One-Liner Wednesday — Elmo Pee

 

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When Sissy was wee and learning the alphabet song, it was — sing it with her now — “A B C D E F G, H I J K ELMO PEE, Q R S, T U V, W X, Y and ZEE.”

We hadda get that L M N O P thing all straightened-out, but it was adorable for a good long time!

A-Z through April — P

 

One-Liner Wednesday is brought to you by LindaGHill

 

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Oh Give Me a Home

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A-Z through April — O

Oh my, we’re already to O.

Okay, so today I thought about Oh give me a home, as in “Home on the Range” twang twang … Cept where the deer and antelope are on my plate. Antelope is so juicy and tender. Also, I like clouds just fine, and my night skies are bright because city lights. So, like, not anything at all to do with the actual song, but more, you know, the spirit of Oh give me a home.

Cause home. Heart-heart.

This is one of those times of year where I delight in the splendor that is home. I’m never eager for spring, but when it comes, I embrace it. I get all twitterpated about my surroundings. Y’all, the grass, it is SO GREEN. Bright, colorful bulbs sway in the breeze. And the trees bud bits of yellow and light green against a backdrop of MORE GREEN and EVERGREEN, with pops of purples, pinks, and whites from all the blossoms and great shocks of bright yellow forsythia wave to me. Mmm.

Hell, even the ‘weeds’ are pretty.

Dark loamy earth with ferns unfurling.

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The scent of lilacs and fresh rain.

Tiny bells on lily of the valley.

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It’s. So. Pretty.
So mild.

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(Refresher: In southeast Georgia, spring has no romance. Spring in southeast Georgia is not alluring. Spring in southeast Georgia means the azaleas open and then it’s all just brutal sun, fire ant bites, and swamp ass/puddle bra until January. Grass like hay. Ground hard red clay.)

Here, spring is an occasion!
I celebrate it with glee.
How could I not, with it being so beautiful and me so grateful to be home?

I hope this post illustrates the magnitude of my joy.

Perhaps Sadie expresses it best.
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Now, Share Your World — April 17, 2017

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A-Z Challenge — N

When writing by hand do you prefer to use a pencil or pen?
Pen. I bout can’t stand pencils. Their scratchy noise annoys me.

 

Would you rather be an amazing dancer or an amazing singer?
I can sing and dance okay, and would rather be an amazing musician. If I were an amazing musician, I would stay home and worship myself, I swear. I’d be terrible proud. No one could stand me and my unholy self-awe.

 

If you were on a debate team, what subject would you relish debating?
It is perhaps our years of speech and debate that allow The Mister and I to drive each other crazy keep our minds and tongues sharp. On that note, I’ll say I can debate either side of any argument, but I am particularly talented at pointing out inconsistencies and hypocrisy in the arguments of others.
At this time, the cognitive dissonance of certain sub-sets of the religious right seems a field rich in material.

 

What are you a “natural” at doing?
Reading energy.

 

Optional Bonus question:  What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?
I’m immensely grateful I’m healing. I don’t feel rotten and I merely look like a mildly icky blistering human now, as opposed to last week when I thought my own lymph nodes would strangle me and I should’ve been hidden away from society.
I’m loving spring, its bulbs and weeds and clusters of colorful trees — grateful my apple trees and lilacs are blooming.
I’m grateful we finally got all the paperwork to file our taxes and didn’t need an extension.
Honorable mentions go to air-conditioning, fresh sheets, and banana pudding.

 

This week coming up has highlights aplenty for me. It may sound boring to you, but I have ZERO errands to run this week, and that makes me positively giddy.

 

Cee’s Share Your World is a weekly feature and all are welcome to join in and play along.

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What’s going on in your world?

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SoCS — Moo & Cowy

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A-Z through April — M

 

You know Moo’s name isn’t Moo, right? We just call her that. Moo, Moomalade, Moomy, Moomers, Moo Moo.
It’s Sassy’s fault.
Like Beezus and Ramona, it’s Sassy’s fault.
Some of Moo’s friends call her Moo, too.

Moo really likes cows and milk. I’d say it’s because of her nickname, but I can’t be too sure. She really likes rocks, marshmallows, and the color orange, too.

 

A long, long time ago, one December when Moo had just turned two, I’d gone out to Plainfield to shop with Beauty Queen. Strolling through the toy aisle, Moo fell in love with a plush cow.
The cow was as big as she.
I pulled the cow down and let her squish it.
“Cowy,” she murmured into its fluff.
Aw. Yeah.

