joeyfullystated

Well, I Never!

Posted on June 13, 2017 by joey

A while back I was in the Circle Center Mall with the kiddos and I came across somethin so bizarre…

A corn kiosk:

You’re all like Wha?!? too, right?

Yes. Corn in a cup.

Overpriced corn in a cup.
It’s frozen, not even fresh. It’s not even locally sourced and then frozen.

“CORN IN A CUP?!? What the actual fuck?!?”
The kids weren’t fazed by this. They were all, “So?”

Fortunately, a pair of elders was nearby, and as I stopped to photograph it, the female elder and I had a lil chat about the fuckery, the highway robbery, the insult to corn itself.

Corn is at most a dollar an ear, here, fresh — FRESH! There are times at the end of summer when you can buy a fresh ear of sweet corn for ten cents! Why the fuck would I buy a ten-ounce cup of corn for six dollars?!?
People do this?!?

Is this Indiana tourism at work? Corn in a cup?!? Are these throughout the corn belt or what?
I gotta tell ya, it felt like a parody. A crime. Sacrilege.

People, Hoosiers do not eat corn in a cup. We eat it boiled fast, simmered slow, roasted on the grill, creamed, charred in a skillet, heavily buttered and salted, ground into meal and grits, popped, WE EVEN EAT CORN CASSEROLE — lotsa, lotsa ways to eat corn — but in all my life I’ve never eaten frozen corn steamed and poured into a cup!
Corn in a cup. Well, I never!

So I looked it up, and apparently, a man from Turkey is responsible for this corn in a cup atrocity. He attributed the idea to similar stands in international markets. For instance, Mexico, where corn on the cob is grilled and topped by street vendors.
Corn on the cob, I think is the key phrase here.
We corn-fed people are partial to our COBS.

“That corn-in-a-cup thing is pretty big in Europe. It’s a very healthy snack. Even if you eat a lot, it doesn’t make you feel bad.”

There are topping choices for the corn.
I’m not even kiddin — hot sauce, parmesan, sour cream, lemon pepper, barbecue sauce. The man from Turkey says he likes his with barbecue sauce and parmesan.

Lawd.

What is the world comin to?

Have you ever? Would you ever? Are you stunned? Bemused? Horrified?

Posted in Random Musings | Tagged food, lifestyle | 96 Comments

Share Your World — June 12, 2017

Posted on June 12, 2017 by joey

What do you do when you’re not working? If you are retired, what do you that is not part of your regular daytime routine?
What do I not do is a better question. Heh. I enjoy my family, my pets, my friends, blogging, long walks, reading, gardening, cooking, baking, watching movies and shows.

What would you do if you won the lottery?
I still contend I’d need to make a very long list. Off the top of my head, I’d enclose our property, build a greenhouse and a guesthouse. I’d buy my grandparents’ lake house. I’d change the lives of many people in my circle and my community. I’d take much more interesting summer vacations for the next five or so years, that’s fersure.

What is your biggest pet peeve with modern technology?
LAG. The time it takes for things to open. I don’t care which device I’m on, or what software or site I’m using, I want it faster. Technology steals time from me all day, every day. Six seconds for this, ten seconds for that — THOSE ARE MY SECONDS! At work, I’m like, “Just a moment please…” and at home I’m screaming at machines, “Motherfucker, LOAD!” I want every single thing to move as fast as my brain and when I press Print or insert my card, I don’t wanna be asked If I’m sure, If I’m really sure, and Is this okay? Just fucking do the thing, goddamn!

What makes you laugh the most?
Good dialogue. For this, one needs the right people, the right books, the right shows.

Optional Bonus question: What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?
Gratitude abounds. It was a busy but good week for me and mine. This last week featured the unexpected kindness of strangers as well as helpful friends, and I feel fortunate. Bonus for lightning bugs and my bed.
The week coming up is largely unscheduled, and for that, I am also grateful.

Cee’s Share Your World is a weekly feature and all are invited to join in and play along.

What’s going on in your world?

Posted in Personally | Tagged gratitude, happiness, lifestyle, SYW | 39 Comments

Double Standards

Posted on June 9, 2017 by joey

“Wanna go to bed early?” The Mister asked me.
I looked at the clock and said, “Sure, but not THIS early.”
PSHAW!
His eyes hardened.
I rolled my eyes, shifted my voice up a few octaves and faked a smile. With fluttering lashes I nodded. “Yes, but later please.” Ever indignant, I added, “I dunno why I gotta talk sweet to you. You not talk sweet to me.”

That’s some sexist shit, right there.

“It’s because I have a penis.”
“Well then I will wear a strap-on and talk as I like.”

And then how he laughed and laughed!

Happy Friday Everyone!

Posted in Personally | Tagged marriage, The Mister | 32 Comments

#ThursdayDoors — Circle Tower

Posted on June 8, 2017 by joey

It’s not the doors, it’s the entrance.

Check out that arch.

You can maybe see The Mister and I in the door on the right. I snapped this on the fly, and couldn’t even fit the whole thing in the frame without crouching on the sidewalk, and y’all, I am not that committed.

