joeyfullystated

You Can’t Outgrow My Love, My Love

Posted on July 12, 2016 by joey

I put my bag of new shoes in the trunk and Sassy (then 12) and I got into the car to head home. Sassy had never been to the shoe warehouse. I have no idea how many shoes are in there, but ALAWT seems accurate. She’d been awed. She said she wanted so many new shoes. I said, “When your feet stop growing, you can start investing in shoes. While your feet are growing you just need the basics. When you settle into a size, we’ll buy you more. Terrible thing about being an adult, you sometimes don’t consider you should buy new things, since all your old things still fit you.”

She was quiet for a bit and then she asked, “Is that why you don’t buy me clothes all the time anymore?”
“What?”
“You used to buy me clothes all the time. You hardly ever buy me clothes anymore. You’ll say I need jeans or warmies or whatever and we’ll go get them, but you used to buy me new clothes all the time. Like, all the time.”

OH NO.

“You used to grow so fast, I could barely keep you clothed! I HAD to shop all the time!”
“I feel so much better! I thought you didn’t love me as much anymore.”
“WHAT?”
“I didn’t know.”
“WHAT?”
“I thought…Oh, I just thought…”
“Nooooo!”

Can you imagine the heartbreak and devastation of this conversation? I realize it’s also horrible funny, but Oh My God, my child thought I didn’t love her as much anymore!

When we had Irish twins, people said how great it was that we could pass Sassy’s clothes to Moo. No one could have predicted Sassy would be a giantesse and Moo would be tiny. It takes many years for this gap to close on the clothes.
For most of their childhood, people would ask me how far apart they were and when I answered 14 months, people would be shocked, and I have gotten over being asked if I am sure!

For years, Sassy the Giantesse outgrew everything in a matter of months. One day she wore the blue 6-9 month onesie and then the next day, it was too small. That was the beginning. From that point on, she was in the 90th percentile or off the chart. She was in 3T by one year, in a 7/8 by kindergarten, in the women’s department by fourth grade. She passed her older sister a long time ago. Shopping for her was a constant necessity.
For almost two years, I couldn’t keep her in pants, so I’d buy her oversized dresses to wear with tights, and when those crept up on her, she could wear them with leggins and bike shorts.
Sassy would grow out of clothes in a matter of months, but it would be years before Moo could fit into them.

7 & 6

In contrast, Moo didn’t outgrow her training panties until she was 9. She wore a 6x until fourth grade. Moo could ride in the baby basket of the grocery cart until she was 8. Moo was in a car booster seat until she was 10. For most of her life, nurses nagged me about Moo’s weight, until one day, she finally hit the low end of the normal range. I’ve hardly had to buy Moo any clothes. She always had tubs of clothes to grow into. She still has two right now.

When you’ve got another kid to wear all the clothes, you don’t mind to purchase nice quality items, but when you’ve got one who grows so fast, you also gladly accept hand-me-downs, order a lot from eBay, and shop at thrift stores. It was a lot of shopping, constantly, all her life, okay?

Not too long after we moved here, Sassy’s growth rate slowed down considerably. We didn’t take her shopping all the time, we didn’t buy her new shoes every few months, we didn’t order a box lot of clothes from eBay and take her to the thrift shop almost every weekend. We didn’t need to, since she had stuff that fit.

If you’re a child whose whole life has always involved getting lots of things, whether new or new-to-you, when it stops, you don’t see it as a pleasant end to constant shopping, you think maybe you’re not as loved as you had been. Terrible stuff.

This post was inspired by Sassy’s latest growth spurt. She passed my height this summer. Moo is presumed to be seven, even though she’s twelve. She can fit in your average suitcase.

Posted in Personally | Tagged Moo, parenting, Sassy | 59 Comments

Share Your World #28

Posted on July 11, 2016 by joey

What is your earliest memory?
I don’t know. I seem to remember a great deal from our house on 43rd Street, and we left there when I was four. How old was I when I fell off my tricycle and the shock of blood spilled from my knee? I remember that like it was yesterday. That may be it.

Now and again I drive by the old house, and I’m always surprised by how big it seemed, especially the yard. When you’re little, yards seem nearly infinite don’t they?
Oh how I played myself silly in that yard!

