“Is it ever a good time to get sick?” The Mister asks me.
“Yes. Last week would have been a better week to get sick, thanks. Not a single important thing happened last week.”
Last night before bed, I felt the beginning of a cold sore. Last time I had a cold sore was right before we closed on our house. I thought it was just stress. Then I woke up one day with considerable lymph node swelling and pain. I was very busy wrapping up house business and did not want to take time to see the doctor. Then, instead of working on our house, I spent an entire day bed-ridden, delirious with fever. At that point, I decided it was time to seek treatment.
Got antibiotics. Healed slowly. Walked around looking deformed for well over a week. It’s a really long post to read, but I recommend you scroll down and see deformed me, with my extra chins made of lumps and bumps under my beak mouth, cause it’s good for a laugh, or a gasp. Besides, it takes a lot of bravery to post that kinda picture of yourself online; I’d hate for you to miss it.
Regarding my cold sore today, I woke up in a fair bit of discomfort, but I went on with my life. I said to The Mister, “I’m so glad this cold sore didn’t come with deformity!” He agreed.
I felt poorly all day.
Now, I tried to be reasonable and logical, and said things like this to myself:
“church was a bit longer than usual, and you aren’t as young as you used to be.”
“you did drink a lot of beer last night.”
“it is daylight savings time.”
“it’s been a very emotional weekend and you have pms.”
“you will feel better when you get out of this bra and these shoes.”
But then, I leaned over and felt the thing.
A swollen lymph node of epic proportions under my chin and some tender ones alongside it. I ran to the mirror, and sure enough, I had a lumpy second chin.
Now, if you’re not a person with anxiety disorder, this next bit will be highly entertaining.
If you are a person with anxiety disorder, then this next part will be familiar and comforting in a terrible way.
I immediately began shaking and experiencing the spins, mind reeling with thought bombardment, words like chronic and lymphoma and fuuuuuuuck, tunnel vision, left arm shooting pains, cotton mouth, suffocation — you know, the usual gamut of overreaction and primal fear. Then I started talking too much and trying not to cry.
Mostly because going to Urgent Care was not in my plan for the evening. I wanted to make enchiladas and have lovely dinner conversation with five of my favorite people on the planet. As for after, I had big dreams of sipping hot tea and playing word games until my Sunday night shows aired.
I hadn’t planned for my inevitable lymphoma diagnosis, and my subsequent treatment.
You see, when you have anxiety disorder, you can’t trust how you feel. I felt poorly all day. Achy, tired, impatient.
But if I sought medical treatment every time I was achy, tired, and impatient, well, let’s just say it’d be monthly, and I’d have an entirely different label on my chart.
It is hard, and I mean, virtually impossible, to find your gut when you’re burning, or freezing, with fear.
The only way to do it is to treat yourself as though you’re someone else you love. if my kid had these symptoms, would i seek treatment? yes. especially if my child had the same symptoms before and required medical intervention.
That’s when we went to Urgent Care. I truly am sick. I already had a fever. I needed two prescriptions. I’m glad I followed my gut.
Now here’s hoping I caught it all before it has a chance to get bad! I still have a lot of plans for this week!
Do you get sick at the most inopportune times? Do you have a reliable gut, even when it comes to illness? Did you ever wait too long to get treated?
joeyfullystated 
Aw I hope you feel better! 🙂
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Thanks 🙂
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Oh, Joey! So sorry to hear you are not well. Please take it easy. I am always putting everyone else first before me. I rarely see the doctor unless it is something so bad like tonsillitis which took me over a week to realize when I couldn’t eat or speak. So glad you seeked help. Get better soon!
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Oh gosh, Veronica! That sounds just dreadful!
Too often, that’s what mothers do. We think we can wait it out, we’ll stay strong…And yet, we don’t expect this of anyone else!
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I’ve spent a lifetime waiting too damned long to see a doctor. Wound up with a deadly case of pneumonia once. I waited years to get my first colonoscopy. I shouldn’t have waited, and must turn over a new leaf in that part of my life.
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I’m glad you’re turning over a new leaf in this regard. It’s a nice touch that you take the time to share your experiences here with us.
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I hope you’re starting to feel a bit better and that your big dreams of evening tea can come true. That’s excellent advice, “Don’t forget to love yourself.” Too many of us should print that out and hang it on the wall beside the computer :).
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Thanks! Yeah, we sometimes forget we’re worthy of our own time and care.
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Now that you got the meds, you can kick its ass and get back to life, Joey. The set up to it, doubting, second-guessing and extra worry, surely must suck. I like your conclusion, though. Trust your gut. Gotta do it.
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I don’t go to doctors. I refuse to. A massive surgery in 1998 cost me all my money, maxed my credit and then ruined my credit. I was in terrible pain for months, and I have minor pain and nerve damage that will last the rest of my life. My face is permanently deformed (people are good enough to say it’s not noticeable), and as if that wasn’t enough, I now salivate on the outside of my cheek instead of the inside. And, surprise! It turns out the surgery was absolutely unnecessary! So, yeah… you can keep your doctors. I’ll take my chances without ’em.
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Oh no. That’s a terrible story.
So you haven’t seen a doctor in over 15 years? I’da done died of breech baby or cervical cancer in the last 15 years…
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Yep… last doctor I saw, other than dentists, optometrists and shrinks, was the one that cut my face open. So far, so good.
