Somethin is wrong with The Mister. He cleaned our gutters! and repaired our gutters! Then he pruned our apple trees!!! and cut up the fallen branches in the yard!!! He weed-whacked and mowed the grass. Did I ask him to do any of this? No. No, I did not. He just went and did all that.
And then, when he was in error about instructions he gave me, which I knew, because I have ears and all that, he said, “I STAND CORRECTED.”
New moon tonight.
Have I mentioned I hate working from home? Yeah, I do. I think my one boss is losing his mind without support staff. Like, I may go in tomorrow and find his brain, wearing glasses of course — his brain on I dunno, Mr Potato’s shoes, just hoppin around his desk, lookin for the right papers. If you’re a man who doesn’t need a woman around to find your things, I’m gonna need the woman in your life to sign an affidavit to that effect. You may be brilliant but can you find things?
we think not
The ache in my back seems to have fallen out during one of my Tuesday naps. Which is odd, because I thought today was Tuesday, when really I lost Tuesday, and today wasn’t Tuesday which you may or may not have known before this, but you should now know it’s Wednesday. Maybe you won’t read this until Thursday. I don’t wanna confuse you. I just really want my neck and shoulder aches to fall away too. They can’t fall out until my head stops being so heavy.
I lay my head on The Mister and he said, “Ow!” so I moved away and asked “What?!” and he said, “Your head is too heavy!” and I was like, “I know, I’m sorry,” and leaned back to my own side. But then he laughed and laughed cause he was kidding, cause it’s only heavy to meeeeeeee! Sad LOLZ.
It’s a month today since I fell ill. I still ache a lot from the waist up. Hot baths and Tylenol go a long way in reducing the suck that is the ache I cannot shake. I still need a lot of sleep. I’m working at work, (thank tacos) and working almost full-time now. I text my boss a bit ago, letting her know I want to continue working shorter days. Everyone in my little world is now recovering, recovered, or luckiest — asymptomatic. We wonder if now we’re immune, and more importantly, if we’re still infectious. Apparently it will be a long time until we can all have antibody testing and who knows how long until we know we can’t make other people sick?
For a change, I experience lower anxiety than the general public.
Some people aren’t convinced I had the plague which began to upset me, because, the only way I can explain it is to say I knew. I knew like I knew he was the one I would marry, like I knew I was pregnant, like I knew that was my dog, and this is my house. A knowing. A very woo-woo knowing. I had never felt like that. It hit different.
When the night came and coughing hurt and breathing burned and I was afraid to go to sleep for fear I wouldn’t make it through the night… When the worst had passed and I got winded making tea, or walking to the bathroom… When my temp stayed right around 100 for thirteen days… When I felt better and then worse, over and over…
Last Saturday, I wasn’t tired. I baked and cooked and had sex. And then Sunday I didn’t move from the bed. Monday I went to work for six hours and Tuesday I spent the day in bed. I’m pretty much at work or in bed.
While Moo has accused me of doing too much too soon and I balk at her, she may be right. Maybe the right thing to do was to lie down for a month, but I can’t fathom it and no medical professional told me to.
I don’t have proof it’s the plague. (which i know is not a plague because it’s viral and not bacterial, but i’m not naming the bastard — like a demon, like the orange-faced fucktard)
However, despite my lack of proof, you should prolly tuck my story into the notes section of your brain and remember it in case you find yourself in a similar position. Sick without proof. You might be as lucky as I. Cause I sure am lucky.
The scary part is not knowing how sick you’ll get. That’s scary. We’re talking about something that spans anywhere from you could already have it and not even feel unwell, to something that can give you one to nine symptoms for an unknown amount of time, send you to the hospital, or take your life. The spectrum is terrifying.
We don’t wear masks around one another at home, in our office, to drive, to walk the dog, or to sit on our patio, but we do when we will be around others. I own a lot of scarves.
people love this photo, cause filtered af
If I have to open a door to UPS or visit the post office, I pull my scarf up and give people distance. To do so is good manners. Good manners, lest we forget, are to make other people feel more comfortable. Good manners absolutely require giving a fuck and yet, do not include yelling at other people about it.