It was by a dairy, so Elsie the Cow was a landmark.
My yellow Tupperware sippy cup; I was always thirsty, and always taking medicine, and boy did I love that yellow cup in the fridge.
I learned left and right while my father tied his tie, and I learned to spell new big words by picking one from the newspaper every day.
One of our neighbors let me ride her Great Dane.
The den had a fold-out couch and I got to sleep there, right in front of the tv, after my tonsils were out. People brought me toys and my mother let me eat ice cream and Popsicles for days.
Turtles washed up when Fall Creek flooded, and my mother saved them in a box in her bedroom til the water went down and we had to keep the door shut, because we couldn’t let the dogs in there, just in case. Those turtles were awesome.
I had a big spidery nightlight. (It might have been tiny, too.) I think it had a red bulb. I loved it.
Visiting our neighbor Mrs. Greg was like having a third gramma. She made me tapioca pudding, she let me sit on the tall table while she folded laundry. Over there, I played with plastic farm animals and fencing. I liked to take naps there because she had some print with a farm on it, some very Americana-type painting with high green hills and women in white bonnets. Lots of cows.

What was the last photo you took with your phone?

Have you ever danced in the rain?
Yes.

What is the longest you have gone without sleep?
Not quite two days, forty-some-odd hours. Rotavirus doesn’t care which of your babies are asleep and which ones are awake. It doesn’t care when the big kids have to go places, or how you didn’t want vomit in your hair, or how your back broke from constantly bathing toddlers, or how The Mister worked 90 hours that week, or how your MIL was out of town, or that Cousin Kim had to take loads of soiled linens to her house because you couldn’t wash them fast enough with one washer. Dark times, y’all.

Bonus question: What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?
I had a great week last week, certainly the weekend was a good one. We had an impromptu visit and seafood dinner out on Friday, I stayed in my jammies and made poutine and Texas sheet cake Saturday, and yesterday, Bubba, Sassy, Moo, Sadie, and myself took a big ol doorscursion. It’s too hot outside, I still hate summer, and so I’m thankful for my air conditioning. (And suddenly, I’m grateful no one has the rotavirus!)
This week coming up, I’m looking forward to a haircut and a pedicure.

Cee’s Share Your World is a weekly feature and all are welcome to play along.

What’s going on in your world?

Posted in Personally | Tagged childhood, cousin kim, family, food, gratitude, happiness, lifestyle, Moo, nature, parenting, Sassy, SYW, The Mister | 39 Comments

SoCS — Not Now

Posted on July 9, 2016 by joey

“Not now.”

“Can’t. Makin gravy.”

“Can’t. Typin.”

“Can’t. Foldin laundry.”

“Can’t. Paint all over me.”

“Can’t. Gotta pee.”

“Not now.”

Things I say to my children while they follow me around for hugs.

Despite what my family says about me bein an ice queen or whatever, I am actually an affectionate person. I always give hugs and kisses morning and night and hello and goodbye. To EVERYONE, I promise. I’m an excellent hugger. I give real hugs. I don’t side hug or air hug or polite hug, when I hug people, they feel the love. Why, just the other day, I ran into an old classmate, and he commented that I hug like all the women in Italy. So lemme tell ya, I’m plenty affectionate, despite what they say.

I still hold my kids pretty much every single night. Yes, it does feel like they’re going to crack my femur and no, I can’t do it too long.

Still, while we watch tv, they cuddle up to us, and they get snuggles and petting. I sometimes think the boy comes over for a back scratch.

I pet them while we wait. I pet them at other people’s homes. I swear, my people are well affectionated.

But they’re their father’s children when it comes to hugs. Good gawd, these people with their hugs. I swear to you, I must hug them every time we pass in the house. If I can’t, because doin stuff, they DO get butt-hurt about it and pout. They will stand around until I’m done with whatever, and wait for the hugs.

They’ll move a cat or dog to get at me. They’ll remove the laptop, a book, the phone, a cup of coffee. These people are persistent!

The Mister thinks a good hug can fix any problem. Well, my problems. It’s not that the hugs hurt, but sometimes, while he hugs angry me, I fantasize about being a big green Hulk version of myself throwing him through the window. I think, I CAN’T FIX THE PROBLEM WHILE WE’RE HUGGING. YOU’RE WASTIN MY TIME! but I just say, “I love you too.”

Like most mothers, especially mothers of many, I have been through a time when I felt like people touched me too much. Hold the people, rock the people, snuggle the people, carry the people, grow more people inside me, hold the people, nurse the people, cuddle the people, rock the people, people climbin all over me, all fuckin day and night. And toddlers are like pets about the bathroom. Yes, you have to hold them while you go, or they will cry in the hallway. I recall a day Sissy cried because I wanted to take a shower and not talk to her during. Got to a point where at the end of the night, I’d be like, “We can have the sex, but just the sex. Don’t touch me, I swear to God, my skin burns from touching.”

There is so too much of a good thing.

It’s difficult to concentrate on a task with people holding onto your hand, or your leg, or whatever, and it’s just not safe to nuzzle your wife’s neck while she uses a chop knife. Oh sure, once a Marine always a Marine and nothin bad will happen to you, but your wife may well lose a finger!

