ever after. I’ve done it before, with the same man, and I know how it’s going to be. He’s not going to take up the art of sandwich-making or dividing Allium bulbs. I’m not going to say, “No, baby, you go ahead and finish icing the cake, I’ll unclog the toilet.”
Although the Mister isn’t unemployed yet, he’s been home every day for months, and yet, hasn’t taken up cooking, laundry, or quilting. He helps here and there, and he always parents, but the roles are still the same.
When our children have all moved out, the roles will still be the same.

WIFE

We are in this new chapter, and I want a new life. New life will be without deployments and training that take The Mister away for months at a time.
New life will let him provide some of the stability, too.
New life is no longer composed of two little kids and two babies.
New life doesn’t mean I’m going to work 40+ hours a week and stop makin sammiches….

No one wants that, because apparently, my sandwiches taste better than the ones they make themselves. I think it’s a sham, but it’s a small price to pay for knowin no one licked the mayo off the knife and stuck it back in the jar, as well as my being fully satisfied in the knowledge that the mayo is not touching the cheese. *nods*

sammich

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why is cooking said to be a woman’s role, when most of the world’s best chefs are men? My dad and my father cook more than my mother, are they better feminists? Couldn’t it just be that some people are good cooks who enjoy cooking, and other people are not?
If neither person is a good cook who enjoys cooking, doesn’t the couple just hire someone or dine out?

When I ask my husband to cook, he takes me out or orders take-out.
My husband makes me coffee almost every single day.
My husband has been known to take the children out on Saturday morning, so I can sleep in.
Don’t people do these things for their partners, regardless of gender?
The Mister teases me that I’m spoiled, and yet, tells me I’m deserving.

Obviously, he’s pretty fantastic. This blog will never tell you otherwise.

If you read me long enough, you will come to the conclusion that my husband is a god among men, (because I say he is) and he surely deserves more than my neurotic ass.
I speak so highly of him, when I first joined Facebook, people didn’t even think he was real.
Fortunately for me, he is real, he thinks my neurotic ass is fabulous.
And I don’t mean literally my ass. Although I’m okay with my literal ass being objectified by my husband. Which it is. 

deeperinstinct

 

 

 

 

 

Now, I’ll stop, so that you don’t slip and slide on some ooey gooey love shit, but I’m just sayin, we’re awfully contented within our sexist marriage.
But what do you expect from a bad sammich-makin feminist and her macho man?

presenting me with offerings at the cottage on sanibel island

presenting me with offerings at the cottage on sanibel island

Posted in Personally | Tagged , , , , , , , | 26 Comments

Sunday Worship

Last week, my mother wrote, “Here I am at my favorite Church on Sunday. The Church of Golf. The Legends Golf & Country Club. Life is good. Thank you Lord.”

not my mother -- also not me

not my mother — also, not me

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Am I Mama’s girl?
No, I’m not. *giggles*

Today is the Indianapolis 500.
That’s a church of sorts, as well.  It takes over the city for an entire month. People come from all over the world to vomit and piss beer cheer all over the infield.
It’s like a racin revival, because the Coca-Cola 600 is also on the television today.

racin

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
(In Indiana, we do corn, basketball, and racin.)

My parents frequented races when I was a small child.

I hated it. They just drive around really fast. Even at the age of eight, I knew that racing should only be fun for the person driving.
Besides, races were almost always hot places. Sometimes I met other children whose parents dragged them to races, and I would play with them, but mostly, I hung out in our camper.
>Flash to me with my Richard Scarry Rainy Day book, cutting out finger puppets and assembling a small village…

book

 

 

 

 

 

 

You might remember Busytown?

book2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When I was about twelve, I finally confessed my hatred for racing.
My dad said, “Be clear about what you’re saying, because if you really never want to go to another race again, then I will never take you to another race again.”

Sometimes parents say things that backfire on them…

I’d been living a lie, but telling the truth separated me from them.
>Flash to me spending a lot more time with my grandmothers. 

knitting

Eventually, I got old enough to stay in the care of Drew’s parents: who dragged me around to churches instead of races.
You know, I still prefer churches to races? At least they have air-conditioning and you can hear yourself think.
(Yes, even as a child, I liked to hear myself think.)

thinker

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m not sure what Sunday Worship for me is. Considering the last three or four years of my life, it might well be nine o’clock programming, with an altar of Haagen-Dazs…
Tonight, Game of Thrones and salted caramel gelato.

Posted in Personally | Tagged , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Greetings and Salutations

depot1

The other day, I walked into the Home Depot, and the door greeter was all, “Good morning! How are you?”
I smiled and said, “It’s just another day, so I’m good, thanks! How’re you?”
She shouted out, “You should be glad to be alive!”