People who do not give a fuck should perhaps take this time to gather together and enjoy recently opened beaches.
Dunno what day of sick this is. I’m not good at math. I am in the third week. I woke up Wednesday without aching from the waist down. My neck, shoulders, and back still ache. This is because my head is enormously heavy and my neck is barely visible under a microscope, or my head is a fishbowl and my spine is a bendy straw. This is good because it makes me lie down a lot. This is good because I easily plumb tucker out. My lung capacity is much improved and I seldom cough. My sickness boomerangs and I am lucky. This week better than last, by far.
Wednesday gave us beautiful weather.
I was able to work at home an entire day. As I have given up trying to work from that brutal chair, my cats now enjoy my desk.
In the evening Sadie and I took a walk up the street to the fallow field. I put on sandals and a cardigan with my pajamas because I am nothing if not an icon of domestic fashion.
It was just gorgeous out there. All sunshine and fresh air and birdsong.
At home, the tulips are opening.
Spring feels like hope, doesn’t it? Normally I’d be out in that yard, cleaning up, getting ready.
Y’all, this is Indiana. Later that night, the rain and hail came down and the wind blew and the tornado sirens sounded. Because The Mister is a man who stands on the porch to posture at tornadoes, he doesn’t know the difference between a watch and a warning, and so the girls and I climbed into the linen closet for a spell.
Something like 60,000 people were without power overnight, and I think some still are. Trees down. Lots of damage. Our patio furniture tangoed with the gate and we are lucky. And now we run the heat again.
When choosing a door today, I thought about this abandoned beach construction from Florida last year. I encourage you to draw your own conclusions and write your own metaphors.
Day THIRTEEN, I am still not well. I continue to recover. Notable improvement continues. My head is heavy, I ache, I get winded easily, and I am tired. I had a few better days this week, followed by a substantially worse day, then back to feeling better again.
You maybe don’t know me or don’t read me for seven years, but I get sick often. I also bounce back quickly, so this sick is absurd.
I spent most of the week in bed, continuing to tea and sleep. I’ve worked from home hours each day this week. Typing, phoning, clicking. I can’t work a whole day. Yet. Certainly couldn’t go to work today. Would need a nap before I got to my shoes.
Indiana’s governor has determined our workplace is essential. While my boss has graciously permitted us to work from home, I was too sick to work at all the first week, and managed about 20 hours this week — the other 20 was napping. I’m limited by what I can access from home. It would be much easier to work AT work. Not to mention my office chair is suitable for long days, whereas sitting hours in my home chair is a suitable punishment for anyone over the age of forty. At home, I don’t have to wear a bra or shoes, my hair can be boingy wild, and the phone doesn’t much ring. However, at work, I have everything I need to do all duties of my job. Working at home is frustrating.
I’m not inclined to discuss the health details of those I work with, but I’ll just write that it’s not good. Our office hasn’t been open during the bulk of our operating hours, because staff is not well enough to maintain it. Some of our staff have been to hospital where they were admitted and treated, presumptive, but not tested, or tested with pending results. That is how I know all the numbers everywhere are lies. Minimums. To one colleague who called the hotline, I said, “I should have called, too,” to which she replied, “They would’ve quaratined you and told you to fuck off and die at home,” and I said, “Oh mmhm.”
My doctor’s office told me to stay home until I am three days symptom free.
Operating under the presumption that we are plagued humans in a contaminated office, can any more harm be done? Only if our presumptions are wrong. See how it’s impossible to make informed decisions as there is no actual information? These are real problems.
The other people in my house are still fine, despite them climbing into my lap, sharing my bed, or my having lavished cootie kisses upon them. I am so glad and not jealous of them at all.
I will now share the highlights of my week:
The Mister brought me tulips.
The sun came out.
The daffodils are blooming.
We went outside and sat.