“Can’t. Fryin eggs. HOT GREASE!”

While I’ve been typing this, Moo has been trying to hold my left hand off and on the entire time. She says I can type with one hand.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday SoCS ‘concentration’ is brought to you by LindaGHill

Posted in Personally | Tagged Bubba, happiness, lifestyle, Moo, parenting, Sassy, Sissy, SOCS, The Mister | 52 Comments

Cowgirl

Posted on July 8, 2016 by joey

To be a proper imaginary cowgirl, you steal your mother’s hat, your sister’s belt, throw on yer wellies, and ride your horsey to the living room. This flash in the pan was six summers ago.

Happy Friday Everyone!

Posted in Random Musings | Tagged Moo | 13 Comments

#ThursdayDoors — Joy of All Who Sorrow

Posted on July 7, 2016 by joey

That’s the actual name of this church. Such pretty-pretty…I feel better already, don’t you?

#ThursdayDoors is part of an inspired post series run by Norm Frampton. To view other interesting doors, click the link and see what others are posting today.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged Thursday Doors | 20 Comments

One-Liner Wednesday — Mighty Steamed

Posted on July 6, 2016 by joey

They say it’s all in how you look at it, so after swearing quite a bit, I shouted, “My God, that’s the best steam burn I’ve had in years! I simply cannot think of when I last had such a good steam burn! Just absolutely fantastic!”

One-Liner Wednesday is brought to you by LindaGHill

Posted in Random Musings | Tagged gratitude, One-Liner Wednesday | 14 Comments

Whatter Company

Posted on July 5, 2016 by joey

Back in 2013, when we bought our house, I called and set up our utilities. The water company was not whatever it was I paid in Indy before we left, because our city within the city has its own. Whole new bill for us. The lady said it would be a while before we got a bill. This is what I wrote in my notes:

water/sewer/trash – start service 8/16 – $30.00 start-up fee – billed later

In the fall, when really, we’d forgotten we even had a water/sewer/trash bill, it finally arrived. I don’t remember the exact amount, but it was more than $200, and of course, due before Christmas.

No, no, it’s fine, really, I’ll just brine our turkey in this bucket of tears…

It was the very first bill we ever got from them, but because of the amount, it came in the red warning ink with a disconnect notice.

We are the kind of people who enjoy having water, and so we decided we should pay that immediately, in person, and get a receipt. Except, we had NO IDEA where to go.
If you think the letterhead should show the address, you’re silly like me.

FIL said he knew it was someplace on the fort.
I looked it up, and got the address of the water tower. I drive by the water tower (all the time) and there are no admin buildings.
I drove over where the post office, police station, and courts are, but it wasn’t there.

Of all things, I found the address on Facebook.
We drove over to the office, paid the bill, and even got a recycling schedule.

But we noticed, every time we paid the bill, it took forever for the check to clear. We started paying it with online bill pay — still took forever. It became obvious that their favorite thing to do was to process our payment right as they mailed the new bill, so our bills always came red and disconnect-like.

It’s not a flat fee, so even if you think it’d be clever to double your most recent bill and add some cushion to get ahead of this madness, they still mail a statement for a month you’ve paid.

They do not offer an online bill pay option.

In the words of my mother talking about things that make no sense, I tell you, IT ARE INSANE.

In December of 2014, Sassy told me this sad story about, “My friend Polly was supposed to go to Chicago to see her family, but I guess they got a really big water bill or something and now they can’t go.” YA DON’T SAY?!?

In November of 2015, we received a letter instead of a bill. The letter was about how it was impossible for them to bill us for December, but to make sure we’d be prepared to give them all our January monies. I asked The Mister, “Whaddya suppose that means?” He said, “I don’t fuckin know.”

It meant in December our bill came, two months’ worth, in red, due the first week of January.

We often go in person to pay this bill. With cash. We just feel better about it that way.

But we didn’t last month, because we are stupid or whatever. We paid it online, on the 20th of June. So, this month, The Mister handed me a bill from the water company, with $159 somethin due before July 15, 2016. All in red, with a disconnect notice.
Not twenty minutes later, he found a discrepancy in our checking account. For the exact amount of the water bill.

I’m so glad I have clean water and a working sewer and that someone collects our trash, and I’m glad we can pay for it, but OMG CASH THE FUCKING CHECK!

It’s like the water company can’t find the bank. I feel like there’s a job there.
Wanted: Deposit specialist. Must know where the bank is.

Do y’all have any weird bills? Are there certain bills you prefer to pay in person?

Posted in Random Musings | Tagged home, lifestyle, money, neurotic, The Mister | 60 Comments

Gumbo & Pie on Fourth of July

Posted on July 4, 2016 by joey

My apologies, Luanne, my red gingham is in the wash.