Later that month, when The Mister was home on leave and it was time to do the gift shopping, I mentioned we should go to Walmart, because they had this stuffed cow Moo loved.
So we went to our local Walmart, but they didn’t have the cow.
So we drove a lil farther, to another one, but they didn’t have the cow, either.
And another.
Finally, he drove us all the way back out to Plainfield in hopes the cow would still be there.  It was.
Three hours and who knows how much gas money, spent in the search of a $5 plush cow for a two-year-old. The lengths daddies will go to to —

Totally worth it.

Moo’s thirteen now, and Cowy still has prime real estate on her bed.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday — SoCS ‘moo’ is brought to you by LindaGHill

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Let’s Talk

Okay, I’ll write, you read. But we’ll both smile, and that’s what Fridays are all about.

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A-Z Challenge — L

Do y’all do Talk To Text?

I do not. Siri cannot negotiate my accent.

Siri cannot negotiate The Mister’s accent, either, but he’s in denial. I dunno why. His accent is thicker n mine.
That’s the kinda thing Siri can’t negotiate.

Siri be all, “I don’t know what you mean, Jolene,”
I repeat, “Fifty-six-hundred Haverferd.”
“Sorry, I didn’t quite get that.”
“You useless bitch.”
“I’m sorry you feel that way.”
“Five Six Zero Zero Hay-ver-ford.”
“Here’s what I found.”
“Pretentious cow.”
*POKES MAP HARD* like it will hurt Siri

Ain’t nobody over here usin the language of power like, “I journeyed to the desert upon my anonymous horse.”
UH. NOWA.
That’s for work.

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It was so.
And if my mother asks any of you, I wore metallic loafers. Cause I just couldn’t suede.

 

Happy Friday Everyone!

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#ThursdayDoors — Kincaid’s. Or Not.

April A-Z — K

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I had a great plan for K. I would use Kincaid’s storefront.

One of the things people like me complain about is a lack of butcher shops, or even the lack of proper butcher departments in grocery stores — “What do you mean you have no bones?”
There are still a handful of meat markets in the city, and Kincaid’s is one.

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Great storefront, agreed?
This particular shot comes with a complimentary gentleman.
On the day I arrived, the door was …

 

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OPEN.

Open doors are definitely doors, but not necessarily what one wants on Thursdays.

So here’s a neighboring door, which I find interesting. NOT a typical door for Indianapolis businesses. The facade lends a coastal vacation ambiance to our landlocked city. I was disappointed I could not hear the surf or smell the salt air, but it’s pretty.

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#ThursdayDoors is part of an inspired post series run by Norm Frampton. To see other doors of interest, or to share your own, click the link.

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Joey’s Dowwwn

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A-Z through April — J
This ain’t no one-liner. I had a one-liner planned, but then, life happened.

I had too much fun over the weekend. Too much fresh air and sunshine, too many smiles, and now I have to pay for it. If you have a happy, healthy immune system you probably think that’s poppycock, but that truth will resound with many of my readers.

The Cold Sore Episodes, Take Seven. I don’t just get a fever blister, no, I run the full gamut. I gotta run fevers, get the aches and pains that go with those, have my lymph nodes swell to the size of golf balls, and of course, total lip explosion. I look deformed. That is not hyperbole. It’s super gross. Like, wake up with my lips crusted together. HashtagHellaSexy.

I feel like before I return to work, I need to text my boss a selfie, so he can mentally prepare for my hideous entrance. Again, I am not exaggerating.

Not every outbreak is this bad. At times I’ve been able to catch it and sometimes stop it beforehand, or at least lessen the intensity, but not this time. Didn’t feel it comin. *SPLODE*

Here are the benefits:

1. Lots of time in bed with my pets

 

I don’t know what Clara’s doin with her life…At least she visits me at nigh-nigh time.

2. Avoiding grooming
I put these pajamas on when I got home Monday. When I knew. When I knew I was in for it. Yes, I am nasty. I tell you what else, I have no plans to change them, either.

Oh, Murphy’s Law, my in-laws dropped by for the first time in months — and me in all my oozing gory glory.

Upon request, my loving husband brought ice cream home and tried to make me a milkshake. He’d never used a blender before. I did not know that.
Then he fried up bacon. I did not eat it, but he made beautiful bacon. Like, perfect bacon one could use to illustrate a cookbook.
I slurped down two milkshakes and a bowl of scrambled eggs.

Blenders aside, The Mister’s pretty good at pickin up my slack.

Having a herpetic wife does create a certain benefit for him. Wives who are freezing to death enjoy being held. This is a far cry from his ordinarily ‘cold’ wife who screams out, “Get off me!” and “I need some air!”
Of course, fevered wives, deep into delirium, who may also have anxiety disorder, may wake their husbands in the night and moan poetic nonsense about love and death, which likely erases any satisfaction derived from cuddles.
But so much of marriage is like that, if you didn’t know.