It was nice. Five stars, would recommend. If the sun ever shines again, I will do this again.
Thursday evening, the sick moved into my chest which put me at the height of my panic. Burning cough burned. Tightness right at my breastbone. I took a bath, put on clean pajamas, and made a list of my current medications, just in case. I put on vaporub … (It was not like this, as I do not have to ask The Mister if he wants to get with this!)
I slept through more than twelve hours. I woke up, hacked and coughed until gross things happened, and since then, have been feeling better. Whatever it is, cold, flu, plague – it is BAD – I’ve not been down this long in my adult life. (I can tell Moo has grown, okay?!) It’s never taken me this long to recover after surgery, let alone illness, and I am kickin it! Now I feel like I have a cold. How I feel right now feels like a cold.
My anxiety is still heightened, but it’s no longer at AAAAAAAAAAH! level. About myself anyway.
I reapplied vaporub last night and slept eleven hours. After six days in bed with cats and quilts and tea, I’ve reentered the living room (where I will enjoy cats and quilt and tea) but first, I’m having coffee. The Mister’s coffee is really, really good today. This elixir is surely necessary to my full recovery.
I believe those of you who extended kind comments, sympathy, well wishes, and prayers do that elsewhere as well, making the world a better place. I appreciate that. For all we cannot fix, we can offer the best of ourselves.
Stories of those who have recovered from the pandemic do not present consistent symptoms. Nope. No consistency. Truly. The nurse told me to call back if my symptoms change or worsen, and they have not. Whether it’s a cold or a flu or the plague, my relief that I’m getting better is equal to my alarm in still being down day five and equal to my hope that I don’t take a turn for the worse.
While I have anxiety disorder, many who don’t express fear and anxiety on par with my own. This is surreal and I know I’m not alone in struggling to grasp the magnitude of loss. I’m not alone in my rage. I’m not alone in my horror. You wanna talk about a time when it’s hard maintain an attitude of gratitude? Worry is much, much easier.
Overall, I am fortunate – today – right now.
My family is healthy and I am grateful.
Thankfully, my husband is stateside and housebound. I am glad he is currently earning income.
I am glad my children are the age they are. I wish I could reassure them, but I don’t have to lie to them.
Our pets are very very happy. Catticus has basically lived on this bed with me. For five days.
I’m grateful I have enough food. And tea.
I’ve realized that with a bit of furniture rearrangement, I could create my own work station at home. I hope that when I have the energy to do so, I’ll still have a job.
Despite circumstances, I have developed a sincere intellectual crush on Governor Cuomo. Whatta man.
Thankful for technology that allows THIS and all versions of this. Maybe it took me all day to do this, in shifts, but I brought a door!
#ThursdayDoors is part of an inspired post series run by Norm Frampton. To see more doors, or to join in with your own, click the link.
The runny nose started Saturday night. I am a fairly snotty person and I attributed this to allergies. Overnight Saturday, my throat hurt badly enough to wake me from sleep several times. Sunday morning I lay in my bed trying to swallow the pain away, all the while noticing pressure in my ears — not quite an earache, more discomfort than pain. When I did rise, I had a terrible time moving because of body aches, and quickly noted a headache and swollen glands as well.
I took Lysine, because swollen glands for me usually mean a lip explosion is coming, and my body does that every spring.
I have been resting and sleeping. I do not have much coughing at all, nor do I have a fever. (Lingering just under or at 100.) For these reasons, I’m not worthy of a test. It doesn’t matter, as my family is certain this is not the plague and they are all FINE.
Statistics suggest I have a cold. Statistics also indicate a large number of infected persons are asymptomatic. Unfortunately, I took statistics and I have anxiety disorder, so this is just a real fun time for me.
Every time I drink tea, I feel better. I mean literally, I feel better. Every sip elicits “Ahh!” I have been consuming large quantities of herbal tea, and this morning I had some of the New Zealand Twinings with orange blossom. I feel better when I eat Dreamsicles, too, but that’s not new. Let’s heat up the kettle again, shall we?