 

 

 

 

 

depot5

 

 

 

 

 

Errr..I am?

I gave her a look of consternation and went on my way in search of acidic soil amendment.
I don’t know why my answer wasn’t good enough for Door Greeter Lady.

It bothered me. It bothered me all day. What a strange thing to say to someone…

 

depot4

Did I seem suicidal?
Was my smile not working?
Did I present with an expiration date that only she could see?
Had I unknowingly avoided a fatal injury at the door?
Was there a deadly plague in the Home Depot parking lot?
Was she implying that she would’ve killed me in my sleep had she not had other things to do the night before?

I really don’t know what to do with that comment.

depot2

Posted in Random Musings | 14 Comments

Thank You for Thinking I’m Leibster Enough

LindaGHill from Get on my plate! has nominated me for The Leibster Award, woot! Thank you Ma’am!

leibster

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Rules for The Liebster Blog Award are as follows:

List 11 random facts about you.

Answer the questions that were asked of you.

Nominate 11 other blogs for the Liebster Blog Award and link to their blogs.

Notify the bloggers of their award.

Ask the award winners 11 questions to answer once they accept the award.

My Eleven Things About Myself Are:

1. I’m tired of listing things about myself. I feel like I’m stuck between bragging and confession.

2. When making a sandwich, or dressing a burger, the mayonnaise cannot touch the cheese. That mayonnaise will do nothing but adhere the cheese to the roof of my mouth and I will NOT enjoy that.  This is a very good reason to ask for things on the side.

3. I’m a person who needs between nine and ten hours of sleep a night to feel good.

4. I am very good at obsessing.

5. Although some people think I’m a food snob, or a gourmet, I rather enjoy peanut butter and jelly sammiches, Fig Newtons, and the occasional McDonald’s cheeseburger in a yellow wrapper, so I know they’re wrong.

6. I can’t pull off short hair. I look like a boy. With a really bad chin.

7. I’ve come to believe that the Ayurvedic way of eating is the most beneficial diet for me. I try to cram in a ton of uncooked, cooling foods, and when I do, I feel better. Sadly, coffee is on my list of what not to consume, because the foods I love most are the ones that make me feel like crap.

8. Although most of the men in my family have served, and I married a Marine, nothing prepared me for the life I lived as an Army wife. I am forever changed by it.

9. I’m one of the less than 3% of the world’s population that got Chickenpox twice. I guess I should look forward to Shingles…

10. I like to go for car rides with the windows down. Like a dog. I don’t hang my head out and pant, but still.

11. I sort laundry. I can’t throw towels in with jeans and undies. I cannot. I know people do this, but I cannot.

 

LindaGHill’s questions for me are:

1. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
I think I would live in the Pacific Northwest, if I could afford to fly home whenever I wanted.

2. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
Some of them are in storage, but I’d say 15-20.

3. Where were you born? (city and/or country – whatever you’re comfortable revealing)
Indianapolis, Indiana

4. Are you superstitious?
No.

5. What’s your favourite fruit?
Bing cherries

6. If you could collect anything, what would it be? Anything at all.
Yet-uninvented lap giraffes

7. Name the members of what would make up the ultimate band, dead or alive.
I have no idea. I really don’t.

8. What song can you not help tapping your foot to?
All of them?

9. If you could paint the walls of your living room in any colour, what would it be?
Some shade of pale blue.

10. Are you or have you ever been addicted to a game?
Oh yes. Tetris and Animal Crossing top the list.

11. Are butterflies pretty or creepy?
Pretty, pretty, pretty!

My Nominees Are:

The Truth About Moms and Blogs

Kat’s Den

Mommy Man

Free Little Words

countingducks

Positive Disintegration

The Brown Road Chronicles

Goddess, Living Out Loud

Beefy’s House O’ Fun

Lily Mugford

Janna’s Whimsies

My Questions for the Nominees:

1. What did you want to be when you grew up?

2. Cats or dogs?

3. What smell is it that everyone seems to love, but you don’t like it at all?

4. If you didn’t write, would you explode or implode?

5. When you play games, what piece do you choose to represent you? Are you always the car for Monopoly, or the orange man in CandyLand?

6. What is your dream vacation?

7. Which celebrity makes you close the browser, change the channel, or turn the page?

8. Early bird or night owl?

9. Do you prefer French toast, pancakes, or waffles?

10. What section of the bookstore do you browse most often?

11. Would you rather be stuck high in the top of a tree or at the bottom of a well?

Whew! I’m done!
Congratulations on your nominations and here’s to finding new bloggers to read! *raises coffee cup*

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | 10 Comments