But then when I went to research the building on Historic Indianapolis how I do, I discovered it’s a gem … Finished in 1930, Circle Tower is one of Indianapolis’s finest examples of Art Deco architecture.
And also:

Circle Tower was completed only eight years after archaeologist Howard Carter’s sensational discovery of King Tutankhamen’s tomb in 1922. The intricate bronze screen over the north entry arch reflects the widespread interest in Egyptology at the time. Sculptor Joseph Willenborg filled the bronze grille with hieroglyphic-like images, stylized into the Deco mode.

Obviously I had to go back.

I’m seldom tenacious, but I went to the circle TWICE before I got the shot, cause events. Often the circle will be closed to cars during events. Parking downtown on a weekday and then heading into crowds is not what Joeys do best. Finally a day came when the circle was open and not bustling with people.

(The center of Indianapolis is a circle. It’s called Monument Circle. Inside the circle is the Soldier’s and Sailor’s Monument.)

I took more than a dozen photos of the tower, just to make up for lost time.

I cannot possibly convey how weird it is that it’s been here my entire life and I’d never actually SEEN it.
I think it was worth it a few trips.

#ThursdayDoors is part of an inspired post series run by Norm Frampton. To see other doors of interest, or to share your own, click the link.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged Thursday Doors | 59 Comments

One-Liner Wednesday — He Could Eat a Whole Box of Sleepy Cows

Posted on June 7, 2017 by joey

“Moo’s asleep,” I said as I returned to the living room.

The Mister asked me, “Are there any more of those sleepy cows?”

I raised my eyebrows and considered all the sleepy cows I know. I almost told him Cowy was sleepin, too…

Sassy and I shared a look of confusion before turning back to him, “What?!?”

“The ice cream sammich things.”

“Skinny Cows!” we shouted.

But now we shall call them Sleepy Cows.

One-Liner Wednesday is brought to you by LindaGHill

Posted in Random Musings | Tagged food, Moo, One-Liner Wednesday, Sassy, The Mister | 52 Comments

Schadenfreude is Majestic As Fuck

Posted on June 6, 2017 by joey

I mean, every now and again, I like to play “Boom! I Got Your Boyfriend” and laugh like a maniacal teenager, but that’s well below schadenfreude.

Personal vindication is like creamy vanilla ice cream and schadenfreude is like hot fudge. Put the two together and who needs a cherry on top? Well, I do, motherfucker.

All of my meanest stories involve schadenfreude, which is why I do not write them publicly. UNLESS I have permission from the subject. Such subjects are often unwilling to play the villainous victim.
The Mister has consented to his role in this story. He does not embarrass easily. He usually just says, “Fuck those people. I don’t give a fuck.”
This attitude is illustrated in his recent Snapchat selfie a la Sassy.

Have you ever been in a position where you’re not taken seriously, not acknowledged because the party in question has no experience and no education with said issue? Sure you have.
And you’ve all been on the other side.

As a person with anxiety disorder, I am constantly bombarded with the notion that I can snap out of it, or turn it off. People have literally suggested I calm down.
Oh, Okay!
That’s so cute! Isn’t that cute?

When I find the right buttons, I plan to turn off all my problems. Meanwhile, I am generally misunderstood and dismissed.

When people say they had a panic attack and they felt like they were dying, it’s because they felt like they were dying.

What does dying feel like? I don’t know. It feels like death. It feels very, very, very bad. People describe it differently — being swallowed up, being removed from the body, being frozen in time, being suffocated or smothered. Along with that usually goes the fear of going crazy, the fear of losing control over one’s body, the fear of fainting, the fear of having a heart attack. All that does is pretty much spazz a person out even more. Can’t see straight, can’t catch breath, heart races, chest hurts, limbs tingle — There’s a REALLY long list and it happens all at once which is terrifying.

Sick of being poo-pooed, I have WISHED panic attacks on plenty of people. That’s right, I said it. What? Oh, you’ve never wished anything like that, I’m sure, cause you’re a better person. Imagine what other people must wish upon a nice person like yourself. Hah.

Kneel before the gods of panic, shaking and crying, begging for your life, and then get back to me about how it’s all in my head, Fuckface.

With any luck, I could have the privilege of witnessing said panic attack, and I could sarcastically chide them, “Stop feeling like that! Don’t think about it! You’re fine!”

A girl can dream.

Long ago, when The Mister came home and told me he’d been to the emergency room for what turned out to be a panic attack, I listened to him describe the sensations and the fear, and I didn’t feel that satisfaction. I felt badly for him, I did.
Likely because he always listens to me and treats me with compassion.
I understood that he finally understood, having experienced panic in full technicolor. It was satisfying in an odd way, bonding even, but I didn’t get that hot fudge sundae feelin.

If panic attacks can happen to big, strong, badass men like my husband, they can happen to anyone.

So I wait patiently for panic’s next victim, and my delicious schadenfreude.

Tea, anyone?