We’re low on honey, so I got on Amazon to order some last night but it’s out of stock. You just know some greedy fucker is holed-up with cases of honey that will crystallize BUT WHATEVER!
I am still sick. However, I have experienced a significant decrease in my discomfort thanks to tea and rest.
Netflix released a show about Madam CJ Walker. It’s quite good. I watched more than I slept through.
Also, Saturday, I logged back into Twitter for the first time in 15 months and I was surprised to discover some of you have been sharing my blog links even in my absence. That’s so kind. Thank you!
Overwhelmed with thoughts and feelings, don’t even know where or how to begin. There are intuitive people who know everything is connected far beyond what the eye can see, and then there are other people. Not a real fan of other people at the moment. Not sure where the blindness comes from. I long ago traded feelings of invincibility for vulnerability. Don’t possess strange American arrogance sayin shit like, “That won’t happen here.” Have not been granted good immunity. Definitely feelin humanity. My shine is connected to a collective dimmer switch.
So I present to you these happies.
Last weekend, we went to five stores and we got the toilet paper.
I know what’s important, so I also got the last box of Dreamsicles.
The girls, apparently bored out of their minds, snapped artful Polaroid shots of one another.
One night, they made DINNER.
My new specs arrived.
I can do all things through these specs. Drive, text, type, write on paper, look up at people, even when reading the captions on the tv, the images aren’t blurry — both things at the same time! Magic.
One boss brought me orange slices,
and the other boss brought his puppy.
Only the orange slices stayed still.
One night we had pizza with the bad-for-you cheese sauce.
Today, The Mister began working from home. Remember how the boy had his command center in our dining room? Now this:
This morning when I left the house it was 64 degrees and Blanche was covered in maple buds and the very air smelled of spring and hope.
I am feeling fortunate, in spite of and because of the icky state of the world. I hope this Friday finds you feeling fortunate, too.
I overheard people greeting one another yesterday and listening to them talk and guffaw as they shook hands reminded me of condom use in the 90s. People engaging like, “I’m okay, you’re okay!” when what they really mean is “We both appear symptom-free, so let’s share our cooties!”
The Mister’s place of business had no work today and none tomorrow, to reopen Monday after a deep scrub. This is incredibly fascinating as the market doesn’t close for four days straight, and regarding his work The Mister always says, “Greed never takes a four-day.” The market also has cooties?
Other adults in our community have been told not to come to work for x days, or to work from home.
In the course of my work this week, I have visited the bank and the post office. I sent that tube through the air channel in the drive-thru and found myself thinkin how lucky I am to not work with the public. My text messages with my mother affirmed this. She works with the public, but she doesn’t handle cash, so she counts herself fortunate as well.
The Governor of Indiana laid down some cootie-slowin edicts, and now all Marion County schools are closed until April 5. That’s every school in Indianapolis. I can’t fathom the numbers, cause our township alone is more than fifteen thousand students, and there are at least 7 other townships — I bet more — Indianapolis Public Schools, Center Township the largest… Lots of kids. Lots.
Moo’s response to four weeks off school included a joyful song and dance. However, Sassy’s at a rehearsal where the general consensus was sobbing?
Spring Break is going to suuuuuuuuuuuuck. I surmise the best we can hope for is good weather because nature doesn’t have cooties.
It’s March. March Madness has cooties. In Indiana, basketball is religion, and churches be closed. And I reckon, if one’s literal place of worship has an attendance of 250+ then er, ferreal church also be closed.
In looking at the data and listening to the informed people, I presume I will get sick and get well. I’m an optimistic person, but cooties love me anyway.
As with impending snow forecasts intended to frighten me, I don’t feel panicked. But someone out there has our share of the toilet paper. We are a family of four with only seven rolls of toilet paper and we are concerned.
It’s been A MONTH. One might would think somethin drastic happened to keep me away from blogland for a month, but umm, no. Lots of things have happened, but very little in the drastic category. We’ll start with the unfortunate bits and wrap up with the happiness.