I slept seven hours during the day yesterday and only four today, plus, my neck stopped feeling like it was caught in a strangler’s grip, so I am getting better. I’ve got to stay awake one more hour to go pick Sassy up. That is absolutely all I’ve committed to. That, and well, I am leaning toward another milkshake.

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In Which The Mister Buys a Chainsaw

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A-Z through April — I

If you’ve been reading me for a VERY long time, you may remember I wrote a post about how I wanted a chainsaw. The Mister didn’t think that was a good idea, on accounta how I’m small, clumsy, and weak-handed. Or so he claimed. I believed it was because of my lack of penis.

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On Sunday, I was doin dishes when he came into the kitchen and said, “I’ll be back.”
“Where ya goin?”
“Wherever I want.”
“Whatcha gonna get?”
“Whatever I want.”

Moo said he was goin to Menards, and she was goin with, and she told him we need some Bartender’s Keeper.

I finished washin the dishes, and I thought, he’s gonna buy a chainsaw. Cause it’s baby tree time, and last year he never got those _other-_ucking, _ock-_ucking mulberry bushes out back, because the ones in the front put his back into spasm, plus that tornado branch on the side of the house, and the green apple tree needs a branch taken off …
It just makes good sense.

Homeowners on wooded lots should have chainsaws. Inevitably, it’ll be necessary, and we are a mostly DIY kinda people.

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He did! He bought a chainsaw!

Completely unbeknownst to me, he had been thinking about a chainsaw and watching the sale prices. The shock doesn’t even stop there! He identified and cut down the mulberries. And then he mowed the grass. In early April.

It was a magical day, and one to be cherished. I shall speak of it fondly, “Remember the day you bought the chainsaw?” Ah, so romantic.

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Hello, Share Your World — April 10, 2017

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A-Z Challenge — H

Have you ever participated in a distance walking, swimming, running, or biking event? Tell your story.
Several times the walk-a-thons. I don’t think I have any stories to accompany them.

 

Name one thing not many people know about you.
I enjoy car rides as much, if not more, than any dog.

 

What is your favorite flower?
Tulip.
Part of why I love April so much is because my tulips are in various stages and it seems there’s a new one open every day.

 

 

Things I want to have in my home (paintings, hot tubs, book cases, big screen tv etc)
I’m pretty happy with what’s in my home, I love my house. As time goes on, we’re not as pleased with the closet(s) storage. More built-ins would be good. In terms of how spaces are used, I’m a big fan of shelves.

 

Optional Bonus question:  What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?
I liked the part where my boss closed the office early. I’m grateful for my family. We shared a lot of good times and good food over the weekend. Glad we’ve accomplished so much in the yard, and that we had many helping hands and good weather.
This week coming up looks like it’ll be typical, with extra bunneh shopping and more chocolate than usual.

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Cee’s Share Your World is a weekly feature and all are welcome to join in and play along.

What’s going on in your world?

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SoCS — Given

A-Z through April — G

Given the sublime weather today — Oh Sunshine, we missed you! So nice of you to bring along some sixties, too! — I didn’t get up and have coffee and stare at my trees and blog or anything of a usual sort. No, today started with Tab, goat cheese pizza, and wrangling my hair…

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… for OUT & ABOUT!

What a great day to run around and do fings!

We picked up Master Boombastic. I missed Master Boombastic’s street, and hadda turn around. All I can say is that the skies were blue as blue can be, sun shinin, trees all blossomy, green grass with the smell of wild onion. I was distracted.

 

I had the windows down and I was singin…

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OOO OOO OOO oo oo ooo OO OO, Do ya know it? No? Oh well.

I was deliriously happy, smilin, and totally mighta driven west forever had no one corrected me.

I was doin that thing where I thank God I don’t live in Georgia anymore. Bein grateful to be home with spring all asplendor. The grass is just SO GREEN.

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Spring is giving its all. Everything is greening and budding and I am ready to welcome it.

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Then we did the doorscursion.  Doors, doors, doors.

Remember this place?

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Yeah, we hadda go in there and see what that was all about, and it’s awfully adorable. I had to buy a Posh Peanuts adult coloring book and a copy of Runny Babbit. Had to.

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The teenagers enjoyed the book shop, cause it reminds them of last week when they were wee.
BUT! The best part was the rock machine. Check it:

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For those of you who don’t know, Moo is a rock collector. Someday, Moo may need more storage for her rocks and her daughter may say she has too many rocks.

Then we hadda get some cupcakes at The Flying Cupcake. You remember that place, too, right?

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Mmhm. We ate all the cupcakes. No photos availble.

Then we went to the grocery store so we could have gringa tacos for dinner.

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Damn good day. Gratitude abounds.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday — SoCS ‘Give/Given/Giving’ is brought to you by LindaGHill and my iPhone

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