Whatch’all eatin today?

Posted in Random Musings | Tagged food, happiness | 45 Comments

SoCS — But is it Long Enough?

Posted on July 2, 2016 by joey

This is a long weekend for many of us. Really, it’s a long weekend for people who work in places that aren’t open on Fourth of July, notably businesses that depend significantly on mail and/or banks.

I hadn’t thought about the long weekend properly.

First came the realization that because I was unable to get ahold of anyone at the water company Friday, I’d need to call back on Monday. When I text this to The Mister, he corrected me, “Tuesday.”
Oh yeah.

I knew it was coming, but when I went to the market yesterday, I bought food for the weekend.
Then I told The Mister I bought the stuff, and he said, “That’s great, Baby, but what will we eat on Monday? On the big day?”

oooohhhh fuuuuuuck. “I dunno.”

I also had it in my head that since we’re going to visit friends Sunday, then today I could really be lazy, wear my sweats, or not, as I sit here in my nightshirt, but I’d thought today would definitely be a day that didn’t involve a bra or make up or shoes.
I really just wanna lie on my husband and finish the last two parts of Roots, maybe crack my Jeeves book.

Uh, no.

Yes, we will see The Girls on Sunday. We call them The Girls, Dee and Vee, just as we call Mr Hill et al The Boys. It’s funny we do that. Anyway, I’m bringing dessert. Specifically, I am taking a cherry pie. You know what we don’t have? Enough cherries to bake pies.

SO I’ve got to put on a bra and pants and shoes and go get s’more frickin cherries. Some people might would get up early Sunday and do it all then. I am not those people. And before I go, I should decide what we’re gonna eat on the big day. Typically we have grilled things, first barbecued chicken and then late at night hot dogs, which is sorta funny, because it’s always hot on Fourth of July. I don’t really care, because I don’t often eat meat and I just had an honest-to-goodness steak on Thursday, after frying chicken on Wednesday. I’m all meated-up. We’d been talking about Brats, and then The Girls invited us over for Brats, which was serendipitous.

Then The Mister said stuff about rain, so I guess I should check the weather, because don’t nobody wanna tend the grill in the rain. Benson posted a picture of some gumbo yesterday, and I think gumbo sounds wonderful, if atypical for Fourth of July. I could technically start it Sunday, and it’s not weather-contingent.

Speaking of weather, it’s cool here. For July. We anticipate keeping the windows open for several days. Isn’t that nice?

IF the Fourth of July parade and subsequent fireworks are both rained out, I could sit my happy ass on the sofa with a bowl of gumbo and a book and say, “Aw, that’s too bad.” But I’d be sad. Fourth of July is my favorite. Y’all know I love me some drum lines and fireworks.

Maybe next Saturday… Nope, that’s the day to drive out to the farm for five pounds of blueberries. Maybe next Sunday. Maybe.

One day, the weekend will be long enough.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday SoCS ‘long’ is brought to you by LindaGHill

Posted in Personally, Random Musings | Tagged food, lifestyle, SOCS, The Mister | 55 Comments

Door Whore Woes

Posted on July 1, 2016 by joey

Do y’all #thursdaydoors fans ever feel like you’re part of an obscure little cult?

There are books, posters, magazines, blogs, Pinterest boards, and Instagram hashtags — all dedicated to the appreciation of doors…

…but people don’t get it.

Every Thursday, I upload my #thursdaydoors photo on Instagram and share it to Facebook. Some time ago, I explained #thursdaydoors on Facebook, hoping to get my known door lovers to participate, but that didn’t happen. I guess not all door enthusiasts are ready to come out of the closet.

Some of my friends reliably like my #thursdaydoors shares. Others are noticeable door snobs. You can hear me bitchin about them on Thursday nights, “Buncha fuckin door snobs!” People don’t care about history, journey, story, or craftsmanship, they just want you to show them pretty things.

Some of my friends are so supportive, they send me photos of doors and tell me where they saw great doors. Those people are the best, because they’re like, “We don’t really know what you’re doing, or why you’re doing it, but we love and support you. ~~You little weirdo~~.”

My own family barely understands #thursdaydoors. Now and then The Mister will point and say, “Look at that one, Baby,” but when I ask him to stop so I can photograph it, he acts like I’ve asked him for a fifth child. Sometimes Moo will get excited about a long walk for doors, but then sometimes she’ll say we have enough doors. Sassy doesn’t like doors; doors are found outside in nature, ew.
The very mention of the word doorscursion makes them groan.

#thursdaydoors gets me out of bed early. It’s true. I hate mornings, but I’ll get up extra early on Thursday. Thursdays have always been my fave, but now, there’s door porn, all day long.