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Well I’m hopeful your good fortune lasts a long, long time!
Still such a dreadful story.
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It was pretty dreadful at the time, but not much to it now. My second ex-husband woulda spent my money and ruined my credit if the doctor hadn’t, and the scar gives me extra motivation not to get too fat. I do kinda miss wearing earrings, but if that’s how deep I have to dig for a complaint I’m pretty fortunate.
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Wow, that was a bit of a rant. Sorry!
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Nah, a prompt is a prompt — you answered! 🙂
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Oh, no! I’m glad you got on the meds. I almost always wait too long to be treated. I don’t have time to be sick. I just deny, deny, deny. I try to minimize it and pretend I’m fine. I worry that I’m not, but more than that, I worry that if I take a day off to get better I will feel worse the next day and will have wasted the previous day off. I worry mostly that I will go to the doctor, sure I’m on deaths door, and they will say that nothing is wrong with me and I’m overreacting or that it is just something viral that needs to work out if my system. I hate going to the doctor’s office, even though my doctor is a lovely woman who is always pleasant. I hope you get to feeling better soon!
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This is not a good week to be sick!
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I hope you feel better soon. I always underestimate the oncoming illness and I usually wait too long to get treatment. I like that you can treat this with humor first. I think that’s very important to your recovery. Decease doesn’t like laughter, so keep it up.
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be well, dolly.
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Ahh, Joey. It’s all so familiar. I’m so sorry your system is overloaded right now. Sometimes I think I’m the only one who cannot commit to calendar activities because I don’t know from day to day whether I will be able to function. Then here you are … The saving grace is having families who love us on good and bad days. Take care and be gentle with yourself.
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Was bit of a rough night, and The Mister did take care of me.
I think there are a host of people who have trouble committing to calendar days…I’m not one of them, but then, I just got blindsided, huh?
Thanks, Sammy.
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Oh noooooo! But yes, I get the whole scenario of panic and denial and is it or isn’t it. And not being able to rely on my gut, because I’m pretty sure it’s got about as much brains as my sweet but stupid dog, Butthead. *sigh*
Take care of yourself. Better yet, let the Mister take care of you. And I hope you caught it quickly enough that recovery is swift.
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It was a rough night with the fever, but The Mister did take care of me.
I just wanna be well! This isn’t a good time to be sick!
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Be well! BE WELL!
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I hope you’re feeling better soon!
I have a lot of anxiety over health. Your line — if my kid had these symptoms would I seek treatment? — gave me some perspective. I have put off seeking medical help when I probably shouldn’t have. After a couple of months having a nasty cough and people looking like they were trying to move to the other side of the street, I received a lecture from my doctor about taking so long to see her. Anyway, now I have serious anxiety over every little pain or perceived lump or bump, I have the urge to go to the doctor to make sure it isn’t cancer. I think my chart has my name with *eye roll* printed next to it.
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Yes, April, the lingering cough will get you a lecture every time! LOL I’ve done that, too. I thought it was just a bad cold! The doctor was all, “THREE WEEKS?” Cue the lecture! Then I felt stupid when I realized how sick I really was.
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Yes, I bought into the idea that moms are never sick. The job goes on whether we are sick or not.
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I have been conditioned to be physician-resistant. All my life. I was lucky to have healthy children that required minimal visits. I was blessed with a good immune system, so that helps, so far. Fingers crossed. van
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Wow, you’re really lucky! I had my first surgery at 13 weeks and pretty much spent my first five years of my life trying to stress my parents out completely!
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Bless you, Joey, I can’t even imagine. I watched a niece go through 3 liver transplants by age 1. Her family showed so much strength. I guess we deal with what we’re given. Hope you’re feeling better. Van
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Well I don’t feel worse, so that’s nice 🙂
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Ugh being sick is no fun, so sorry you’re not feeling well Joey and I hope you get better soon! ❤
I don't have any type of anxiety disorder (that I'm aware of), but I don't tend to handle illness well – I often find my brain going to the extreme scenarios too whenever there's the slightest issue, and it doesn't help that every single one of my family members is the exact same way. In my being the voice of reason among them, I usually downplay everything in front of them while secretly freaking the eff out on the inside. I went through a bought of medical/health related drama last week when my daughter had some strange symptoms (she's the worst of us all with worrying about every little thing), but instead of downplaying it like I usually do, I brought her in to the doctor and I'm glad because she needed antibiotics.
Feel better Joey!
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That does sound like an unusual an unfortunate family dynamic. It goes to show how much behavior is learned. Glad you took your daughter in. Hopefully she’s better now 🙂
Thanks for chimin in, Jewels!
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well damn that just sucks…it goes without saying, but I’m saying it…get better soon dear…sorry for it all…
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Thanks 🙂
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I am glad you were seen, got meds, and hopefully will be mended soon. This is a reoccurring condition? Agh. Not good for us anxiety disorder sufferers. I hate it that I can’t trust my gut, and the doubts about whether to seek treatment. Take care of yourself/allow yourself to be cared for. You deserve it.
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OK, you don’t want to hear from nauseatingly healthy me who never gets sick, I’m sure. The Fates may read this and strike me with a bolt of lightning, but it’s true. In spite of your frenzied frog meme which made me laugh out loud, you make immense common sense! If you’d insist your child be seen by a doctor, then you should go too. Hope you’re feeling better immediately!
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