Posted in Personally | Tagged anxiety, anxiety disorder, anxiety symptoms, lifestyle, neurotic, The Mister | 52 Comments

Share Your World — June 5, 2017

Posted on June 5, 2017 by joey

What’s your strongest sense?
Intuition? Feeling? My eyes are going. My ears aren’t as sharp, especially over the phone. I have a great palate and super sensitive nose. Still, I think it must be feeling. INFJ and all.

Which of Snow White’s 7 dwarfs describes you best? (Doc, Happy, Bashful, Sleepy, Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey)
I’m goin with Sneezy.

If you could be one age for the rest of your life, what age would that be?
I have no idea. If we’re choosing bodies, I’ll take 25. If we’re choosing insides, I’d rather keep going. I figure I’m about a dozen millennia old now, what’s another 40-60 years?

List of Jobs You Think You Might Enjoy: Even if you aren’t thinking about a career change, it can be fun to think of other jobs you might enjoy.
OH! I want one of those jobs where you travel to eat and write about it! But not now, in like, five more years.
Professional student?
Mistress of Time?
I actually really like my job.
Landscaping is appealing, but too hot.
I love cooking, but it’s hot and stressful in a professional kitchen. You never get to tell someone else to stir the gravy while you sit down on the sofa in the middle of dinner hour.
I’m a good unlicensed therapist who probably should’ve taken six more hours to get a double major — but would I like it if I did it every day? Or would I be like, “OMG KAREN, Let It Go Already!” It’s hard to say.

Yep, my job is great, thanks.

Optional Bonus question: What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?
I had so much fun on Friday that it felt like Saturday was Sunday, cause I’d already had so much fun! I think adults need more of that. I am grateful for my family, that I live in the city, and that my air-conditioning works! The Mister, ah, I tell you, I’m grateful for him.

This week is brutal with the go-go-go. Sassy has a pile of rehearsals so I have to work weird, the dog goes in for her check-up, and Indy filled the calendar this week.
I’ll be downtown A LOT.

And! We have tickets to:

…which should be a cool, dark highlight in a hot and busy week!!!

Cee’s Share Your World is a weekly feature and all are invited to join in and play along.

What’s going on in your world?

Posted in Personally | Tagged INFJ, lifestyle, Sassy, SYW, The Mister | 40 Comments

SoCS — Whatever The Weather

Posted on June 3, 2017 by joey

It was hot here yesterday. Hot and sunny. Icky. So icky. But it could be hotter. I know, cause I done lived in southeast Georgia for seven years. I have to say southeast Georgia, cause when I don’t, people comment how they live in Georgia and it’s not as hot as I complain it to be. SOUTHEAST GEORGIA is hot. I’m talkin 125 miles to Florida hot. I’m just sayin, it was hot in Georgia for most of seven years and it was hot yesterday, but it wasn’t Georgia hot.

That’s how I get through summer now.

Even when it gets Georgia hot, I say shit like, “Oh it’s 101 and 80% humidity, but fall’s comin!”

My arm got pink on the short drive home from work yesterday. Being a white person, I mean, I’m WHITE, as opposed to peachy or tan, maybe I’m ecru. I don’t know, I’m fuckin pale. Pale enough that people sometimes say, “YOU’RE SO WHITE!” and pretend my exposed skin blinds them. Except when I lived in Georgia, then I’d come home and people would say, “OH YOU’RE SO TAN!” Regardless, due to my whiteness, I already had sunscreen on my face, neck, and chest, but my arm was sunbathing in the nude and it got all burny and pink and so I coated-up before going back out.

While it was sunny and 89°F (31.7°C) <– Thanks, Dan — or somethin wretched like that, I stood outside with other women who also wanted cash from the ATM and I listened as they complained about the heat.
One woman said, “We complain about the snow, but I hate when it’s this hot.”
I was all, “I don’t complain about the snow. I lived in Georgia for seven years. I just tell myself ‘At least it’s not Georgia hot,'” and I got a round of Mmmhmms.

Someone English asked me once what Mmhmm was and I explained it as saying Uh Huh with your lips pressed together. I don’t think I’d like to live anywhere where people don’t Mmmhmm.
It’s an intonation thing. Mmhm can be agreeable or sarcastic.
And you can put as many ems in there as you like for emphasis, too, MMHMMMMMM.

The iPhone likes to change Mhmm to mayhem.

Anyway, It’s another hot day today. I’ll be inside until dusk.
Whether I like the weather or not, at least it ain’t Georgia hot.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday — SoCS ‘whether/weather’ is brought to you by LindaGHill

Posted in Personally | Tagged nature, SOCS | 100 Comments

Tis The Day to Be Merry

Posted on June 2, 2017 by joey

Tra-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!

No funny here today. Only smiles.

Today is all about the happy! Bubba comes to visit today! I’m workin early, gonna get out with the fam and Master Boombastic. I’ll be takin in the sunshine. I’ll be groovin to tunes, snappin some door pics, makin five pounds of black pepper chicken, and generally, tra-la-la-la-ing.