My husband’s Great Aunt Barb passed away. She had been my Aunt Barb for a long, long time. When I was a teen, she was Mean Aunt Barb, cause she took no guff. She was wise, and teenagers don’t care about wisdom. By the time I had babies, her wisdom was a blessing to me. She was part of my village. Aunt Barb had a moral courage, a strength of character that will inspire me for the rest of my life. She practiced random acts of kindness and demonstrated incredible generosity of spirit, of service, to her family, to her church, to all who knew her. What I, and everyone else who loved her cherished, was her love of life. She would have been 80 in August but I tell ya, had you met her, you woulda never thunk it. My memories of Aunt Barb are the best — her food and her laughter. And although it sounds odd, maybe even gauche, I had a really, really good time at her celebration of life service.
I made a terrible mistake at work and thought I would have to walk away with graceful shame. Mentor comforted me by saying I am reliable and conscientious. Yes, I am. Tis true. Which is why I’ll prolly only mentally torture myself with my mistake for weeks and then in slightly smaller increments for the rest of my life, but hey, they didn’t tell me to take my yogurt and get the fuck out, so that’s nice.
I saw the die doctor which is a bit of a toss-up, because I absolutely hate every single part of the exam, but I cannot deny that I like Nice Lady Eye Doctor, and have for 14 years. Also, everyone there said only flattering and kindly things to me. I should go as often as insurance allows, because I left feeling marvelous. Drawbacks being I am so old and pale and light-eyed, I now have to take two extra vitamins for my eyes. My SMTWTFS pill box thingy is pretty well crammed, and if I am prescribed anything bigger than a baby aspirin moving forward, I will have to upsize my organizer. However, my night driving may improve and maybe I won’t even develop macular degeneration. Also, it’s exciting to get new specs, but I hate how I get all excited and pay a lot of money and don’t get to wear them for weeks because they have to be forged by faeries or whatever.
Another toss-up — Receptionist left. We had her for a whole year. She’s bright and capable and if you’ve ever been dependent on someone bright and capable, you surely understand my loss. A replacement is not possible, but hopefully someone competent will come along and do the job. She came by the office before she left town, brought her Fluffs cat, the one I enjoy seeing photos of. He weighs more than 15 lbs and most of it must be fluff. Holding him was like holding a living stuffed animal. He hung out in my office for a while, just being cute and fluffy.
Then later, Receptionist and her fella came to our home and took all the boxes we had (since 2013) and ended up visiting for hours. I wish them all the best with their move, but I’ll miss her.
The girls are learning to drive. I spend a lot of time in the passenger seat of my car. (This is my job. Agreed to early in our marriage. Everyone likes it this way.) In case you didn’t know, I’ll tell you what the girls have discovered — brace yourselves — 1. driving a car is harder than it looks 2. everyone is in too much of a hurry 3. people be crazy I know. I was as surprised as you are.
I got highlights. Bright sunshine-y highlights. I dunno how much silver and white hair it will take to light up my face, but I ain’t there yet. I don’t have a picture for you. Only for my husband and my mother.
Swimming is over. Now the musical.
The boy and my big nephew came for a visit. They’re men now. So weird. You know what occurred to me today? My kindergartners are old enough to have kindergartners of their own. Whoa.
March is awesome so far. I mean, I had the best week, despite bad bits — no one gets to live without bad bits. I EVEN HAD A NICE TUESDAY. The Mister is also having a good start to the month. We think it may be all the daylight. We don’t know. We don’t care. It’s just good. On Thursday he stopped by my work on the way home, helped me with a thing, and when I went to get him, the sky was sprinkling and lookin like this:
I said Oh How Unusual. Then I walked a bit and looked across the street and the sky was doin this:
No filter. Seriously, that’s what it was doin. The Mister was right there with me. Those are birch trees, all lit up from the sunset. With a rainbow. Isn’t that nifty?